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self-validation is a dbt skill that focuses on accepting the emotions that you are experiencing for people who experience overwhelming emotions it can be common to have a hard time accepting them as well for example you feel angry or depressed and you start telling yourself i am not supposed to feel like this i should know better so on top of the uncomfortable primary emotion you are piling on secondary negative emotions as well in order to help you cope with this exhausting process we look at three steps of self-validation that psychotherapist sherry van dyke calls acknowledging allowing and understanding self validation level one step one acknowledging first simply put a name on the emotion that you are feeling acknowledge it and try not to judge it or yourself for feeling it for example maybe you feel anxious instead of getting lost in the self-deprecating train of thought just acknowledge it by saying to yourself i feel anxious this is the first and basic step on which we are going to build on further step two allowing in this step try to remind yourself that it is okay to experience any emotion give yourself the permission to feel whatever has arisen in you look at the following statements that you can use in order to remember to be open and gentle with the emotion that you are feeling number one it is okay to feel the way i do right now number two i am allowed to experience this emotion number three allowing myself to feel this way doesn't mean that i am behaving accordingly number four this will pass but for now this emotion is here number five this emotion is uncomfortable but it won't hurt me pick three of the statements that you like the most and write them in the worksheet so that the next time you notice you are judging your emotions you remind yourself to allow this process to happen step 3 understanding in the third step we will try to create a context for the emotion that you are feeling we often don't have the time to stop and think about why we feel the way we do take your time and think about the past events that led up to the emotion that you are feeling what exactly happened that you think contributed to you experiencing this emotion try to be objective and don't blame yourself state the facts if you say i was really stupid and i deserve to feel this depressed those are not the facts describe what [Music] happened level two now that you practice this skill by validating the way you feel right now you can try practicing this exercise on a past event that created overwhelming emotions in you try to imagine how you would apply these three steps in the situation you chose in the first step acknowledging remind yourself of what you were feeling then in the step allowing think of what statement you would use to remind yourself to be accepting finally in the step understanding think about the objective reasons that contributed to the way you felt write down the answers in the worksheet [Music] great job congratulations on finishing the exercise see you in the next video