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Quora is a fantastic source or you can say medium of knowledge & information.Here you will find people who want knowledge and are willing to give their knowledge too in order to help you as per as requirement.Advantages:You can ask questions to particular people to whom you can't otherwise.You will find marvelous answers to questions which comes to your mind and were never answered by anyone ,but here will.Unlike Google or Wikipedia ,Quora will enable You to ask the question as per as your situation, as described in the question. The answer will be for you and not a generalised one.You can seek advice from multiple people and get to see different aspects/answers of the same question.Unlike other social sites here you will not see people uploading selfies or status which only drain your time and distract you and do no good to You.You can read personal experiences of people and blogs of people and learn new things from Masters of that field.You will find inspiration .Here one thing is sure you will learn something may be little but for sure.You can write your own answers regarding specific topics about which you keep knowledge and help a confused man.You can answer questions anonymously (hiding your identity as per as your convenience ).You can follow people whose answers helped you or seems to be helpful in future.You can follow questions in which you have interest and will be notified regularly when a new answer is added to it. There is also a option of following a question privately if you don't want to follow publicly without any offence.Unlimited answers can be added for the same question and they are arranged in a sequence of quality to give you the best 1 first.People in quora are mostly of the curious category , so you are around a good circle.Your own info is not madatory and you can also add if you are willing to without any hesitation.Your writing skills as well as word collection will improve.You will get upvotes if your answer is beneficial and this will too give you happiness and inspiration to write more for the mankind (I feel very happy when i get upvotes :-) )You can share your answers as well as others’ answers.There are many but these points came to my brain instantly.I hope I was able to help you and give you some reasons to use quora.

Alright, my friend: I’ve got the answer for you but it comes with a disclaimer: You’re probably not going to like it. It’s simple, but it isn’t necessarily easy. That said, it will work.At least, it worked for me; and I feel pretty confident that if it can work for me, it can work for anyone. As a teenager, I was super awkward. I was that kid in a small country town—a town where the high school had a sign that said “No Horses”—dressed in skinny jeans and eye-liner.Needless to say, I wasn’t invite to many parties.I didn’t know what to do in public. I didn’t know how to act. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think. So I shut myself inside and lost myself in books, video games, and no-pressure online friendships.No surprise, that didn’t help. By 18, I was a level 60 Warrior (and mage and hunter and druid … the list goes on) and a level 0 conversationalist.Then one day I realized how miserable I was. I was using video games as an excuse not to grow up. Not to develop meaningful relationships. I was using books as a cheap feeling of accomplishment. And I decided I wanted change.And so I created it. Slowly. One day at a time. One step at a time. One word at a time.I started small: I picked up a few self-help books to help define the type of person I wanted to be. Need a place to start? Here are some of my recommended reads:How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie,The Success Principles by Jack Canfield, andAwaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins.But one day I came to a painful realization: I couldn’t “think” myself into a more social person. I couldn’t “learn” my way to confidence. As informative and powerful as those books were, the information alone was useless unless I took action.And so, against my better judgement, I did. Those books taught me that if I wanted to be more confident, I needed to surround myself with more confident people. If I wanted to be more outgoing, I needed to surround myself with more outgoing people. If I wanted to be a better conversationalist, I needed to surround myself with better conversationalists.I forced myself into situations where I knew I was going to be incredibly uncomfortable. My first foray involved MeetUp, a fantastic website to find groups of people with shared interests.I joined a few of these and showed up. For the first couple, I sat awkwardly in silence and just listened; just waited for people to engage with me. But over time I got more confident and started to spark conversations on my own.Then I joined a local Toastmasters chapter, a group with a singular focus: Public speaking. Both my dream—it’s what I wanted to do with my life—and my nightmare; because, well, people. Talking. Awkward.And I got up and spoke. And I was awkward. And it was a terrible presentation. But I did it. And then I did it again, and I got better.I started going to coffee shops, joining church groups, and just putting myself in situations where I had no choice but to interact with others. And eventually, it stopped feeling as awkward.But the key was stepping outside of my comfort zone. You aren’t going to lessen your awkwardness by hoping and learning; you must take action.It was hard. It was painful. It was highly uncomfortable. It’ll probably be pretty similar for you, and that’s okay: The best things in life are earned through a struggle.All of that said, I’m still kinda awkward. But I like to think it adds to my charm. At least, that’s why my wife tells me. My heart still races when I take a stage or when I go to a party. I’m an introvert, and I own that.But I love people too much to sequester myself away from everyone because I might say something wrong. I have a feeling you just might be the same way.Besides, let me let you in on a little secret: You’re going to say the wrong things. You’re going to do the wrong thing. You’re going to mess up. Especially in the beginning, but even afterwards.And when that happens, I think you’ll be surprised: The world didn’t end. The sky didn’t fall. Life went on. And, if you pay attention, I bet you’ll learn something from the experience to.Are you really still reading? Wow! That’s … Awesome. Thanks for stickin’ around until the end. I hope it was helpful or, at the very least, mildly entertaining. I included Ryan Gosling, just in case. Talk about a failsafe.Anyway, let me leave you with a few links with more actionable advice you might find valuable:How to Avoid Being Socially AwkwardSeven Ways To Overcome Social Awkwardness That You Can Practice Anytime - The Simple DollarMaking Friends Even if You Feel Shy or Socially Awkward7 Techniques for Overcoming Social PhobiaIf you enjoyed this—or, better yet, learned something—don’t forget to leave an upvote so this can signNow more people. And if you want more of the same, check out my profile and leave a “Follow!”

I'd like to tell you about two stories, in brief.My bestfriend fell in love with me 6 months ago. However I did not feel the same, but we continued being bestfriends until things got messed up and right now, we aren't friends anymore.Another story of one of my close friends,He fell in love with his bestfriend, and she felt the same and now they are dating.So you should know that there are two possible outcomes of this situation.There is no right way to say.You just have to man up and tell her, and wait for her response.However, whatever it might be, just know that at the end of the day, she is your BESTFRIEND. And no matter what, you shouldn't leave her just because things are not going the way you want.I'd like to highlight upon the fact that, my bestfriend and I are not friends anymore, and I miss him more than anything and I wish things could go back to how they were. So I really , really hope that even if she doesn't feel the same about you, you still remain friends with her, till the very end.

When someone really loves you, you will find these points in your bond : * He/she cares even about your little things also. * He/she remembers all your things and your schedule and he/she takes interest and feel happy while doing it all. * He/she loves talking to you all the day even he/she will love your non sense talks and acts also. * He/she is loyal with you and always wants you to be around him/her. * He/she respects you and try to talk with you in a impressive manner. * He/she loves to think and talk with you about the beautiful moments you spent together. * He/she shares all his/her dark sides and all the bad moments and use to cry only infront of you. * He/she tries and do everything possible to just make you happy and bring a smile on your face. * He/she can’t listen anything bad about you from anyone. * He/she feels jealous when you hang out with other guys or talk about anyone else with him/her. * You think about his/her presence whenever you are sad or in a bad situation. * You feels like heaven when you are close to him/her and you need him/her every second. * He/she motivates,support and encourages you for your future rather than distracting. * He/she never demands anything from you. He/she only wants your attension and time. * He/she loves to talk about you with others and don’t afraid or embarrass to call you or talk with you infront of public. %3E “Love is all about loyalty, care and growing up together.” Suyash Goyan If you liked my thoughts then please upvote and do read my blog Life design [ https://lifedesigncom.blogspot.com ] . If these all points matches your relation then you are or will be a perfect couple . I wish that all get their true love. ❤ ONLINE STORE - Here is the new online Men’s Fashion Store named as Rockland - The Land of Lifestyle [ https://rocklandshopcom.blogspot.com ] . It contains the best rated products of the best brands from different online stores such as Amazon, Myntra, Jabong, Bewakoof etc. Now no one needs to visit different stores for the best products. Just visit the store Rockland - The Land of Lifestyle [ https://rocklandshopcom.blogspot.com ] . Go and shop for your wanted products like T-shirts & Polos, Shirts, Jeans , loafers , shoes and Watches and click the link directly to the located webpage. Shop now - Rockland - The Land of Lifestyle [ https://rocklandshopcom.blogspot.com ] Thank you !

Maturity...Maturity is what, when you realise that you have got over from your crush. You realise that his/her "last seen" and "status" don't bother you anymore. You don't get goosebumps seeing him/her. You realise that it all wasn't even worth. (Close friend's experience)Maturity is what, when you realise that the number of likes on your profile picture is not that important. You no longer care about the likes and comments.Maturity is what, when you realise that the answer of every "How are you?" is "Fine!".. Because you realise that the question isn't really a question! You everyday come across many people who ask this, but you can't tell your real situation, because you know no-one gives a damn about it. This is just a formality.Maturity is what, when your phone becomes more important than the TV. (Except some of the famous series like Friends)Maturity is what, when you realise that quality of friendship is more important than quantity of friends. You must have got only few friends, but they mean everything to you.Maturity is what, when you realise that the real world is much more beautiful than the virtual world. You enjoy musical chairs and hide & seek more than Facebook and WhatsApp.Maturity is what, when you realise that Quora-ing is more enjoyable than chatting. You don't need to wait for the replies from a known anymore and then end up having your mood wrecked. You can just enjoy an unknown's answer to an unknown's question, and end up making your favorite answer bookmarked. (I bookmark a lot :P)Maturity is what, when you realise that you are strong still, even after seeing your dreams shattered. You know that life isn't that easy as shown in TVs and books. Sometimes, you don't get your dreams come true, but you know that you have to be hard like rock.Maturity is what, when you realise that it is life. You will fall. And you have to get up, yes again! You have to get up again and again and again, till you signNow your destination. Remember Sylvester Stallone's favorite quote! (My personal favorite too)The world ain't all about sunshine and rainbows. Its a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, but it ain't about how hard you are hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving FORWARD. How much you can take and keep moving FORWARD. That's how winning is done! If you know what you are worth, then go out and get what you are worth, but you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers say 'You ain't what you wanna be because of him, or her or anybody. Cowards do that, and that ain't you! You're better than that!!(You can read my answer on What are some examples of people who never gave up in life?)Maturity is what, when you realise that moving on is the only method to survive in this world. Be it a heartbreak or a professional failure, you have to move on from that sh*t. You can't screw few more moments of your life thinking about few bad past memories.Maturity is what, when you realise that you don't give a damn sh*t to what people think about you. You just don't care, so do they.Maturity is what, when you realise that you value yourself more than anybody else. Only you are gonna stay with you in your hard times, no one else; not even your close friends.Maturity is what, when you realise that you don't write answers for views and upvotes anymore. You are more into sharing your experiences. (But yes, these do motivate :P)Maturity is not just what I wrote above. It is a way more than that. Its more like experiencing it, rather than learning about it.These were few of my personal and closed one's experiences. Will be glad to know yours :)More points are warmly welcomed :)Few more:Maturity is what, when you realise the importance of your words. You know when to be silent and when to speak up. (Credit: Pratik Thacker). You choose to be silent to an egoistic enemy at your professional place, who is yelling at you, with no reason. And you choose to speak when someone starts taking your silence for granted, and thinking it to be your weakness.Maturity is what, when you realise that its all okay for not getting blue double tick on your message instantly on WhatsApp even when the other person is online. You no longer make issues over such small things. Its just normal for you.This answer can continue..Some more (5th Jan 2017):Maturity is what, when you realise that you were hurt yesterday, you cried all night in your cubicle, and the world didn’t even get to know. You don’t put those gloomy words on your status anymore, publicizing your pain, because you now know that no-one other than you can help.Maturity is what, when you choose responsibilities over desires. You prefer going with your mother for grocery shopping than enjoying with your girlfriend.Maturity is what, when you meet everybody with a big smile. You understand that line “Everyone is fighting their own battles”.While replying to a comment on this answer today, I realised that Maturity is limitless. You can approach it. But you can’t signNow it.

If you're an introvert, you do these things :You love being inside the four walls of your room without wanting to go out for hours.You avoid eye contact with most people while talking to them.You have very few friends with whom you are very open but avoid making new ones.You go out for morning walk to enjoy the nature rather than to actually exercise.When you are on a vacation, you enjoy things that others don't. You observe more than anyone else.Out in the mall, when you see someone who knows you, you start going in the opposite direction to avoid meeting him/her.You are reading books on weekends.You are SUPER crazy about correctness of grammer.You have an insecurity somewhere in your heart (regarding anything - looks, height, career, relationships etc.), but you are perfectly able to hide it from others.You are less fearless than others. But you do know the line between confidence and overconfidence.You tend to daydream more than others. You love the virtual world you have created.You are egoistic. You deny that.You don't worry much about fashion.You are always thinking about something. Many times, you think more than necessary. You can sometimes be very optimistic but adhere to pessimism at other times.You are often fighting with the personalities within yourself.You tend to get depressed more than others. Sometimes you care about things too much and end up hurting your own image in yourself.You never ask your crush out. That ‘taking the time’ phase does not end.When someone asks you out, you first think “S/He is surely kidding. All this is a prank. How can someone like me?”If you are in a relationship, you would do anything that makes your partner happy. That includes giving up some of your introverted nature.You avoid parties altogether; or make sure you have a way out.You are not lazy, you are just not interested at all.You avoid reading WhatsApp messages especially fron those not so close to you, so that you remain unseen.You, VERRRRYYYY rarely, post or share anything on Facebook.You are amazingly talented, but prefer to practice it all alone inside your room. You’re actually afraid of being harshly judged.You have a concept of religion that no one else has.You do not want to share your Playlist, as your choices are very different from those of others.You always prefer e-mail over calling.Your heartbeats race when the phone rings. If the doorbell rings, you get a heart attack.You use ANONYMITY for writing answers on Quora :)

I don’t have an answer, but someone else here does.This is David Goggins. He’s the toughest man alive.There’s no doubt about it. Goggins is the only member of the US Armed Forces to complete SEAL training, US Army Ranger School, and Air Force Tactical Air Controller training.Any of those accomplishments alone would have been impressive, but that’s not all.He’s also the current Guinness record holder for the most number of pull-ups done in 24 hours. Alongside that record are multiple first-place finishes at the most brutal ultra-endurance events, which attracts the toughest competitors from around the world.How does someone consistently push himself to his physical and mental limits all the time?Let’s find out.Lesson 1: Purpose Trumps MotivationDavid Goggins doesn’t believe in motivation. In his own words, “Motivation is crap. Motivation comes and goes.”Purpose, on the other hand, is something that Goggins can get behind.After some of his fellow SEALs were killed in a military operation, Goggins signed up for the San Diego One Day, where he needed to run 100 miles to qualify for future ultramarathons. His intention was to raise money for the Special Operations Warrior Foundation.The problem?Goggins hadn’t put on running shoes at all in the past year. He was not a runner. Weighing anywhere from 240 – 270 lbs, he was more into powerlifting than anything else. Armed with a folding chair and a bag of crackers, Goggins entered the race.He would pay dearly for his lack of preparation.Through sheer force of will, Goggins made it to the 70-mile mark. But the process had been brutal.He had broken all the metatarsal bones in his feet. There were stress fractures, shin splints, and muscles tearing. He was peeing blood down his leg because he couldn’t make it to a toilet 20 feet from him.Even after finishing Navy SEAL and Ranger school training, the 100-mile race was the toughest challenge Goggins had faced yet. He was on the brink of death, he didn’t quit. He went on slowly to finish the race, finishing the 100 miles well within the allocated 24 hours.How did he do it? Was it the mental strength that came from his cause? It would seem that way, but that’s not what really happened:“Everyone asks me, were you thinking about the guys that died at that time? I’m not gonna lie; I wasn’t. This became a personal thing, this became me against this race; me against the kids that called me nigger; me against me. It just became something I took so violently personal.”Pain obliterates our ability to think and function. But David Goggins was fuelled by a purpose greater than himself, something more compelling than that pain.It turns out that you can still keep going if you have such a purpose.Lesson 2: Deconstruct ThingsSo how exactly did Goggins power through the remaining 30 miles?“I broke this thing down into small pieces. I said I got to get nutrition; I got to be able to stand up before I can go through the 30 miles […] I taped up my ankles, and then my feet, and that’s how I got through that race”It’s an experience the SEAL would likely never forget.This lesson of mental deconstruction has its roots in a process that all Navy SEALs must go through — hell week. It’s the toughest period of SEAL training; trainees are put through 125 hours of continuous training, and typically get only two hours of sleep during that period. They’re constantly cold, wet, and miserable.The idea is to drain the trainees physically and mentally, and then see what sort of decisions they make. Instructors do their best to make trainees ring the bell, which is used to announce that they’re quitting. Nobody holds back here.David Goggins went through 3 hell weeks — all in a span of a year.Rolled over from his previous two classes first due to illness and then to injury, he was given one last chance to complete SEAL training. Goggins did just that, focusing on one challenge at a time. He would eventually graduate in this final attempt.Broken down into small pieces, there’s no obstacle that is insurmountable. We find that there’s always step that’s actionable. Add up the small bits, and we would’ve accomplished something we never thought possible.One step at a time is how 100-mile marathons get completed.Lesson 3: Remember The 40% RuleUnbeknownst to Goggins, Jesse Itzler was participating in the same San Diego One Day race as well. The only difference was that he had participated with a six-man relay team.Intrigued by how Goggins had manically completed the race despite his brutal injuries, Itzler invited the SEAL to live with him for a month. He wanted to learn more about the man that had finished a race despite being so ill-prepared. Goggins agreed with one condition: Itzler would do anything he said, no matter what.On the first day, Itzler was made to do a hundred pull-ups.Itzler did eight on his first set, then six, and then fewer still. His arms were aching, but Goggins wouldn’t relent. He stood and watched as Itzler struggled, doing one pull-up at a time.Itzler would finish his repetitions. As he recalls in Living with a Seal:“He [Goggins] showed me, proved to me right there that there was so much more, we’re all capable of so much more than we think we are. […] He would say that when your mind is telling you you’re done, you’re really only 40 percent done”Research suggests that statement – the 40% rule – has some truth. We are often physically more capable than we perceive ourselves to be. For instance, researchers found that subjects who were given a placebo but told it was caffeine were able to lift signNowly more weight than those who were really given caffeine.There’s a reserve tank within us that we never really tap on. Only by pushing ourselves to our limits — and then breaking them — can we signNow our full potential.Lesson 4: Mental VisualisationDavid Goggins believes that he’s the toughest man on the planet. He thinks that he can complete virtually any task set before him.He probably can. But the point is that you have to see yourself accomplishing something before it really happens. The mind has to conceive it before the body can achieve it.The question he asks himself in times of struggle contains only two simple words: “what if?”When he first walked into the Navy SEAL recruiter’s office, Goggins was told that there were only 35 African-Americans in the past 70 years who had made it through. Goggins asked himself — “what if I could be the 36th?”These days, he asks himself the same question whenever he’s struggling through a run. It’s this question that helps him get through when his body and mind are broken and begging for him to stop.Seeing himself succeed and do the impossible gives him the shivers. That drives him to attack every day and challenge with a vengeance.Lesson 5: Use Your Cookie JarGoggins has a secret weapon that he calls upon when he’s about to break.Like many others, he has a cookie jar that he signNowes into for the occasional treat. But this jar doesn’t contain any of the things you might typically find; there are no Oreos or Chips Ahoy cookies in there.Instead, it contains every setback he has overcome. He’ll remember that he’s a Navy SEAL, who’s completed hell week three times. He’ll remind himself that he’s been through this pain before – and survived. The obstacle in front of him is nothing compared to what he has faced.“Even the toughest man, in times of suffering, we forget how tough we really are”Goggins never dwells on his accomplishments. The only time he revisits them is when he needs extra fuel for a push he’s making. He allows himself to signNow into his cookie jar only when there’s a need. It’s never a treat.In contrast, I often find myself admiring a piece of work I’ve done that I’m particularly pleased with. Like many others who do this, it’s ego that’s being stroked here.We would accomplish so much more if we spent our time doing the work, and then occasionally looking back at how far we’ve come. The cookie jar should be used for fuel, and not a distraction.Lesson 6: Be Willing To SufferYou wouldn’t know it, but Goggins hates running.He hates it with a passion. Growing up, Goggins has always been on the larger side. He loved powerlifting and had the physique to show for it. But in the world of Ultra, such a large frame is virtually unheard of. It was just inefficient to move that much weight over such long distances.Goggins knew he was going to suffer — that was precisely his plan. That was the only way he was going to raise enough funds for the Special Operations Warrior Foundation.“People respond to pain. If I go out and wash cars for $10, who gives a damn? People want to see you throw up, cry and go through tremendous suffering.”But for David Goggins, suffering is not just about raising funds. As he says: “suffering is the true test of life”.Goggins isn’t training just for a race. He’s training for the tragedies that inevitably strike each and every one of us. He does this so he doesn’t fall apart if he gets the 2 A.M. call from the hospital informing him that his mother has passed away.In other words, David Goggins is the modern day stoic. But unlike the ancient philosophers who advised that we should periodically embrace suffering, Goggins has actually made suffering a habit.Strengthen your mind and your resolve by voluntarily putting yourself through situations in which you struggle. Callus your mind the same way you do your hands. Take the path of most resistance every day of your life.That’s how David Goggins has become the toughest man alive. And according to him, the happiest as well:“Having lived the life I’ve lived, and having seen the other side, not being afraid to attack what was in front of me, has made me happy.”Physical LimitationsHere comes the kicker.Up until 2010, David Goggins had been living with an undetected congenital heart defect, which essentially left him with a hole in his heart.The condition leaves his heart functioning only at 75 percent capacity and typically prevents people from engaging in activities such as scuba diving or anything at high altitude.And yet, David Goggins has led an exemplary military career, with multiple athletic achievements in his name.It’s absurd what he’s been able to do despite the numerous disadvantages he was saddled with.Perhaps some of us are wired differently. Maybe he isn’t human at all.Or maybe, we just need to leave our excuses at the door.

I had to speak at TEDxSanDiego and five minutes before I went up I left the building and wasn’t planning on coming back.Speaking before me was the amazing Gabrielle Ury. Differently-abled from birth, I was crying by the end of her talk of resilience.I was the last speaker. And then after me was the San Diego ballet.HELP! I was sandwiched between the two most amazing events in the world.I was going to go on stage and die.I walked around the block. I walked again. I went back into the hall.“Where were you!?”They wired me up. Everyone in the crowd was crying because of Gabrielle.“Congrats,” I said to Gabrielle and she ran into her dad’s arms and cried.Then I had to speak in front of 5,000 people. I threw up in my mouth a little I was so scared. Then I walked onto the stage:One time my company had just been bought by a much bigger one. I had to speak at their annual event.If I bombed the talk, then they would regret buying me (and the final check hadn’t come through yet).Well, I said, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve ruined my life. But I was terrified.I had just gotten a divorce.I was on a date.We had spoken before the date. We had met on a website and she wanted to make sure I wasn’t a weirdo. We spoke and it was like we knew each other forever.We went on the date. Before the date I did the below technique for four hours.I was scared to death. I hadn’t been on a “date” with a stranger in about ten years.It was the same terror I felt before public speaking.I did the below technique I describe for public speaking. In the middle of the date she went to the bathroom and I texted my friend, ‘I’m going to kiss her’”.And I did, and it worked, and we began dating, and we saw each other again and again and again and each time I used the techniques below.She was a therapist. I lived in the Chelsea Hotel. She said to me, “If you live in a hotel, it means you’re not ready to have roots.”I said, “But I lived in this hotel for four years BEFORE I got married. This IS my roots.” Doesn’t matter.I moved into a real apartment. And then we broke up. A week later she wrote to me, “As a therapist, I can tell you that you need serious help.”Nevertheless, the public speaking tips worked. But I was insecure and scared and I did need help.Serious help.Before going to every party, before going on a date. Before going to a meeting. Before giving a talk. Before doing standup.I watch comedians. I’ve been doing this for 12 years. EVERY SINGLE DATE. EVERY PARTY. EVERY TALK. EVERY MEETING.I am going on a podcast today. “Impact Theory”. I highly recommend this podcast done by my friend, Tom Bilyeu.I’m nervous. But I will still do this technique. I will watch standup comedians on youtube along the way.Why comedians?A) The best comedians are the best public speakers. They know how to make a solid premise that everyone can relate to in as few words as possible.They then know how to “pull the rabbit out of a hat”. Surprise! A punch line that reverses the premise or underlines it in some unique way. The best comedians use laughter as the vehicle to deliver a unique thought. A new way of looking at life.B) They know how to Act.A good comic will “act out” a joke. Play voices. Give a visual image of the idea they are trying to convey.Even the best public speakers rarely do this. But comedians ALWAYS do it.Since starting standup comedy (I perform 3–4x a week for the past 4–5 years) my public speaking skills have gone up 10x.C) They are fearless.Comedians commit to the joke, commit to the act, commit to the outrageousness not matter how scary it seems.Commitment to the moment, no matter how scary, is part of the micro-skill tool kit of the best comedians. Think of Gilbert Gottfried in his filthy joke “The Aristocrats” or Andy Samberg in his Harvard Commencement Speech.(watch this for commitment).Or TJ Miller at the Critics Choice Awards when he runs into the audience and nobody knows what he is doing but he runs from person to person making jokes with people.D) They are modern day philosophers.The worst comedians go on stage with their jokes. The jokes are funny. They get people to laugh.They have premise, then punchline, then some acting-out, then maybe a continuation punch line.Ok.But they say nothing meaningful.This is what separates the D- comedians from the A+ comedians.From Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Dave Chappelle to many many others I can list, comedians have become our modern day philosophers;. Is it crazy to say Dave Chappele is a Socrates? Yes it is. But it’s true.E) They are funny.The average child laughs 300 times a day. The average adult…5 times a day. FIVE TIMES.We lose the ability to laugh as an adult. Or we have too many responsibilities and stresses.And yet laughter is shown to be a natural medicine. It reduces stress. it’s anti-inflammatory. It’s blah blah blah. It’s great.Also, people remember what is said immediately after they laugh.And, finally, laughter increases oxytocin, the “pairing” neurochemical. So this great on a date.(neurochemicals released upon laughter)F) A great comedian has his or her own unique voice.The great comedians have a unique take on society, people, relationships, creativity, politics, observation of the absurd, and a perspective on how to live life.Not that they live exemplary lives. But they have a unique voice and all creative should develop one. Artists, writers, speakers, businessmen, parents, people.If you are just starting standup comedy, don’t think about jokes. Think about what ideas and perspectives you have that are unique.Make a joke around those.Example: I saw Chappelle at Radio Music Hall. One time he said, “We call Caitlyn Jenner when she changed her name, but we threw Mohammed Ali in jail.”That was his joke. It’s not even funny. And there’s no punchline. And maybe it’s not quite accurate. But it’s an interesting point about race and gender and identity politics and worth thinking about.Everyone laughed. Not because it was funny. But because Dave Chappele said it and then he laughed and he backed up a little and leaned down and hit his knee with the mic and laughed more.He taught us to laugh at that joke so the entire audience did because we were under his control.This is a great public speaker.G) Mirror NeuronsIf I want to learn how to climb a ladder, I won’t climb one. I’m afraid of heights.I’ll watch you climb one.My mirror neurons kick in, at least for awhile, and now I know how to climb a ladder.When I watch great comedians, for a short time, I can “inherit” their skills and perform, speak, talk at a party, overcome being an introvert, be courageous on a date, or in a negotiation.This has saved my life 100s of times.(watching Gilbert gives me confidence and permission to be as silly and outrageous as possible).H) Ability to ObserveA “civilian” walks into a pizza place and eats a pizza.A comedian might walk into the same pizza place, notice it’s run by four African-American women and wonder if he’s racist for noticing that. (Louis CK’s SNL Monologue).They observe everything. They try to find the strange and unusual in everything.Seinfeld made observational humor famous. But all comedians have developed a sixth sense for observing the absurd.I was doing a podcast with TJ Miller. I asked, “how do you find the absurd.”He said, “We can sit here and talk about the weeds of comedy or I can point out how this table we are talking is like a big table for a doll’s house, the wallpaper in this club is like out of ‘The Shining’, why are these mics so big when we are right next to each other, and you should put chicken bones in your hair and let them fall out in front of people.”Look around you every moment. Find the absurd.The “Absurdity Muscle” is important to exercise every day.I) LikabilityYou won’t laugh or pay attention to someone (particularly a comedian) if you don’t like them.The best comedians have the skill of making an audience of diverse strangers like them in a matter of seconds.If all I can do is learn this skill from watching how comedians do it, then this is a great skill to have.J) MAGICComedians pull the rabbit out of the hat.They say something to create tension. The entire audience looks up. Tense.Then the comedians release the tension in unexpected ways.This is how we, as a species, practice unsafe or tense situations.This is great public speaking.Learning how to get people to LOOK UP when everyone is looking down at their phones is the most valuable skill.I’m an introvert. I’m shy. I re-energize by myself.I started doing standup myself to get even better at so many other ancillary skills (public speaking, idea generation, observing, negotiating, selling, likability, frame control, etc).Always go to the place least crowded.The place most crowded is the comfort zone. Because it’s comfortable!It’s so hard. I hate it. But I watch these comedians. And I do it.[NOTE: Everyone should have their own list. I am a man so that skews my list.]A) LOUIS CK:One of the deepest thinkers out there.He knows exactly what words to express, to pause on, to look around on, to bring the audience in.He knows how to create a premise in as few words as possible.He knows how to act out the roles of every participant in a story.He knows the arc of a story and tells it in each joke.He can see the absurd with x-ray vision.He can say something hateful and two seconds later bring the audience on the ride with him.B) DAVE CHAPPELLEThe master story teller.He speaks in joke.But he’s not just saying dumb one liners I see from so many comics.He tells a story about his life that is meaningful and deep and changes the perspective of the listeners.PLUS, he’s INSANELY likable. Watch his comedy as a teenager. Watch his recent Netflix specials 30 years later. It’s insane how he’s held on to that likability despite his successes.C) JEROD CARMICHAELThe master of communicating a message while at the same time acting as if he’s trying to figure it out right there, on the stage, with the audience.His delivery, his pace, has created his own unique style. I watched his special “8” at least 40 times. Directed by Bo Burnham.D) BO BURNHAMMaster of the surprise. He is a performer’s performer. Watching him and I learn how to create surprise out of every opportunity.Plus, it’s such a pleasure to see raw genius in action.(the Bo Burnham Kanye West rant is genius in action)E) GILBERT GOTTFRIEDYes, Gilbert Gottfried.He’s only been doing standup comedy for FIFTY YEARS.He is so silly. He commits so hard to his persona. Even absorbing one percent of his skill frees me from all conventions when dealing with others: from a negotiation to the most serious talk.I never took him seriously before.Now he is the only MUST-WATCH comedian before every thing I do that requires courage with a dash of the silly and absurd.F) ANDY SAMBERGNot a traditional standup comedian.But I have watched his Harvard Commencement speech a million times.I’ve watched it before every talk I have ever given in the past 3 years.Every time you think he’s about to get serous, he takes another swerve into the ludicrous.And he never stops. It’s like watching the movie Inception. You never get back to reality. And then you realize suddenly that’s where the message is. That’s where the art is. That’s where the courage is.And he's funny.G) DREW MICHAELMaybe the smartest comedian out there.I watch him for the depth of his thoughts. And the insane way he delivers his perspective.I also like that Jerrod Carmichael directed his recent HBO special. I like how all of these standup comedians are growing up together, helping each other out. That, by itself, is a lesson.Drew comes off as angry, but then you realize the compassion underneath that, when mixed together, creates his likability and humor and perspective.H) ANTHONY JESELNIKImagine being arrogant, abrasive, and insulting, every second of a comedy hour.And the entire time the audience LOVES you and every minute of it.Jeselnik is THE master of timing and delivery. Nobody does it better. And his ability to play an unlikable persona that is extremely likable is key.I) BONNIE MCFARLANEShe goes back and forth between multiple persona in a single joke.She told me: always try to start with a premise that is funny. That makes it easier to make a punch line.So: instead of saying, “Busses are crazy” [premise]. The premise might be “My therapist is a refugee from ISIS”. (Dealing with housewives complaining about how to decorate their houses, etc).J) TONY ROCKHe gave me two pieces of writing advice:write down all the important events in your life.write five sub-points between each itemfind the punchlines.He also said,“If you have writer’s block, take on the perspective of someone else and write a routine for that person”.So when he had writer’s block he wrote an entire 60 minute special for an Eddie Murphy comeback (when he described it, it was hilarious). I don’t know if he’s ever approached Murphy with it.K) TJ MILLERWatch his special “Meticulously Ridiculous”. His joke, “8 reasons I don’t give a ***”.He told me, “I am the hardest working comedian out there. It’s amazing to me how many people feel entitled to results but don’t put the work in.”He showed me his calendar. He was performing at SEVEN different comedy clubs that very night.This is a small list. It’s not a list in any order. It’s not a top 10. I could keep going:Marina Franklin, Michelle Wulf, Chris Rock (study his movement on stage), Jim Norton (ultimate vulnerability), Sebastian Maniscalco (mastery of persona), Geno Bisonte (laughs per minute), Aaron Berg (laughs per minute.), Ashley Morris, Greer Barnes, Allan Havey, Todd Barry (crowd work), Judah Friedlander (crowd work), Sherrod Small (calling out what the audience is thinking), Sarah Silverman (likability, combines innocence with sharpness), Gary Gulman (the master of joke writing), Jim Gaffigan (vulnerability, taking every day like and piercing through to the funny), Rich Vos (delivery, observation, fearlessness), Godfrey (sheer intelligence, turning “extreme alpha maleness” into funny), Steven Wright (dryness and one liners), Mike Biribiglia (master of story telling while still punctuated with punchlines), Neal Brennan (the brilliance of his special “Three Mics”), Seinfeld (master of observation), Larry David (observer of the absurd), and this list is only limited by my faulty memory.——The other day I had to perform for 20 minutes.I watched Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, Jerrod Carmichael, Drew Michael, Todd Barry, Aaron Berg (who was performing right after me), Geno Bisconte, Judah Friedlander, Steven Wright, Mitch Hedberg.I went to the club.Some of the comedians were too lazy to even memorize their jokes. They had their notes on stage with them and they would say things like, “Well that joke didn’t work!”To me, that’s not comedy. I can watch that on YouTube. Comedy at a comedy club is humor + experience. Not just humor.And I don’t want to know that I am just there for them to practice ‘jokes’.I wanted to see the comics with real perspective. I wanted to be challenged.I was scared, though. And when I went on stage, I ended up doing NONE of the material I had prepared.The audience was 90% from other countries. (It was Thanksgiving Day in the US).I pretended that we (the audience and me) were the UN and that we would solve each country’s problems. Everyone in the audience told me what country they were from and I “solved” their problems in ludicrous ways.I stood on the bannister surrounding the stage so it would appear like I was looming over the audience.It was fun for me. “The party is where I am at!” is what I always tell myself. You’re just invited.Tomorrow I have to give a talk at a conference. Wish me luck!

Saying "no" unskillfully nearly cost me my life. I was trained to be firm and calm; to repeat "no" as many times as necessary until the boundary was made clear. "No," they said, "is a complete sentence." One of the things we teach, in my job with court-mandated clients, is discipline, and one of the ways we do this is by enforcing punctuality. On a summer afternoon, 15 minutes into a process group, a young stranger threw open the door and walked in. He was short, maybe 5' 1, and pale. His pants hung low on his hips and, looking back, he was too confident for someone wearing a plaid golf cap too big for his head. I asked him to step outside with me - as was company policy - to explain how to attend a make-up activity and send him on his way. I was half standing when he said, "No. I'm staying." He was physically in front of the closed door. "You can come back next week, but I can't allow you to attend today." "You will let me attend today." "No, I can not." After several long minutes of back and forth I finally said. "I can't allow you to attend, but I am not going to physically force you out the door. You will be getting no credit for today. You need to leave." I sat back down with the group. "What's a situation in your life when someone wouldn't take 'no' for an answer?" I asked. After five more minutes of being ignored he left, and the group continued. An hour later the group was over and I was standing outside my office talking to a client. One of the group members came running down the hall, eyes wide. "Diane! Don't go outside! He's waiting for you in the parking lot with a gun!" Long story short, he didn't shoot me or anyone else. By the time the authorities arrived he was gone. When we realized he wasn't in my paperwork and the clients who reported him melted away at the mention of the police I started shaking so much I had to sit down. The officer taking the report said, "People like this make a couple mortal enemies every day. Lay low for a bit and he'll quickly forget you in his rage at the checker in the grocery store." I found this equally distressing and comforting. I went to visit my godparents in the mountains. I refused the gun they offered when it was time to go home. I got and still keep big dogs at my house. For the next several months I scanned the faces of the hundreds of clients I passed in the halls at work. He showed up occasionally in my dreams, or his hat did at least, because in my memory I still can't see his face. One of my friends makes me laugh when he says the state motto of Arizona is "An armed society is a polite society." So, all this to say, here's how I've learned to say no: "I wish...but..." * "I wish I could let you into group late, but the state law says we can't." * "I wish I could include your ideas in my next workshop, but the curriculum is already worked out." * "I wish that I could lend you $100, but I am short this month." When things are intense I add "and" to the mix. * "I wish I could have you stay on my couch, but my home is my refuge and I need my quiet time." * "I wish I could just let you in this one time, but the law is really clear and I'd lose my job." If it gets emotional or extreme, I load on validation and send them somewhere for more help. * I know, it's awful. You came a long way and the bus was late, and if I could I would SO break the rules for you. Maybe you can head up to the front office and see about setting up a make up group right after group next week." "No," some people say, "is a complete sentence." It is; it's just not always the best sentence for the job. Image: Plaid Golf Cap Hat [ http://www.etsy.com/listing/79960122/plaid-golf-cap-hat ]