Add Successor Attachment with airSlate SignNow

Add successor attachment

[Music] hi my name is taise gibson and i'm the co-owner and creator of the personal development school this is your daily breakthrough video and in this video i'm going to talk about some overlapping correlations and basically a bit of a unique individual perspective not from myself but actually from research i've done about the overlaps and correlations between 80d adhd and different attachment styles so this was asked by a member inside of our school and i'm going to sort of do a deep dive into some of this and share some unique perspectives so before i dive in we are still doing a sale to support our community at this time you can use the coupon code with you all one word if you're interested in signing up and joining the school for three months six month or 12 month bundles we may not be offering this for a whole lot longer so great idea to dive in while you have the opportunity and with this coupon code and in the all access membership what you basically get access to is over 30 previously recorded courses on how to heal from a breakup on your attachment style and subconscious reprogramming of your attachment style of understanding your needs learning how to meet these needs changing compulsive people pleasing learning how to set boundaries basically a whole bunch of different dynamics on anything mastering your money mindset learning to find your life purpose and reverse engineer a vision for your life and take action steps towards that basically a whole bunch of different things but obviously a huge central focus on reprogramming your attachment style improving your relationships creating a secure relationship building trust so you get all access to that as well as over 100 previously recorded webinars on a variety of different topics um so it's a beautiful time to do a deep dive into that because i know there's still some isolation stuff sort of happening in the world and i hope everybody is staying safe so let's talk about this topic so number one um i want to share some really unique perspectives okay so two of these perspectives on add adhd and attach and not attachment styles but just on 80d and adhd as a whole and then i'm going to pair this with attachment style patterns that i've witnessed are number one the work of dr dr gabra mata and he talks about how basically he thinks add and adhd are sort of like survivalistic responses that are the result of trauma so he his sort of school of thought um and he has a book about this is essentially that whenever we um can't fight back in childhood or flee or just we the freeze response isn't working for us if we're children and we're getting yelled at or we're getting disciplined or conditioned and and we feel helpless and uncomfortable and we can't properly emotionally process that experience basically instead of having like a traditional fight-or-flight response the brain actually flees internally by by having like sort of minor dissociative moments like just disconnecting from the experience distracting tuning out all these different things and then over time sort of my perspective of this is that that becomes a subconscious pattern it becomes a coping mechanism that gets programmed in because the subconscious mind is in fact programmed through repetition and basically what dr gabriel mate goes on to say is that essentially this tuning out becomes something that's triggered by a stress response so then whenever there's a stress response in the environment you know being in a class that that you aren't understanding things um being in an environment that you don't feel fulfilled or interested in the conversation um you know you name it if there's a minor stress response it's likely to trigger that sort of dissociative moment or that tuning out mechanism and that can just be happening as a coping mechanism very repetitively very frequently and it's actually like a minor flight response and so that's sort of his school of thought on that which i find to be really interesting then we have another individual named um dr d martini and he talks about how essentially when we are unfulfilled by our experiences then it's from that space that we then really start to tune out also in a coping mechanism but he doesn't really talk as much about how it's a coping mechanism from stress or trauma but more so of of just being bored and and disinterested and the example he sort of uses to highlight this when he discusses this is he talks about you know if we've ever seen um an individual who's been diagnosed with add or adhd but maybe they can sit for like 12 hours and play video games or you know they can be really focused and present in those sorts of things now another tertiary sort of input that i think is important here too is also our learning style impacts the way that we tend to learn and grow and work in our environment and so if we are also somebody who you know has a kinesthetic learning style which is very hands-on and we need to learn by doing and throwing ourselves into things head first then obviously if we're in an auditory environment like a classroom setting and somebody's you know communicating to us auditorially or like read write learning um or visual you know any of those sort of learning styles if they're not compatible with the way that we're trying to ingrain information and understand it that's going to impact our ability to sta to sit still to not be restless all those sorts of things as well and so in my opinion um well i definitely believe that you know you know certain diagnoses exist and all those sorts of things um i think that there is some really valuable information to be taken into consideration when somebody's making um an add or adhd diagnosis that involves the subconscious mind now this isn't like my area of specialization by any means but this is just some independent research that i've done and sort of different things i've read about over the years that i think play a role in in some of these experiences that individuals have now how does this overlap specifically with attachment styles well what i find to be really interesting is that i do tend to see dismiss of avoidance when they feel under stress they become restless this is a massive pattern i've seen over the years to the point where like sometimes i've been in couple sessions with individuals and like let's just say for example the wife is trying to share her feelings vulnerably and if the dismissal avoidant doesn't feel comfortable with that i've seen things hundreds of times we're dismissive avoidant like in a vulnerable session the phone's on the table and and you know the dismissive avoidance picks up the phone and starts scrolling through the phone and it's like whoa and it's so unconscious the person's not even trying to be disrespectful i mean obviously i've seen times when somebody's intentionally trying to be spiteful and push the person away but often it's like this subconscious coping mechanism and most people can relate to this when they feel a bad feeling and they find themselves picking up their phone and going on social media you know we see this all the time when somebody feels uncomfortable and so we have these like minor escape mechanisms that can be happening quite often but another really signature thing that i see with dismissal points most so is their intense restlessness if there's an argument or a fight and their need to get up leave the room stand up in couple sessions i've seen this so many times you know just become very agitated and start to move around and tune out and this is all you know this is all an attempt at a flight response and if somebody's you know closed the door and and you're in the middle of a couple session and then one person might be like oh i have to get up i have to you know and and they may know at some level okay the door is the boundary i can't leave so they tune out by picking up their phone by looking out the window by looking the other direction you know these sorts of things and while they're they can obviously sometimes intend to be intended to be disrespectful or to tune somebody out or to stonewall a lot of times it's just an escape response that i see and you can really tell the difference based on somebody's body language and if they're moving away spitefully and if they're trying to push somebody back or if it's just something where they feel agitated and afraid and they're just trying to cope with their own emotions by repressing by tuning out by disconnecting from the experience it seems to be causing them so i've seen that i've also seen fearful avoidance um have similar sort of agitated responses now can we say that this characterizes add or adhd no um can we say that there's an interesting underlying cause that seems to correlate the two yes and i have seen as a general rule most individuals that i've spoken with over the years and worked with and while i wasn't you know working with them on 80d or adhd by any means what i have noticed absolutely is that there is a stronger pattern towards individuals with an avoidant attachment style that do tend to have that do didn't have previous existing add or adhd diagnoses um i've seen it in anxious individuals a significant amount as well but secure individuals the least um and substantially the least so it's interesting to sort of look at that and sort of unpack what could be in there and i think it's fair to say that there's likely to be though i cannot tell you this for certain um there would be likely to be some kind of correlation between trauma attachment trauma being a type of trauma um and an add or adhd and so i just wanted to sort of unpack that and sort of bring those different dynamics up because i saw a lot of people vote on this question inside of the school and obviously it's a topic of curiosity and something interesting to check into and really address at the subconscious level so that's it for this topic for today um thank you so much for watching please like share and subscribe if you're getting a lot of value out of these videos and i will see you in the next one