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Hello and a very warm welcome to Virtue Baby. Moment we get to know someone at home is pregnant The first thought is whether it will be a boy or a girl. There are certain things we need to keep in mind. During the nine months and even after the child is born. The inquisitiveness can be a reason for stress sometimes What should we have in mind and how to welcome the baby? To discuss this we have the well known gynecologist Dr Nitika Sobti with us. Welcome, Doctor. Namaste. And we have Sister Shivani with us.. Om Shanti. Om Shanti. Every parent will be curious about whether it would be a boy or a girl. Some parents ask the older siblings whether they will have a brother or sister. Although it is very natural it might create stress sometimes. We have seen that when couples come to us Or when their families come to us Basically there is a lot of happiness about the member coming home. We want to do shopping and keep the baby's room ready. Pink and blue. Now it is relatively easy because we get Unisex clothes. And there are so many stores near hospitals that when they get to know the gender, the husband can quickly purchase baby's clothes. That is what we tell the parents. But for some parents it becomes a huge concern. Because they a very keen about shopping before hand. Sometimes it gets a bit deeper. That we come to know later. During the third trimester, which is the last 3 months of pregnancy Or when they go for ultrasound, they are very keen. Many parents tell us - Doctor, you already know what the gender is, so please let us know. They use many tactics to get to know the gender. But I would like to clarify here that we will never reveal it. We will not even know because we are not doing the ultrasound. And secondly there is a very clear law in our country passed by the Supreme Court. That we cannot disclose the gender. And we cannot reveal it based on the ultrasound film. We cannot get access to it. It is not possible at all. Even the ultrasound that we ask them to get done during pregnancy The patient has to fill a form and sign on it And the doctor has to counter sign on that form. That that ultrasound was not performed to reveal the gender. And gender was not revealed either. And we did not even try to know the gender. So the rules are actually so tight. But yes, the patients get excited And when they cross a certain level of excitement it becomes a cause of stress and anxiety. And as we have understood complications We know what these things can lead to. I think we need to discuss this a little more on a wider platform. Because we need to understand it better. Sister Shivani, if we look at the gender bias in general Dr Nitika mentioned there is certain pressure to reveal it. But does it not seem natural when we want to bond with the child? Because we create or we visualise that baby. And it happens generally considering the gender. How does it affect my child and my relationship with my child? You mentioned that it is natural. Let's change the definition of natural also now. Because when we call it natural, we give ourselves the liberty. Actually if you see, it is such an unfair thought. Why should we call it natural? It is that aspect which is not in our control. It is that aspect which will not happen according to to what we desire. It is one aspect where we have absolutely no control. Still why are we creating that thought? We should check why we think. Generally when you think that you will do something I thinking it is actually materialize because you will start moving in that direction. For example with our thinking we can ensure the baby is doing well. That is fine and that is possible. So we take care of that. But which soul is coming home? And based on the soul coming, the body will get created. So it is just not in our control. So why are we calling it natural? The baby's gender is not in our control. And we are creating such a strong thought that it should be of a certain gender. We need to realise that No, it is not going to happen. The programming of your past Karmic connections is already done. It is already fixed about which soul is coming into your life. Now you cannot use your thoughts to change who is coming. Who who is coming is already fixed. Now it is your choice whether you will invite that soul with welcoming energy. Else it can be that you want a baby of a certain gender, while the baby of another gender is coming. Forget medical reasons, but even if you create a thought of preference Like how many parents say We are fine with baby of either gender They say that they are fine with a boy or a girl. But since we already have a son it will be nice if we have a daughter now. So even this one little preference It is not fair to the soul who is sitting inside the womb. The baby is receiving the thought. It is catching your thought. You just place yourself in that position. That you are in that womb And you are constantly getting a different message. Suppose you are a boy and you are in that womb right now. And you are very excited that you will come out and bond with your family. Because the soul knows everything. But you are constantly getting a message from them that they want a girl. Your mummy and papa want a daughter. They don't have a daughter at home. Even your extended family is waiting t to welcome a daughter. In fact you will also keep thinking that they have already thought of a name for the girl. That if it is a girl, then this will be her name. They must be even thought what that girl will become after growing up. Because there is no limit to thinking. But it is a boy in the womb. That soul is catching every thought. And it constantly gets a message that they want a daughter. Where as I am a boy who is going into this family. But they want a girl. What is the message? It is a very deep rejection. It's not a mild rejection. I am not wanted by this people but I am coming here. But I don't think that the child is not wanted. He is not wanted. Once he comes, he is wanted. Suppose you are coming to my house For forget even that. Suppose we want a host for this program. Suppose for the last 6 months we have created thought That we want a male host. And you get a constant vibration that we want a male host. A male host is better for this program. This is a constant message you keep getting. But then for some reason, you come as a host. Will it not make a difference? How can you say you are not feeling unwanted? Of course you are unwanted. Because even after you come I will still have a thought that it would have been better to have a male host. Won't you feel unwanted? You will. Even at this age we feel it. That we are unwanted. Unwanted also by whom? The most important people in my world. By your parents. Since the soul in the womb is detached from the body, it is catching every thought. It is becoming a part of its programming. So we have to be very careful So as a parent what should I want? I want a healthy, happy, pure, and beautiful baby. There should not be a single thought of gender preference. When we have such conversations we don't realise that the child is catching our vibrations. That is true. We actually need to bond with the child. If the feeling of being unwanted is created in the child But once the baby comes it is going to be loved by everybody. There is no doubt that after birth, whether it's a boy or a girl, the whole family will love the child. But the programming is already present in the soul. Which means even after 20 years or 30 years, parents will need to convince the son. But he will say - No, I know that you wanted a daughter. Sometimes it happens that You will find someone who is a girl but would love to behave like a boy. Likewise there can be a boy who wants to behave like a girl. They don't know why they are doing that. Actually they are doing it for their parents. Because that girl heard when in the womb for 9 months, that her parents wanted a boy. Parent-child relationship is very deep. So that girl will want to behave like a boy for their sake. The mannerisms are of a boy because that soul wants to give them what they wanted. Like you want to do something for a loved one. So their way of speaking, walking, hairstyle, or dressing sense They will all change accordingly. We have to really think and change. Now you will have to put efforts with such children for a lifetime Our thoughts have made them like that. And it happened unknowingly. Sometimes when parents think of a preference, it may not be a very deep desire. Sometimes it's just out of excitement that they ask or say such things. But sometimes I get a feeling that Maybe in front of me they show it as excitement But maybe internally they have a desire. But let's do this as a principle. When we understand how it impacts the child In today's times as it is, souls have very low self esteem. They have low self respect. If we look at ourselves, we get hurt in small scenes of life. I can visualise a boy who is so caring and thinking because The mother wanted a girl in her pregnancy. The mother will not think in just one line that she wants a girl. The thinking is that, if it's a girl she will do like this If it's a girl she will do that... Boys these days do not take good care... The mother doesn't just create one thought that she wants a daughter. If its a girl I will do this with her... If its a girl I'll make her so and so... For 9 months you have a lot to think about. It's a lot of time. So the boy who is in the womb is getting all these messages. So even if we say that we just thought of it for the fun of it The one who is listening is listening, isn't it? The entire programming is happening. Parents even think of how they will get her married. But there is a boy being created inside. That is why mind is compared to a horse, it can just set off in all directions. If the parents become aware That soul is catching our thoughts And it will affect the personality of the soul. It affects the self respect. It's very difficult to heal the feeling of being unwanted. No matter how many times you tell the child that he is wanted and he is loved They will say, No, I know that I am unwanted. I will not this feel unwanted by the parents Not just the immediate family but later on given by the husband, if its a girl. Even in small scenes they will say I feel very unwanted Even in the in laws house, they feel I am unwanted. Even with their friends at school and college Nobody wants me. Now this kind of a child Will always want to gain appreciation and approval from people. Getting acceptance today is a major issue in our personality. We want to be accepted. Especially I feel women today want to be accepted. Even men. So every soul wants it. Today if each of us check what we are asking from others Acceptance, appreciation and approval. We know that every soul wants these three things No matter how much you care you will still feel people want them. Even we see that we want it all the time. At the least let us not give the opposite to the soul. Otherwise the desire for acceptance will become very deep. They wanted acceptance but they got rejection So the parents and the whole family While counselling I feel the mother She should keep her thought process clean and clear. But I feel the whole family should sit down and do it as a decision. The first thing is that the whole family should do it. But in the family even if two people don't want to do it, as parents The parents at least should do it. The mother will be in so much fear as it is. Earlier people would start making sweaters for the baby. Or socks for the baby. They will be thinking of which colour to use. Maybe they feel it is natural. If the whole family gets and understanding After the child is born we will do all this. Let's change these things. We felt that everyone does these things. And today the shops and advertisements also make it all very attractive. But I personally feel that if people realise the impact Then they will not do it. Now we have understood in this series, the result of our thoughts. If the Mother's hormones affect the child Gender preference will give the child a feeling of rejection. We have already understood that our mind has an influence on our body. Which means the child's mind will affect the child's body. If the child is creating an emotion of rejection It will effect its body. So already what have we done? If the bodies of a girl and our thoughts is that it should be a boy. That will create problems. Not only that. Otherwise also stress affects the body organs. Even if we are not so specific but otherwise also. Haven't we given stress to the baby? For 9 months, they are waiting for someone else and I am here. We say it is natural to feel But Sister Shivani rightly pointed that how can we call it natural? Especially when it's not in our control. And there is a very scientific reason of why it is not in our control. The next question could be that can we do anything about it? Is there anything we can do if we want a daughter or son specifically? Many gynaecologist have patients who asked this question. Can we do anything? So I just explain to them First of all we don't have any control over it. And the balance which nature has created It need to be at 50-50% We cannot even alter it to 49-51%, no matter what we do. They will still want to know what can be done but I say, No. There is a very scientific reason to it. Basically the chromosomal makeup in our body It is different for male and female. There are 46 chromosomes in both male and female. The sex chromosome which helps us distinguish male from female XX and XY. We have this clarity. All of us know this in general. The female sex cell is XX. Half of it will mean X. From the mail it is either X or Y. It depends on the male whether the child will be a girl or a boy. So the sex cells XX and XY Half of either of them will combine to form the baby If the male is giving us X, then the result will be XX, and hence it will be a girl. If the male is giving us Y, then the result will be XY, and hence it will be a boy. So it's very physiological. So we don't have any role in it. Also the women is not responsible of whether it will be a son or daughter. Even if we leave decide that topic of whose responsibility it is But it can be a major stress factor. Why I give this explanation is Because the mother lowers her self esteem throughout pregnancy and after giving birth. She will start worrying that there is some problem in her. It is becoming less. I think why it is becoming less is, that it reaches us less The mind is still creating these thoughts There is no need to feel guilty. If it's not the female then the male might start worrying. We will not go into who is responsible. But the main point is we have no control in it. Whether we look at certain calendars or go to some people Increase thought power Take ayurvedic treatments Parents can do what they want. They can do it to ensure it's a healthy baby. But not out of gender preference. Because I have seen a lot of things happening due to gender preference. In Medical Science we have no way to control it. We cannot shift the balance even by 0.1%. Even if parents do something else, they don't share it with us. But it will be deep rooted in their mind That they have done something. That we will have a baby of this gender. But after delivery if it turns out to be the opposite gender Then the child will anyway be affected. Even in the mother I have seen some cases with complications of heavy bleeding, post delivery. If they had expected baby of another gender If stress goes high for any reason then blood pressure shoots up After delivery there will be complications related to it. Because there is stress in the body. And this is a stress which we could have avoided. We have already spoken about how we can avoid hypertension and a few other things. So unnecessarily we should not create it. What happens after delivery still comes later. But Sister Shivani, if I decide earlier itself Actually I don't knowingly reject the child. Yes, we don't do it knowingly. And if we have the knowledge we will not do it. Consciously as a family if we take a decision That no one will speak even a word, and it will not come as a topic of discussion at home. It should not even come as a thought in the mind. We will think of the name and everything else after the baby is born. There is no emergency that we should already decide the name. This information should be given to the family also. Not only the mother but the whole family. Suppose couple does not have a preference, but grandparents have a preference The soul who is coming doesn't have a relationship only with the parents. It will be with the grandparents also. So why should that energy of bonding be different? And I think it's a very easy thing. You have clarity in your thoughts That is affecting the child's self esteem And lifelong personality I don't think it's very difficult. Generally all our focus is on external things. When we prepare to welcome the child Suppose I am in the process of delivering a child And being aware I am creating a slight preference for the baby's gender After the delivery, if the baby is of the opposite gender, what about the guilt and shock? The bonding gets affected. When the mother looks at the baby Because of the emotional bond our hormones get affected. We need the mother in hormone. But instead if we are secreting stress hormones looking at the baby It creates a problems in bonding, breastfeeding, handling of the baby. It has a cascading effect. It's a trauma, not stress. It's a shock. However we condition our mind When that event will come The mind and body will respond. In this case of the conditioning was different that it will be a girl and I want a girl Sometimes couples say everyone wants a boy but we don't want a boy We want a girl. They feel saying that is right. Because if someone asks them if they want a boy They say we don't want a boy we want a girl. Even during counselling I don't want to get deep into this topic when they they want a girl child. You remember the slogan "Save the Girl Child" so you feel it's fine. But even if we repeatedly say that we want a daughter But if its a boy inside who is listening to the message How will the soul feel? So never think which of these two lines is right or which of these two preferences is right. We just need to do what is right for the baby. Even as doctors the guidance that we follow is Counselling is very long in that case. But if the parents desire for a girl child, there is not much counselling involved. We say whatever is best for you will come. We just end the topic at that. It is very important in today's times If I go back to my life I always said That I cannot manage a son. Look at the line that you just cannot think of having a son. If it was a son inside and he heard it? That you cannot bear him? But if you see, our statements can be very strong. Which could actually lead to something else Suppose you are already sending a message that you cannot bear to have a son What if something may happen and that soul may not come to your house? There is a possibility. Because we are only saying I will not be able to take you. Suppose there are two or three daughters in a house. They might again go for a child thinking it would be a son. So the whole family will create a thought It has to be a boy. It's not just a rejection, but it's very, very strong rejection. And then the mother will go through fear that my mother in law will not accept her. Even my happiness is gone because I may not be accepted now, not just my child. She may herself say that I already have three daughters. I don't want one more. Whether they say I don't want this daughter I want a son, are the other way around. Preference should be a taboo, we cannot create it. Thank you so much, Sister Shivani and Dr Nitika. It's a new perspective that we understood today. And I think 90% of the women who have gone through pregnancy or about to go through it Most of us have had preferences. But rather than keeping in mind about what the gender will be We should only focus on bonding with whoever is coming. And whoever comes will be a virtue baby. Focus should be on how I can nurture the baby to be virtuous. There are many other aspects to understand through this series. If you have any question or message for us, please send us an email. That's all we have for today. Namaste.