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how does ADHD affect your relationships and how can you get better at them hi guys today I want to talk about the effects of ADHD and any implications that come along with inattention and hyperactivity that can affect your relationships now I've experienced a lot of issues in my life when it comes to relationships and I've been boond because of it this is coming from a lot of trial and error and practice self-reflection and just realizing where I've gone wrong and certain things and how I can improve there's obviously going to be a lot of challenges if you have an inner tension problem and a hyperactivity problem depending on the type of ADHD you have you're likely to be either a bad listener or you're going to be insensitive or at least come across like you're insensitive when you're not really in reality as I know in the past relationships I've really messed things up just by being impulsive reacting emotionally and not really practicing emotional self-control and thinking logically and think about consequences this is a very big problem because if you can't master how to control yourself and really be objective about your weaknesses and get better you're always gonna struggle you're always going to keep getting dumped like I've had a lot of problems are being dumped in the past I haven't had a lot of relationships I've just always had pretty toxic relationships and it hasn't really been something that I've meant to do it's just sort of turned out that way because I wasn't paying enough attention to the bigger picture so a big part of it is self-reflection and being able to look at yourself and what your weaknesses are are you interrupting your partner are you doing impulsive things like blurting out impulsive things that could be insensitive are you being too honest say like are you living together and your impulse buying things and you're not really planning things you're not showing up on time you're not being reliable now this isn't really your fault but you need to start really learning how to get these things under control because it will damage your relationship I can promise you so don't panic the first thing you can do is go and get some CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy with a professional and they can give you tips on how to act actually control your symptoms and be just more cognizant so a big part of learning to overcome this is practicing being conscientious and also practicing how to be empathetic and think about the consequences of behaving badly you must always have this idea that you need to practice being a good partner you can do this through keeping visual reminders posters things like that it reminds you to be a good partner to remind you to be cognizant and conscientious and kind and caring just to keep you remembering these things because if you've got ADHD you might just forget I think you're much more likely to become complacent if you have an inattentive ADHD like it that's been a problem for me is inattention and because of that inattention you sort of you're not always able to meet that person's needs because you're not really paying attention to their signals so you have to be very aware of signals through body language through their words tone of voice actions things like that you need to be able to watch out for signs that are good and bad so it's it's like a skill but for someone with ADHD it's very important to try and practice it on a regular basis if you want to have a successful relationship you have to really treat this like a skill that you're training so that's looking out for things like are they being withdrawn and they're being moody are they contacting you less do they show signs of disinterest or are you picking up on signs of interest that you're not really getting and she might or he might be getting frustrated that you're not picking up on those things and again a professional can help you to learn to interpret body language and pick up on cues and signals your part if you don't make an effort to really be attentive to your partner eventually they're gonna get fed up with you similarly they're gonna get fed up with you if you are too irrational too impulsive and you can't control your emotions you're not being logical and trying to just keep things under control and things like cohabitation issues if you're sort of messy and you're leaving things lying around you need to really overcome this and one of the ways to do that is to reduce the clutter in your house actually get rid of excess items so it's easier for you to keep on top of things keep storage boxes keep lots of little tiny trinkets and boxes and don't keep loose things lying around you know if you really care about your relationship you will put in the effort because I think sometimes fear can really get you to be motivated to change to change yourself and to improve your flaws but bear in mind if somebody loves you there's only so much that that they will put up with so you have to make sure that you're trying to overcome these issues and getting better at them but don't worry about being perfect the fact is you need to show that you're making real effort your partner might say you never listen to me why won't you listen to me in that situation you need to realize this is a problem and if you want to keep your partner happy you have to try your best to overcome it so in situations like this you need to put this on your to-do list you need to practice every day being attentive right do this before it's too late you know you're only human you are gonna make mistakes here and there especially if you with some of you for years or you're married it's you know at some point you can slip slip up but just remember that this is an ongoing thing and that dating a marriage or whatever it it lasts forever you have to consistently put in effort otherwise it's gonna fall apart and you're going to do scratching anything and what's gone wrong and it's because you weren't paying enough consistent attention so it's got to be a lifelong project you have to commit to this to being better partner now I'm a lot better this time I just come out of a recent relationship and it didn't really I know I didn't really have any issues with my ADHD with it they ended for different reasons but but I'm saying that this time I was much better at this relationship I just had because of all the self-improvement I've done I worked on my on my weaknesses from the past and I applied new techniques and I was much more conscientious in that relationship and I did far better and also a big part of it is patience and dating I know it can be so frustrating when somebody is keeping you waiting for a reply or things like that but you know it trust me it's always better to do less than too much promise you that but there's a light there's a fine line you don't want to do too little there's a balance between over pursuing and under pursuing you've just got to get the right balance and if you find yourself on a date and you interrupt let them know that this is a problem you have but you're working on it so as I've said before when it comes to things like reading if you see him if you feel your mind wandering just be aware oh it's happening so then just bring yourself back just keep bringing yourself back the practice are over and over so I hope you implement these tips and that you can have a healthy successful relationship the more you practice the better you'll be at it and just bear in mind somebody who's right for you and who's worth it will stick by your side as long as you're doing the work on your end