Cfs 602 2016-2025 Form

I can’t tell you why “Some” children do, but I can tell you why WE did.My Father died of choosing not to treat his diabetes and heart conditions. (He did not wish to take , and could not control his blood sugar or blood pressure. He made his decisions and toppled out of his chair and died at home, by this passively suicidal choice. He was mentally sound by all legal definitions.)My Mother, on the other hand, was older and in better physical health. She had vertigo and some angina (chest pain without other issues) and had fallen and broken a hip at one point as well as other “fall” issues- but was otherwise doing well physically, and as she advanced into her late 70’s, she started to develop serious mental memory and cognitive issues.This had happened in our family before, where the member who developed it lost all memory and would do things like drive out of town, get lost, not know who she was, etc. We knew this could be what was happening, so we were watching.To spare the family “drama” surrounding it, there was a circus of family trying to take care of my Mother, but she /chose/ to continue to live in her home, and fought angrily with the eldest sibling when that one tried to get her to live with her. Another lives in another country, and she did not want to go there either. Yet another was not the “lifestyle” she wanted, and she would not allow them to live with her or to go live with them either. That left me, and whenever I spoke to Mom, she would insist nothing I was suggesting was what she wanted- I would not go to live in her home state, and she did not want to move to mine or to move out of her home.She had repeated medical accidents, in which she would fall or topple into objects, or have a health crisis requiring emergency room level intervention. On several instances, she had stitches. When she broke her hip, she needed a hip replacement. They made her stay in a rehab facility, which is where the “government” got involved, and we had to explain to her we could not ALLOW her to stay at home forever, alone and without someone checking in on her- us calling, her having a “call button” and a nurse coming a few times a week was no longer enough.The nurse visited, required changes in the house- and began to notice the final nails in that coffin. Mom started to have more and more trouble with the basics- she didn’t feed herself regularly. She left burners on in the kitchen. She had trouble crossing the areas of the house between carpet and linoleum (a trait of memory-impaired people like those with Alzheimers) … it was a good year or more before we finally knew there was no other way but to move her.In the end, my Sister had to take her to a specialized memory care home- like a group home, where she will stay for the rest of her life.In Mom’s eyes, she went “for lunch” just “to have a look” and we all abandoned her there against her will. She is furious, often confused, and sometimes calls to be brought home. She is convinced everyone did it “for the money” somehow…She no longer knows who people are. She cannot tell you her mother’s name. She cannot tell you HER name. Sometimes, she cannot tell you if she needs to use the bathroom- a simple yes or no is beyond her.This is the hard part.When we all agreed this was “going to have to happen” things weren’t that bad.But we KNEW THEY WOULD BE.It was really vital to get Mom settled in a safe, secure place BEFORE she became befuddled to this extent. Now, the caregivers KNOW Mom. They have had the pleasure of her company when she COULD talk. When we have all been there to be with her- when she could tell them what she liked and did not like.We chose it FOR Mom. It isn’t fancy, it isn’t great, but it IS secure and safe and HOME-like.I can’t be with my Mom… we had a difficult childhood and it’s too complicated to go into here- but my siblings didn’t escape that. It isn’t a simple “you reap what you sow” or revenge thing- it’s simpler even than that. Mom is a hard woman who can be VERY angry… and at some point, you have to admit YOU can’t do this. It will take a professional.Once you determine that, you have to find a professional and get that worked out BEFORE it becomes a full-on crisis.For us? That was why we put our Parent into a Care Home.We didn’t want to… we would have loved to have had an elderly parent to hang out, grow old, and die at home.It can’t happen for us, with Mom. She isn’t like that. She has issues that require full-time care, and none of us have the skill or physical ability to give that to her.I hope, if you’re reading this, you can see that sometimes it’s not as simple as “what, don’t you love her?” or “if you loved her, you’d make time!” …it’s that sometimes, love isn’t what’s needed. Sometimes they need very specific care, and the best way to provide it isn’t at home.I know that statistically, I may end up in her shoes, in a room in a care home, not knowing my own name… and I hope my loved ones have done the same: Made sure I knew where I was BEFORE I am too confused and angry to understand.

It depends on the culture, however there is a law in almost every country concerning the care of a family member and the responsibility of the care of that person, financially as well as physically.Normally if an elderly person’s, eldest son or daughter is independently wealthy or well to do, it would be common for that family member and /or the joint cooperation of one or more siblings to take up the responsibility of caring for the family member.It is not uncommon in some cultures where family ties are very strong that the grandchild would take up some responsibilities, and often the burden is part of the filial piety felt by the grandchild as well as the adult child or first born. Whatever the relationship, it is not always the grandparents will or the child’s want to take up the care of the chronically ill as it may be much better accommodated or at least assisted by social services, and where the funds are not substantive enough from the family, sometimes the city will take up the burden in a manner that is to say as much as possible.The word oblige may be more misunderstood by readers than the services available and the joint efforts to care for the elderly. Those who are chronically ill are often not capable of making demands on anyone, and it is the sense of kinship, responsibility or compassion of the person who must take up the responsible part, or the city’s law’s that oblige someone to do so.

I took care of my elder parents until they died. No one forced me. My older brother, who screamed at me for helping them, told me point blank he couldn’t do what I did. I told him point blank I know you can’t. I don’t want to see what happens to you when you need help.Having said that, I had rough days with my parents. I worked full time, took care of my children and my parents. I joined a support group with their hospital so I could cry, vent, scream at meetings or I could call a counselor if I needed help right away. At the end of my mother’s stay at home, I hadn’t slept for two nights back to back. I called my brother and told him I needed him to take over a night-I had to get some sleep or I would fall apart. My mother’s cancer was in her brain and she thought she was back at the death camps. My brother, who was fighting with me to keep her home as she wanted, came over while I slept on the couch. Three hours later, he woke me up. He was shaking. I can’t do this. I was disgusted-I did this for two nights and you can’t do it for three hours? He now agreed that mom couldn’t stay home anymore. We called her case manager and she told us we did everything we could do. We kept our promise to keep mom at home-as long as we could. She wouldn’t eat, use the bathroom, and she was in pain. It would be better for her to be in hospice. She could have some comfort and peace. We rode in the ambulance with her. After she was admitted, my brother saw how wonderful they were. Our mother was finally resting comfortably. He admitted we did the right thing.If family members can’t take care of chronically ill elderly parents, there are home attendants who can. If the patient needed a nursing facility, it can be arranged. No one is forced to doing anything-it’s not a crime or a shame that a family member can’t do this. The elderly often don’t realize how difficult things are. You do what you humanly can do. I cared for my parents for months before the last came. He took care of them for three hours.

Find stories about families that did well, all together.I suggest “Cheaper by the Dozen” for one.You could also read biographies of famous women, such as Madame Curie and Eleanor Roosevelt.Basically, don’t focus on the day. It was invented — you look it up.There are a lot of people now who only live with one parent. You can be envious for a little while, but don’t hold it. Everyone has some bad stuff.Love your dad for being a good parent.

As I was such a mother years ago, I can attest to the fact that saying nice things to us is helpful. But what is more helpful is when someone can give us a break, even if for just an hour or two of alone time. This advice actually goes for any caregiver, be it a special needs child or an elderly parent/grandparent.I remember when my son had the opportunity to attend an Easter Seals camp out of state for a week one summer. I was ecstatic. Not because I didn’t love my son, or because I felt he was a burden, but because I was working full time, taking care of him, his father (who didn’t help me much) and the house. I still had to work, but was thankful for a few nights off (so to speak). My then husband was not so happy, but then he wasn’t burning out from never having any down time. I missed my son, but more importantly, than even my break was that my son was experiencing new things, meeting new friends, and getting a break from his parents as well. He loved the experiences he had at that camp!Anyone who is a caregiver, needs a break, even if its just a couple of hours a week. It actually is a mental health break, and everyone needs those.