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my main job is to make sure the PowerPoint is Pixel Perfect if it looks good on PowerPoint looks good in business jir I identify problems in the project early and silence them I align stakeholders various cross functional teams listen to their needs and requirements and silence them comes from Microsoft powerbi Excel stands for acceleration I make sure that our project is at the bottom of the company's agenda every quarter so that nobody questions our existence and cuts our budget try that try that for 10 years in a row nobody has a clue what we're doing I have never used our product most weeks of the day I'm on a seminar the other hours of the month I'm on a conference agile I don't talk to you just now it's not my responsibility in 10 years I've never opened camera ones Incognito let's fight this out let's fight this out in a workshop with sticky notes in a Microsoft Visa board all right I'll I'll put it on the agenda next week please all make sure you'll get access repeat it with me atlassian atlassian Microsoft Salesforce Miro sounds like a virus to me my computer blocks figma links listen to me I've been doing this for many years it's politics over progress processes over logic emotions over processes and the only thing over emotions is okrs not bottom up top down okrs what's our mission State what is the mission State we didn't hit our okrs this quarter we need to change your okrs this is an Excel sheet containing all the change requests for Q3 I'll open the confence identify their changes and sent this Excel via email yes it's all in SharePoint can you share the document with me well you got to give me access first that sounds interesting well we will wait for Microsoft to give us this Ai No code sounds like it wouldn't pass corporate security hello hello if we can clarify in an email I'll set up a meeting if we need to set up a meeting I send an email one must not be predictable can you send me the final version of the presentation as a pptx pdf. dox just email it don't bother uploading to the confence I don't have access since the beginning of this project no I won't support any further changes to infrastructure I barely mastered Trello just a request could you just shift the blue box up a little bit I want to issue a j ticket but I'll send it via email so you will forget yes we're defining the requirements at the beginning of the project and then changes coming through change requests well we do have the edgile manifesto hanging on the wall so to me sounds like edile yesterday our project team told me that the entire site is down because they don't have access to the platform's dashboard now it is my job to calm them down and reassure them that we have much bigger problems than that we don't even have a platform so there's no technical possibility to do what the app does in an Excel sheet they haven't heard of macros yet I could build the entire app with Excel but I'm not getting paid for that I'm getting paid to remind the engineers of that okay we don't need notion we have a tool to consolidate all our documents my downloads folder this was a management decision and I will not further question it I'm not saying they know what they're doing I'm just saying I really don't care I send cryptic mails not just to you I do to everybody okay I can't access it right now my PC is doing updates I'm on my phone yes we can can you hear me Adam can what this I'm not responsible for the process I'm just executing it Jake how long have you been here and what did you learn in that time exactly nothing works without a management deisal let them take forever okay how about you talk to management then that's why I thought we don't protocol the meetings because that's against corporate policy I do record all the meetings so I can sue anybody oh I have a lawyer within the company sorry ing to the new work split technically you are responsible for it all right now you must not use chat GPT yet we'll wait until it passes corporate security Microsoft relax trust me we have much bigger problems than that we don't even have a chassis I got loads of those where is the Confluence I mean I live in interactive Excel sheets Tim tables budgets 2083 million that that sounds like a madeup number I'm sure you can do it much less much much 1 million I'm sorry that's all we have right now find a way to deal with it that's a lie we have infinite money this is the latest Microsoft Office yeah send don't send optional data I taken work Toxic City for 9 hours a day show me an AI that can do that we're not getting anywhere no more questions I've been in the company for 10 years now lots of projects have been killed lots of new Ventures have come into fruition but boy have I kept my job I barely know the names of most of the people in our team how am I supposed to remember all the names of all product we call a product do it for workplaces turns out there's already a product with that name we were higher priority so they had to rename to G Gemini for Enterprise turns out there's already Gemini for Enterprise in the company but I'm leading that one for Christmas I don't have any new ideas that's a different apartment they killed the project but there is a new project I'm head of AI now this guy quit last month and this guy needs to be aligned with this guy so if this guy technically would report here and then to the tire 1 VP I have zero responsibility [Music]