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[Music] greetings greetings welcome i'm so glad you could be joining us today another episode the printed page in the digital age i've got with me here colleagues experts of not well accomplished people in sharing and publishing books and sharing the printed book greetings and toy and uh how are you uh how you met us yes you are the tech team the printed page thank you so much yes how are the books going fortunately enough the books are going in every home and if any of our listeners has not made an effort to ensure that they actually follow the trend of getting them they are missing out yes yes and maybe this video is not everything my friends we're just sharing tips beats just the tip of the iceberg we really want you to read yes read your way out of your problem yes there is such a thing such as that where the solution is in the printed paper yes readers will be leaders readers will be leaders if i can just throw in my view there if you don't have the information you will have to pay you pay for it you pay for your ignorance yes ignorance is expensive yes it is but when you read and you get informed yes people will pay you yeah they want to tell them what you know yes so it's powerful when people read so in this segment we encourage people to buy books we encourage people to read we encourage people to share what is written and to be readers and because when we read that's how we're going to change our countries our economies and our lives so this week gentlemen we have a very exciting hot topic yes let me invite my young people out there young people youth teenagers if you know anyone who is a teenager who is a young person not married please share this link with them because guess what we're talking about sex in dating and courtship and our question is what is the printed page saying about this topic why are we bringing sex if i may ask uh thank you thank you so much for that question yeah why are you how are you bringing are we bringing sex to the viewers out there i would like to say uh if you look uh on all social media platforms in music uh in movies and in any other printed picture that you find on sex is everywhere yes they say even in the terms in the post-modern world sex sales in fact you're right yes beautiful seven cities bmw bentley whatever you're so true next to them is this a woman who's almost stuck naked what is a woman to do with the bmw that's true so so there's their sex is used to spice everything it's funny it's funny how even food is now called yeah yeah yeah you have those kind of statements when we talk about sex in dating and courtship maybe let's unwind a little bit rewind go back and define these things sex doesn't need definition yes perhaps just clarification what are you talking about perhaps our children know more about what we even know though we gave birth to them but dating and courtship we are africans we i want you to clarify what is this that we call dating and courtship do we have it in africa what is it that we're talking about here let's just be very clear from the word go that originally when we were growing up the word dating really never existed that's actually true it really never existed in fact when we used it i realized we're using it wrongly this is dating someone yes it never existed but now let's be relevant to our listeners out there particularly the teenagers and the youth that are listening when we're saying someone is dating we are just pointing out that it is an opportunity for them to mingle as a friends with different people of the opposite sex now when i talk mingling i'm talking about interacting in public yeah having the pleasure to just share certain conversations to go to certain places as a group in a bid to identify and see if you are compatible you're compatible in terms of just you being people correct um your stories someone is talking about you know being in the movie houses someone is talking about looking after kettle do they correlate yeah yeah so tafazu your view on these two subject matters i like the way you've said it that dating is mingling with people creating opportunities to create or to to establish a relationship with someone yes yes it doesn't necessarily mean that's courtship because courtship is another term another level yes your clarification of these terms uh you see uh one thing that i would like to appeal to these viewers that we are living in a postmodern world and cultures are different yes what has influenced us is africans especially from the western side yeah yes to a certain extent uh limited us to actually do things in a certain way which were good for us so living in this culture now we need to know exactly the difference between dating and courtship as well as the young people out there might be asking at what age should i start to date and uh who should i get and when how should i tell my mom should i tell my dad should i join my auntie what are the steps that i must take in order for me to start this step so that i can go in the right direction so we are going to be giving you tips on how to date and when to date and uh we are also going to give you some tips in terms of how to cut in such a way that god will be pleased yes yeah we're going to give biblical models as well as some guidelines yeah on how you can maneuver without violating uh certain principles of life which will end up you lead you to be in trouble yeah i i i like it when you say dating so that god is pleased it reminds me of a face in the bible that says there are things that god even treats as a mystery yes yeah and one of them is the way of a young man yes so i think god in his greatness this is a young man and a young girl having chemistry yes i think he he he must pull himself to the edge so see what's happening and he wants to live i say that because even when he brought eve to adam true just take yourself to that place i don't know what the bible says the bible doesn't say anything it just says god brought eve to adam yes and it doesn't say god said anything i think god just stood there seeing the camera kicking off because i believe when adam went to sleep when god observed it's not good for him to be alone or make him a helper i guess god had an intention okay again just going to my young people out there the feelings you have for that girl you better ask what is god's intention powerful for you to have that girl because that is the big picture that is that god is looking at even when you look at in malachi there's a vest that says god created one woman for adam why one because he was looking for a godly seed yes so god is not interested in your joy with this woman that she pleases you well like samson said god is interested in what comes out of this relationship in terms of what you become and what so i believe god brought eve and he stood there adam having gone to sleep when he woke up the next thing he saw was this wow woman adam continued with this mood because he went to sleep naming animals yes so the next thing is already woke up he named it so when boys go out to get into a relationship i believe they are going out to conquer the woman's heart and own it because what you can't name you can't own yes all right now we we're talking here about courtship and dating i don't want to preach but i want you guys to share with me what you have code ship and dating and romance i want to use that as a lead discussion into sex in dating because the romance showing affection right when we talk of family life we say it must happen all around the clock it is you who talked about it in one of our episodes yes that sex does not happen in the bedroom yes it happens at breakfast table in the morning when you wake up yes all right you prepare so so so before you get into sex there's romance being lovable loving being ketos whatever all of this it's leading today all right how do you handle romance in dating and courtship because that is the biggest challenge for our boys and girls out there all right what what is the line that we should draw as christians because we're discussing this from a christian perspective what is the line that we should draw on how we give room to our feelings and our ideas about how to handle ourselves let me start with you thank you so much for asking as i interact with the number of youth yeah wherever i go internationally one thing that has stood out is many say at dating level i don't go that route of romance all right but they justify it at courtship level in the context that now i know she's the one all right he is the one all right so because we know and we're so certain that we are almost there then they begin to loosen up and go to a level whereby yeah it crops in all right it crops in so what is just today the issue of romance unfortunately and i'm glad that it's going to be tackled in young men and young women yes has been reduced to sexual activities all right to petting that's particularly touching hugging hugging kissing yeah but i'd like to ask the young men and young women out there the teenager yeah can you just reduce romance to that in that alone okay food for thought in actual fact when you begin to go through this you begin to realize that there is a broader spectrum and there is what you can do at this stage that cannot be done up and until you get to a certain stage which is marriage yeah yes but you see in travazo i wanted to jump in there romance in dating and courtship because that's that's where there's a trap yes for many young people what happens when and how so the you remember the example of a car maybe we'll use that as we go along a relevant example why start an engine when you don't want to drive yes why fill the tank we're not going to always use the fuel to drive so why even start it this is the argument you hear young people yes because the moment you start doing certain things you're already awakening certain passions in you in fact they are awake already yes yes puberty level the feelings are already awake so how do you ensure that you start the car at the right time at the right time ah thank you melissa for asking that question timing is very important the bible says are in ecclesiastes chapter 3 there's time for everything under the sun yes yes and then the bible says also in the book of proverbs i think where there is no vision the people will so to the young people there i would like to say there are three few things that matter that are very important one is your choice for god your choice for education or your career yeah and your choice of a spouse yes as well as a mission and statement of your life wow so if you i want you to say that slowly yes because i feel there's so much in there yes choices choice for god for god a choice for a career or education career a choice for a spouse a spouse and choice for remission mission yeah to save good purpose your purpose in life yes once you know exactly where your life is going so if your relationship with god is strong god will lead you into a career path that you then use as an avenue for you to fulfill his mission on earth wow and in the process the lord will bring help a helper to fulfill that mission wow that god intended for you when he created you wow so when that is established it is easier to know exactly the best time to be in a culture relationship yes a courtship a relationship yes because failure to do so it is a serious repercussions in terms of the godly seed yeah so choices that we make are very important that's why we are coming in as home health education to save that yes when your daughter to the viewers out there all your son is empowered holistically from a social point of view spiritual point of view their physical uh makeup yeah it will then empower them in your absence to make the right choices or to make the choice together as families i like the if you look in the bible in the book of genesis 24 yeah you see abraham and elias are discussing about the wife of isaac isaac was not there yeah and when abraham did send isaac when abraham did say eliezer elias i was praying and he asked god for a sign yes and if you read that story is very beautiful you can read it in the bible yeah and you can read it also in the book patrick's and prophets yes interesting story about the uh yeah involvement of parents prayer and as well as seeking a sign from god that my prayer has been answered these are the things that you find in genesis 24 yeah so i think with all those things in place there's time for for cutting yeah failure to do so you'll find out that for example young people out there if you are courting and your relationship with god is not strong yeah career path is not something that you are discussing or that you have been doing you will find out that way that's where you find out these people are probably to a certain extent you end up in a relationship where there's no vision yes and then there's child out of words broken hearts people thinking of committing suicide so these things they'll come into play because they say if you fail to plan you plan to fail exactly thank you no no we're talking about sex in dating and courtship is sex that important good question when you look out at what the world looks at from the worldly perspectives they value sex within culture okay and you hear them saying and i'm looking from the world perspective yeah being open with what our teenagers and youth are facing if in actual fact you have not had sex you're abnormal or you're awkward or something is not wired right crazy you're born my point exactly my point exactly now back to the issue that he has been touching on the killer question is during courtship are you able to stand in a bid to wait for the right time when marriage comes and i would like to say to someone out there it is not possible up and until you are empowered you are empowered particularly through the word of god yeah and better still you are also empowered through material in the printed page for young boys young men and young women indian women young women so in a bid to get empowered with the right knowledge you will find yourself faltering and failing why what am i driving to it is possible to have a courtship and not have sex you said a lot of important things but you did not answer my question yes yes is sex important yes it is yes it is important why am i saying it is important it is because that is the avenue god has given us to to derive pleasure and to procreate the question then is at what point does sex come into the picture according to the biblical model okay yeah all right allow me to come in there yes come in there yes uh when god created men he had an intention why he created both male and female yes and the bible says therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one flesh yes and uh if you go into the original hebrew yeah the ish the word there one flesh it covers a lot of things i don't want to get into detail all right but uh it talks of spiritual nakedness that you are supposed to connect at that level talks of physical uh nakedness your issue of communication yeah in all aspects so the worldly context describes sex as the physical act but when god gives uh the gift of sex to humanity it encompasses a lot of things and uh i think that's why when you do it outside marriage a lot of things go wrong yeah yeah because it's not just an act outside or before if you do it outside outside could be before so if it's before yes uh or you are married and then you do it outside your marriage yes all right outside for me is either during your marriage you're doing out outside yes and before yes and i think it was you guys one of you guys would say if if you do it before marriage it's going to impact on your fidelity yeah even if it's with the same person yes sir during one of you will branch out and so the point there is should what are we saying to our young people out there should they try it before marriage what is wrong with that and what is the printed page saying you're still there and i'm just going to take you back to the importance just that you can understand me clearly it's important yes the listeners out there understand what i'm saying you're 100 right the importance there stands out okay but is it the prime objective that you should focus on when you're in coaching okay that's the context i want us to understand it from all right because once we fail to hold on to that point clearly many out there would think that when they are in courtship it's a license for them to elevate it to sex because it's obvious and we've guaranteed that we've committed to each other that definitely are going to go into marriage yeah in fact in financial investment they say you must delay your gratitude yes that's the only way you can create an investment yes so coming to relationships when you delay engagement yes it's an investment rightfully so allow me to come in i like exactly the example that you are giving that yeah delay your gratitude your gratitude one thing that i would like to emphasize to the young people out there is the issue of timeline of cutting is very important if you are not ready to commit to marriage yeah rather pause a bit rightfully because the longer you caught okay the way we were created by god your body will even begin to complain yes so sex or when you are cutting does not begin when you get into the blankets it begins when you hold the ends spending time together yeah you hold the ends the next time you kiss you progress yeah so sex begins when you hold ends yes and you don't need to be cutting for a long time i wish you could see this more bloud because when we are married the for young people out there let me lay the facts clearly i want you to explain this thing a bit more i know time is running out but we have to get it right sex does not happen at eight o'clock when you get into your bedroom yes in marriage you built it from the breakfast table i think i said this twice in this program yeah so young people sex does not happen when you sleep with the girl when you touch it please explain this thing yes so that our young people get get it right because we were talking about sex dating and quoting when does this thing come in yeah yeah the thing uh sex begins when you hold the ends yeah and then the next thing is you hug the next thing is you kiss and uh one thing that i would like to appeal to the young people outside there is a the seed that you plant when you hold hands the next day you wish if you can progress and you always continue from where you left yesterday just like that even to the married people out there i can only tell you that if you want your marriage to be successful sex begins in the morning yeah help to make the bed give your wife uh some water to drink with lemon and play with the children play your part and then when your wife is okay emotionally the lord will work wonders in your marriage but i think as you speak there are some of the hugs we get as married men they have to stop that's true because things might just go beyond yes we are not in heaven we are on earth yeah we must protect each other i want us to talk about this concept why is it that sex is different or the way boys and girls look at sex it's different even the way it impacts on us is different i'm talking about teenage pregnancies yes yes i'm talking about stds yes we recently had a celebrity who was in the news who whose wife was complaining that you have damaged me means in terms of the sti you know this thing when it happens if it's not handled carefully fire is good yes a car is a beautiful machine but in the wrong in the hands of the wrong person and wrongly handled it can ban a lot of things yes it can kill a lot of people so how do we handle this thing that we see differently and and so that it's mutually beneficial for all i'm glad you're saying that thank you so much for this opportunity you realize that as men and you're asking for the difference as men we're visual beings what we see can actually begin to trigger certain things okay it's scientifically proven as women they're activated by touch so that also has a factor and goes back to what my colleague was saying earlier on yes so in a sense we need to be careful how we got against those two factors because it's easier to stop it before it begins all right when we got just before it begins it makes the world of difference from actually reaching that point where it's acted out i think to use our modern language you're saying close the gate yeah we heard this very notorious song that says john but for us as christians we're saying be careful what you display yes because when someone sees it they want it yes i'm not justifying that behavior yes but i'm saying it it triggers yes it's still up to that man to say no but some men can't say no yes right women when you touch certain girls and women there's something you are working up in them that's the men yes yes yes man you're working up something in there yeah and so don't wake up the dogs unless it's time don't start the car unless you are ready to take there to take the journey and so we we see sex different time as well it sex impacts boys and girls differently yes and therefore how should we manage it as boys and girls men and women uh if you look at the statistics in uh currently in south africa uh most young ladies are being infected with stis at an early age that's true yeah because of the the view that they have about about sex so i would like to it's also transactional sex transaction sleeping with all the men with money uh the bless us the blessings very true and if you read in the bible david said i have hid your word in my heart that i might not sin against you so i would like to say to the young people outside there when you are cutting take note of how how you dress physically take note of where you are i mean the environment yeah and where you are spending your time with the surroundings is very important check your friends what are they influencing you too drinking or putting or having late nights and also spend time in interacting with your parents or your guardians yeah in terms of the cutting that you are having because i believe by the time that you decide that i'm quoting now you have uh marriages on the horizon yeah because where there is no vision i will perish young people you will perish you see there's something i want to share with young people out there yes i've not shared with anyone i lent it for my mother-in-law i quoted my girl from my university yes that's when i decided to have a girl when i was in university so don't think there was something strange yes sir i was a cool guy but when vivian and i started to see each other there are two things i noticed all the time whenever she visited me at my church or at college she always came with someone a friend and whenever i would invite her for church outings where maybe we're in different churches so when our church is going out she never came alone she would come with either one of the brothers from church i still remember old time religion yes i don't want to mention their names now but they will always come with her all right yes and and so i i noticed that they protected me and her from being in a place where we are all alone where things could go wrong yes all right yeah so so be careful how you visit each other yes all right in that environment but let's maybe finish our segment i'm told by talking about there are young people out there who have combined this thing all together yeah yeah all right they've dated they have slept they are now wondering whether should i quote you know these are the boys who say why buy the cow when you get yeah yeah yeah yeah all right yeah yeah yeah and there are girls out there who are hurt yeah who are caring in their bodies the consequences of their decisions to sleep with someone before marriage because remember marriage is god's idea yeah and he knows what he intended it to be and how to fix it when things go wrong let's address young people out there who have gone ahead and slept they have had an experience with sex good or bad but i want us to focus specifically on those who have been hurt by their courtship dating experience yeah this guy promised you heaven on earth he was the right guy you prayed for all the signs but things went wrong you are ahead there is a book you're holding there that is a specific chapter that talks about how to deal with sexual hurt and guilt yes yes because we want to leave barrett our young people yes to know that rightfully so even when you make mistakes you can still be accepted by and i want us to to encourage that because we want them to buy the book and learn a bit more about the quizzes they can take very true to help themselves and to read more readers will be leaders but let's focus on this aspect four things that you can walk us through to deal with guilt very true the issue of guilt is actually a paramount issue that eats you inside and at times it does it so badly that you find yourself locked up and you're working prison fortunately enough young men and young women once in your custody and packs the solution and i'll just touch them in brief yeah firstly you need to understand that once you have been hurt don't ignore it okay very crucial okay because many a time we try and sweep it under the cupboard and act so brave as if you've got everything under control you don't you are hurting yeah don't ignore it yeah number one if there's also a disease and you can see the signs yes don't ignore it hundred percent don't ignore it number two number two number two thank you so much for highlighting that speak to someone you trust just speak to someone you trust it's crucial that in the journey of life we actually have pillars that we can actually lean on yeah identify someone you trust and begin to engage in a bid to get advice on the way forward yeah it could be a parent could be a counsellor it could be a guardian a pastor a guardian yes yes uh allow me to come in there and i would like also to the two viewers out there to take note of this young young girls or even adults if you have been abused or young boys take note of who you approach because if you are a young girl don't go to a man alone he have an elderly lad with you or your sister or your aunt and he have a group of counselors over the situation yeah that you are or that you have been exposed or something that is it is very key yeah because most of the challenges that is happening according to recent statistics particularly in south africa and beyond most people who go for counseling especially to uh so-called men of god apostle prophet yeah they'll end up being victims there as well so we need to take note so that our young people will not be uh compromised so i'm sorry you said admit to the situation don't ignore it yes seek the second one to speak to someone you trust seek someone to speak to someone you trust yes the third one you need to look to god for healing so in the process of speaking to someone do not limit it to a physical human being speak to god yeah and in the process the healing process will kick in he says in the book dear listener luke 1 verse 37 with god nothing is impossible possible yeah your situation is not impossible he can come through and restore the healing process absolutely he can restore absolutely and last but not least it's crucial that you move forward it pains me because as i sit here many are living in the past yeah and their past hurts are limiting them from their potential breakthroughs that's true so that's true when you've addressed all these points endeavor through the mighty hand of god to move forward yeah but let me also talk to those who may be thinking no i want to test it and i want to see how it works you see i'm sure you guys can see i have a scar here yes uh i remember the date when this car came and what i was doing i can tell you exactly where i was i can tell you take you there but when i touch it now it's not painful so it is possible to heal from the hurt but unfortunately it will leave a permanent mark it does a permanent scar scar yeah so it's your choice young people whether you want to carry this car yeah or you want to spare yourself from scars sex done outside marriage will scar you we don't even want to get into the details of the biology the chemistry and the changes that happen and the diseases that happen in you so we don't even want to go into the details of that but i guess the message staff as well maybe close this one for us what's the message sex dating and courtship let's wrap it up yes be the pastor today thank you so much to the uh viewers out there to the young people i would like to say sex is a gift from god when we follow god's uh when we follow god's will from the bible uh and when we make decisions in a hammond with his will will come to a point where his character is revealed to our children yes and to the world around the bible says come unto me or you are weary and you have a lady and i'll give you rest through the power of god through spiritual advice god will lead a young person to make right choices that god's will will be fulfilled on earth for example what happened to mary the mother of jesus an angel came to say you are going to be pregnant yes and she said how how can these things be i don't know amen preserve your spiritual and physical virginity there's great blessings in store for those who wait and if you are coating tell your boyfriend or your girlfriend that the fruit of the spirit is patience colossians chapter 5 verse 16 to 22. yeah the fruit of the spirit is love joy peace and kindness but verse 16 says but the works of the flesh are obvious which are adultery and fornication and the bible also says in first thessalonians chapter 4 verse 3 uh your body flee it begins by saying flee fornication and youthful luck and youthfulness learn to preserve your body in sanctification end and honor the bible also says in first corinthians chapter six that your body is the temple of the holy spirit therefore glorify god in your in your body yes so through the power of the holy spirit and knowing that you were purchased with a prize yeah it then calls for you wherever you are to live a life of integrity and moreover the bible says if you want to have wisdom fear god yeah yeah the body is not for sexual immorality it was created to please you to please your partner but ultimately to develop a godly seed yes out of your relationship and so my take is you don't start eating before you buy it that you can't go to nando's and say give me your food i want to test and see if it's night it could be nice before i buy yeah you buy you buy then you eat so get married and then enjoy there are so many other world views and cultural issues out there but i think we've summarized it well yes pray ask god keep yourself pure make sure that you apply your wisdom to select someone who's compatible with you and get resources and you almost you stole my words finally get in touch with the gentleman we'll put the details in the comments below get in touch with these books young people read read read god bless you please remember to subscribe like mail the broadcasting network and see you on the next program we say the printed page in the digital world god bless you [Music] you