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this is something I feel like I could really help people with who may be dealing with the same thing or may just be kind of ignorant on the subject if you have a close family member or friend then this way you could be a little bit more sympathetic towards them so they feel like you understand because now maybe you will I usually try to make sure that you guys can see my alligator when I film but that's just not happening today hey alligators it's not Leigh Hardesty welcome to my channel or welcome back if you are subscriber if you're not what are you doing go ahead and subscribe because I post all the time and that way you're notified I don't know what my hand was doing this there but it's 4:00 in the morning right now maybe that's why I'm a little bit like but I woke up I couldn't get back to sleep so I decided what better to do than film today's video is something that I've been wanting to talk more depth on my channel for a while now and if you guys have seen my my teacher bullied me for having a DD storytime if you haven't I'll link it below I do touch on this like a lot I talk about how it's affected me and just to backtrack real quick if you don't know what a TD or ADHD is it's basically the same thing I could pretty much put it into one category you can go ahead and look it up if you want to know like the medical definition that's not what I'm going to be talking about today I'm going to be talking about personally how it's affected me and my insecurities having to do with AD or ADHD because honestly I can say that it is the one thing I still get really self-conscious or defensive about to this day I also want to note that like with any disability there's a whole spectrum of a DD and I think for the sake this video I'm just going to say a DD not dig deep that means there's people who have it a little bit or they don't necessarily need to be medicated for it because it doesn't affect them as heavily like I take medication for I've been on conservative for years it's basically like adderall it's the only thing that's ever worked for me but then there are people who have it way worse than I do and I can't even imagine what they actually have to go through because it is like hell for me and they've been in special education for it etc so no matter how bad you have it it sucks I'm just going to be real it's something that a lot of people deal with so you may have a DD and not even realize it until after you watch this video don't self diagnose though okay like see a doctor or something if you really do think you have it and then go from there the number one misconception I feel like people have about people with a DD is that it only affects us when it comes to things like school this is something that's affected me with driving with friendships like social situations a perfect example of this a video I did a while back on my channel you guys are probably all seen it if you're subscribed it's confronting my ex with the other woman I did with Angie and when I filmed that video I actually hadn't taken my medication that morning in the video you can tell when I film the video when I edited the video I didn't notice anything but what I posted it there were so many comments of people saying you know are you speaking in tongues like you're speaking so quickly there's literally one part and maybe I'm speaking quickly now I don't know because that's the thing I'm not really aware of it and that's why it makes me kind of insecure I don't want people to think that I'm rude or obnoxious or I just don't have any consideration for other people because there was a lot of people who commented saying why does she keep interrupting the blonde girl or why is she zoning out into space and like moving her mouth like that because it was actually scary there's one part or a couple times throughout the video where Angie speaking and I am just so now like I'm like moving my mouth like that I don't know what I was doing I just couldn't even pay attention for like 0.5 seconds if I wasn't speaking I literally had to comment saying hey if I'm speaking too quickly slow down the audio in YouTube like there's a way to do that I had to learn how to do that and literally put a comment saying hey like click the little bar and like put point 5 so it goes in half and then I was talking at normal speed people did that so when it comes to college as of lately I've seriously been contemplating dropping out I couldn't even tell you how many times I called my mom in the middle of the night crying and she's had to talk me into staying with school sticking it out till the end of the semester and I will be finishing school I will keep on doing it because honestly I've already come this far and I'm stubborn so look I don't want to give up on it and I am not stupid I want to point that out right now I'm a little bit offended at how surprised people are when they get to know me and they realize that I'm actually smart so that's the thing I had to deal with a lot in high school people would literally make fun of me like little jokes here and there but they would be like really cruel about it like people I wasn't friends with at all and they were just like snicker look if I raise my hand in class I've heard people talk about social anxiety and I've always sort of thought hey I have that the only when it comes to school and then I realized that's probably a thing I don't know if there's a name for it but I definitely have some sort of serious school anxiety because going to school sometimes literally makes me shake I get so anxious about it I am afraid of failure that's other reason why I will not drop out of college I'm so scared of failing my classes I'm so scared of not being able to transfer graduate or this not and it really stresses me out two things that really stuck with me from high school which may not be the most positive things but it is what it is and I can definitely work through these things for one it's test anxiety that I've developed from teachers who haven't let me finish tests who have given me a really hard time when it came to tests and I was I was supposed to be allowed more time on tests I had a 504 which is a legal document that gives you accommodations if you have a learning disability because for me I could stare at a test question for like an hour I could read it ten times maybe an hour is a little bit dramatic but I could read it ten times have no idea what I just read especially if it's kind of lengthy at all like if it's more than a sentence like yeah good look I'm going to forget what I just read halfway through I don't retain information well like in a moment maybe like later on I'll remember it but right then and there like it's really really difficult for me so yeah there were teachers who I felt like literally tried to fail me so if you guys want that story time I talk like way more about it so I'm not going to get too much into it in this video the second thing I really took from high school was that I can't ask questions in class because I will get laughed at because my question are going to look stupid and maybe some of the time like I could understand that because maybe the teacher already said it and I just looked in here because you know a DD I can't pay attention and it's not like I'm texting you're doing other things like I'm sitting there staring at the teacher and I believe in the class having no idea what just happened like I'll have to go up to the teacher's desk after class and say hey like in college I've done this and honestly it's embarrassing I hate doing it and that's why I get really insecure about it I'll have to be like hey I have a TD really bad I know I'm sitting here like for a whole entire class but could you please kind of summarize what we just talked about like what is happening and I hate having to do that because I feel disrespectful like oh I wasn't paying attention when you were explaining things and I don't feel like they should have to repeat themselves but that's the type of like special attention or accommodations I need from people like in classroom settings and things like that another thing that it has effectively with driving I haven't made a driving mishaps video yeah I didn't mean to but I have told you guys a lot like hey I'm a bad driver this happened because of a bad driver my friends but let me drive because I suck at driving so a big reason for that is because I can't pay attention if I'm distracted at all like literally there's a squirrel on the side of the road good look I won't drive off the road I've had so many close calls with driving like that so I really cannot be distracted even if someone's trying to have a conversation with me and then passenger seat it's kind of dangerous sometimes for me I really need to be fully engaged on the road ahead of me and that's another insecurity because people make fun of me for being a bad driver and like I get it like come on oh my drivers always such a bad driver sometimes actually people take it a little bit too far where I'm just like okay chill like I know I'm not as good of a driver as you but guess what that's because I literally have the attention span of like a freakin five-year-old so another thing would be YouTube I don't know if you guys realize how long it takes me to film sometimes I've been sitting here for quite a while talking actually because I feel like my thoughts are just all over the place what I'm telling stories I will seriously sometimes sit here for hour telling it and it'll turn out to be like a 20 minute video but I don't just like skip through that happily like some days if I'm in a really focused mood I can but if I'm distracted at all whatever I will forget things as I'm telling the story so I will stop mid-sentence like anyone who's like been at my house well I've been filming like have been sitting over in the living room I don't think they can hear me do this I will just like be telling his story and that'll be like what was I just saying like and then I'll forget what I was just saying like before I like froze in the middle of my sentence so then I'll just like basically we start from the whole beginning of the video and then when I was playing water polo and someone passed me the ball I would kind of freeze like wait what am I supposed to do with this again like I don't know a lot of the time it just takes me a minute and it sucks because it makes me feel so stupid all the time and I hate feeling like that because I know I'm not stupid although I like to be completely honest over the years I feel like my a dee dee has gotten progressively worse it's become a lot harder on me so sometimes I feel like I am getting today all days where I forget to take a medication or it gets really late am i able to it honestly sucks because I hate to think about in such a negative life but I'm able to get pretty much nothing done like I'm a potato I will just sit here and I will forget things right as I remember them if that makes sense so I will think all I can do a grocery shopping I stand up wait what did I need to do and that'll happen like 10 times to the point where it's like oh now all the stores are closed so it really really sucks I don't take my medication even on days where I do I'm not fixed not cured I don't not have a DD anymore like it's still there it's still something that I have to really try hard to focus and like remember okay Allen high school my mom and I would do math homework together she's a math teacher so she's really good at that and honestly if I didn't have her help I don't know how I would have passed math because math is one of those subjects where you have to like learn a concept and understand it and after I actually understood it which would take me a minute then I was very good at it I was fine they would sit at the kitchen table for like hours on end I'm not kidding until like midnight and I wake up early before school and we keep on working on it sometimes I have to go when at lunch and like sit with my teacher and do the homework and it was just really frustrating for me because I wasn't with those kids who could just do it the period before class and turn it in like I spent hours on homework in high school or actually even middle school what I'm really thinking about this a lot of this was middle school that's just sad they don't even middle school doesn't even count for anything and I wasted so much of my youth doing homework because I actually needed someone to sit down with me and like help me concentrate and like speak to me how to do the assignment because I can't interpret instructions sometimes like it doesn't make sense to me I need someone to sit there and say hey this is what you do I have this one class and a lot of its online like half the classes online it's a hybrid class in college and the teacher will write out literally like two pages of instructions and I have cried pretty much every week doing her homework I have been so frustrated where I just cried and not even doing the assignment like reading the freaking instructions because I can't understand them I had to call the teacher first of your class that is embarrassing like I had to literally call her I kept emailing her and I couldn't understand what we were supposed to do leave a comment if this did speak to you and if you would like me to elaborate more on one specific thing i touched on today for like a part to subscribe to my channel if you haven't and you made to the end of this video then literally what are you doing with your life like just hit subscribe okay and follow my social media too that way we can interact and be like real friends you know not just youtube friends like will be real friends so I have my snapchat all that good stuff linked and I will see you guys in the next video later alligators I