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5 Ways To Instantly Turn Small Talk Into BIG TALK:Let me preface this by presenting the following idea: nobody is boring. Whenever I hear colleagues or friends complain about small talk I always ask them "Did you make an effort to elevate the conversation?" Or did you just ask them the same jibber jabber questions that you do with 80% of the people in your life? Conversations may be a two way street but you always have the power to make it more dynamic and engaging. Ask boring questions and you'll receive boring answers. Simple as that.People can only show as much as you let them within the context of the conversation. Not everyone shines under the same light and it's your job as a social being to figure out how you can help them show off their dazzling personality. A classic conversational trap is asking people questions that you can easily anticipate the answers to.For instance you'll ask "How’s your day?" and they'll respond with "Good." That's boring, uneventful and you feel like you're just going through the motions. In this article I'll explain how to morph those typical small talk questions into meaningful opportunities for relationship growth.1) What you normally ask: "How's your day?"What to ask instead: "What's the most surprising thing that happened to you recently?"--Doing this entices them to give better answers and actually reflect on the highs and lows of the past week. Giving them the opportunity to be insightful will compel them to open up and give intimate details about their life that they wouldn't normally share.2) What you normally ask: "What do you do for a living?"What to ask instead: "What gets you up in the morning? What are you most passionate about?"--Feeding people generic questions is only setting ourselves up to receive generic answers. Giving someone a positive and encouraging context to bring up their job, sets them up to talk about it with passion. Often times we worry about answering questions in an easily digestible way. This trend of thinking is toxic for those trying to maximize the output of daily interactions. Make people remember you by actively engaging with them. Become unforgettable and you'll move up on their mental list.3) What you normally ask: How are you holding up?What to ask instead: What's holding you up? What motivates you to keep moving forward?--This question is typically saved for someone going through a rough patch in their life. There's a line in the 2000 Danny Boyle movie The Beach that says, "Either get better or die. It's the hanging around in between that really pisses people off." Asking someone about their mental state when they're clearly in distress will only encourage them to lie and say everything's fine, so they can alleviate any discomfort.By focusing on the positive aspects of sadness such as hope and inspiration, you are subconsciously allowing that person to release their repressed feelings in a healthy and uplifting way. Hearing the thought process behind their coping strategies will give you insight into the severity of their issues without having to ask outright. They say the quickest way to a persons heart is through their stomach, but it's actually through subtlety.4. What you normally ask: How was ________? (Your date, your trip to New York, your hike up Torrey Pines)What to ask instead: If you had to do ________ all over again, what would you do differently?The broader your questions are, the less details people will give in return. Asking them about the overall quality of their experience will garner a common response ensuring that their time wasn't wasted. Answers like "It was good. I had tons of fun", are the ones you want to avoid. Ask poignant questions that will actually make them think. This thought train you send them on will make other stops organically along the way, providing you a better shot at finding out how_________ truly was for them.5. What you normally ask: Are you married?What to ask instead: Do you think life partners are over or underrated?The best way to get someone to talk about something specific is to bring up questions surrounding the central topic you secretly want them to elaborate on. If you want to know about their husband/wife, you have to get there incrementally by first talking about friendships, relationships, love etc. This question serves two functions: (a) it gives you their perspective on love and (b) personal values. Someone who puts a high premium on having someone by their side has a much different psychology than a person who is indifferent to the idea. Their answer to this is a natural transition into volunteering information about their own personal experiences.Getting information through the proverbial front door of someone's brain will always be underwhelming and overrated. Small talk is normally inconsequential and monotonous. But it doesn't have to be that way! Getting to know someone is like trying to break into a house. You can't just bust the door down right away. You need a plan of attack. Could you get in through the window? Maybe sneak into the garage? Going from small talk to big talk is allowing the other person to open up the doors for you. People want to be heard and understood. You just have to give them permission first.When life hands you small lemons, make big lemonade. Happy talking!Thomas

I saw the memo from the CEO, “Bob”. It was titled, “Coming to work, ready to go.”In the memo Bob tells his senior executives that he was walking around and he saw a person eating breakfast at his desk. Bob asked the person why he was doing that, and the person answered that he didn’t have time to eat before coming to work.Bob goes on to say that he wants us to tell our employees that are not to eat breakfast or lunch at work. Then Bob reminds us that anyone that leaves work for a doctor’s appointment has to fill out a sick time form.You see fools are born every day.I ignored Bob’s idiotic memo. The idea that you would want to tell your employees not to eat at their desks was insulting.As for the sick time thing, don’t even get me started. These were salaried employees we were talking about. If they wanted to see the doctor, then you should let them see the doctor.I told myself at the time that I would remember this as something I would never do when I became a CEO.You should only care about the output of your employees, not their eating habits.How petty can you be? If you’re focused on where your employees are eating, then you’re focused on the wrong things.Worry about your employees output, not where they eat.Have good free food available for your employees if you want to incentivize them to eat at their desks.If you do the math, you’ll likely find out that catering food for your team is a big money-saver and efficiency-improver. Just make sure the food is good, and you’ll find the majority of your team will be eating at their desks.For more, read: http://www.brettjfox.com/why-wor...

The date was December 31st 2005. The time was 3:59:59 pm PST.The next second was 3:59:60 PST.That's when all hell broke loose.In case you didn't know, that was a leap second.We knew about it. We had tested it. We verified that after the leap second everything worked fine. What we didn't test was for the Linux OS to be up and running when the time daemon triggered the addition of the leap second. I mean setting the time manually should be good enough, right? Right?Well there was the small issue of a kernel panic in the OS. Oops. Well tens of thousands of machines crashed at the same second. Oops.Well no problem. We had watchers. Oops, the watcher machines are down. No problem, we had secondary watchers that watched the machines and the other watchers. Great. And for every down machine they send a page. Remember pagers? A page that could only be dismissed and acknowledged and stopped ringing by clicking at the pager. One. Page. At. A. Time. Did I mention we had tens of thousands of machines down?Ops put the pager under multiple pillows to silence it and ignore it for the rest of time.Time to fix the problem. We knew the problem, machines down. Let's fix it by bringing them back up. How difficult can it be? We did that all the time. Our ops had automated this and a lot of other tasks. They were great.Look machines rebooting. Look tens of thousands of machines rebooting from the network. Look all these rebooting machines are asking for their images from the file servers to actual boot. Look file servers with OS images literally crashing because they could not handle so many connections.We had never rebooted all servers at once.That's when the totality of the task in front of our ops became real.They had to bring up a few hundred nodes at a time so they would not overwhelm the file servers.We were up and running and serving traffic in a matter of less than an hour. I believe it took more than three days to bring all machines up.The good thing? Nobody noticed since we diverted the traffic to another datacenter and returned results from special small clusters and caches.No plan survives contact with reality. But if you're lucky and plan well maybe and I say maybe the issue will be a huge pain but not a disaster.

It is part of their culture, or more correctly, subculture. Watching them closely while making clinical software, I could see they choose to do this to themselves. It is a little point of pride and one more story in the "we're special and different from you" book of M(inor) D(eity).  Recall that, preventable medical errors are the 3rd most common cause of death in the US, after heart disease (600,000) and cancer (580,000). Tired, rushed doctors kill *400,000 people per year. Compare that to 88,000 for alcohol, 33,000 for automobiles and 32,000 for firearms. One out of three hospital patients will encounter an error. Imagine if banks or airlines had those error rates. Of the top ten nations with the best medical care, the US is not even on the list, at #11.  In that group, we're last in access, least efficient, dead last in equity of care and length of healthy life. We are number 1 in price, paying about double for our poorer care, compared to the top 10 of the UK, Switzerland, Sweden, Australia, Germany, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, France and Canada, in that order. BTW, the UK, at #1,  has about 11,000 deaths per year from preventable medical errors. All of the top nations have universal healthcare systems. All of them. Sadly, here the noisy, under informed rank and file equate national health with communism and so have a visceral negative reaction to the idea. In reality, national health would make our nation more business friendly and attract jobs. Ballooning healthcare costs are a serious burden to companies both large and small. Working to a frequent state of exhaustion, by a group that makes life and death decisions and should certainly know better, is not justifiable. This is one tradition that should go out with blood letting and not washing hands between patients. I've watched a zoned out doctor plug the Insure feeding fluid into a chest drain tube, instead of a feeding tube. This kind of thing is the definition of preventable.*Note, some professional organizations list fatal errors at one tenth to one fifth of this number (44,000 to 98,000) but base their numbers on an automated review of discharge codes. A review of actual patient charts shows many more errors, as indicated by this number.

I was surprised when my straight arrow boss, non-drinker and non-smoker, took out a sample-sized pack of cigarettes at the Denver Airport and started chain-smoking as he sipped his Manhattan at the airport bar. We were headed for a week-long exposition in Toronto and I was chosen to travel with the EVP. A few people had smiled when I told them of the upcoming junket.We stayed in separate rooms, thankfully, but the rest of the time we traveled together. Once we arrived in Toronto, I never again saw him sober after the noon liquid lunch, so we conducted all of our high-level meetings in the morning. He showed up well-scrubbed but red-faced.A drunk is very poor at planning normal tourist events so I was the one buying baseball tickets or getting us to the CN Tower. He was the one slinking off for a smoke or a drink. He was the one who tried to sue a restaurant when his drunken gesticulations caused a server to drop a tray of drinks into his lap as we waited for our meals.Then it ended. We boarded our flight home to the Mountain West and he put away the cigarettes, rejoined me in the non-smoking section of the plane, and drank Diet Coke for the journey back. His wonderful Mormon wife met us at the airport and he handed her the gift I had helped him pick out in Toronto. And we never talked about it again.

My ex husband refused to participate in the divorce, even though we had agreed to do it.I’m uncertain how all states work, but in California I was able to get the divorce without him. I was the Petitioner and he was the Respondent. He had 30 days to respond, which he didn’t. I continued with the filings and forms, following all legal steps. By law, he received copies of every form.Eventually after several months of being non responsive, he was served a Notice of Default. He didn’t respond to that either. At that point, he had defaulted out of the entire process.The court order and judgements were based on all the information I provided. Fortunately for my ex, I didn’t screw him over.However, as I was the only one in court, the judge saw through all of the bs and awarded me more than I asked for. Not that I’ve seen a dime, but it was very rewarding taking control of my life and knowing that my ex could not hold me back. His anger, avoidance, and temper tantrums had zero bearing on the legal process.I just kept moving forward, one step at a time. I got stronger and stronger as I went along.Also, being in Los Angeles County, I happen to stumble upon FREE legal services provided by the state. My divorce only cost me filing fees, parking and time. Truly a gift. And, the judge complimented me on how accurate and complete my documentation was.My first step was googling “how to file for divorce”. I found a YouTube channel that literally showed how to fill out the Petition for Divorce. All of the forms can be found online and are downloadable.That was the starting point for me. From there, resources began to show up.Since your ex is with another woman, I would move fast, hire an attorney if you can financially and get sound advice. Don’t settle for any crap. You’re on your own at this point and it’s necessary that you stand firm in your own personal value. The only person you need to take care of is YOU. You can do that morally and ethically. Take emotion out of it, and make sure that you and your son are taken care of. He has the option to do the same.Lead the way! You can and will do this. Time to get started.

PAN card applications have been made easier when the Indian Government introduced an online application portal. You will either have to fill out Form 49A or Form 49AA. Persons holding an Indian Citizenship need to fill out Form 49A. If you hold a foreign passport, you will have to fill out Form 49AA. Thus, OCI Cardholders, PIO cardholders are all eligible to fill out Form 49AA, while NRIs holding an Indian passport can fill out Form 49A.Here are 12 simple steps for you to apply for an Indian PAN Card from abroadLog in to the PAN Card Website online here nsdl.comScroll down the page and click on the link that says “Apply for a new PAN card”Depending on your status, fill out either Form 49A or Form 49AARead the guidelines carefully before filling in your details. Make sure that your overseas address matches the one in your proof of address document.Remember do not fill in an Indian address if you are an NRI, PIO or OCI cardholder.Once the form is filled, cross-check all your information and verify that it is correct before clicking the “Submit” button.If your form was filled out correctly, an acknowledgement page should appear on your screen.Print out a minimum of two copies of this acknowledgement slip. Ensure that you keep one with yourself for future reference.Paste your photos wherever it is required. You will need to place your signature wherever required in black ink only.Self-attest all copies you have made of your passport and the document proving your residential address.You will need to send these documents by mail to NSDL, PAN Unit. The address is as follows:NSDL at 'Income Tax PAN Services Unit, National Securities Depository Limited, 3rd floor, Sapphire Chambers, Near Baner Telephone Exchange, Baner, Pune – 411045On the envelope, you will need to mention that it is a PAN card application, and also mention your acknowledgement number. Write this in the format “PAN Card Application – Your Acknowledgement Number”Once you have mailed your documents within 15 days of completing your on-line application form, then you can track your application using your acknowledgement number.

1. Quora works by having the community ask and answer questions. When you want to know more about something, Quora delivers you answers and content from people who know the answer - like real doctors, economists, screenwriters, police officers, and military veterans.Ask questions when you have them. Here is more info on how to get your questions answered: What are some good ways to get people to answer my questions on Quora?Answer questions when you can!2. Use your feed and tell Quora what you're interested in reading.Your feed is filled with stories that interest you. You can view your feed by going to the home page.Build a good feed by following topics and people, and taking actions in feed that tell Quora what you like. For more on this, see: How do I personalize my Quora feed?Topics: When you follow a topic, questions and answers tagged with that topic will appear in your feedPeople. When you follow people, you will see questions and answers posted by these people in your feed.The easiest first step: start by following some topics that you care about and some people who write about them.You can also read some interesting questions and popular answers to get a feel for the site.3. Upvote answers that you think are helpful.When you see a good answer on Quora, upvote it.Your votes help people see good answers and make Quora better.You can learn more here:What are some frequently asked questions for new Quora users?What does a good question on Quora look like?What does a good answer on Quora look like? What does it mean to "be helpful"?

Are you sure that the NRA is the problem?Oh, I know that the media and the talking heads are all making them out to be some 500 lb gorilla and the reason psychos shoot up school yards, but have you ever bothered to look into the matter beyond the headlines?I’ll give you an example. In 2017, the push was for a “Universal Background Check”. The idea was to be sure that people buying guns were not criminals. Believe it or not, the NRA wholly supports this and in fact was involved with creating the current NICS (National Instant Check System) that is used.But the bill that was proposed was not what you heard in the media. First, it would not plug any “Gunshow Loophole” because there is no such thing. The only sales at a gun show that the bill covered was private sales. Of course, private sales can occur anywhere, not just gun shows.But the bill didn’t make the NICS easier for private sales. They just required all private sales to be conducted through a licensed dealer. Had this actually passed, a gun show would be an ideal location for such sales as there would be access to many dealer. In effect, you would greatly increase the number of private sales at a gun show by this law.So, what is involved with a sale through a dealer? Well, the dealer would have to do the following:1) Record the transfer in their bound book. This is a book where all the transactions of a firearm is recorded via that dealer. The book is auditable by the BATF and many dealers have faced fines for poorly kept records, so many dealers go to great pains to keep their book neat and accurate.2) Fill out the federal form 4473. This is required by all dealer sales of both new and used guns. It asks for the buyer’s name, address, the make and model of the gun, serial number, and then asks a bunch of questions. The dealer can get fined if the person fills out the form wrong. For example, answering a question with “Y” or “N” instead of “Yes” or “No” is a BATF violation. So the dealer has to carefully examine the form for errors and have the person fill out another if errors are found.3) The dealer then calls into the NICS. NICS can come back with a “Proceed”, “Denied” or “Delay”. A delay can take up to 3 days. Typically this is a name that appears similar to a Prohibited Person and requires some research. If this happens, the transfer is on hold. The dealer has no idea when the result of the research is likely to finish. If you are at a gun show, the show could be over before the approval is made.4) All this paperwork, verification, etc takes time. Time is money. So dealers charge for this service. It is typical for a dealer to charge $25-$40 per gun, but sometimes multiple guns get a discount because the dealer can process up to 4 on a single form, but when more than one gun is transferred, the dealer has to fill out Form 3310 which is supposed to help with gun trafficking.All of this is well and good if you are buying a gun from someone you don’t know and many people will require sales be conducted at a dealer for the piece of mind such protections provide. But friends and family typically do not bother with the hassle and expense.One thing you need to realize is that to get a gun dealer license is not an easy process. Since the federal government cracked down on so called “kitchen table” dealers back in the 1980’s, you now must show a commercially zoned storefront with posted business hours to qualify. Many communities don’t want gun shops, and use zoning laws to make them difficult or unattractive. For example the city of Boston does not have any dealers. In fact, the nearest dealer is 3 towns away. Many rural areas don’t have the traffic to keep a dealer in business and you’ll find they are typically only open in the evening or on a Saturday as they work another full time job. Keep this in mind as we get into the next issue.But the bill didn’t stop at sales. It stated that ALL transfers had to be done in this manner. No exceptions. So, two friends out on a hunt would need to go through the whole process listed above just to swap guns for the afternoon. Oh, and they would have to do it all again to give the gun back. It is very common on a range to try out other people’s guns - such a thing would also require the full transfer and back process. Demo guns at a national event by manufacturers? Same thing.Basically any time a gun were to swap hands, the law would apply. There are private shooting clubs where guns are treated like library books and members take whatever they want. Families regularly swap guns. Heck, some shooting courses provide guns for students to use. All of these events would have been impacted by these new transfer requirements.The NRA balked at this. Essentially the rule would curtail many of the traditions and practices that are very common and virtually never result in any kind of criminal activity. In essence it would criminalize things that simply are not crimes.Not only would it create criminals where no criminal intent existed, but the cost to manage the volume of temporary transfers, the staffing needed to take the calls and do the checks would have cost millions each year. All money that would not go toward actually dealing with criminals.When the issue was brought up, many members of Congress agreed the requirements were too restrictive and the whole bill failed to pass. The supporters of the bill did not even attempt to listen to the complaints and work out a manageable fix.Did you hear any of that in the media?But what about catching criminals?Well, the bill didn’t change anything in regards to enforcing the rules to make sure the people who should not own guns were properly entered into NICS. In fact, other than maybe getting fired, there is NO PENALTY for failing to report a person. We have laws that will jail a teacher or coach that fail to report bullies. We have laws that put priests in prison who fail to report potential inappropriate behaviors in other clergy. But we do not have any laws that punish law enforcement agents that fail to do their job and make sure that dangerous people are reported to the background system. And this bill made no effort to change that.NICS is not open to anyone but federally licensed gun dealers. The left are so worried that the system might be used to check people for things other than guns that they refuse to create a means to allow people to verify someone they are selling a gun to. It would be easy to create an app that takes a photo of the buyer and seller’s ID (or just their faces and type in some data) and then return a simple “Proceed” or “Deny” with no other details. You’d have plenty of information to audit for illegal use. And if someone didn’t have an ID, they could then use a dealer. Heck, you can’t file taxes on-line without submitting some kind of ID, so this isn’t anything unique.And yet, the bill did nothing to address the issue of accessing the NICS for easier private sales.Here is the thing. We have 20,000 gun laws in this country. On the federal side, a prohibited person touching a gun could see them in prison for a minimum of 5 years. And yet, we still see cities with high violent crime rates that have virtually no federal cases. Why isn’t law enforcement using those stiff federal laws to get the violent people off the streets? Such a program called “Project Exile” worked wonders in Richmond, VA to reduce violent crime dramatically.OK, back to the “Universal Background Check” bill.I spent a lot of words above explaining what the bill would have required of people and why the situation would have been a nightmare. You never saw any of this in the news and the media pretty much ignored the issue.When the bill was defeated, it was never reported that a “terrible bill that would have cost millions and made criminals out of the innocent was defeated”, instead, all you ever heard was“The NRA used its influence to defeat the Universal Background Check bill that would have closed the gunshow loophole”Almost everything about that statement is false.So, be careful what you want to “Fight Against”. I suspect that most of what you think about the NRA is highly biased due to the way the organization is treated in the media. When you look at the actual facts, many times their concerns are quite valid. And, they have a lot of rank and file law enforcement on their side which helps them represent real world situations. I’ve found their positions in many cases very well presented. Most of the arguments you get on TV news are highly edited and taken out of context to promote an agenda, not facilitate a debate.Make sure you know what you are fighting for. You might be surprised.

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