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I woke up last night at 3 o'clock and did not fall back to sleep. I think I'm probably a little anxious but what I felt last night was sad. And I think I feel I feel the weight of what she is going to go through today and how scary that is going to be for her. Also the fact that I'm pulling the rug out from under my own life and while I'm excited about that, not knowing what it's going to be like is a little intimidating. I'm feeling like a hot mess basically. If you could tell your daughter one thing what would you tell her now? I don't even know. I guess just that we're in it together. This part is going to be worse for her but... and she won't understand, but I wish she could know that I'm on her team. Even from the beginning. And I hope that she will in a couple of days, start to feel that. But that is probably it, just that and that she is so wanted. I've wanted to adopt for a long time. Probably at least 7 or 8 years. But it was always like a someday thing. And I thought you know I would like to have bio kids and adopt. And kind of as the years went by and there had not been an opportunity for bio kids. I started to think about maybe doing it on my own. But that's a pretty big deal. You know like parenting is hard when there are lots of parents. I think I just spent a couple of years thinking about it and praying about it and I decided I was going to do it. And I bought a house, in a good school district and moved there and then the door just shut. It became so apparent that the Lord was closing the door. I had more work to do in my life, like I didn't even want to adopt for a while. I thought maybe that was just a fluke thing. I probably wont ever do it. It just really was... And so I took some time on my own self to get it together and just be better equipped. And then in the summer of 2015 I again started to feel like Ok, I do want to do this. So I called some agencies and just found out about eligibility and off I went! What are you excited for? I'm excited to be a mom! I remember being at playgroup when I was in preschool and hanging out with the moms talking about being a mom instead of playing with the kids. I have wanted to be a mom forever. I don't know, just getting to know her. She's 2, she is a person, she has likes and dislikes and who knows what they will be. Some of the things in her file kind of really match me. So it will be interesting to see if they are accurate and if we do kind of match as well as it seems like we might. I'm naming her Ellia, which means God has answered in Hebrew. And that has sort of become my mantra. And I named her that because I want her to know that even though her story is hard, that He is in it. And that is something that has been important to me and my story. Hi, come sit with mama.