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want to know what a real man would tell their lady about love and life you're in the right place this is hello ladies with rom wills rom wills is an author speaker and proud father grab some wine sit back and enjoy hello ladies welcome to my spot don't deal with a placeholder man don't deal with the placeholder man ladies i'm gonna tell you what don't deal with a man who you know you have no future with or you don't even want a future with don't deal with that man who's just some you know deal with them in the meantime that's a mistake and that's something i know women do i know from the women in my family they they would even say that i remember when i was younger my own grandmother said well just deal with this woman for a little while you know it's just something for a little bit and i'm like please you know don't do don't and this don't necessarily mean just deal with a man strictly for marriage either you know when you deal with a man you know just be with somebody don't think in terms of what's going to happen at least deal with the man thinking you know what there's potential here right there's potential for something long-term let's see what happens and you know if something don't happen then it's like okay at least you try that's different from a placeholder man a placeholder man and y'all know what i'm talking about ladies y'all actually you know y'all probably know better than me the place holder man you know this is just this is just something until the guy you actually want comes about and you know you're going like you go into the relationship knowing you gonna dump this guy you just don't know when like you already know you already got the plan and everything you know like if you have sex with this guy you know you going in protected i mean you gonna make sure you on the pill he wearing a condom you know you want to make sure if your friends ask you if this is it you you gonna be like no he's just here because you know and what a lot of women doing i know y'all do it yeah i know a lot of y'all when i get that uh placeholder guy you still looking for the other guy you still looking for you know that ideal man um sometimes that fantasy man but you know what i said about that whatever the case but you know this guy is just somebody this guy first of all this guy is typically not select to you people know i talk about selecting nonselect this guy is typically not select this guy is typically not select right because i mean seriously he's typically not select because he's like you already know in fact when you deal with them you don't give them your best even if you sleep with them you ain't you ain't wearing the victoria's secret panties and stuff uh into the bedroom that you know lingerie and everything that teddy should you go in there and some t-shirts and some granny panties and give him that starfish sex yeah i know what i'm talking about but you know this the guy you know what he chased you you know he probably a good guy probably taking it seriously you just like you know okay you don't want to be alone you know he gonna pay for stuff and you know he ain't decent guy still but you know ain't nothing there you know you go in knowing this ain't no permanent thing he don't excite you like that but he decent enough right i'ma say don't deal with them at all because see here's the thing one problem with that is women y'all tend not to tell that guy here a place hold a guy i tend not to tell you that guy taking you serious that guy taking you seriously he's looking in terms of marriage and everything you know first of all he probably had to chase you down you just got the guy who chased you down not the one you actually chose but the one who chased you down you like uh okay right so it's like he's serious and stuff and see the thing is if he a placeholder guy you already know you won't dump him so when you dump him because you know the guy you actually wanted started returning your text or you just happen to meet him and stuff you like oh well you know you know sometimes y'all might be honest with him sometimes i tell him the requisite lie you know it's like oh no no no it's something here or you elevate some minor thing he did to a major thing right so that hurts that guy that hurts that guy so you hurting somebody and you thinking everything cool but uh reality is stuff come back to hit you karma's real right it's better if that guy if you ain't feeling that guy on a serious level like at least at a minimum somebody okay you want to see where it goes just leave him alone is is better if you reject him and i know a lot of guys don't like hearing that themselves a lot of men don't like hearing that but it's actually better for them and it's better for you because one you being honest you're not wasting your time and on another level sometimes okay you get that placeholder guy you out walking in public with them and stuff are you doing something and it might become known that you with them you might actually lose out on several men who are actually more your type or something see understand something yeah there's some men out there who will they don't care who they deal with you know they even if you with that guy they'll still be the side man they'll still deal with you and then you got some men they they revel in taking a woman from a man but then you got still some other men if they see you with a guy they actually respect that they actually respect that and then say you're in a social circle he knows you with the guy but then you happen to break up with that guy or do something to that guy and he finds out about it there are some men who will be like well you know you did that to dude i'm not dealing with you i don't respect that i don't respect that you know i don't respect what you did and because i know some women that do it don't care i know some women be on that selfish thing and like i say there are some you it you know it would have to be that guy that revels in taking a woman from a guy right but then can you trust that guy can you trust that man right who wasn't the place older man one you actually be can you really trust that or can you trust that guy who's willing to be the side piece you know because that guy might and also too that side piece guy the guy's willing to be the side piece because you actually want to be with him more that's all he might have been he might not do some of the other things that the placeholder man was doing and then of course like i said you get some men they see you they might even see y'all together they like oh she got he got somebody you actually missed out on him because then maybe okay say the guy the type of guy you actually want is single right and he's actually like sincerely looking for a good woman and you know which i could actually actually i could probably be compatible if you were single right so yeah like i said he already righteous he ain't gonna try to be the side man and he ain't gonna try to take it and then he see all together one thing he could do but see if that's a good guy some other woman to see it and he don't mess with you because you know you got somebody and then the other woman is actually single that come into the picture and it's like well you messed up you messed out it all you had to do was just be single maybe for a few more months and you it would have been perfect y'all met click everything because when you with that when you with that placeholder god that actually prevents you from getting with a guy or create some negative situation like don't waste your time don't don't ever do that don't ever do that you know you know you don't and this is in ladies you're doing it for a selfish reason you want to be open for that right sensible solid man you know you don't want to hurt the placeholder god yeah it's better that now he might you know he might be chasing you and all that it's better you heard him on that small scale first and just say look you know i'm not feeling you i respect you i ain't feeling i don't want to play you i'm not feeling you like that just tell them just straight up with it if he's a man he'll deal with it okay and in fact if he's a man he'll respect it if he ain't a man well you didn't need to mess with him anyway but don't deal with them at all only deal with the type of guy that you can grow with that you can see a possibility with and like i said if it don't work out you end up breaking up okay you done tried it you know boom but don't don't don't get the guy you already know from the get-go from the minute he even said something or that he just chased you down or something you already know this ain't gonna happen seriously don't don't even bother with that it's better for you it's better for that guy and it does give you the chance to meet the guy you should actually be with all right so leave the placeholders alone all right so anyway ladies really heat what i'm saying because you know i'm all in here trying to help y'all and i'm going to tell y'all some real stuff i ain't going to tell you what you want to hear but what you need to hear so anyway i'll talk to you all soon peace and blessings you