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welcome back to the hot mess to awesomeness podcast a show all about inspiring smart busy women to put their happiness at the top of their to-do list join your host and life coach dion thompson as she chats with amazing women who have figured out how to make their happiness a priority and more importantly what it's really like to go from hot mess to awesomeness and now on with the show welcome everyone to the hot mess to awesomeness podcast i am your host and life coach dion thompson okay so i haven't said anything to my brand new bff stephanie who is my guest today i just wanted to jump on and say we just had a dance party loved everything about it loved the songs but here's the thing that i thought was the coolest it was like we were at a club minus all the alcohol and i saw you across the dance floor and you were just like my soul sister i could envision this moment right like us just being out there doing our thing because that's who we are and like being like hey you're awesome no yeah just dance in the night away that's exactly what it felt like i i i loved everything about that and i feel even just from that moment i'm like we are we are meant to be friends and then it was one of those like weird you know we can get really trapped not trapped um especially right now my world is this not only just my home but it's my town and my community even my province of my country there's a lot of focus on that and here we are in two different countries living in completely two different spaces and yet there was this like meeting of the everything that i just thought you know what that's awesome i know i know i love it it's so good i've been really excited to chat with you ever since our last conversation so this is like epic i've been talking about it and talking about it it couldn't come soon enough i am so pumped so my guest today is stephanie fry both and um i we met digitally as the i mean really we're meeting everybody digitally uh uh right now and it was instantaneous i was like this this is gonna be awesome and i'm so so excited for you to share your story your hot mess to awesomeness journey because i think it's really number one it's very inspiring it's very powerful and i know that there's a lot of brilliant women out there who can 100 relate to the walls that you busted through so i'm super super excited for you to share that with us um but before we get jumping into that i kind of want to let people know the official piece about you other than i think you're awesome and i think we're sisters in another life end of episode that's it so stephanie ditched the traditional views of what success should like look like to blaze trails for other women to do the same we're so grateful for that by the way uh she is now the owner of my empowered career empowering women to find ridiculously rewarding careers careers that align with their priorities during any season of life additionally she is the curator of the career insider community facebook group a safe space for women to navigate their careers please shut up that is like so you're so my person i am so excited um i'm grateful that you are here on this planet and in my world and that you offer um the gift that is you and i'm excited to hear what brought you to this space because i just glimpses at your story i was like oh there may have been some hefty decisions in there some moments of like i don't think i can do this so so stephanie dive into that with us and let us know what prompted you to make this big shift in your world and become really such a support for so many women i think it really let's go back right let's go back in time because everything that i am and everything that i'm doing right in this moment is a compilation of who i was and who i was has changed over the years right we're not i'm not the same woman i was a year ago five years ago 10 years ago and so i lived my entire career up until now with this mantra of i still want to figure out what i want to be when i grow up like wow how many of us sit at home and we're like i have a degree in xyz i'm not doing that work today or i am doing that work and it's not what i thought it would be at 18 years old we're forced to like figure out what you want to be and i was like oh my gosh i thought i knew um but so i said yes to everything i said yes to everything i was tapped on the shoulder to do so many different jobs that i don't have a traditional linear path and all too often we're looking for this linear path like tell me what my next step is if i'm an operation specialist today maybe my next position is an operation specialist too which is an elevated position and then my next position is a manager well what if i don't want to lead people and so i really wanted to rule the world when i got out of college i'm like i'm going to be a ceo and i'm going to own the world and it's going to be so good and then life happened life happened i got married we went through infertility we had babies we like my husband was traveling i was traveling it was just like i realized finally in the last several years i have to honor the season of life that i'm in and i have to live out that moment and be confident enough in myself that no matter which road i take i can always change and i can always do something else if it doesn't work out and so i've been training my whole life for the work that i do today i truly have been training my whole life for this i've led people i've done jobs that i didn't even know how to do and they had faith in me that i could do it based on my skills not my experience or my background um and so i've been coaching people about with their careers developing leaders i have been stepping into this space and encouraging people to do what feels right to them my entire career and finally i said you know what i'm spending all of this time so much time dionne i'm spending so much time in my nine to five and i haven't found the opportunity to do as much of this work as i would like to and so i made some sacrifices i talked it out with my husband like we've made some significant financial sacrifices um but it is for not not but but and it is for the better so sometimes you have to take a step sideways or what feels like a step backwards to accelerate your career and that's really what i did and so i'm surrounded by so many women who are just trying to find a path that it is inspiring me to keep doing what i'm doing because while i haven't had like super significant trials in my life every one of the things that i went through was big to me i think that is a extremely powerful and important awareness you know so many of the women who've been guests on this podcast who i've communicated with and who are clients they're you know we talk about the power of our stories and the impact that sharing our experiences has and so many of them are like yeah but my story is my story is no biggie like who am i to yeah i haven't you know i look to someone who has gone through something that i would deem huge and i go well that's not me and so why would anybody want to listen to me and i think we had chatted about this earlier when we were like when we start to to share and to to um to put out into the world really what we had gone through um the those that are around us that that love us and care are like this is kind of a big deal like it's kind of a big deal that you move through this space that you manage this situation that you are here breathing today and um i know for me when people would say that i'd be like um just living my life just like yeah would you would you say there was some like would you agree that when you're in it just doing what you have to do to get through to the next day it just feels like that's just your life like did you experience anything like that yeah i mean i think i think a lot of us go through that where we feel like we're just doing the next thing or we're so focused on getting the next job or getting the next promotion or finding the next project to work on that we're not necessarily living in the moment and giving ourselves credit where credit is due and a lot of that comes with the conditioning over the years of feedback so you get feedback you act on that feedback and you're supposed to get better and at some point we have to be able to be confident enough to say that's not me and if that means that this spot in life is not right for me anymore i've outgrown these relationships i have outgrown a job or it has outgrown me yeah my gosh like take a step back and let you put your ego aside if something has outgrown you and it's not your skill set anymore or ever was um when i made this transition i had a couple of opportunities within the same company that i was in and i did not want i did not want them it was not going to accelerate my career to where i wanted to go it was not going to give back the kind of service and love that i wanted to put out into the universe and so i said holy cow like there was a little bit of both they outgrew me i outgrew them and so there's i think we need to to let our ego aside a little bit and assess the situation for what it is but also document it so much power in in documenting so let's say let me just share an example with you um when i started this journey of being an entrepreneur i started to i used the notes app in my phone and i just started talking to it and when i go back and i read that even just three weeks ago i'm like i forgot that i felt that way i forgot that i was overwhelmed by the emotion of having time freedom that i didn't have before like i i forgot that so write it down so i i love that and um my listeners will know i'm a huge advocate of journaling and of the magic that occurs when something leaves your head goes down your arm and pops out right like it just um there's something really powerful there i'm i'm interested in what that was like what is it that you did to to sidestep the ego in those moments when you were like literally in it and you're you're working and you're and and when you've said received feedback what initially popped up in my head is like yes we receive feedback but it's all based on external uh like criteria and other people's goals and visions and missions and not until we go well what is it that i want and who am i can you can you even identify so tell me about that when what was that process like of uncovering you enough so you could go nope it doesn't match anymore it doesn't doesn't jive um sometimes it was a sweep kick in the rear um because it was like i i didn't want to see it i didn't want to see the feedback when i left i had been with the company 12 years including an internship and i had a specific position in mind that i wanted and i had done i've been tapped on the shoulder to do some really cool stuff stuff that others in the organization a very small portion of a fortune 50 company had the opportunity to do and still yet i wasn't fulfilled because i was like i need that thing i need that title and it really wasn't until i left the organization because i was just fed up with it i was like i'm i'm done i can't keep giving if i'm not going to get something back um it wasn't until i left that i looked back on it and said oh my gosh like i wanted it more than they wanted it i was trying to put a square peg in a round hole and i wasn't hearing the feedback because i didn't want to hear the feedback i was like no i can do what she's doing like if she can do that i can do that and and that's a good mentality to have in some cases but i think like riding the bus too long is oftentimes our problem right we get to this point where we're like i'm not a quitter i can do this to show you that i can take your feedback and do something with it and so um that was a really critical moment for me because from that point on i was able to navigate the second half of my career the second portion of my career with a little more of a i don't know if i can say this but like put it in the bucket like if it's not that's like a thing like i had to set aside those things that like what do i want and when it doesn't fit anymore i need to be okay because i am talented i am smart and you know what there are a lot of companies that want me and so it was a process the other thing that i did mentors huge you need to surround yourself with people who are a few steps ahead of you people who are not in your organization or in your in your immediate circle because those people they see things that you don't see yeah yeah and you have to be open to receive and i i equate that in the non uh employment or career path like as i call them believing mirrors so the people that can see your greatness even when you can't people who have either due to their own personal experiences or just their magic about them that they can look at you and go yeah okay i don't know what you think you see but that's not what is that's not what the world is seeing right now so right right get on board here because you're awesome this is great you can do this so on and so forth and you know i equate that to the biology of your brain right so the whatever you pay attention to you get more of so if you're paying attention to how you can't or that you shouldn't or that your focus is on something that's kind of not meant for you you your um your brain will delete or distort or just completely negate things that are that don't match what it is that you're focused on or don't match the belief system that you're running and um it takes those people that you have to invite in you have to bring them around because that's the other thing i can say to somebody all day long you know what i see about you yadda yadda i think that you're great this that and the other thing and they're like who the are you like you're no one to me you're not i don't have a relationship with you so there's a quote by um james comer it's there's no significant learning occurs though the significant relationship of mutual respect so whoever you're going to be bringing into your world or whatever it is that you want more of you know you need to invite these people in and then you need to be willing to be like i'm going to listen to you i might not always be super comfortable with what you're going to say i may feel challenged but you know inviting in those mentors whether it's through like an official mentoring relationship or you know building your circle and and what resources you tap into who you follow on social media all those things well you're you're the sum of the five people you hang out with most i mean absolutely when i took a step back and saw some of that i was like time out we've got to figure this out everything i wanted in life and i was like if i'm going to get those things i need to know how it's done i've always had an entrepreneurial spirit and i will tell you i i thought i knew what i was getting into but there's like i'm wearing all the hats right now and so what i'm thinking about is i'm being selfish what am i learning and i am being crazy clear about what it is that i need to learn and what it is that i need to hire out in order to make this work because i'm one person and in order to deliver my genius i can't be too bogged down with things that i'm not so great at and i think that's the like that's the point right surround yourself with great people i think what i just heard there was a massive massive life lesson for women all over the world not just in relation to your career but if you take that and apply it to the lens of you so you must have this entrepreneurial spirit to be able to apply to the you right to be able to say you know what what is it that i want to do more of what do i not love and who can i delegate that to and where can i you know shove that off or even just say not mine not doing it yes ever i just don't want to do that ever because it's not me that's okay and it's interesting um i talk about the you know for women and burnout and exhaustion and the the everything for everybody stuckness often it's because we look at all these roles that we have in life and then we have all these criteria for each role and we get sort of bogged down by this idea that well in order to be a mom i must do all of these things and at work i have to do all of these things and to be a daughter or sister or whatever and in reality taking that mindset of saying what is best serving me what is it that i want more of and go okay well i'm gonna these mom duties that i arbitrarily assign to myself i don't want to do those bye bye bye this i don't want to do this right yes right and then when you fine tune and and sort of zero in you are at that highest level of self and the joy is there so um the same thing when you are as an entrepreneur or even as someone who is you know self-branding as an employed person it's that same idea what is it that you're really want to do more of and stuff that you don't want to do and and fine-tune from there and seek out those spaces where you can be you so go ahead i think in that same vein is being unapologetic about changing your mind because we get stuck in this loop of what are other people going to think of me and so we need to stop and think about what is invested but then what do we really want to need because if you don't think about it if you don't make the right choice for yourself at any season of life that you're in you are not giving yourself permission to be the best version of yourself you are not giving yourself permission to be happy and you need to be happy we it's it's that it's that sunk cost mentality so what i can't remember exactly what movie it was but there was uh it's the scene where these two guys are they're heading out to go to a burger joint and they're in their hallway of their apartment building and they they're like oh man i forgot my phone and they look back and they go we've gone too far we've gone too far we can't turn back now right and we just we just have to figure it out and we just have to make the best of it when and and that's very much for so many women it it seems to be that's what is impressed upon us like your life things are going to suck but you just need to make the best of it you need to keep moving forward to make sure other people are happy and make sure this is good and this is good and you check those boxes on that to-do list of life and but the stop and pause and go how can i reframe what i have put in to then give me more of what i want it might be a stop it might be what feels like a step sideways or back or whatever um but ultimately it it's about making that conscious choice to be to up level yourself right to be that highest version of yourself that's so it's so important i don't think that enough people are talking about that you know looking at women especially in what they're willing to invest in often themselves is at the bottom of the list right right what i've experienced yeah and i think there's another component to that of um we want we have we have information coming in at a rapid rate that we can't even process all the information that's coming in and social media doesn't help with a lot of that and so we see a lot of the success stories and people don't talk about it right you're not going to talk about with your neighbor that you're struggling with your marriage or that your child has a learning disability because you're worried about being judged and i think that's why it's like community all right so that was fun we had a small little um glitch in tech and had to like shut it all down turn it all back on and so we are going to do our best to to reconnect to what we were talking about so so stephanie bring us back to what you were sharing um i i mean i was i was riveted what i could hear and then it glitched and then i missed it so i'm excited to story of life here we are so i'm just really talking about comparison and the fact that you know every we look at everyone's success and we just have to know that everyone's success was once a mess and you know we're inundated with social media and the good stuff that we see all the time and there's this feeling sometimes of being not good enough and this feeling of like if things are not going right in your marriage or um maybe your child has a learning disability or something like that you are feeling judged and so we live in this world of like i don't want to be judged i don't want to be judged versus i want to support and help people and um it's the sole reason that i started the career insider community it really brings us back to um providing a really safe place for people to come and share are you sad are you frustrated what is going on in your life that is what season of life are you in that is creating these feelings and these emotions and that's how we deal with them and that's how we can move forward it's this constant cycle if you keep yourself in a cycle of not addressing the issues and saying i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine until you're not fine and your top blows off you've lost precious precious time that you will never get back it's it's as if we forget or that it it's not something that enough of us are talking about that all of the uh you know the storm that we feel we're going through it feels so isolating it feels so only me it feels so nobody's going to understand this and we compartmentalize the what's happening out here from what's happening in here and it i think it's so powerful that you have a community that's that's designed around um having those real conversations about yes i am awesome and brilliant in all of those things and i feel like a bag of pucks like so let's let's have that conversation and and remember that vulnerability is is a superpower and when we bring it to the forefront it creates like these really powerful human connections that if anything um sort of propel us into a greater higher level and so what a what a great opportunity to have those sort of two pieces um aligned being you know career and work and and what's traditionally been very externalized with um safe container because it's so so important so thank you for that i'm again gift to the world um so i'm i'm very interested in in what specifically so you took the big leap you left the super good on paper life and and made a bunch of shifts um that felt more aligned with who you truly wanted to be in the world and and now you're out uh supporting others in a real raw vulnerable way which again super powerful what is it that you are what kind of wisdom are you sharing with your clients with your community what do you you know you've come you climbed the mountain you've been at the peak and now you're coming down with the big um everybody needs to know this so what is it that you you want the world to really take away from all of this um so i want to give you and all of your listeners a permission slip i feel like here is your permission if you have heard it a hundred times and this is your moment here's your permission slip to pivot here's your permission slip to not worry about what your mom is going to say or your friend or your co-worker or your boss here's your permission to say i'm going to take the time to figure out what is it that i love about my life and i love about what i do both work and personal what is it that i don't love anymore what doesn't align anymore and also what season of life am i in and honor that here is your permission to honor the season of life you are in are you recently married are you going through a divorce do you have an elderly parent that you are caring for do you have an illness of your own or are you caring for someone with an illness are you an empty nester did you are you fostering children like there are a million life circumstances that happen and we need to honor that so your permission slip is into perpetuity it is forever you can use it at any time and i empower women to use it and if you have to say like i got this permission stephanie and she said it was okay that is so like find your people who can give you that permission who can encourage the next step it's not easy i'm not saying that i've given myself a permission slip and i'm like oh i'll just do whatever i want um in full transparency there are days when i'm like what what did i just step into i stepped into something bigger than me when it comes to managing a business the way i am um when it comes to serving people and creating all the content it was created for me before now i have to do it all um and so we all have these moments where we're like did i make the right choice and guess what i am smart i am capable and i am talented and i am driven those qualities in me mean if this doesn't work the way i think it should guess what i'm going to do i'm going to pivot and i'm going to try something new um like give yourself permission so that's my that's my nugget of wisdom that's what i'm trying to share with women across um you know across around the globe i'm really just trying to reach as many people to give you just do it do the thing that makes you happy and it's so so powerful and so important and i hope everybody takes that and right now is jotting down on a piece of paper uh their permission slip and to add to that those i powerful i am statements you know that's the there's magic in reinstalling that so that when you do find yourself going ah what am i going to do you you remind who am i what is it that i want more of what do i bring to the table what you know and and getting into the habit of saying out loud that you i am brilliant i am powerful i am capable i have lots of skills i bring magic everywhere that i go yay me okay so move into that and i think what else is really important is that um to remind ourselves that we are not alone that again these many of our struggles especially the do all the things for everybody women who are so used to not asking for help right not receiving not in the habit of receiving help and um and and feeling really isolated and alone you there are communities the my community stephanie's community in combination like there are spaces where you can step into and all of a sudden you're like i'm not the square peg in the round hole right i belong here right you know um to quote my superhero brene brown um and she talks about that difference between belonging and fitting in and so many of us spend most of our lives trying to fit into environments that um don't align with how we choose to show up in the world and we're conditioned to feel like it's our fault when in reality it's just we're in the wrong environment we just need to pick up and move and um so pivoting especially it's really important that the first bit of work you do is make sure your feet are planted in the right spot and yeah you're pivoting it through experiences that um are meant for you and um yeah so so what do you what what's going on now what's going on in your world in your community um what exciting ventures are are underway yes um so speaking of pivoting it is all about what my clients and what people are asking for and so i am trying all sorts of different options i'm really excited about a career summit that is coming up shortly here and it it is all-encompassing so i truly feel like you are not one without the other you are not your mindset or your career or your spirituality or your family you're not one thing and so my approach is very much holistic in terms of like addressing all of the things that you need you might be stronger in some areas and not as strong in other areas but this summit is going to be epic because it is going to help you in all facets and it's there's that piece of it we have a career activator series which is an eight week series i've got a variety of options for people to really plug in and that's what's important to me i just want people to feel connected and i want whatever like if i can't help you i want to be able to recommend you to someone who can help you so i continue to build my network i continue to leverage people around me i have mentors i'm doing everything that i share with my clients i mean if i'm telling you to do it yeah i know it works because i've done it yeah and so i mean there's a lot of there's a lot of really cool things that are on the horizon in just a short week from now awesome awesome so if anybody was interested in that is that something that they could tap into yes absolutely so um if they are interested we'll put in the comments the text link for uh for the summit and just text summit to the text link and then follow me on instagram it's stephanie.freyboth f-r-e-i-b-o-t-h and then i'm also on facebook as well and so um just really super excited about the opportunity to share more of what i love and i have to share before we get off this call today um to your listeners they have a very special opportunity to be connected with you and to be connected with someone who is so passionate about helping others achieve their goals because you've been there and i just like the connection is real that you talked about in the beginning um we could have talked all day but time wouldn't allow it and so find those connections with people i encourage your listeners to find connections with people who you really want to be around who you care about who are doing things that are exciting because you are going to level up if you surround yourself with people who you care about and they care about you brilliant thank you and thank you for that uh very much appreciated i am so so excited that you are a in my world and i'm i'm really looking forward to all of the amazing things that you are sharing with your community and with women everywhere it's so important so necessary and and again as we're sort of on different ends of the same spectrum and um and for for the listeners for it it's it's like you said it's not just one thing and it's not just work and it's not just how you show up in your family it's your willingness to show up in all the spaces of your life with the same idea that it's it's you and and what you want matters and what you are interested in matters and um so yeah oh so exciting thank you totally talk all day absolutely absolutely so um thank you so much stephanie and i and and to all everybody who's listening i hope you have the opportunity uh very quickly like as soon as you hit stop on this you're gonna pop on over to one of the social media platforms and and touch base and connect brilliant thank you so good thanks for tuning in hope you enjoyed the show join dion again next week to learn more about what you can do to go from hot mess to awesomeness you