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How can I "encourage" my 22 y/o stepdaughter to move out?Approaching her directly about it is only going to cause grief between you and your husband.Here’s what I get from your presentation of the information:You’ve never viewed her as “your child” and you don’t derive any particular enjoyment from her presence in your home;Probably at some level, you view her as competition for your husband’s time and resources.You feel that children should be supporting themselves after 18, probably even through college.You were looking forward to her graduating and getting a job because “finally we can get on with our lives!”;You feel that a “new car” is a luxury that an individual shouldn’t be affording themselves if they are still leaning on their parents.The problem you’re going to have with this issue is the fact that it doesn’t seem that she has drifted into what most parents would consider to be unreasonable behavior. If I were trying to work out a time-frame for myself after graduating and getting a job, I would figure on needing a period of time to get prepared to move out. I would assume that I would need 6 - 12 months before moving. This would permit time to be sure the new job was a good fit and to get past any probationary period and time to build up some sort of a financial cushion (6 months of what I would expect my expenses to be). I suspect most parents wouldn’t even start questioning the situation until they started approaching the 2 year mark. There is a reason why most Health Insurance allows parents to carry their children on the policy up to age 25.The issue of the car - You aren’t going to win on this. The vast majority of the US public doesn’t view a modestly priced new car as a luxury item. Their view is: You have a job, you need a reliable auto and reliable auto = one with a warranty. This defaults to -> Buy a new car. Plus, dads want their daughters driving a nice safe auto that won’t see them broken down on the side of the road. Unless she bought something >$30,000, I wouldn’t even bring it up.The issue of travel - I suspect this is a non-issue that you have effectively “invented” as a justification to get your step-daughter out. Having a house doesn’t stop you from “traveling even more”. If the only way you can afford to travel is to take equity out of your home, you can do that in the short run with an equity loan at some fairly negligible interest. Besides, it’s really difficult to buy a home with only one bedroom, so you aren’t going to get much traction out of the notion that a “down-sized” home, wouldn’t have space for her.In the end, your only really viable approach, since I gather you are trying to avoid the straight up “wicked step-mother” one, is going to be (as other have mentioned) to generate an increasingly unpleasant environment. Here are some ideas that would have worked on me:Randomly decide on some Saturday or Sunday mornings at 8:00am (after she’s come in at 2:00am) that you’re going to make “family breakfast”. Wake her up to ask if she’d like some;Become benignly invasive of her room using the excuse “Oh, I was doing laundry and I only had half a load so I figured I’d wash some of your clothes too!”;Start “girl-talking” her about your sexual exploits with her father;Find disgusting chores that you need her help with. Washing baseboards in the bathroom is a good one;You get the idea. Here’s a video clip for some inspiration:Also. You should keep in mind that given current trends you can expect her to move back in with you at some point in the future after a job loss or divorce.
Suppose you wake up at 58 y/o with CPTSD, you have a tiny house, have a modest income, you are alone, do not know how to interact with people or make friends. What would you do to fill the void? How would you learn to meet people safely?CookieMy heart goes out to you.It is my belief that the only person who can heal you, is you.I believe that you are not suffering from a condition, rather your main coping skill for keeping your safe was your CPTSD ,but it is no longer effective.I am an energy healer and I'd like to share with you if that is OKThere are a number of things your can do to take back control of your well beingDid you know, your subconscious mind(SM) is always watching out for you.In every moment of everyday,it takes in 2million pieces of information. It is believed that in one day it takes in a minimum of 40million pieces of informationWhen your retire at night, it sifts through all this information.The stuff that is unimportant(all the people, places,things, colors, sounds, etc..in your periphery) it discards.All the stuff your need to go about your business the following day( coping skills, motor skills, names, faces, things to do, etc..) it transfers to your conscious mind(CM) so that on awakening you can go about your day.All your trauma or demons that your are not strong enough to cope with right now,it stores away until you are stronger and replaces them with coping skills suitable for you.I suffered my trauma at age 12 and not capable of processing it, my SM stored it away and gave me :Anxiety,Depression & Disassociation as my coping skills.For a long time they worked very well, but 20 odd years later they turned on me.I needed to become aware of this,I wasn't suffering from a condition, i had a coping skill that doesn't work anymore, i was suffering from a memoryThis perspective changed my life, as i realised i was ready to face my demons and once i did, there would be no need for these broken coping skills and i would learn over time how to release them like a bad habit.Did your also know that our trauma and these coping skills are energy.They are not physicalThey are not mentalDoctors are trained to heal the bodyPsychiatrists/Cognitive therapists are trained to heal the mindWhat we suffer from us a disruption in our energy bodies.You know that feeling when you are one with the universe?That isn't mental or physical, that is emotional energyWhen our energy is blocked we feel low, when our energy is flowing we feel goodNew studies show to heal what your suffer from, it is time to use Holistic and Spiritual techniques.You need the best therapist to treat you and that can only ever be You.We need to teach you how to heal yourselfFor too long your have been dependent of other people, places and things and that just invests in your sense of brokenness and being damaged.There are ways that you can change all this.The fact that you are on here,asking strangers for help, shows me that your are ready and strong enough to face your demons and release them.How do i know?You are no longer hiding!You are feeling the pain and saying 'enough is enough!'I combine EFT,Acupressure,Reiki methods with Logotherapy and this combination had enabled hundreds of my clients heal their energy and win back their peace of mind.There are other things you can do, right now.All medication are toxic and poisonous.We are not poison deficientWe are not toxin deficientWe are vitamin deficientWe are nutrient deficientReview what your are putting into your bodyDecide whether you want to suppress your ability to embrace life,or truly be alive to the good and the badChange to a plant based dietCut out all processed meatsCut out all dairyFinally, find a higher power and give Him/Her your troubles and needsMake a decision to be of serviceGo down to your local community center and volunteer for something/anythingI pray this helps youKind regardsRichard Tauthor: Your Energy Works
How does a 45 y/o male slightly obese start trying to diet and work out?Start by cutting all simple sugars and junk/processed/packaged food. The human body is not equipped to process artificial foods and responds best to unprocessed food such as meat and vegetables.An exercise plan is also needed to start ramping up your metabolism, burning fat and building at least some muscle that will also help increase your overall metabolic rate. Start by going on walks as many days a week as possible. The key is to focus consistency rather than intensity because that will help to establish a healthy habit going forward. Take this time to figure out and get accustomed to scheduling exercise into your day/weekOnce you have the consistency part locked down, I'd suggest increasing workout intensity which could include fitness classes, resistance training, running, hiking, swimming, etc depending on what your interests are.
I have an autistic character (10 y/o)whose home is being attacked and he needs to get out of there, but he has a meltdown in the process. How would this best be handled?Autistic people are not all interchangeable. I’d have to know more about the character to know how he would react. From the information in the comment that he lives with an Allistic person and can make emergency plans, I’m going to assume he’s capable of independent living and can understand what’s going on.I agree with Clare Celea, who requested this answer, that it’s more likely an Autistic person would follow the evacuation plan and THEN collapse in a heap of tears.In the 10 months I’ve lived in this apartment building, we’ve had two fire evacuations with visible smoke in the hallways. The first one, the fire alarms didn’t work so the manager went door to door knocking; I went straight to the right exit, descended four flights of stairs, and assembled with the rest of the tenants. The second one, the alarms were on, so I thought one of my neighbors was asking where a fire extinguisher was. He wanted the fire EXIT but wasn’t recognizing the signs, so I helped him find it and exit.We’ve also had a lot of trouble with people wanting to get in to sell drugs, vandalize, or otherwise victimize our community. I’ve realized I’m very territorial and don’t freeze up when there’s an obvious threat and no conflict with “but I know this person” as there would be for date rape.There was one incident where I slammed a door on a man’s arm when he leapt across the sidewalk to tailgate in behind me. I held the door shut on his arm until the security guard finally noticed there was a problem, but he thought I was the problem, so I ran away. A few blocks away, I collapsed in tears and started calling friends to see what I should do. When some police finally let me turn myself in, they said the man’s “911 call” was just him talking to a dead phone to try to fool me into letting him in. He hadn’t filed a complaint about me, and they thought it was obviously self-defense. (I am aware I have all the middle-aged white lady privilege here. I doubt a person of color would’ve been treated that way.)If I were reading your story, and an Autistic person f*cked up their evacuation from an attack on their building by having a meltdown, I would probably curse at the author for presuming incompetence.I’ve also survived an attempted rape by a stranger hiding in some bushes by a dead pathway light. (Not here, a much nicer apartment building in a nicer area in San Diego.) He was trying to choke me and threatened to shoot me if I screamed. I had the presence of mind to notice both his hands were occupied, so I screamed and bashed him in the shins with the vacuum cleaner I was carrying. Neighbors came out to see what was going on, and he ran off with a limp. Seriously, don’t f*ck with me because I’m going to defend myself.An Autistic who’s had a lot of compliance training, such as ABA, may have more inhibitions on their survival instincts than I do. IF AND ONLY IF this is a main part of your character’s background, that their spirit has been completely broken by compliance training and they don’t trust their abilities or decisions, I could see them having a shutdown (not a meltdown) in a crisis. But don’t just make your character have a meltdown at the worst possible time simply to make the story more dramatic. That’s just exploitative rubbish, like when female characters would go into hysterics in similar situations. Blaming it on being Autistic instead of female just makes it ableist instead of sexist.The only way this would work for me would be if the attack occurred when the Autistic character was already having a meltdown for some other reason that actually made sense in terms of the plot. (They’ve been hiding in the attic for days and it’s over 100F, plus other factors your character has been established to have trouble with, etc.) Murphy’s Law and all that… yeah, we trained for this possibility but of course the bad guys either waited for this distraction or just had luck on their side.
My daughter started her period yesterday at 5 y/o. How should I tell her teachers and friends and get ready to help her out? Is this normal nowadays?It’s not normal at all. Average age is 12, if I remember correctly.This is called precocious puberty. In most cases, the very early age is the only actual abnormality. A famous historical example is Lina Medina (started menstruation in infancy and gave birth to her first child at the age of 5 years, 7 months), the youngest girl to ever give birth. (She did so by c-section in the 1930s.)However, it can be triggered by a tumor or an injury of the brain. A doctor should definitely be seen.Whether there is disease involved or not, it can affect her socially, psychologically, and physically, increasing her risks for certain cancers and reducing her adult height.Another possible cause is exposure, either in the womb or in the current environment, to high levels of estrogen. She would have gotten it in the womb if you took the combination pill (the most common type) as birth control before you became pregnant. Outside of the womb, was she fed a soy-based formula? Does she has a lot of soy in her diet otherwise? This is most common in vegetarian/vegan households, but can happen in homes where meat is eaten because of hormones given to the cows that produce milk and beef.I make special note of soy because it is the biggest producer of phytoestrogens that is used for food in the US. It’s in pretty much everything. Try reducing the amount of soy in her diet. And when I say soy’s in everything, I mean EVERYTHING. The ONLY things on the McDonald’s menu, for example, that don’t have soy in them are the salads and the fruit/yogurt parfait. Everything else has soy. Bread at the grocery store? Soybean oil. Nearly every pizza place uses vegetable oil/soybean oil in the dough. Seriously. It’s also one of the most common allergens, which can exacerbate the problem of precocious puberty in girls, especially if there’s also a genetic predisposition to PCOS.Xenoestrogens, such as Bisphenol-A, found in hard plastics, are also a culprit, and can be part of environmental exposure.Now then, on to the rest of your question. I’m assuming your daughter will be entering kindergarten this fall? Aside from ensuring that this is simply an overactive pituitary gland and no actual disease is present, and that she gets proper medical treatment, her pediatrician can help you talk to her about what’s going on. He can also give you advice about talking to your daughter’s teachers/friends. As someone who works with elementary school students on a regular basis, though, here are my thoughts.Tell the teacher only what’s absolutely necessary, and make sure that the school nurse knows, as well. In fact, the nurse will need more information than the teacher. The nurse will need to know what medications, if any, your daughter is prescribed, and how they are to be administered if they will need to be administered during the school day. The teacher will only need to know that medication is being administered so that he/she can give your daughter a pass to go to the nurse.As for how much to tell your daughter’s friends, you need to first find out from their parents what they’re comfortable with their children knowing. You should then let THEM talk to their children. Every parent is going to be different in what they’ll allow their child to learn at a certain age, depending on how conservative or liberal they are.You may be tempted to put your daughter on a contraceptive, especially the pill. Her pediatrician might even recommend it. DON’T DO IT. If there is a problem, it will do nothing but mask the symptoms, making treatment more difficult. It will also alter your daughter’s natural hormone production, which could in turn destabilize her growth. Whatever is going on, your daughter deserves real treatments, whether it’s for a disease or simply suppression of the pituitary hormones that induce sex steroid production.On this last one, I speak from experience. My mother put me on the pill when I was 13 in order to regulate my periods, starting with my very first cycle, because it was long and heavy. It regulated them, all right, but it also meant that my doctor never went looking for the root cause, and no investigation was done until I was in my 20s, married, and trying to have kids of my own but couldn’t.Instead, insist that your daughter’s pediatrician do real tests and look for the actual cause instead of just throwing artificial hormones at the problem. Your daughter’s hormones are already a bit screwed up. Don’t let a poorly informed doctor make the problem worse.