Comment Solicitation with airSlate SignNow

Comment solicitation

everybody this is juice of panic and I wanted to offer a couple of comments on this document in regard to maybe some of the word smithing but I alluded to earlier so my first one is in the subject line I think that to me the honor societies really do provide an opportunity to celebrate accomplishment as well as join a higher group or a group of leaders or you know people you know maybe a little bit above the fold if you will so these three lines and this that are suggested here for the subject line I think they sort of missed the mark a little bit the first one considering a career in public safety doesn't really doesn't really lend itself to the idea of an honor society it's more like almost a recruiting tool for the major the middle one you were invited to further your career I'm not too sure that I like the grammar in that I'm not sure that furthering the career is is how I would say that but also assuming that a lot of these people are going to be students so they don't have a career yet maybe to further the last one join a group to further your career it's not too bad but again I'm not I'm not so sure about the word further personally I don't I don't really like it but I could take it either way I would - I wanted to suggest a couple of alternatives there so I just jotted a couple down off the top of my head but the first one would be give yourself the recognition you deserve and I think you know one of the things that we sell about honor societies is that you'll be able to wear cords and and the shawls with the graduation regalia and so I think you know staying on that that sort of egotistical concept and people you know demonstrating or some recognition I think is a maybe a good sales point the next one would be the phrase join the join the leaders in your field and declare your leadership in your field all right so again here it's about joining a group of individuals who are on the cutting edge and declaring hey I'm one of those individuals - on the cutting edge on you know above the fold so that could be broken into into two lines or you could it could be kept as one big line either way the third one would be just a simple celebrate your accomplishments these honors societies with the exception of IEM do require a higher than average GPA and they have to people have to be in a certain percentage of their class so I think focusing on the reward for that hard work and effort is it's probably a good a good sales pitch - and last but not least is put your accomplish put your accomplishments to work for you and this one I kind of like because it both brings in that accomplishments it brings in a little touch of that ego but it also says hey you know now it's time to get something back for all that hard work and effort and so so hopefully somebody would would think that that would be a worthy activity okay so advance this down a little bit the next comment I have is this stuff the line at the very top up here are you prepared for the future I I think that's a pretty common way to say that but when I read it I think about like do I have enough food and do I have enough water and things of that nature I would I would want to turn that into more of a positive statement like are you ready to lead the future or are you ready to create the future take your place in the future something a little more positive like that and as opposed to are you prepared for the future I think again you know having achieve the grade point average that they need to get into these honor societies I hope that they would feel you know prepared for that for that next step next comment is in this term right here where we are we're I don't know if that should be capella instead of we're to me it felt a little bit a little bit personal but I can go either way on that one and last but not least there was some discussion already about the high campus find out which organization fits your professional goals determine your eligibility and see how you can officially join this is something that we do they don't do so I think that probably this needs to be maybe trimmed just a little bit we'll have this we'll have this open call but we also will be calling people based on when they hit a certain criteria as poor as per the work that one's been doing so I think that I don't need it I don't think that they need to do all this I think that you know just click here for more information and you know find out which which Association is best for you it's probably how I would maybe trim it up some okay on this next one down here I'm gonna kind of just go with the same comments for the subject line suggestions here as I had earlier before I don't really mind that you're invited that's you know straightforward simple to the point and this joint or disjointed criminal justice Honor Society is okay to start neck start networking I think is I think is alright again I think if we maybe make those a little bit more ego driven but I think they're basically okay mm-hmm on this this language here I don't mind this first paragraph I think this is fine as a member of Alpha Phi Sigma you could earn a scholarship a grant used towards your education professional development is okay this is presuming that they're going to have some some more school to go so I know that some of the people that have had been colonists have been graduates so that there's there's nothing wrong with it but some of them are at the end of their career and that would wouldn't benefit them too much also it's an annual conference alone you network with students outside of capella I think that this should be probably with with leadership in the field as well as students outside of capella so we want to definitely bring in that that networking piece to that then we jump right into the money thing joinha requires an $80 lifetime membership fee which we didn't do up before I think this should come out of here I think I don't I don't think we want to start talking about that and scare them away with an $80 bill right there before we substantiate the benefit of the association and kind of get them get them interested in it I think an average student might see that number ago choose another thing to pay for I'm not I don't want to pay for that so I probably take that out and then maybe add some more that benefit about Alpha Phi Sigma membership again to include the regalia that you can wear with your graduation gear and the ability to network with other leaders in the field and like-minded individuals Epsilon Pi Phi criminal justice Honor Society this this lends itself towards criminal justice Honor Society but it's actually emergency management so I probably would say join an Emergency Management Honor Society in here but I think that that is again my comments are consistent with these three so I think we can go with something a little bit more ego-driven on this one human selected as Canada for Epsilon Phi Phi or say focused on a fuel emergency disaster management I would make connection with energy fields career growth and development maybe career acquisition might be something that I want to put in there this seems very limiting to me as a member of EPP me other internship opportunities in Texas and Washington DC that's good for people that are in Texas and Washington DC but the rest of us that doesn't do that doesn't do us too much good so maybe eliminate the in Texas in Washington DC and just say you may be eligible for some internships or leave that out all together use your membership and agree to aid in meeting certified emergency manager certification requirements we talked a little bit about this and I think this is a this is a big piece of it so I'd like to see a little more emphasis paid to this [Music] as a as a sales point I think anything that helps them get you know these certifications that are going to help them in their job is good if you meet the accurate requirements would like you to join if you meet the academic requirements and would like you to join you will need to pay a $40 fee so we have the little English problem in here and again we're asking for money right up front which I personally don't prefer I think we should not have a money amount in there but I would like to say that it's a one-time lifetime membership so that that I think is that I think is a strong piece there but I would take the dollars out and clean up that language just a little bit okay this last one I probably have the least amount to say on again kind of stick with my theme here you're invited to join I am is fine it's straightforward and easy check out a professional organization seems seems almost a little bit colloquial for a professional organizations I'm not so sure I would say check out but maybe go with with some of the earlier comments that I had before I would just add to this last one prepared for your future by networking in a professional organization I think we need just a just a little bit more there as far as the language down here I think this all sounds pretty good pretty solid the part I don't like down here is the money again I think that this is same comment as before we don't need to scare them away with a with a fee on this one so I would probably eliminate that piece just say is an academic requirement you'd like to join you'll need to meet minimum academic credentials and purchase your membership something like that keep it simple but the rest of it I think is fine