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well hello lovely humans and welcome back to another episode hello lovely humans and welcome back to another episode of jamie sits on the ground and talks about pre-wedding parties uh if you are if you're watching this video and you're new to my channel hi my name is jamie wolfer and i am a wedding planner here uh based in central texas that's the first time i was able to say that that's very exciting but if you've been following along for a little bit then you know that my family and i have moved from southern california to central texas and things are a bit crazy right now so this is not our normal like standard setup again i searched for uh one of the cuter uh more set up corners in my home and threw together this lighting situation so i don't even know if it's gonna drive me nuts in post editing but this is this is this is where we're at okay so at least we're here at least we're coming in hot with some more pre-wedding party tips and of course if you're interested you can follow my family's journey here or you can follow me here you get some options if you just kind of want to stay tuned on what's happening in my personal life um but that does mean that we are now opening a second branch in central texas as well in case you missed the announcement video we will still be working in california and now in texas as well as around the nation and internationally as well and in this week's edition of pre-wedding parties we are talking about the bachelor and bachelorette weekends yes my friends it is time it is time that we sat down and we chatted about these without further ado let's just jump right on into it so i just want to kick off today's video with um this big blanket disclaimer you guys know me you know i love my disclaimers because i don't want you all at me in the comments a bachelor and or bachelorette weekend has a very stereotypical vibe and or thought process and or mood um to it and i'm here to give you permission that you do not have to do that traditional stereotypical idea okay if that is not your speed don't do it you definitely don't have to the beautiful part about weddings and wedding planning and engagements these days is so many of us are veering away from what we perceive the traditional thing to be and kind of creating our own style along the way so that's my general blanket disclaimer to you well that being said there are a couple things that tend to happen so these are good rules of thumb to put together whatever event you want to now again typically it's not the couple planning this but a member of the wedding party so again in this week's video i'm gonna talk directly to wedding party people you know who you are you know where you're at or maybe you're a member of a couple and you're like i'ma take notes and then shove this in my best friend's face and be like here's all the stuff that you need to do i'm here for it okay we got some options we have five freedom one two three four five five steps that you should take to planning the perfect bachelor and or bachelorette event first and foremost talk to the couple okay because what you have in your brain for this day or this evening or this weekend full of festivities may not be even remotely close to what they have in their brains so you're going to need to have just like a nice little sit down to be like so what are we looking for and there are a couple points that you're going to want to clarify one what do they want the vibe to be you know maybe it's um the flamingo what is it las flamingo let's flamingo i don't know i'm i'm an old lady at heart there's a ton of cute theming out there there's a ton of great ideas but check in with the couple to see if they have any concept or any kind of theme in mind or maybe they're like you know what no i don't even want to be dealing with the theme of this weekend i'm gonna leave that in your hands and then you can kind of come up with a cute theme for it but it's always a good idea to check in with them first two how crazy do they want it to be because there is this like general idea you all know exactly what i'm talking about of this crazy bachelor weekend that is the the idea of a bachelor and or bachelorette party just go and hog wild that is so loud thanks moving into a new house is fun uh because then your husband has lots of projects to do and then forgets that you're filming and then decides to use his nailer on the the room right next to you i think we're talking about point number two i'm not entirely sure basically you're gonna want to check in for like the level of crazy that they want uh because we all know what the quintessential stereotypical idea is of an event like this and that is not everyone's vibe have you seen the hangover have you seen bridesmaids like there's this concept just out there everywhere that it's supposed to be this hog wild weekend where a lot of hilarity and potentially inappropriateness ensues that could potentially be like the craziness level of the couple that you're planning this for okay like that could very well be like this is what they want out of that weekend but also bear in mind there's a lot of people that do not want that and that's why it's important in this first step to have these conversations and ask specifically like how hog wild do you want this to get like how how crazy do you want to be tamed do you want to be like medium high medium low like use stove top temperatures to gauge the crazy level all right but bear in mind again that this is what they want and not what you want or you think they might want okay there is a difference unless they say don't ask me questions just plan it ask questions the third thing that you're gonna wanna ask about is how many days do they want this to be some couples prefer a one day thing like literally let's go get some nails done let's go to a spa and get massages let's go shopping and then have dinner and call it a day other people want a full weekend shindig i want you taking off work on friday and we are gonna party up until sunday night okay like we are doing three days of fun all right fun fun but you do need to check with the couple first because if you're getting ready to plan like a three or four day weekend and they're like i'm not i can't i can't take off that much work i can't request that much time or i'm really not interested in being the center of attention for three full days no gracias then that is something that you need to honor so you kind of need to know beforehand just generally how long they want this to go on for and lastly do they want to do a weekend or a day like this together it doesn't have to be bachelorette and bachelor weekend i will say that's what my husband and i did and i really preferred it that way i wanted a weekend out of town with my girlfriends that's exactly what i wanted i did not want the guys coming and crashing our party i just wanted to be just me and my pals and i wanted them to do their own thing however the couple that you're helping plan this for may want to do something together or maybe everyone goes to the same place for the weekend and you guys meet up for dinner or drinks one or two of the days that you're there you've got some options here but some couples actually really like spending a lot of time together so for parties and festivities like this they wouldn't mind linking up or hanging out or all going to the same airbnb so have that as a part of the conversation as well step number two please remember that this is a group effort while they have selected you because you know them really well and they trust you to pull this off that definitely doesn't mean you have to do everything by yourself you should lean heavily on the other members of the wedding party to help you pull this off and that means stuff like divvying up responsibilities and being open to other people's ideas now because you've already had that initial conversation with the couple though you can then tell people if they have an idea that doesn't fit the vibe or the mood of what the couple actually wants you can say hey i actually talked to them about that and they don't want that for this weekend so i love that idea perhaps we can incorporate it in a slightly different way so it better fits the vibe in the mood of what they're looking for so that way you can kind of filter out some of the requests because you definitely already chatted with them about it so you know exactly what they're looking for but also be open to ideas while you are spearheading this weekend it is not all on your shoulders both the responsibilities and the ideas now because you are the one running it it is a good idea to be organized that means potentially throwing something together like a group chat or a group email a way to kind of centralize all of the communications so everyone is there in the same place that also means something that i talked about last week for the wedding shower is um a collective pinterest board now i've been a bridesmaid at a wedding where we had a private pinterest board so the bride couldn't see what we were planning and that was really fun because it was a way for us to all collectively like come up with a plan and then when i didn't have enough stuff i went to the gal who was planning everything and said hey what else can i do and she literally just sent me pins she's like can you do these and it was a great way for us to uh all be on the same page visually you can also use google drive and google spreadsheets to track the finances of things um who's paid who has yet to pay i would say as like a attacked an appropriateness thing um don't include the couple on that spreadsheet if possible for the most part couples don't need to know what everyone is paying and who has or has not paid because we are putting together this event just to celebrate them let's try to keep them out of the stressful like money side of things if possible and like we talked about in the wedding shower video uh you probably will need to create some lists um some checklists of sorts so you can like check things off the list as they're getting done that is personally for sure me i'm a checklist person at my core i will literally write something down on my list just so i can check it off so i have another thing like completed so if that's not your vibe you might need to figure out doing a checklist at least just for this one event or weekend and you're also probably gonna need to follow up some people because we've all done group projects we all know there's one person okay just like one maybe two people that you're like hey is your stuff done because it's time to turn it in can you can you just hand me your stuff please so i don't have to stay up till midnight doing your part okay thank you step number three and this is gonna kind of go against planning up all the details and stuff but like don't feel like you have to plan everything you do not need to have an itemized itinerary i don't care if it's one day three days or a whole week vacation you do not need to plan everything some of the best moments for bachelor and bachelorette weekends are unplanned like i will say for my uh for my bachelorette weekend we actually went to vegas and i had never been there before so it was my first time i'm definitely not the type to like go vegas crazy for sure um but i just never been so it was really really fun for us and we had one night where we had something planned and one night where we didn't and the first night was the one where we had nothing planned well guess what it turned out to be the more fun night of the two because we ended up getting into a bar and they got us hooked up with bottle service for free and we were super pumped we didn't even plan it and it was like this is great yeah now i make myself sound like a wild child but i think i think you all know me enough by now to know that i am not no be sure to carve out some time to simply lay by the pool or go play in the water if you're near a place that has that you can also carve out some time to wander around some shops i know a lot of people in california will oftentimes go to palm springs which is a great place to host an event or host a weekend like this and it's real hot outside and i know a lot of you do live in hot locations so laying by the pool for hours and hours and hours on end may not be logical because you might fry your skin to a crisp which is not ideal not not not ideal so you might want to find an air conditioned place where you can just kind of go in and wander around maybe you guys all uh just shop around for accessories for going out later that night um or you just go get some froyo and hang out it doesn't all have to be planned out you will however want to plan games and or meals if you're bringing food and or planning activities you're gonna want to include those in the whole group effort section that we just covered a second ago which means i probably should have mentioned it during that time let's let's pretend like we're going back in time number two group effort be sure to divvy up food and games and add that to your checklist okay great now when it comes to the not planning everything side of things you can just say you know one night we're gonna go out for dinner or one night we're gonna order postmates and it doesn't have to be perfectly defined but you just know what is going to be happening that evening and how you guys are getting sustenance number four money you're gonna you gotta talk about it you gotta talk about the money we touched on this a little bit but be aware of surmounting costs being a member of a wedding party is very expensive or it can be very expensive it might be a good idea to see what people's budgets are for a weekend like this before planning everything out um i don't know if you guys are friends fans but i most certainly am love me some friends uh there's this one episode where the six of them go out to dinner and it's a fancy restaurant and joey rachel and phoebe get like the teeny tiny salad you know what i'm talking about um and the other three get these lavish meals and then they decide that they're gonna split it six ways evenly um and joey rachel and phoebe are like what this that's not fair tony's through it you know and they say something along the lines of like well we just didn't think money was a problem we didn't think about it and i think it's rachel that goes that's because you have it and the three that ordered the lavish meals just weren't aware uh that the other three literally ordered next to nothing food wise because they couldn't afford it that's a very very long story but thank you for indulging my friend's obsession and letting that out a little bit not everyone's gonna be able to afford everything and that is a very difficult and very sensitive conversation to have so it may be a good idea to individually ask each person what's a budget that you can work with for this weekend um not a group chat but individually just so everyone feels safe to share an amount with you and do your best to come up with a plan for that entire amount most people do it in reverse they plan the weekend first they come up with a total and then they tell everyone what their total is you can do it either way but just remember especially during times when people may not have a job right now or maybe a lot more difficult to just kind of splurge on this kind of stuff um to to be honoring of that an app and have those conversations first also bear in mind that a lot of these events and or weekends the wedding party will take care of the couple's cost as well so nothing comes out of the couple's pocket that may be the case with you guys that is more often than not what does happen so you will need to build that into the cost as well this is where google drive and those spreadsheets come in super handy because then you can just like use the formulas and do all the math for you so wonderful and last but not least you're going to have to talk about how payments are going to work this is uncomfortable nobody likes it okay nobody does but it's a lot easier to figure out the payment ahead of time than it is to be screaming over house music at a bar when britney forgot her cash again okay so you're definitely gonna need to have this conversation beforehand perhaps let everyone know the total before the weekend even begins and then you put it all on a credit card or you figure out who is paying per meal or how you're gonna divvy it up before these things happen uh especially with tipping i don't know what it is when a group goes out to eat and there's for some reason there's never enough for a tip and there's always one person who like throws in an extra 40 bucks because they just don't want to deal with the conversation anymore those things get awkward so if you could have those conversations beforehand then you can help to mitigate how stressful or awkward that might be when y'all are going out nobody likes to talk about money nobody does but if you have the conversations early at least it's less awkward than when you have the conversation in front of the person that you're you're throwing the whole weekend for you know and last but most certainly not least tip number five step number five i forgot which word we were using to classify the numbers it's either a tip or a step be prepared but be flexible and be calm because we all know drama can happen anytime you get a bunch of different personalities and maybe add in a couple drops of alcohol some personalities can clash if you are the person that is leading this weekend be prepared to help mitigate that should anything arise now nothing may happen at all whatsoever i've been um i've had experience with both where it's been perfectly fine and then others where there's just been like a teensy bit of just awkwardness that needed to be handled before before everyone could go back to the festivities and you don't just need to be flexible for people's personalities you need to be flexible with your scheduling as well because planes can be late and there can be last minute dropouts where people can't come anymore for some reason or another they just can't make it anymore and we definitely don't want that falling on the couple we we don't want them feeling the stress or the panic of that if we're creating weekend to celebrate them just prepare yourself and know that some of this could be coming and then do your best to just like keep calm and enjoy yourself throughout the process not everything is your responsibility you don't need to own it all you don't need to plan at all but if you plan really really well beforehand and then you're flexible in and around the event and you've got a calm and happy heart about it things are gonna go just fine now remember the couple has selected you because they love you and they know that you know them and they know that you know exactly what they want wow they know you know how many times can i say that in a row goodness gracious so how about you guys do you have any tips for a successful bachelor and or bachelorette weekend leave them in the comments below i always love hearing from you guys and i love it when you help each other out down below if you want to share this with your bridal party there's a little share button down there i love it when you guys do that like feel free to share this and that way i can be the person that says this stuff so you don't have to you're welcome thank you thank you if you haven't done so already jump on down there hit that like button i don't know if you guys know this but every single like helps a whole lot it helps you know tell the algorithm that i'm doing something successful on this channel so if you agree thumbs up please if you want to give us a follow over on social media you can find our wedding instagram jw coordination you can find me at the jamie wolfer both here on youtube and uh over on instagram as well and of course if you're not listening to the union podcast get on over there each and every single week heather and i are talking all sorts of wedding businessy stuff so if you're into the behind the scenes of that kind of stuff you can check that out anywhere podcasts are played wow these outros are getting longer and until next week bye guys