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welcome to the secrets of men quarantine QA it is flippin fantastic to have you here thank you so much for supporting me and the channel today I give back to you by entering your questions and say thanks for supporting me in my journey to empower women through growth self-esteem and authenticity so I got a bunch of questions here from the YouTube channel and the Facebook group before I get into them you can get free downloads you can get my first chapter of my book the link is in the description below and if you want to look ahead to see what questions are on today's video you can do that just head to the description and there'll be a little timestamp so you can run through them today we're talking all things emotional availability healthy relationships how to spot the - we're talking flirting we're talking getting things started having all four guys serious lots of fun stuff it's great to have you here let's dive straight in and we're gonna start with questions from where are these from that looks like the YouTube community page which is Sara Sara says how to compliment man in a way he feels valued and trusted both in person and over text how to understand what men sees in women and what is beauty in his senses I guess some of the first question Sara how to compliment it's actually super easy and it's a great question because this is really really important to men we need to feel your appreciation so get this right number one really mean it the compliment has to be genuine if it's in genuine it's not gonna hit really mean what you say number two stand by it right if you feel that he's turning you back or if you say hey you did the best job here and he's like I know it's nothing oh it's really not that good stand by it tell him like take the compliment it's amazing you're allowed to say that and really force your frame on him like bring him up with you and number three is compliment little things alright don't be afraid it doesn't have to be a big thing in fact one of the best ways to do this is to have a wind journal yourself that you fill out at the end of each day there's something I make my clients do because they start seeing how much they've done each day how many successes they've had if you fill this out each day you think you haven't done much during the day you're like oh I did I did mine last night I have like 13 things and I achieved in the day I was like this is cool even if it's something super simple when you start complimenting yourself on a great job done over little things you're more and more start to see a man doing a great job with all the little things that he does which means that you can more genuinely mean it and stand by it question number two is from the Facebook group join link in the description when a guy says that you are just friends but he gives you all boyfriend benefits not physical he takes me out for meals spends time with me and my children he messages good morning good night even during Corona he is checking in off and during the day what does this mean tell you what it means it means he's enjoying the emotional experience of having you around but it also means that he has either unwillingness or inability he's either not willing or not able to go further with you ie he's either not that into you or not into you enough or he's into you but fears emotional blocks whatever it is are stopping him so you got to be careful these guys because they take up all the emotional space in your head and they like you attention but they actually stop you meeting the person that could be willing enable expression from Xena what do you do what to do when a guy keeps teasing me whenever he sees you tease him back that's simple if it gets really annoying call him up on it just be like hey you keep bringing this up like what are you doing that joke is so like last month just playfully or then seriously call him up on it but best way I should just tease him back and whatever he's teasing you about Bonin he's like oh you have a funniest hair like what's you look at your hair just like rub it in his face dude yeah yeah put this in your face I guess says how to give love without being taken for granted girl you gotta have boundaries boundaries it's beautiful that you want to give love and you should that's what makes you such an amazing partner but if you don't have boundaries around that and standards that you expect the guy to step up to to continue to receive that then it's a one-way equation right that which you value will be valued by the guy that which you respect in yourself will be respected by the guy that which you put boundaries around will have men who respect your boundaries and value for the value you for those boundaries coming into your life April says how to start a new life after a breakup I got a few videos on this couple of articles so I'll see if I can link yet some stuff in the description April there is a wonderful question because so many women are going through this right now number one process go right let yourself feel whatever you need to let yourself feel sad let yourself feeling we just feel whatever you need to this is extremely important in this time number two and I'm a little biased here but I stand by it is booking with either a psychologist or coach I've had a lotta I have literally had a client last week she said we broke up six months ago I've been torturing myself for the six months since and after one session with you mark I'm feeling great about it right the reason is because some of the emotions you have to process but then there's a whole other batch that are created by the narratives that you put on the situation this woman's narrative was that she screwed it up she made a huge mistake he could have been a great relationship and none of that was true so booking with a cultural psychologist to change those narratives and give you a honest explanation about what happened after my last breakup the first thing I did was booked into booking with my coach and he really helped me see that this wasn't something I had done wrong you know I took the narratives about my self-worth off the break-up and number three positive enrichment spend time with your friends spend time doing your own thing breakups are literally the number one time in your life where you can grow do whatever you want start over it's a beautiful time to take advantage of next question is from Laura Laura's on the YouTube channel and she's in the subscriber community area that's the one so check out the community as well as posts in there as fun stuff come hang in the community and post your question for the next Q&A below as well Laura's question says my boyfriend and I have intellectual disabilities and I'm in my first very serious adult sexual relationship with him and I've never been in one before so I'm really nervous nice Laura congratulations on your brave that's really cool I do want to be married eventually sometime in the near future and I want to know if my boyfriend and I are both emotionally mentally spiritually physically and ready for marriage and lifelong commitment at this point in life how can you tell if you're emotionally ready for marriage and how do you know if you are marriage material okay there's a lot to unpack here so I'm gonna keep it pretty simple this one Laura and refer you to a couple of other videos as well I would focus on the quality of the relationship first and foremost right marriage is just the beginning okay that's marriage is gonna amplify everything that's already there if it's good it'll make it better if it's bad it'll make it worse marriage puts a microscope on all the things in your relationship so if things aren't working marriage is going to blow those up and make them bigger so if I was you I would honestly say take your time and focus on the quality of the relationship watch the video I did with Ben Ritter about relationship skills and qualify the relationship on that and second check how much hardship you've both been through right the amount of hardship that a relationship can survive in a healthy way is going to be relative to the long-term healthiness and potential of not just the relationship but the partner's ability to be individuals in the relationship so I would be really focusing on the relationship the health of it and how much hardship have you guys survived rather than focusing on the marriage if you want to be a judge of where it's at awesome question thank you Darian I think also from the subscription community area says I've been in a relationship first three years first five years sorry then ten years then 11 years I'm the one who always turns my back after arguing up to physically hurting each other is there something wrong with me I mean I want I mean I'm not wrong to break up I feel insulted and hurt what do I do to have a long-lasting relationship there is absolutely nothing wrong with you but there is something very wrong with the relationships that you're ending up in Darian this is obviously not something that I'm gonna resolve in an ask mark session I'll definitely be booking in with a psychologist or coach because you got to get back to what's the what's the butterfly effect thing that's happening early in the relationship that is seeing this big nasty tree grow okay that the the five year ending or the ten year ending where it's incredibly negative and this is horrible obviously that's a symptom of something that started and much much earlier so go to trace back and say okay what is the belief what is the myth about love what is the behavior that's at the start dear ailing my relationships and then we want to pivot your relationships out of this pattern and into healthy booking do the work don't spend another ten years in a relationship like this please charm that says I have a question please charmed I'm sure how do you move on with someone new if you have a toxic ex who is causing problems no contact is not possible because the kids are involved I don't want to involve the new guy because it's still too early for that yes I would not involve a new guy boundaries charmed Bo UN da RIE yes boundaries even when you're talking over the kids you have to have boundaries with that I don't know the specifics but I know there is a way for you to have boundaries with your ex where it does not affect the relationship the new relationship and not the kids either hopefully not the kids you can't control what he doesn't his end but you can control the boundaries on your end okay so it's all about your boundaries and the struggle mini impasse have with boundaries as guilts often so you've got to examine the guilt and pull yourself away from that pattern Shannon Shannon says it basically I met this guy on a night and sparks flew straight away we texted for a week or two and then he stayed over mine and we sucked to go when he left we were texting and he basically hinted at the fact he wants to tell me he loves me when we saw when we next saw each other he told me he loved me is this a red flag yes it is Sharon we've known each other just under a month I have very strong feelings for him but I'm worried it moves too fast that's basically what's happening here most likely is that this guy is using love these are Romeo he's using love he's using fantasy to distract him from his problems if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about download the ten male dating personality's that will lead to heartbreak this is like the opposite of the guy that under invests he weirdly over invests it's a common thing narcissus do sometimes it's referred to as love-bombing and it is not good it is a red flag move away who's next we got brenda brenda says from the facebook group again don't forget to join if you are not in come and say hi in the Facebook group lots of lovely ladies in there Brenda says how long does it take before you want to date each other after our breakup I just can't do it I talk with them but I want nothing more my ex and I keep playing cat Mouse hot one time dislike the next I tried to get out there but when it comes down to it I don't want anyone else touching me somebody's got to give everyone recovers from a breakup Brenda in their own time if yet the world has two factors basically the length of the relationship and how codependent the relationship was if it's a long relationship even with no codependence that's gonna take you some time to get over a short relationship with a lot of codependence a lot of addictive infatuation will also take a long time to get over and then if you have a long relationship with codependence that will take you the most time one of the big reasons that women struggle to move on especially while men as well struggle to move on is that there's that addictive story and there's this narrative that I've got to make this work for there's some sort of narrative in that old relationship that they don't want to let go of so their nervous system doesn't want to allow itself to feel for anyone new it's often a childhood narrative if you had an emotionally unavailable father then you can replay that narrative in your adult life and the idea that you you no longer play that game feels very off to your nervous system it's still trying to win the game 20 years later 40 years later from when you were 5 years old so trying to move away it says no no no go back win the game remember the game you got to win the attention game or the the get love game whatever it is so giving up that game getting up that narrative can be a big struggle if you are really having a hard time getting away from a codependent relationship and the other thing is it can protect you from fear of you right if you stay stuck in the fantasy of the previous relationship it stops you taking risks and risked being unloved and basically being hurt so those are the two reasons that it can typically take a lot longer I hope that makes sense Oh next question is from Diane Diane says hi mark I said I wasn't going to date anyone for a while above this but is there someone that means a great deal to me and it's good friend for many years we're currently divorced and recently started talking at one point but the timing was also that the worst we admitted it at one we live on different continents we have never met in person I didn't want to miss a chance to see if we could make it work all this time but I also want to bring the best relationship forward what are some things I should consider about how to perceive my heart's going like a train but my mind is like wait Diane you haven't met him you haven't spent time together in person he's on another continent you've picked someone with no evidence and already automatic incompatibilities I'm not saying this could never work but I'm going to keep it super simple because I want you to have the love you deserve is that you've chosen someone here who is a long long way from that and just like in the last question it sounds like there's a narrative a love will find a way narrative it's like against all odds narrative that we hold on to and those narratives hold us back I keep this really simple right if he wants to be your teammate then it shouldn't be hard you guys organized to video chat regularly you get ready for your next visit which in covert times is even harder and you make it happen together or you don't right it's super simple currently there is nothing but potential here and potential is nothing I'm sorry I'm not sorry actually it might develop into something if you both want to be teammates but right now it is not something Elena says how do you communicate your values expectations in a nice manner especially when you are from different cultures love this question the guy I'm seeing is always late which has been no for me but something everyone in his country does he shows up late to every meeting not just me even when he was late to work how to communicate importance to him this guy sounds like me to be honest you've got to find a workable compromise with him there you got to express that and see if he's up for it you share how it makes you feel without blaming him for those feelings how once you let you know I know this is part of your college I know this is super normal for you so I know there's nothing you do it trying to do wrong here I just want to express that when this happens this is how I feel and it's it's a thing for me so is there a way we can work this together to find a middle ground he's either willing or is not and if he's not because there's always gonna be problems so if he's not you've got to decide is this a problem I'm willing to live with or is it not is it a solvable or an unsolvable problem better yet can you find a workable compromise Alicia says how do you know if a guy is actually genuine about wanting relationship and not just sex even if they say they are open to looking for one Alicia with my clients I find they virtually always know when you really stop them and when you really ask them what their intuition is telling them they know I can give you a list of signs to look for you know signs like obviously he see what's he saying is he saying he wants run or is he saying hey I'm just looking for something casual right you can look at his actions you can look at what he's doing and how those actions are adding up you know is he introducing you to family and friends is he not as a whole list of these in videos right but what's really important is is he willing is he into you enough and then is he able can he handle his fears to the point where he can actually do it even if he likes you those are the two pieces and I truly find that women's intuition they know you really do know especially over time as more and more stuff stuff to add up you're gonna know if this guy is he willing to go into fear with you you know does he talk about things he's learned does he talk about how does he talk about his exes does he seem damaged does he seem open you're gonna feel if this is a teammate of yours whereas if it's inconsistent and someone is going hey I'm great when I'm with you and then I disappear for three days and act like I don't know you then that is someone who is struggling with fear no matter how into you they are they're probably not going to commit so I actually find that this is one that when you really stop and feel you'll be able to tell whether the person is number one willing and then whether the guy is able are his actions able to consistently match his willingness your intuition knows Francis from the community section says how could I know if he is married Anouk says ask him couldn't agree more knock and I'll add that if you don't trust him that's your answer Jessica says how to tell if a guy's truly sorry for a mistake he's made and willing to make out Fred himself and for the relationship one of the behaviors that he shows I was trying to show when not sincere and just so he could get away with it or behaviors that he's really sorry and striving on his arm I mean obviously depends what he's done but he's got to be willing and able again to go above and beyond your standards for what you want so if he's taken ownership for it and if he's said hey I did this I want to make it up to you you now get to state how he does that you get to set your terms if it's rebuilding of trust after infidelity then you get to say hey like you know I want to rebuild this I want to have an open phone policy or whatever it is and you've got to look at what caused it as well and how aware of that he is and what work he's doing around it right words can be lip service in this case so again your intuition will know like is he really handling the fears that led to this or is he doing lip service depending on the situation you'll be able to spot this when you really trust yourself Judy says this is cool I'm finding as I get older that I've met someone that I see as a needle in a haystack that they are much harder to get over and I would rather go without then set off less do all the men do this - first of all it sounds pretty healthy if you are saying hey I'm not going to settle any more I'd rather be empowered on my own that's great that's awesome duty the trick is you've got to make sure you don't close off when doing that and that can be the challenge if you've had people who haven't met your needs people haven't served you all you want to do is shut down so no Judy this sounds healthy as long as you are staying open and men absolutely men on your level will do the same well you do men do this - of course like we can find examples of men who do anything you're looking for the guys that want to match you and do the same Laura says is it okay for men to not post your relationship on social media after being forgiven together for two years you recently started following his ex back to intuition I sound like a broken record with this but it's for a very good reason but I don't really put my relationship a lot on social media very rarely in fact and I'm friends with my ex right because my partner and I know that what we have behind closed doors it doesn't need that external validation right it's it's solid so you've got to check in what have you got what's your intuition saying are you trusting that this is good right if you're not trusting his answers trust yourself trust yourself to read his answers and if something isn't right to you this is your teammate you know investigate that figure out what's going on figure out why your intuition is ticking off Luana says hello mark love your channel and your videos contribute to a lot to the way I think today thank you thank you so much for enjoying my channel well I know that compliment means a lot to me my situation is that I'm getting to know this guy online for a bit more than a month we can't see each other yet I like him we have good fun especially when we're in a call some days we even watched a film together that's cute and suggested the thing is sometimes it is going to call me at certain time of day need doesn't and acts like this is all normal in the beginning was fine I wasn't really giving him attention but still in one of the times I said to him that I don't like this he apologized saying it is his fault but it happened again what do you think I should do I like him but I really don't like these kinds of things I don't see he I don't see he is sticking with his word yeah I'm sensing something's a bit off here Luana I trust your intuition with it and it really comes down to how well he can address it when you bring it up like you're allowed to continue to bring this up and you're not doing it to accuse him or say he's a bad person you're doing it to express yourself so I'd be very curious if he comes to the table and if he says something like hey yeah you know what you are and I've done the smaller times this is something I got to work on if you totally denies it or worse like blames it on you says you're making it up or if there's somewhere in the middle where he says hmm yeah I don't really know and eventually you as you push him more you know he takes more ownership of this it shouldn't be something you ignore I will definitely say that and I would say if a woman was doing this to me I would sense that there was hesitancy some way in her I don't know if that's cause she's not quite into me enough it's still dealing with drama from her ex totally terrified of intimacy as we get closer it could be any number of things but I'm definitely got my little antenna on being like yeah something's something's off and the worst she is is explaining it the more the antennas buzzing Louisiana says hey look at early stage of dating how to spot an emotionally unavailable man early on what topics questions are good to ask to discover his values and if our values are compatible how to not get attached to a guy too quickly I'll put an article on good questions to ask because depends on your values right one conversation I like to have is to get an idea of how the person sees their intimate relationships how they talk about their exes right I might ask a question like what's something you learned from a previous relationship if they give an answer like I learned nothing she was the way he was it I'll say Holt I'm like okay you still have stuff right whereas if they say you know what at the time it was really wrong but I learned so much about compatibility you know I'm grateful really grateful for that and I figured out what I really wanted someone cool that's an attractive answer you're looking to feel there especially for a guy you're looking to feel how he feels about commitment you know you can ask him what he wants to do where does he see his life five years from now it really depends what's important to you right if you want to know if he's financially driven ask him something like what do you you know how do you or how do you see money or if you had endless money what would you do or if you could choose money or at a time what would you have more of like asking curious questions that get into what your values are and figure that out the other signs of obvious emotional unavailability is that he says so if he says he's not interested in a riding ship he is not if he has too much chemistry with you we talked about this before if things are just like crazy good chemistry I love you it's the first month I don't even know you that's a sign he's distracting and available and finally number three you will feel the distance he's your teammate some of the time he's not the other time feel that inconsistency out and again and again I really do find that women know every time I stop and ask a client they they can tell me so if you really get in your intuition you'll be able to answer this especially after a month or two these things have gone along but remember guy has to be willing and the guy has to be able and those are two very different things great question how to come back against an egoist person you don't you stop giving him your time he says I'm coming to the end of an internship where I'm a really hot colleague I believe the interest is mutual we were supposed to meet up in person the work is remote but the coronavirus didn't make that happen thankfully we have plenty of excuses to keep having virtual meetings outside of work any tips to subtly flirt with him also don't put my name up there I've had a lot of questions from women saying what can I do to keep his interest what can I do what do I need to do what do I have to do it's about being this is something Hellena hard and I talked about in our feminine magnets is a mastery course a lot it is about you being right men come to you for the emotional experience they come to you because they want to feel your energy when you bring that same energy whether it's playfulness whether it's vulnerability whether it's excitement whether it's there's any case of your feminine energy whether it's your softness you know all of these energies whether it's your great vibe men come to women for these energies they come for playfulness they come from abilities softness they come to feel your sexuality any of the energies that he has liked from you in person he's going to keep liking that so if you just be and you put that best energy across uninhibited you will find out quickly if this is your guy and if he wants to stick around to keep and join that or if he wants to bugger off again get out of the way for the man who does hey if you do have your questions that don't forget to post them below and the first chapter of my book as long as the 12 takes to make him yours is free from the description below you can check out the empowerment Academy as well paani me says can you please make a video on dating a man-child how to deal with them it's very difficult to be mum of a man who is not serious about a relationship but demanding as hell it is also difficult to leave him please make a video on this topic advice for dating man children you don't don't date man children it's really that simple if you are dating man children and if you're finding yourself in this situation the truth is there is a part of you that is very comfortable with that part of you feels at home mothering a man child the same part of you that feels at home mothering a man child is not going to want to date and equal it will feel purposeless really this guy takes care of himself what's my purpose here I was literally on a client call 3 days ago where the woman said this I said what would it feel like to be in a relationship where you don't have to take care of him all the time she's going to feel totally purposeless you're gonna change your definitions of love girl you got to change them ultimately you decide what you bring into your life right and if you're bringing this in then you've got to address the part of yourself that feels comfortable with it again with a college psychologist or just yourself you're going to address that part or the part of you that feels worthless without mothering heal that and then you'll be okay going into a relationship with a man who wants you but doesn't need you to mother him Cronulla has a question from Romania it says mark I love what you do what I've been in relationship for five years and I don't feel loved he's the only man I was with and I really love him but he's cold and rarely has time for us we have lived together for three years now but we only make love once or twice a month I need affection but I can't force him what should I do and I singing myself I always try to look good or focus on my hobbies he's told me that I asked too much of him look you're doing some of this right already you can do your own thing more and you can enrich yourself and you can express your needs to him Ryan express how you are feeling don't make him responsible for those but expressed to him openly how you are feeling those are the two things that you can do but beyond that he has to decide if he wants to come to the table and work with you and at the moment it sounds like he doesn't so you've got to ask yourself is this a problem that I'm happy if it continued unsolved I mean are you I don't think you would be and if that's the case then you've got to take it a step further maybe you guys go to counseling psychology together maybe you hire a coach to go maybe you I don't know maybe you find a different way to show affection or or have the conversation in a different way but if this is a problem that requires that that's a non-negotiable for you then you can't let it slide and this is your partner this is something you got to work on together and if the problem can't be solved and if the problem is non-negotiable for you then please do not spend another five years in a relationship where you're not getting what you deserve Ln Gigi says now that it's covert 19 I've people who go see coming back to life the zombies have returned because they are born is it worth to give them a chance or should I tell them to screw off look up and tell him to screw off because I'm not about spreading bad vibes in the universe but I wouldn't be expecting much from them if I'd been ghosted by a girl and she came back and I was single during covert I would probably talk to her right I'd be happy to take her attention and entertain the idea but I'm really not expecting anything much so really the question is how much can you not let this person take a space on your emotional Highway if you can just kind of chats them casually and enjoy the attention cool but I definitely would not be expecting anything solid from them the exception would be if they come to you and they communicate over what they did and their understanding of why it was wrong I once had a woman come back to me after six months and say basically say hey I really screwed up this is why this or what went wrong and I gave her another chance so sometimes people can change and learn a lesson but if there is nothing that comes up about it you're just there for attention I wouldn't be counting anything major happening on it bagged a doll says I have a massive mental problem right the guy like from second I saw him it started to talk to me invited me out to get to know each other as friends he's respectful he's loving he's sweet although I measuring his words with action since we've known each other about five months but don't contact each other every week okay at the beginning he was online all the time and would talk to me all day he had a lot of girls on his social media he's friendly and sociable with everyone he can't be alone okay but now when I see him I'm line and not talking to me I think he's flirting with other girls you're probably right so we have no relationship he's very nice with me but I can't help being a bitter and a when we do chat must be my past experiences must indeed I can't control my mind how could I be loving and cheerful and friendly self-reporting towards me when I have in my mind that his sweet words are just lies and he's not talking to me he's flirting with other girls I chose this question because it's a really good example that it doesn't just take our relationship for someone to not express their needs and for resentment to build theirs a dating situation and bug bug Minka doll whatever this name is you have been basically accepting crumbs for five months you haven't expressed your needs and now the result is inevitably resentment because that's what happens you get anger you get resentful because person's not meeting your needs so I don't think it's worth spending any more time on this person if you were going to you can either you can send him some form of the step up or step out text but for you it's gonna be really important for you to look back over this and say where was it along my timeline that I stopped expressing my needs or I didn't hold this guy to my standard because that's when the resentment started to grow and with that unexpressed the only thing you can do is express it later but if it's been pent up for a while tends to not come out in the best way as you are finding so I encourage clients when this happens to step back take a look at how they can express their own needs better and say alright in the future this is what I'm going to do and this is how I'm gonna correct it now so to conclude you might take ownership of it you might say hey I want to let you know you know I feel like I stayed quiet for a couple of months over this I really like to speak to you more is that something you're interested in if he says no bugger off take a few months off him live your own life and then you can start afresh with the new standard in place when he inevitably comes back great question I like it s wall has a question from the subscriber page the community make sure you're in there and post your question below for the ex quarantine Q&A let me know if you're enjoying hit the like button if you are and will keep doing these or all stuck in quarantine together s wild says what is the best way to let guys down when they approach you and ask for your number or out on a date in the past I've liked boundaries and ended up in situation ships that did not serve me because I didn't want to hurt someone else by rejecting them I'm a friendly person and my kindness invites unwanted advances I want to honor my boundaries honor the courage of the men who approached me but also say no thanks do you have any super smooth ways that I can do this so it's important to realize and remember the part of having good relationships means an ability to hurt people right I know that sounds weird but I had to do it as a vet when I realized that you have to animals a little bit to help them you have to be willing to inject it with a needle you have to be willing to put a cannula in their arm you have to be willing to make them uncomfortable and that's a real challenge to an animal that calms down while you're doing it pull on my heartstrings for sure it's the same in relationships the ability to be authentic requires you to sometimes hurt people that's it's that simple you have to hurt feelings otherwise you're bending all the time and you're changing what you're saying you're walking on eggshells you can't be authentic and things go unsaid and the relationship sinks so for beautiful impasse like yourself yes you've got to be willing to step up and risk people getting hurt you're not gonna do it intentionally and you're not gonna do it in a way of disrespect some it can be as simple as hey I honor you for having the courage to ask but I'm not interested thank you it takes a real man to ask so thank you for that I'm very interested if they persist just hold eye contact and say no you have to give a reason oh do you want to come on come on no I'm not interested thank you oh but but come on give it a chance why are you being so stuck-up I'm not interested all you got to do is say you don't have to explain yourself to fend your position and you're allowed to hurt people as long as you're being authentic and you're delivering it in the way that is honest with you which you're never going to come off malicious because that's not your intent what should I text him so he'll like me we've got the 12 texts to make him yours for free and messaging magic in the description below thirds of 80 pages of texting took me forever to put together and with no other context catchy that is the only advice I can give you Alexandra kovash says haha really enjoy your videos I have one constant problem I need help with how is it that every guy I meet even from different cultures show me interest I see it in their body language see they're genuinely into me they're nothing they disappear I'm 30 to look nice people say I'm pretty what's wrong then do they fake body language it sounds like you are getting a lot of attraction Alexandre but not a lot of connection and I suspect that if this is your pattern that the men who are not wanting to connect or not willing to connect are being reflected in your own unwillingness to connect so if the guys you're meeting are constantly emotionally unavailable then there's got to be a part of you that resonates with that otherwise this wouldn't be happening all the time so without diving deeper I dare say there might be some fears of intimacy and fears of being worthy of the love you deserve fears of the love you deserve that could be coming through in these guys that show attraction then ghosts it's more than likely that part of yourself is doing the same thing I have an urgent question from sick all right let's get to it I would like to tell the married man's wife that he's been cheating on her with multiple women for years but what are some good ways to approach this what method would you use to deliver the message and most importantly how to say it without any backfiring mm look I put this question in because if I'm the guy and this was happening to me I would want to know I don't know your exact means I don't know how you know the guy but make it subtle and if you have an answer for sisk post in the comments below I've never been in this situation so I would just figure out a way that was subtle and that wouldn't be read by the husband obviously in some of these cases the wife already knows and just doesn't want to act on it so I wouldn't do it more than once and I wouldn't blurt out everything I'd make it a simple no hey this happened if you want to learn more if you want to know more let me know but I felt it was my moral duty to say something you won't hear from me again leave it at that if she's curious she will come to you Cindy says what's the best way to get a friend to see that you'd like to date them when they see you as just a friend why my mates one of my male friends that I've liked has asked what kind of men do you consider dating how do you say the type how do you say that the you type we had embarrassing both of us I just say you're smart figure it out but he can't he will ask everybody out except me because he sees me as a friend and not a date like really Chris my question my question why I'm to attach a full video at the bottom in the description for you to check out on how to turn your friend into your boyfriend how to get out of the friendzone you've got to you usually take a little break and you've also got to express some interest first question from Michelle Michelle says what's your opinion on older women dating younger men do you think it is doomed or has the potential to be great doesn't matter my opinion it can work it can absolutely work there's plenty of couples out there that make it work but those couples that do it healthy are the minority so I would what I'm gonna do is I'm going to attach my video on age gaps and put that in the description so you can have a read on the problems created by age gaps the greater the age gap the higher risk of incompatibilities due to where you are in life your goals all the normal things as well as the higher risk of toxic patterns so a caretaker caretaker relationship a parent-child style of relationship mothering that sort of stuff can all happen with greater and greater age gaps so it's not the age gap that's the problem it's what the age gap causes that's the problem so you got to check your own relationship and see if first of all yourself and your own relationship to see if those things are present in there um Adam bubbles says when he was opening up via text I always replied to him but when I opened up to him he left me on red and I'm feeling so bad and devalued and foolish for opening up in the first place we were all on lockdown so I know he could have so I know he could have had an emergency or is really not interested in replied it can be either I don't know I've not texted again to check-up with him it's embarrassing enough to be left on red after being vulnerable with someone you liked it's a terrible feeling I wish I hadn't even started texting him it's such a feeling to be left on red for days during this lockdown madam I'm so sorry to hear what's happened but you've actually done everything right well okay the texting thing it could be improved but the opening up vulnerability first that's brilliant okay often you have to lead the vulnerability the women will often lead the vulnerability and that's exactly what you want vulnerability over text is somewhat of an oxymoron so I'd really encourage you to save that valuable part of yourself for a person who is there with you in person or at least on video call where do the vulnerable thing the vulnerable way but once you've done that don't feel embarrassed be proud of yourself that's that's the whole thing and then you just see if the man can step up and if he can't that's okay right not every man in fact most men won't be able to that's the whole point you filter out the ones that Donna so no shame in that at all it takes incredible courage to do that and last question we got Barbara with kind of long sorry says I have a seizure disorder which is impacted my life in many ways I could never drive and a result of this my employers heavy shoes with Coburg my first job wasn't until this year which is 27 I can't have children and having a lot of these seizure episodes basically I had to explore myself to know if it would be okay to have sex and the good news is that I didn't have a seizure when I did that but the two things I'm concerned about our disk our and new ear painful sex and dis orgasm ear painful orgasms I know man wouldn't want to hurt me not certainly not intentionally however inevitably my medical condition could come with nerve damage basically how do I address this how do I bring it up I spoke with a client recently about dealing with HIV which she was nervous about telling men understandably so and I can totally see why you would also be nervous about seeing this so it's gonna be about how you bring it up and how you frame it so I would definitely say to you go and watch the video where I demo this I'll put the link in the description and then you want to be bringing this up before you get to the bedroom there's going to be good opportunities when you're dating to bring this up so anytime the conversation goes towards things you're grateful for the lessons you've learned it's any type of sexual conversation there's going to be all sorts of windows where you enter into this where you have the opportunity to and you can literally say hey yeah you know the guy might say what's the challenge you've overcome recently you say actually do what you really know oh there's a one I'm really proud of he says yeah yeah of course you say well I used to be really insecure over this but because of nervous I had a nervous system issue and it meant that I just have these seizures thankfully it's under control now and I was worried for a long time that it was going to affect my sex life and to be honest for a little while it did because sometimes sex can be painful for me and sometimes like it can be you know uncomfortable and there was guys that weren't okay with that you know they were so focused on making me orgasm or making me feel good that they took it personally but it's been good since then you know I found that people I found that the people that want to work with me do so and I filtered you know I've had those men come to my life and those that don't or those that are really insecure about always pleasing me they're not so much so no it's been good and I've learned a lot from it now let's do that on the spot but you can see when we frame it as okay this is a thing that I've learned from it's something I have been insecure over I sort of I'm giving him like hey this is gonna happen when things get too sexy time and I'm presenting in a way that's now allowing him to decide well before we get to the bedroom putting the expectations in the right place so Barbara thank you for your question don't forget to join the Facebook group we've got all sorts of conversations going in there lovely ladies in there to help you out I'll be in there as well during the quarantine we're doing more of these so post your comment in the space below hit the subscribe button with the bell and hit the like button if you enjoyed the video I guess a post your questions and I will see you in this weekend's video