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hi all right so I'm doing this video because I've recently been officially diagnosed with an attention deficit disorder and for me that I've been a big deal and I will tell you why for two years it's been 2 years my mom and my aunt I've been telling me that I surely have an attention deficit disorder and I did not listen to them because when I talked about having an attention deficit disorder when many people told me was that everyone had it and I thought well then if everyone has an attention deficit disorder that must not be what I have because I struggle so much more than other people around me that it cannot be something that everyone has because then what would that make me you know someone who can deal with things like no I couldn't know if everyone has that then it wasn't my problem and I thought I had anxiety and depression and blah blah blah so this thing being officially diagnosed an angel paid for this Thank You angel paid for this evaluation made by neuropsychologist there was this neuropsychologist and the one who owned the clinic they studied my brain it was on two meetings the first meeting they figured out my IQ and I had an IQ of 130 so that's just like above average whatever and based on that IQ of when they tested my brain with specific exercises that targeted my attention and they noticed that I performed lower than what's expected of me normally have a certain eye he'll perform the same and I didn't and there were fluctuations like I could do really difficult ones and then afterwards I just couldn't do super simple ones I was impulsive in my end I forgot things I heard things wrong and based off of that of the gap between my performances and all of my past struggles that I told them they officially am like really securely diagnosed me with an attention deficit disorder so the first thing that I want to say okay not everyone has an attention deficit disorder and I cannot stress that enough only 4% of adults have been diagnosed with an attention deficit disorder so that means that maybe a total nine ten percent has one you know but if only four percent has been diagnosed that means that 96 percent of adults have not right and so how can everyone have an attention deficit disorder if 96 percent of people don't have one right that's my first rent so if I tell one more time that I have an attention deficit disorder and someone answers me by saying ah I think one has that enough punch him in the face because that is not true and that made me doubt it for a while yes so that was my first friend the second thing being diagnosed with this it is a very serious thing all those things that I did that I thought which is part of my personality you know being forgetful lunatic undecisive having my brain go like a thousand miles an hour and not being able to clean what was in my hand to clean within my life and to be a responsible and my productive as other people and thinking that I was just lazy and I liked willpower all of that has to do with my attention to fit disorder and for the past four years I've been struggling with mental health and I've been trying to figure out what it was that made life so hard for me and for the past year I had really lost hope before that struggle commenced before it started I was a very bright not bright infant intelligence but bright in my eyes and my personality in my smile it was very optimistic and I was ambitious there were many things that I wanted to do that were baked that were grand and as I started doing them I just couldn't it was too much and I got anxious because there was too many things that I had to deal with and the more time passed the more sort of self or less and I told myself that all of those dreams that I wanted were not for me because I couldn't do them and depression and food and you know I mean when you want to be a certain type of person and you feel like you tend because it's just too hard you give up obviously and I don't think that it was bad as me to do that but it was hard anyway and most specifically for the past year I'm taking anti anxiety and depression medication every day and I've been feeling very numb I don't have passion I am NOT fiery as I was as I once was and I don't know my life has just become this boring thing of me not trying things out because I feel like I just can't you know that I have to settle for security and normalcy and and just something that would be simple to handle and I don't know this thing about attention to fit a disorder as been reading about it and it makes so much sense obviously because I have it and medication can really change life and so for the first time in a while I'm really hopeful I'm hopeful that I could be that person that I've always wanted to be and that I could do all those things that really excite me and it feels amazing it feels wonderful and so through sharing that story and how I feel about it for anyone who struggles with mental health we are very very brave and we are tenacious and we are very courageous and I just want to say that I mean we're heroes and I'm not even kidding like we've been strong going so much with just doing simple things or just keeping up with life and it's insane like we have we have bigger demons than people have and it's been hard for me and I bet it's been hard for you because we never really have enough support to give a self confidence we have support in a sense that it's okay were accepted but we never feel as if were worth something at least for me I've always felt like I was nothing that it was just someone who struggled too much and and could not do amazing things you know and that's terrible but really figuring this out it just feels good it feels good because I am I'm so hopeful that maybe I could gain my confidence back and maybe I could get my life in order and finally do things when I really never thought this moment would happen and so what I want to say that I know it's hard just trying to figure it out once again like oh maybe that's that or maybe this fad oh this opportunity should I go do that and like I don't know picking yourself up and getting that energy and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about just all right let's go all dying it is so tiring but I feel like we're really brave and we should be proud of ourselves and we should really not give up because you see with me I have another thing like maybe this could work and and it feels great and I know maybe I'm putting too much emphasis on that but maybe not like I've heard that people who take medication for their attention the fifth disorder like it changes their life and I'm anxious to see and so I just want to tell you that you're brave you're worth something really try and put yourself first and do things that you love and that you feel comfortable in and and really heal yourself find a way to heal yourself and and then and then you will be able to do really great things and I'm in this with you and we're all in this together and you're really understood and it's good that YouTube exists because we can meet up were a little rare and that's okay I mean not everyone has real mental health problems so yeah it was a bit of hope and I was not giving up this video because I won't and yes so if you're struggling with anything you can comment on there this video um because it is hard and there's always hope and I think that's what I was trying to say but yeah I did not cry for this I am very proud of myself because I could have and on that thank you so much for sharing your stories with me it really helps me I'm not kidding and I'm so happy that you're with me through all of this is really great so thank you so much I hope you're doing well keep on fighting you are heroes and I'll see you next week with another video I promise because I won't be sick anymore so you won't be late last week of me being too thick to report alright thank you so much this is my elastic but MA