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How do you move forward with life after a very draining period of abuse by a narcissist?Getting over the abuse is as simple as truly and wholeheartedly believing that:-any negative feeling you developed towards yourself is not substantiated. Be it un-attractiveness, aggressiveness, hypersensitivity or whatever other bullshit they made you think you are guilty of, it’s not your quality. It is something they wanted you to believe so they could feel better about themselves. Narcissists lack healthy self-esteem. They do not fulfill their desire to succeed by becoming better themselves, so making you feel like you are not as good is the only way they can achieve their goal. Also, narcissists are inherently competitive, and they “win” whatever sick competition they have with you in their mind by putting you down.-any negative thing they did to you was ungrounded and illogical. In poor words, their neglect, stonewalling, downtalking, accusations, withdrawal etc are no more than actions of an emotionally ill individual who cannot explain them, no more than they can be held accountable for them. A bit like a legally incapable person committing a crime. Looking for the whys and what-ifs yields no added value; there is nothing rational, reasonable and algorithmable about the narcissist’s actions.It’s not about you. It was never about you. It’s them - a person suffering from a disorder that makes it impossible to bear responsibility for emotional consequences of their actions. It does not hurt any less, just like being beaten by mentally challenged aggressor does not hurt any less, but there is no fault of yours, no path that would have led you to avoiding what you’ve been through, and no explanation that makes the pieces fall into their place.I know that, rationally, it is very easy to believe it and see the sense in it. Emotionally, having faith in these statements is way more difficult. It’s one of these “life is unfair” situations that take time to come to terms with. Your inner saboteur is going to make sure you don’t have an easy time doing so. You might need help, and indeed I would recommend you seek help - I will give you another reason to do so in a moment.Now, knowing the definition, how do you get over the narcissist, because this is the first step towards getting over their abuse?No contact. None. No “call from time to time”. No trying to “hurt them with my kindness”. No “I wonder how they’re doing”. No “I want them to see me happy and feel bad about it”. None. Once the narc is out of your life, you have two images they’ll give you:weakling. Stay in touch, be nice and friendly, and in their sick mind you will be weak, without any self-respect, and as such, asking for more abuse. Depending on how badly the narc scratched their own ego during the breakup, it may or may not come, but regardless of what happens, you’ll always be the loser in their mind.villain. Give them no contact, no calls, no whatsapps, block them on social media, and you will prove to them you are the evil incarnated, who “forgot your love before its body was cold”, and “was never really there” because you threw them out of your world so easily. The narc will use that rhetoric to justify whatever harm they did to you. But you know what? Which exact amount of fucks do you give about what a sick bastard thinks and how an immature crybaby is trying to justify their inner issues?These are the options. Choose one. Myself, I’d rather be a villain who shat into their soul than a weakling who keeps living “ass up and facing the pillow” in hopes of being violated again.Personal experience: staying friends landed me 3 extra months of unveiled abuse, ending up financially, physically and emotionally draining me to the point of needing help. No contact for 3 weeks, and I am surely healthier, richer and happier, even though I still think of him and still hope we could meet again and talk. I just have sense enough to let these dreams run through my head and right into the trashcan where they belong.2. Breaking The Habit. Was your relationship keeping you glued to your phone, ready to answer his message as soon as it comes? Were you spending countless hours on the phone every day? Were you busy writing long emails? Just like the smoking habit consists of the actual nicotine addiction and the addiction to the motion of smoking (stepping out, having something in your mouth, making that hand movement to bring the cigarette down and beat off the ash), the addiction to a narc consists of actual dependency on endorphin/adrenaline complex your body flushes you with in response to their actions, and the motion of your daily routine. This point is about getting un-addicted to that motion.“Forget” your phone at home for a day. Go somewhere where you have no access to a keyboard. Maybe have a couple of friends who use the same routine, and start exercising it with them - as you have no unhealthy addiction there, the initially intense communication is going to gradually subside. It takes 10 days to form a habit, so by the end of your second week of freedom you shall be able to live without an urge of receiving messages, emails or calls, and you will actually notice how much productive time you have now to do something meaningful in your life.Personal experience: I was on Whatsapp with him pretty much 24/7. Having the phone in my hand knowing there will be no message from him (see No Contact) was driving me mad. So I started talking to a friend instead. Then to another. I was still glued to my phone, but since the messages did not deliver the anxiety/happiness combo into my system any more, bit by bit the intensity died down. I am hardly writing 5 messages a day now; since I could leave my phone alone for hours, I was feeling much better also about the fact my narcissistic ex was no longer in my life.3. Creating a Support Network. Make sure you have people you can talk to - very honestly and without trying to be stronger or appear less hurt than you are. Make use of that network. You are entitled to it, and even the fact you have it already shows that regardless of whatever your ex made you think, you are not unsociable, uninteresting or not worthy or respect and admiration. Make sure that any time you feel an urge to poke your ex again you discuss it with your network first.Personal experience: Unlike my narcissistic ex with his shallow “friendships”, I have many friends, some of which are really close. These were the people I was calling - one every day, whenever the desire to signNow out to my ex was causing me anxiety. These were the people that made me see very clearly that calling my ex “a friend” would be an offence to my real friends.4. Filling Your Life. Make a list of goals: for the month, the quarter and the year. Make sure you target some professional development, some hobbies you always wanted to dive deeper into but was kept from because your ex was eating your time and money, and some personal things you needed untangled in your life. Make your list public and ask your support network to hold you accountable. And start on it. One step at a time. You will have difficulties focusing; keep going. You will have memories of your ex messing up with your ability to do things you were doing while with them; keep going. Suddenly, you will notice you have no time to be anxious. And you will start getting results; keep going, because now you are winning.Personal experience: My goals - to learn Python, publish at least 1 research by the end of the year, enroll into singing classes, and fix relationship with my homophobic parents - were announced on my FB for all my friends to see. Working on it, I noticed that the issues with my parents were among the reasons that were pushing me into the relationship with a narcissist; he was a very intense escape that left me with no resources, time or rational thinking necessary to approach this very difficult topic. I had a good excuse to not look the reality in the eye.5. Finding the Reason Why. Fuck the narcissist; there is a bigger problem in your life now, which is: how could you ever date a person who was obviously nothing but an emotional drain to you? And, given a chance, how likely are you to step into the same shit again? Although it’s a common misconception that “narcs attack the nice, empathetic people, so I’m only a victim because I am such a good person”, the truth behind codependency is way less fabulous. A “good person” is able to love themselves in the first place. You might be nice, empathetic and a total catch altogether, but there are things inside your mind that prevent you from giving yourself your full appreciation. If possible at all, seek therapy to find out what these are and how to solve them.Personal experience: I am in therapy, by a coincidence, because my ex made me believe I was “needy”, “clingy” and “hypersensitive”, with constant need for confirmation as a result of something “wrong” that was part of my personality. For his sake, I wanted to stop being that way, so I found a therapist and started counseling before we broke up. The therapy brought up the fact that there is, in fact, nothing wrong about my personality, and I don’t seem to suffer from any kind of deep emotional disorder. So we swapped the subject midways, and I am willing to answer all the questions about myself so I can get my own closure:why was I ever with a man who could not sustain a deep conversation with me?what made me settle for less, even though my emotional and sexual needs went unsatisfied for months before the break upwhat made me hang on to him, even when my physical health started giving in and I was on my way to a merry combination of panic attacks, ugly skin allergy outbreaks and impotence?This is the only closure I am ever likely to get, and - see the first paragraphs of this answer - this is more than enough. I will never get closure from him, but here’s the deal.The mantra.Fuck him.Does he regret the breakup? I don’t give a shit. Will he be hurt if he knows I am seeing someone else now? I don’t give a shit. How is he doing? I don’t give a shit. Should I create a situation whereas he would get an update on me through third people? It was tempting for a while - but guess what, fuck him. I am too lazy to even bother. Should I give myself a pleasure of seeing him try to get me back? Yes, right: fuck him, I have no time for any of that.The fact I am writing on the topic is a clear sign he’s not entirely out of my system (else I would be too lazy to type such a long answer, and roll right back to write on homosexuality and gay rights). But I am the only one with power to make my life a mess or a happy journey, and I am choosing happiness.And in my happy world, there is no place for a fake friend with no empathy, no time for a shallow contact that contributes nothing to my life, no headspace for useless daydreaming about things that could never be, and no nerves to waste on something I cannot have prevented and cannot change.I am choosing happiness, and it is a choice that I make every day, consciously and not without an effort. There will be time it will be as easy and instant as breathing. For now, not yet. But I have my life back, and all the time in it.UPDATE:I am happy that my answers on the topic are helping other people. I’m cheering for you, and do not hesitate to contact me if you need support.My life turned out amazingly. I am checking off the things from my list of goals with the speed I did not know I had in me.I am undertaking a career extension I was hoping for since a year now, and I have been invited to speak on a professional conference that will give the me-brand a very good credential. My career is taking an incline. I am pulling a big project for an LGBT activism group. I am finding some time every day to meditate. I started singing again. I have had a chance to see my parents and make the first attempt to stitch our relationship devastated by them being homophobic and me being as gay as they come; what’s best, the effort is now bilateral.I am enjoying the way my bank account looks, since I am no longer spending on hotels and dinners with my ex. And I am seeing - very carefully and casually - an amazing guy who is a great fit both intellectually and sexually.Never doubt you will have good news as well. Happy and cured from this emotional cancer, I am officially done processing what happened to me, and thus writing on narcissism topic. Read me on #homosexuality. Cheers!ANOTHER UPDATE:CA 3 months of no contact, and it all makes perfect sense. I have a fulfilling life, a new relationship with someone my level, and he’s well received by my friends (who felt something wrong was with my ex pretty much after the first time they met him). I’m crossing off the topics from my to-do list. I’m much healthier now, even though therapy uncovered issues from the past that have been holding me down, and might continue doing so unless processed. That part is torturous.My man is working on another continent, so our dates are precious but rare. 3 month in I started feeling the actual pain of the breakup, the pain of missing the routine and being very busy with the relationship. It has nothing to do with my ex, and everything to do with how I used to fill the hollow parts of me by having an intense gig going on with another person. I accept it and intend to give it the time to settle.Once it does, me and my boyfriend might consider fixing the “rare” part of the “precious but rare”.My point is: it does seem difficult and it does feel like life will end if you get away from the narcissist, but it’s not true. Life will only begin. There is no reason to waste a single moment on someone who can give you nothing. If you are considering going back to them - don’t. If you are considering to leave them - do as soon as you can. It’s really great out here!AND ANOTHER YET UPDATE. PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ONE.There are studies that prove that most serial killers were narcissists or sociopaths, devoid of empathy.This does not mean your narcissistic partner is gonna kill you. But he might get pissed that you tried to “bitch at him” (what you call “work on the relationship”), go out there and do something to a total stranger you will feel sick to even read about.Not all narcissists are serial killers. But most serial killers are narcissists. By staying, you are exposing yourself to a risk that has a non-zero probability of verifying.It’s not only unhealthy. It’s unsafe. And I can very easily imagine my ex that gets arrested for killing a random girl because “she was too fat and unattractive and could not make me straight again”. Totally. Wouldn’t even be surprised.
I made an excellent contact form. How do I make it (using HTML and CSS), that when someone hits "submit", the filled out form gets emailed to me?As the others explained, you can’t do it with just HTML and CSS. You need some sort of script to collect the message contents and submit the email.The language you use depends on what you know and the type of server you use for hosting. PHP would be a common option on a Linux server. If you use PHP you would want to obtain a script from a trusted source. It is easy to create security vulnerabilities on your site if there are problems with the script. You also need to make sure you set it up in such a way that you don’t accidentally create an Open mail relay.If you aren’t familiar with PHP (or an alternative language) I would recommend using an external service that will let you embed the form on your site. The Online Form Builder is one such service.Alternatively if you use a CMS such as WordPress there are many plugins available to provide this sort of functionality. I use Formidable Forms
How can you fill out the W-8BEN form (no tax treaty)?A payer of a reportable payment may treat a payee as foreign if the payer receives an applicable Form W-8 from the payee. Provide this Form W-8BEN to the requestor if you are a foreign individual that is a participating payee receiving payments in settlement of payment card transactions that are not effectively connected with a U.S. trade or business of the payee.As stated by Mr. Ivanov below, Since Jordan is not one of the countries listed as a tax treaty country, it appears that you would only complete Part I of the Form W-8BEN, Sign your name and date the Certification in Part III.http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/i...Hope this is helpful.
What is the best way to learn and write an AI Chatbot? What are the latest research papers that I should read?First of all, pay attention to the fact that knowledge about chatbots is developing day by day, therefore, I recommend checking dates of publications as even one-year-old papers may describe something that has already changed.If you are a rookie, building your first AI chatbot may be quite a challenge. You will need to read a lot and go through long instructions.Early on, you can make use of materials available online. A year ago, World Writable has published an interactive guide to writing bots that helps to build simple chatbots by the use of the Python language library. The code included in the tutorial is interactive and can be modified so you can experiment with it.If the mood takes you, you can find more info about chatbots creation on a CodeProject. The site will tell you how to code and inform you about all the problems that can be encountered.However, if you decide that coding is too brain-busting, you can always take advantage of BotEngine, a framework which signNowly facilitates building AI chatbots. It provides developer documentation and tutorials. Choosing a platform is a good option for people who don’t want to play with codes, however, having a chatbot on the list of your accomplishments surely would be an enviable achievement.
How do I remove a Facebook business page for my business that was made by someone who no longer works at the company?I would not wait for the Page to disappear by itself due to “inactivity”. I’ve had clients that had not used the page in many years and it’s still up. Probably checking on it yourself indicates “traffic”.A few weeks aog, I tried to login with the email address of the Page’s “About” section but we no longer have access to any of the phone numbers or email addresses. Somehow, I managed to get to a point where I could submit an ID, I don’t see this option when I retrace my steps today. But I Googled it and found this form:Confirm Your Identity with an IDOnly read the rest of my answer if you want to see the insanity of Facebook’s reporting system (which seems to have changed most recently):Well, the above did not work. Back to square one.Unfortunately, I don’t see the option Zachary mentions in his answer below anymore - odd.When I followed the options to report the problem of lost access to Facebook, I was taken into a circular motion, kind of ridiculous, really :-):Reporting gives you the pretty much the option to either block somebody, unlike, unfollow or contact them. All utterly useless in most cases:So then I went through all the options:Following this information going to “Report Page”:Next, you see this screen:Then I get taken to this page: About Intellectual Property | Facebook Help Center | Facebook.This page also has links to other options:Clicking on “Impostor account” and choosing the option to fill out a form, I get here:No option to send (and I turned OFF my Ad blocker).Clicking on “Learn how to File a Report”……..I kid you not, when I tell you, that it takes me back here:About Intellectual Property | Facebook Help Center | FacebookFinally, this might help too:How to regain access to the Facebook account? | Facebook Help Co...If filing the ID I mention at the top yields no results, this is likely our next step:Reporting a Violation or Infringement of Your RightsFeeling just a little bit worn out at this point and, annoyed, and more.
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What does a no contact order mean?A "no contact order" means that the defendant is precluded from having any contact and or communication with the victim or the person under the protection of the no contact order. This includes but is not limited to letters, emails, text messages or messages delivered through a third party.
Can I drop charges against someone?Though the prosecutor decides whether to drop charges, a victim or key witness can have a signNow impact on the case. ... In most jurisdictions, domestic violence is a "no tolerance" offense: prosecutors will not drop charges, even at victim's request.
How do you get a no contact dropped?Contact the court clerk. Before you start drafting a motion to modify your no-contact order, call or visit the clerk's office in the court that issued the order. ... Consult an attorney. ... Search for forms or templates. ... Decide which parts of the order you want dropped. ... Complete your documents.
What to say to get a no contact order dropped?You cannot drop the charges, but as long as the judge believes that you are not being forced or coerced into dropping the No Contact order, he/she should drop it. Just go to the court that put the order in effect and ask the Clerk's office to pull the case and tell them what it is that you are seeking.
How do I get a no contact order removed?Contact the court clerk. Before you start drafting a motion to modify your no-contact order, call or visit the clerk's office in the court that issued the order. ... Consult an attorney. ... Search for forms or templates. ... Decide which parts of the order you want dropped. ... Complete your documents.