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so the profile it comes out of the big book the chapter how it works and you can look it up and see this this is the profile of personality I want to talk about tonight it's not a it's not primarily a male profile I mean I've seen it both in women and in men I think any of us are capable of developing this this emotional relational profile and I want to talk about tonight I want to kind of unravel what is going on here in in the big book so here's how it starts rarely have we seen a person fail at recovery who is thoroughly you know make a mental note of that word thoroughly followed our path those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves cannot every word in this is just jammed up right cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves there's a couple things going on here number one we're talking about constitutionally incapable of being honest how does that happen well we're not talking about something like sociopathology or something like that we are talking about this disease of compulsion and this disease of compulsion creates that it lack of capacity to be honest about what is going on in our lives and it happens because we get our brains and our thoughts hijacked by this disease right and the disease starts speaking thinking talking and acting for us and so now we no longer know what the actual truth is for us we don't know and we're telling you what we believe to be true but far far away from where the actual truth is doesn't say they're in that in this first part that this person is hopeless it says that their dilemma is they're constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves not even anybody else just me with myself like I don't know I don't know how to accept what's actually happening to me I don't know how to accept what's actually going on in my life I look at the evidence you know people forever ask well how do you how do I know if I've developed a chemical addiction how do I know if this compulsion of my life has become significant in my life I go well the person not to ask is is you because I mean seriously right now tonight if that's what's going on you don't believe that you really have a problem and maybe you're here tonight because somebody wants you to be here but you still don't really think you should be here if I took a poll of your heart you'd be like well no I'm just really here to get her off my back there's a lot of that off my back and going on here right this is just kind of par for...