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so one of the things that um we we do is um is is we it's creating a culture in which people understand that the reason we're giving feedback is not to quote unquote criticize them but to help them grow as human beings um and that has to be a that has to be established like this this is what we're gonna the advice i i offer is it's not just a checklist that you do and everything goes fine you know you create a culture in which uh difficult conversations and uh and and critical feedback are welcomed or at least understood um but it's also how we give it um usually we give it by pulling out a piece of paper and pointing out the thing that's wrong um and you know and saying you've got to fix something right we usually point to the evidence first um as opposed to starting by with by by the human being which is you know there's stuff i want to share with you i don't know where what it means but i wanted to raise it with you in case there is an issue um because i care about you and i want to see that you grow here but there's some evidence that things are going a little sideways and i want to i want to address them with them to see what opportunities there are or if there's anything wrong because i don't know the reasons behind it but um here's for example um the way you talked to your teammates the other day was a little harsh and ordinarily i'd be one say oh you know you're having a bad day it's no problem you know everybody gets uh everybody gets a bad day but you've been really beating up on people um i don't even know if you're aware of that right um and sometimes they say i'm having a hard time and it opens up or they'll say i wasn't even aware i didn't even know or it reveals something as opposed to saying stop yelling at people nobody wants to work for you if all you do is yell at people you know it's hard for people to receive and so good feedback is not just about conveying the point we're trying to make it's about creating a condition in which the person is more likely to listen and hear it so we're all proud of ourselves once we've told them we did you did you give her the feedback yeah i told her right did they hear the feedback uh different question