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Have you ever asked someone (who later passed away) to give you proof of an afterlife? For example, a word/gesture that only you
In my late teens and early twenties, my boyfriend would always tell me he was going to die young or live forever. I would tell him to stop saying that because he couldn’t possibly live forever. He would laugh, so unaffected by the thought of dying young. So one night after he’d said it again while we were lying in bed I jabbed him in the ribs. He laughed yelled “ow!” and said what was that for? I told him every time he said it from now on I was going to poke him right between the ribs and make him wish he was dead. He laughed and turned on me, poking me in the ribs where I was most ticklish. He said “alright then, then after I’m good and young and dead I’m going to haunt your ass and jab you every time you annoy me!” This turned into a ridiculous sort of assaulting tickle fight. A night I remember fondly.A few months later, I was 21 and he was 24. We’d spent the day watching movies with my best friend. It was June 22, 2007. A beautiful summer Friday evening. We decided to go be outside somewhere. Enjoy the weather. So we gathered some friends and dogs and skateboards and took off. The first part of the evening was full of laughter and summer sweat. But less than two hours after we left my house, the night was full of screams and too much blood. We had been jumped on an elementary school playground in Baltimore County and in trying to protect me my boyfriend was brutally assaulted in front of me, beaten by three men with baseball bats.The moments between the actual attack and getting to shock trauma are flashes. There’s the flash of me holding his broken body, begging him not to leave me. Flashes of his grip on my hand weakening. His eyes rolling back into his head if I stopped talking to him long enough to scream at the two women who had stopped to call 911, demanding why it was taking so long. There’s the flash of the EMTs arriving, telling me not to let him go yet as they secured his neck. Me begging them to tell me he was going to be okay and their refusal to speak or look at me. Flashes of the wind of the helicopter landing and of him being loaded into it, me falling to the ground so hard my knees bled for days, praying to a god I didn’t even believe in. Flashes of flying down the highway to get to Hopkins. Apparently the entire way I rocked and sobbed “please don’t take him away from me,” though I don’t remember.I was numb and in shock and already experiencing PTSD from what I saw. I was questioned by police, shuffled from waiting room to interview room and back. Numb. Sticky. Staring at the blood on my hands I’d refused to let the firefighters wash off, so afraid they’d be washing him away for good. I sat in a small chair in the waiting area, covered in his vomit and so much blood that had poured from his broken body, namely the large opening in his skull, that it looked like motor oil. Looking back this time is a blur, I have only two clear memories of the wait to go see him. I remember a fly buzzing around the vomit on my knee. Then I remember running people. Crying people. I remember glancing up to see a very famous skateboarder sitting in the chair next me. Tears streaming down his face. I watched the tears for a moment before went back to staring at the fly on my knee.A day later while my boyfriend was in a drug induced coma I learned that at the exact moment my boyfriend was being jumped, Stephen Murray was taking his turn on the Baltimore stop of the BMX Dew Tour. He was flying through the air, attempting a double back flip, turning the wrong way and landing even worse on his neck. He was flown into shock trauma just seconds after my boyfriend. They didn’t know if either man would make it. I spent the next week numbly spending time with Stephen’s at the time wife, who was also named Melissa. We swapped pills we’d been prescribed to try to get through what was happening around us, chain smoked outside and she invited me over for spaghetti to the empty home the Dew Tour had set her up in down the street. I came to know his family and friends. In fact the moment I learned my boyfriend was having part of his skull removed to try to accommodate the swelling in his brain, I stepped off the elevator and there stood Stephen’s mother Cynthia and his brother. She took one look at my face and wrapped me in her arms. Holding me as I sobbed before asking in her unbelievably soothing English accent, “do you have a mum here?” I’ll never forget that woman, that hug or that voice. Warmth I latched onto in that cold sterile hallway.Stephen survived his accident a Quadriplegic and my boyfriend died July 10. Eighteen days after the attack and on my baby brother’s seventeenth birthday. The days after I barely remember. I recall I picked out the clothes he would be buried in but couldn’t go to the funeral. I couldn’t see him in a casket, the hospital had been bad enough. After the funeral many of my friends came to my door to check on me. One of them was one of the kindest most unbelievably genuine people I’d ever know, named Mark. Mark would continue to check on me every day after we the others all faded away, unsure how to talk to or be around me. But not Mark. He texted, called or just showed up for months to make sure I was at bare minimal surviving.Two weeks ago yesterday I stood at the podium at Mark’s viewing, looking down on him in his own casket, sharing that very story. While standing there I mentioned my boyfriend. I mentioned how he and Mark and I spent one summer together. I mentioned how Mark had been there for after the murder and I mentioned that they were together now.After I sat down and began listening to another person share a story about Mark, I thought back to Mark sitting next to me on my front step a month after the murder. He’d shown up at my door and dragged me out into the sun. I began crying that day. Mark jokingly told me to stop being a cry baby that my boyfriend would hate it. At that exact moment I felt Mark jab me between the ribs. I jumped and went to swat his hand away but his hands were in front of him. Mark looked at me funny and asked what was wrong. I told him what my boyfriend had said about poking me in the ribs. Mark laughed his huge laugh from his beautiful shit eating grin and said he totally believed my boyfriend was jabbing me in the ribs for being a cry baby. He’d have done the same thing he said before playfully shoving my shoulder and wrapping an arm around me.Two weeks ago yesterday I sat on a small love seat across from Mark in his casket with my current fiancé, in a room swollen full of young people and I thought back to that moment and I began to sob again. Next to me my fiancé shifted in his seat, my eyes were locked on Mark in his casket, and I felt a jab between my ribs. I flinched and looked to my fiancé, my eyes wide, but he was leaning away from me signNowing for a tissue. I looked back to Mark, remember his big shit eating grin saying of course it was my boyfriend jabbing me in the ribs for being a cry baby, he would do the same thing!And all I could do was smile.
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Have you ever read something about yourself in your own medical notes that shocked you?
That would be an understatement.In 1989 the military did a surgery that they should not have even attempted and they left me mutilated, but it wasn’t visible. And then came the cover-up and gaslighting.The doctors told me I was fine and totally put back together and, when I complained, they brushed me off and blamed it on allergies, sinuses and me just being silly.Then, as my condition worsened both physically and mentally, they put me on psychotropic drugs and eventually threw me in a mental hospital. From there they diagnosed me with a personality disorder and booted me.After being discharged I was enrolled in the VA system. And talk about gaslighting: they dismissed any of my complaints as I was just crazy. They diagnosed me with all kinds of mental issues and dismissed any complaints I had.It was nothing short of cruel and inhumane torture. And they did such a good job of gaslighting me that I was just crazy that any awareness I had that the surgery might be the cause was gone — cause they said I was fine and all good.Almost three decades of torture, including ending up on the streets, having mental episode after episode (you don’t want to know), and being sick all the time, I finally went to a civilian doctor. It was arranged via help from the Veteran Homeless program and that was only because I lucked out on a very aggressive social worker. There are a lot of great workers in the program, but she stood out and I called her my muscles. You didn’t mess with her and she got things done.Again, I was unaware of what they actually did to me. So, seeing a civilian doctor, I thought I was just going to get standard treatment for a regular condition. Maybe get some sinus relief.And note: lots of doctors and medical professionals in the military and VA throughout the years took scans of my skull and never said a word. In fact, they would go quiet and redirect me to mental health. Again, I was clueless about what I was about to find out.And I couldn’t read about what was wrong with me in my military and VA records because the standard practice was not to put it in there when the various facilities over the decades found out. Everybody just gets silent.Although I did have one VA ENT almost tell me 2013 — but that got smashed real quick and I never was allowed to see him again to find out what he meant, saying it looked like WWIII inside my head. I thought he meant my sinuses. Boy, was I wrong.The VA played “kick the appointment down the road” for three years and no one would answer my questions. The more I asked, the more they pushed back to avoid giving me an appointment. Hence, when I got a new caseworker in 2016, she went to work and I was able to get a civilian to see me.In 2016 I saw a civilian ENT and I got to watch the civilian ENT’s response when he had a look at my CT scan — he was floored and flew back three feet in shock when he first looked at it on the computer. He immediately called the staff and other ENT doctors to come to look and they were all horrified.He made a print out of one of the scan sections and walked into the room I was sitting in, watching them. He got real close to my face and looked it up and down and side to side and then asked: “What’s holding your face together?”When I finally saw the full scan and the extent of damage in my skull, I was in shock…horrified.It would be two years of horror from there because the civilian ENT never dealt with such a case or the conditions caused by the injuries.Finally, in 2018 — nearly three decades later — the VA issued me partial disability, service connected (not full service connected), but they got it started.I am still fighting them now for other reasons. It is a nightmare dealing with the VA in many ways. Not hating on the military or the VA, but this has been horrific.When the VA sent the approval package, they included in it that I had to go to SAMMC to see the ENT doctors there. I was horrified and scared to go. But I had no choice.Over the decades, i was laughed at when I complained of the symptoms. Mocked, been told straight to my face that I am crazy, told I am just talking crazy, dismissed, misdiagnosed (which only made things worse) and much more.So, in 2018, here I was going to see military doctors. Had to bring friends along to support me. The combat ENTs had a scan done and inspected my sinuses with a camera. They were in shock. After the review of the scan and my sinuses they told me: “You have serious injuries like we see in combat soldiers, and you have serious conditions from those injuries like we see in combat soldiers.”They went on to give me their diagnosis and, for the first time in nearly three decades, I was finally properly diagnosed — and finally on the way to finally getting proper treatment. Nearly three decades of not having my injury and conditions addressed, on top of the misdiagnoses, I was finally pointed in the right direction.It doesn’t take back all the damage that has been done, but I take it one day at a time.Oh, and the amazing part: I should have been dead a long time ago from this. But I’m still kicking and I got one thing to say…my turn. ;)
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How does it feel to get fired from your job suddenly?
I was Shaken. Felt VOIDAnswer is going to be very long - I have not expressed my feeling to anyone after that day so here is lengthy answer (yeah - another Introvert !). This happened in PUNE.It was a good day with blue cloudless sky and warming temperature, I woke up early since I was in first shift so started earlier to office.signNowed office, had some work that I owned and went with colleagues for breakfast, when came back noticed HR and manger were discussing something in meeting room, I continued my work, until interrupted by manger to come along with him, so I did.In Meeting RoomM: How are you Mr. XXX?me: I am well and good , feeling quite good today.M: hmm, so Mr. XXX, how many years you have been working for XYZ and how was your experience so far ?me : (what the hell he is asking me this, wondering why he is asking this question to me) completed 2.5 years so far (I joined as fresher there ) and told regular rotten things like feels good , good work culture,bla bla bla.M: okay, let me come to the point - there is feedback for you from team mates that you are not doing well and keeps sleeping at nights when you are in night shift , your attitude towards work is not good. Is that true ?me : (I was shocked for few mins and I took me while to get out of it )I am sure there must be some misunderstanding, this is not true (In my mind, I smelled something fishy )M: Well, Mr. XXX, I have feedback in written for you and that must be true and I don’t think it might be some misunderstanding. Let me call HR to join here ( I came to know this later that this was pre-planned and both HR and manger were already hand in hand)While waiting for HRme : (sweated, my throat went dry ) -felt anxious, my heart was beating fastlyM: waited calmly with mild smile on his faceHR joins meetingHR: how are you Mr. XXX,M: hmm, he is quite frightenedHR: hey XXX, relax, do you want to drink some water ? (while opening a bottle )me: did not utter a single word (I was sweating )HR : Forcefully handed over water bottleme: did drink some waterHR : I have a news for you, we here are XYZ no longer require your services and you are relieved from today and you may leave after this meeting.me : what ? what ? (heartbeat on high, could not believe on my ears )HR: Relax, calm down, you will get your 2 months salary and relieving letter along with form 16 and pay slips, you may leave nowme : Almost broke into tears literally, my eyes were RED.HR and M : they were just watching me what I am going through.me: Sir, Madam, there is some misunderstanding here, I kept telling this is not true in different ways.HR & M : both silent - no words spoken.me : again - I kept telling and trying to explain.HR : Please leave your id at me and get your stuff and leave - otherwise I have to call securityme : (coming out of shock , I was explaining like a beggar to someone rich )I am from lower middle classed family, my father is retired from school as clerk and mother is housewife , I have responsibility of younger brother for his education and I have to support my family. (M was very well aware about my background )HR : (in somewhat harsher and loud voice) : Please get out.me : I literally grabbed HR and manager feet to show me some mercyHR : XXX, please leave ASAP.meanwhile, M calls security to escort me to the gate , few mins passed, a security personnel comes in and requests me to come along with him.me : while standing and giving merciful look to both - still hoping they will revert their decision and came out of meeting room and headed towards washroomI asked security personnel to wait outside washroom and let me wash me eyes that were much REDDER and shred me tears.I came out of washroom and asked security personnel to wait at main door and requested not to come by desk very politely, he agreed, went to my cubicle , did not show any sign for what happened, took my stuff as if I am searching for something from my drawer ,just so as not to take doubt among team mates , took my stuff and gave a smile back to team mates who were not having any idea that I am leaving PERMANENTLYI walked very SLOWLY with security guy and came out of building.signNowed room (there was no one at room- room mate was at job, we were just two guys )- I CRIED AND CRIED AND CRIED FOR HOURS - and for the first time in life I experienced GREAT VOIDI was constantly thinking of my family (I was unmarried then ) and their dreams, their hopes - all gone just like that !!(I always used to send 90% my salary to home for support and brother’s education so I was not having any big bucks in banks )On the same day - I got some many calls from my colleagues - news was spread finally , did not answered single one.They all came to meet me and I told what M told me about them and they said no one has given any feedback.I did not broke news to my home - I broke it when I went to home after 1.5 months.I broke it to my room mate after 2 days.Meanwhile - I decided to change my spends towards my lifestyle since I was only having 3k in my salary account and I have to live with that for at least 2.5 months since I could not ask for money at home.I used to eat just a SINGLE WADA PAO for a day and cup of tea - you heard it - just a single wada pao for a day and a cup of tea and I have to prepare for interviews as well with this empty stomach -Whenever I got interview call - I spent money for transport and skipped eating Wada Pao and shamelessly used to ask at interview locations if they are proving free meals for candidatesI lost almost 15–20 kgs in 1.5 monthsThis continued for 8 months and finally I got a decent job !!(I faced so many cross questions like why did you leave your job in middle while holding no offer - since it was mentioned by HR on releasing certificate that I am, XXX, wants to move on )P.S.Later I come to know that HR had hired someone from college pass out from M referral who was relative of M.There were no issues among team mates - my team was really decent team - just t0 be clear.My Room mate helped me a LOT during this periodForgive my poor English and grammatical errorsI moved on and LIFE HAS TAUGHT ME A GOOD LESSON THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET.
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What is the hardest truth you had to accept that made you stronger?
I have compiled few truths that have made me stronger.Nobody stays. Everyone leaves at some point of your life. The sooner you learn to cope and accept that you will be alone for a long time, the better. Even our parents leave us someday, death spares no one. Make yourself comfortable in being alone.Only your parents genuinely want you to do better than them. Everybody else’s face just goes pale when you do better than them. Humans are competitive by nature. Half of the people you know are just waiting to trip you down from your success throne and take your place.Dating is a waste of time. Especially tinder dates. They just want to fuck or looking for a fling. I don’t believe in blind dates as well. They seldom work out, they might as well be a sociopath. Who knows..right? Date someone you know very well, don’t go out with everyone who asks you out.Keep your enemies close and your friends closer. I appreciated my enemies for being genuine about their hatred towards me. More than often, your friends will be prone to betray/ backstab you instead of your enemies. Be careful about the people you think are your friends.Beauty matters. Don't give me that personality bullshit is what people care about. Most people out there would go an extra mile to help a pretty people but not a senior citizen. I tend to notice that the attention one receives exponentially decreases as one ages. Someday, I will age and get lesser attention too. Sighs.Everyone is your friend until you need something. This rings true if you also want to test their loyalty towards you. Ask a simple favour from them. See if they are willing to go an extra mile to help you around. If they could only extort help but aren’t willing to help you back, they are selfish. Don’t help them again.People you prioritize will treat you as their option at some point of life. It happens. People change faster than climate. They might get bored and replace you with someone better. Move on and learn to respect yourself.Online friends are fake friends. I’m pretty sure someone might have mentioned this here already. But listen me out. I’ve spent my whole lifetime connecting and interacting with them. When it comes to spending time physically with me or helping me out, only the friends near me were there. Online friends do console you and make you feel better. But they are hopeless as shit. You wouldn’t want to count on them for anything, really.Having lesser expectations is a big advantage. On people, on yourself. More expectation leads to disappointments. Don’t count on people to help you out. Keep your expectations low and be prepared to take a no for an answer. If you stop expecting stuffs from people, you wouldn’t be let down by anyone. Savvy?Showing your weaknesses to people, and they exploit you for it. Don’t do it. Even if you are a wrecked ball inside, hold your head high and pretend like you are alright. Show your vulnerabilities to people you could really trust, your parents maybe. The rest of the world doesn’t need to know what tingles and tickles you.Nobody is worth your time, energy and effort more than yourself. You are important, prioritize yourself. If you can’t help them, learn to verbally say no. And not feel guilty about it. Denying is your basic right.Acting desperate will only push people away from you. Yes, I realized this quite late. If you want someone to approach you, be aloof about it. Take things slow. Being needy or clingy will trigger a flight response and they might run away from you.Nobody remembers all the good thing you do for them, yet they never forget one incident when you turn them down. Because people are ungrateful. They don’t appreciate what you do for them. Get a dog instead. People are stupid.
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What's the dirtiest contract that you felt "forced" to sign?
Not the worst contract but felt the sleeziest.My wife and I had a little boy in March of 2017. In September of 2016 while very early on in the pregnancy, we began to look at day care and we found one that my wife loved and I liked. So we went with that one.Over the course of almost a year, we were intent on sending my son to that day care. Then my wife read a post from a woman who had a little girl about my sons age and was starting an in-home daycare. She was a nurse, her husband a fire fighter/EMT and it was about the same price as the day care. We met with them, liked them initially and decided to go with her.When we first started, everything was very go with the flow. There was only 2 other parents and she didn’t really have any policies.In February 2018 everything began to change and she wanted us to sign a new contract.In the contract was the following-She had days off and could give us 30 days notice and she could take up to a week off and in case you are wondering, yes we still had to pay that week. Because, literally as she put it, everyone needs mental health days and you have vacation days in your job right?-If you were going to be late (there previously wasn't a late policy, we typically got there by 6) Now late was 6:01 and every 10 minutes after 6:01 was 5 dollar fine up to $50.00-A whole new list of holidays. Previously, our holidays were Christmas eve, , Christmas, New years Day, Thanksgiving, 4th of July and I think Memorial Day. You know the ones every body has off for. Now it closely followed the school calendar. We specifically chose her because she did NOT have school calendar days off.All of a sudden, we felt like we’d made a bad choice. I took the contract and brought it to my wife who was livid. The nice thing was we were leaving in July, my wife was pregnant and we couldn’t afford to put two kids in day care so as long as we kept up with her crazy demands, we would be fine. We signed the contract, explained we didn’t agree with it, but it is what it is.The next day, she came to us and said “So I found a new little boy who is starting in 2 weeks and since I can only have 3 and you guys are leaving in July, your last day is next Friday.I lost my mind, and cool certainly said some choice words, took my son out that day and demanded a refund for the rest of the month.She threatened a law suit, I countered with one of my own for bsignNow of contract, ironically in the new contract she did post she would refund any monies owed if the arrangement didn’t work.In the end she gave us a full month refund and we never spoke to her again.A friend of ours whom we met via the day care, told us later she said some really nasty lies about us (BEFORE this even happened) so I’m certainly glad we left.
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How can I build confidence in myself?
Journey from poor confidence to self-confidence:I have struggled with low self esteem, self doubt, a need for validation from others and a pessimistic attitude for a large part of my life and then moved over to the fairly confident side of the spectrum. A part of my reason may be growing up as a female in a culture, where at least when I was a young child, females were expected to be non-confrontational and subdued. However, anyone who is open to change and growth, in my opinion, can take the step towards a more confident self. The points enlisted below are inspired by my own life journey.1...
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How did you handle a coworker who appeared to go out of their way to get you fired from your job?
When I first arrived at the job, there was this woman who would bully me by not scheduling my requests for lunch, writing me up for being 2 minutes late from break,she would transfer all calls to me before they got to anyone else, and make me train new people so they could get positions higher than myself. When I questioned her about the training, she told me that the trainers were supposed to document my hours needed to gain a higher position. When I asked the trainers, they told me that she was supposed to be recording my hours. So as soon as she tried to sign me up with another person to train, I told her that I wasn’t able to do it because I talked to the training department and they said that she was supposed to be recording my hours, and that I needed her to, “Get on that.” She got red in the face and walked away. I assume she went to tell her supervisor.When she was transferring calls to me before anybody else, she failed to notice that upper management was monitoring how many calls people had taken and whether or not they were taken care of in a professional manner. I made sure my name was at the top of that list for several weeks. I even gloated about it within her earshot. After that, they stopped monitoring calls and keeping track of them all together.When she kept writing me up and conveniently disappeared by the end of the day so I couldn’t talk to her about them, I managed to talk to her about the writeups in front of the Operations Supervisor. I told her that I felt targeted and that the writeups were unfair, and that whenever I tried to talk to her in the past, she would disappear. I got one more write up and I signed it in red ink to indicate that I had been forced to sign it under duress. I no longer received any writeups from her after that.I stayed on that shift for a year, and when I gained seniority, I switched to graves to get away from her. My bully asked me how did I like being on the graveyard shift, and I told her that I loved it. My work became so good that people were questioning why I wasn’t made a lead yet, and why I was constantly being passed up for the opportunity. So I wrote to the bully’s supervisor to ask why this was going on. She said I, “didn’t have the personality type for the job”. I had never spoken to or seen this woman before, so I asked her what was it that I needed to change and that we have never officially met at the time, so I had no idea what she was talking about. A few weeks went by and I was made a lead.While on graves, I ended up making a mistake on filling out one of the checks. She issued a document that everyone has to sign that basically stated that if anyone was to make a mistake on the checks, they were to be fired. The document was to be placed on the Operational Supervisor’s desk. When it was my turn to receive the document, I noticed it was poorly written. So I decided to put on my English Major hat and I got out my red pen to address all errors in the document. At the end, I wrote, “Who wrote this?” The document contained spelling errors, run on sentences, sentence fragments, one of which was started with the word “Like”. I didn’t sign the document, but I did place it on the Operational Supervisor’s desk. The next day, the documents were thrown out, never to be mentioned again.So, that’s how I dealt with my coworker who tried to get me fired at any chance she got.Edit: Wow! Over 800 upvotes! I had no idea my response would have been receiving such responses from people. Thank you so much!
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What do you know about Loco Pilot?
As we know Loco Pilot is a train operator, who drives locomotive to haul different trains. A lot of things are written on quora and other social media platforms about Loco Pilots. In the mean while I come across something interesting about Loco Pilot in a whatsapp group, I just want to share it with you…What is a Railway Loco Pilot's Life?I learnt to operate 3 machinesLocosCMS {Crew Management System, used to sign-in while coming on duty & sign-off after completion of duty}Breathalyser {used to check amount of alcohol one has consumed, this test is conducted at the time of sign-on & sign-off, and may be done during duty any time if required}2. I learnt to use three booksG&SR {General & Subsidiary Rules Book}Loco ManualWTTs {Working Time Tables}3. I learnt to master 3 thingsGetting ready in one hourSkipping one meal until the nextSkipping baths and to control nature's call4. I learnt to say three very important words for professional life:-No Leave, OK sirRight Sir,I'll Work Sir,5. When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: -Wake Up earlySleep lateContinue to Work6. I have learnt to: -See everyday as working dayForget SundaysAccept it, when my rest is cancelled7. I learnt to give reasons to family, friends and relatives for not:-Making phone CallsAttending functionsVisiting them8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-BirthdaysNew YearsFestivals9. At the end, People say:-You Joined...You Earned...You Enjoyed...10. But when I compare myself with others...I just Sustained...I just Tolerated...I just Carried on... for salary's sake11. I have survived:-For convenience of my Family...To avoid blame of Society...To get the tag of Employment...Dedicated to all Loco Pilots of Indian RailwaysThanks for requesting answer.
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