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[Music] god can you believe that trump hung himself in prison i know and that chris christie lost all that weight he still looks terrible though oh hey joe i hate peter if you have a sec there's something i want to talk to you about oh boy this is it he wants me to have sex with bonnie now remember peter you can't say yes right away you let him talk you into it he's watching for that it's part of the dance i will absolutely have sex with bonnie sorry peter you're too eager so i came over to invite you to susie's christening this weekend oh and i don't just want you to be a guest i was wondering if you'd be willing to be the godfather godfather yeah you're my best friend and well i'd like you to be susie's godfather too godfather too wow you're really warm into this well you've made two very compelling arguments perhaps we should discuss this further in my poorly lit den so about this offer what are you guys discussing and when did we get a den sorry lois half of being a godfather is closing the door in your wife's face while she wonders what's going on inside but i just wanted i forgot it was a swinging door [Music] these are now did you know joe paterno did you know damn it peter being susie's godfather doesn't mean you're in the mob and you can't bring a cat to church why not he's catholic he does a muttly laugh where's the priest oh the church ran out of priests months ago because of all the didlin now they just have a rabbi fill in shalom everyone welcome to the christening now before the child goes in the water has it been at least 20 minutes since she ate yes rabbi wonderful then let's dunk this kid like a donut i hereby christen this child in the name of jesus christ who was killed by we don't know who it's not important the last thing we want to do is point fingers can you please take my daughter out of the water sorry congratulations sweetie you're a christian from now on every sunday you get to eat a hard cookie and pretend it's a guy coffee in the smallest cup we have as you requested grazie and let me assure you any shouting you hear from the kitchen is not gordon ramsay tearing us apart oh disgusting scoozy oh god here comes doug he just got a racecar bed and now i'm gonna have to hear about it hey stewie still sleeping in the slow lane okay okay so your mom's still taking you to the ladies room to go pee-pee actually yes yeah me too i don't like the men's room all the urinals are at mouth level i don't look at those i'm too busy fixing my hair in the mirror oh i'm sorry ciao stewie god that was humiliating this party has turned south quick like brian singer's remake of casablanca here's looking at you actual kid everyone i'd like to say a few words uh it's a very special day as we dedicate susie's life to christ before she can consent to it or have any conception of what's happening susie once licked a booger off my hand i'm chris by the way thanks chris but let's wait till we're called upon bud anyway thank you all for coming and to the host joe thank you for having us in this restaurant with a painted wall that makes venice look terrible good job everyone enjoy for the kids we've got games and also a party princess dressed as elsa who's clearly a prostitute but please don't proposition her here just nod in her direction trust me she'll get it it's her profession [Music] oh cool they got a pinata peter it's for the kids like hell it is i'm the godfather of this event and i want a debilitating wine and candy headache give me that kid i'm your son you dick sir please you're making a scene oh i'm not i can do whatever i want i'm the godfather uh oh i'm so sorry sir i didn't know estenitucci bobby cannavale hey portuguese waiters pretending to be italians get the godfather whatever he wants godfather there's a new godfather oh look at the wall why does venice always look so terrible from now on you eat on the house you will be treated with the utmost respect godfather grazie now please name the menu item i ordered after me the dinosaur chicken tenders all right we'll find something else thank you very much hear that doug my dad's now the godfather and yours is vp of systems integration or something what was that stewie i i was invited to sit at the first grade table what how'd you get that invite big d energy stewie you either got it or you don't oh yeah what does the d stand for divorced what stewie my parents are trying to make it work gee stewie they're doing their best he ended things with a nanny not that it's any of your business oh yeah good for them gene and cheryl are wonderful people i i hope they make it work good vibes healing god bless you all [Music] so god i can't believe mike pence came out of the closet just before he hung himself in prison bon jovi family morning dad are things gonna change now that you're a godfather good question chris and yes quite a bit i'll be touching faces a lot more than i used to my boys my bambinos no touch and i'll be totally oblivious to the affair between my bodyguard and my wife you look very nice today vincenzo hey she gave you a compliment what do you got cotton in your ears answer her yeah meathead what's with this guy pup and as a mafioso i'll be doing more voice-overs which will always begin by naming everyone at the event what does that even mean there we were at breakfast it was me chris g meigs lois griff little stew and uncle junior grandpa nephew who was my cousin it was one of those breakfasts where you realize you put on your boxers the wrong way and you need an excuse to leave the room we're out of syrup i'll get it you stay here and will you be a stricter dad now interesting question my value system will vary wildly between incredible immorality and intense social conservatism dad there's a shipment of heroin in our driveway excellent i watched a pg-13 movie last night in your mother's house now everyone keep eating until you throw up what's this as a leader in the italian community i'll be getting very upset about store-bought pasta sauce peter what the hell that was our prego yeah and prego means you're welcome it's a very cocky name for an average pasta sauce the rest of this is just jokes but that's kind of a good point now kids before you go to school let's discuss what you tell your friends about me that your fingernails are so filthy because you do scratchers all day never talk about the family business things are too hot here for you now you need to go to italy for five years what you're not safe here anymore so i'm gonna send you where all the murderers are from [Music] [Music] coppola check it out like all cool mobsters my office is at a strip club yeah but why is it in a mail strip club are you kidding dingalings is great just watch where you hang your hat cause of boners now you three are gonna be my lieutenants and don't worry you're all equal in my eyes i don't care one bit if you laugh at my jokes i mean this is the mafia not the laugh factory right ah that's hilarious quagmire is now my top lieutenant what you say we don't have to like your jokes well i didn't realize it was such a chore this is bullcrap and joe you're a cop how are you okay with any of this are you asking an irish cop why he's corrupt question withdrawn so uh what do we do now peter well now that we're a mafia crew i have to do voiceover naming everyone at the event what is that even there we were at the club it was me glenn quaggs joey swann and downtown julie cleveland brown remember when there were two julie browns in the 90s what a mess with the guys at my side we were the most powerful criminal organization in quahog we live like kings until things started to come apart after the lufthansa heist we discussed laying low but not everyone agreed with that be careful with this we stole it hey brian just a heads up now that i'm an italian mob boss i may be treating dogs more roughly ah okay now where's my chicken palm from last night oh i uh i ate it you ate it yeah there was no name on it was just sitting there is there a problem no no no problem guys oh that's way better than chicken parm i'm gonna have it with my last can of cream soda uh actually i finished that too that's okay brian let's take a ride and get some at the grocery store pull over here i got to take a leak leave the gun take the cream soda what's going on in here ever since dad became a mobster he's been giving me a ton of italian children's books green eggs and pancetta horton hears a yo good night mooks and where the wild things is stewie this is ridiculous it's not all bad i like having those stelladoro breakfast cookies oh i ate those sorry ah no problem brian no problem at all hey what do you say you and i do a little fishing [Music] peter i just got a call from the school when is chris coming back not for a while he moved in with his girlfriend but apparently they hit a rough patch hey kikosa hey hey [Music] good news guys i'm fixing the olympics i paid a diver to take a dive what do you mean he won you know peter you've been a mobster for a while now i'm surprised we haven't had any run-ins with rival families what are you talking about they love me like look at this this morning totally unprompted they sent me a lovely wrapped fish what peter do you know what this means yeah they're nice guys yesterday one of them even drove by my house to say i had a beautiful family and it would be a shame if anything happened to him and that's a compliment and empathy when's the last time you guys said something like that uh peter i'm not sure hey look at this they found meg's ear and returned it they returned it you know how many guys would keep something like that peter please close the box i think you need to get wise to what's going on here because their next message may not be so subtle [Music] [Applause] ah there it is i've been looking for that oh thank god the mafia doesn't hate me use dead fat ass love the mafia oh my god the mafia does hate me lenny what are you doing i already threw the rock i wanted to throw the rock we talked about this you wrote the note i throw the rock so let me get this straight i do the homework and you get to throw the rock i played baseball in college junior college the coach from university of vermont invited me to walk on i didn't even know you like chucking rocks who doesn't like chucking rocks i didn't get into the mob to write letters i did it to chuck rocks and eat sandwiches out of foil hey that actually sounds pretty good you want to go get a sandwich sure from big salsa fat cells what's the difference one's big one's fat what's wrong with you today god i can't believe melania was deported to slovenia and then hung herself in a european prison man peter what are you gonna do about the mob don't worry i got a plan i'm gonna hide and change my identity to a name no one else has ever heard of roberta brown peter that's my daughter's name no it's just some girl i follow on instagram you know peter there may be a way out of this cops have been trying to bring down the rhode island mob for years if you can schedule a meeting to discuss your differences and wear a wire we'll arrest them after testify against the mob how dumb do you think i am my son i thought that hard-boiled egg seemed a little shouty all right i'll do it but man if i'm in danger so is chris i better warn him to be on the lookout beverly hills bmw hey okay more italian telephone boy rd danny [Music] okay peter i'm gonna attach the wire now and i'm telling you in advance that it's cold uh oh it's cold too cold oh it's fine now see that's the body heat now if you get into trouble department regulations say we can't go in there unless you say a code phrase something that you never actually say in conversation so we know it's a signal the phrase is did you see the new paul red movie it's laugh out loud funny oh come on can't i just say watchable no no you have to say it exactly heartwarming i i mean i could just say heartwarming peter the phrase is the phrase now you ready to meet those godfathers i guess i wonder where the word godfather came from anyway i don't know i assume it started with god's father hello hey dad i wrote a big show and your grandson jesus is in it he's kind of the star of it really can you make it oh look at you i'm there pal when is it when's the big show it's good friday oh don't say friday ah i was afraid of that well there's kind of a postscript to the story maybe you could catch that oh you betcha slugger it's on sunday oh you're kidding doesn't anyone do anything on tuesdays anymore listen i'm getting pulled into this meeting right now but good luck with your thing i promise i am going to be so nice to my son [Music] okay peter this is it [Music] hey who are you just act natural and even though you're mike try not to use your radio voice hey providence this is peter whirlybird griffin coming at you on a sizzling sunday afternoon you're no wait a minute you're the new don from quahog follow me we're glad that you finally decided to play ball with us let me introduce you to the other dawns don duck donkey kong dawn amnesia forget about it donna mata bang the land don under you come to me today on the daimy daughter's barbecue don imus the rutgers basketball team is black and disgusting that's a wrap for don imus finally the scariest done of them all don didantan thank you i'd like to introduce you all to my suspenseful son dun dun dun and and the guy says oh i thought you were complaining about your angina you never told us a beginning to that joke oh sorry okay peter the meeting's almost over just don't blow your cover and we're home free hey anybody want to do karaoke after this sure i can use the mic tape to my chest peter no up the new paul rudd movie is watchable i repeat it's very watchable damn it peter you have to say it exactly fine just laugh out loud funny freeze you're all under arrest good job peter [Music] freeze all right nobody do anything stupid hold on i'm just allowing linkedin to send automated emails to all my contacts i said don't do anything stupid peter griffin wants to add you to his professional network oh damn it peter hands behind your head on the ground oh we're gonna die all right so long you two oh my god thank you prego well turns out being a mobster isn't for me well i'm just happy you're home safe me too dad has anyone seen the rest of my white wine sorry lois i drank that oh that's fine brian hey what do you say you and me go for a walk in the woods you know what this is kind of nice i thought you were gonna do some kind of godfather murder on me oh brian i don't watch mafia movies but i did see fargo huh [Music] wait for me