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do you just feel like you need to take a timeout but don't really know how or if it's appropriate we see younger kids toddlers they get timeouts but sometimes we just need a break to just refocus regroup if that's something you want to learn how to do stay tuned sometimes we get overstimulated whether our sensory czar our senses are on overload there's so much sensory going on sometimes we're in the middle of a heated argument or sometimes we're just like feeling so overwhelmed with information that we just need a pause and we can't do it around people maybe we're in a meeting and we're getting hitting left and right from people saying you need to do this so this needs to happen or this and that and we just feel like we need a timeout or maybe we're having a really heated conversation with our partner and we're just like ah I can't keep going like this because I'm gonna say something I regret I'm gonna say something mean or harmful or something that I don't even mean and I just say it because I'm in the heat of the moment those are all perfect times when you could just go and take a timeout and I'm not seeing a timeout in the traditional sense that you are bad and you need to punish you need to go think of your thoughts and what you did wrong no I'm saying a timeout in the way that allows you to regroup and refocus and bring your attention back to your goal right so if you're having a really difficult conversation with a loved one a friend or even a co-worker sometimes we're in the heat of the moment it can be so challenging to get our thoughts through to not feel reactionary to feel like we can actually have a conversation where it's give and take and not just take take take so an adult timeout is a great way that you can give yourself permission to refocus all right you're probably thinking all right great how do I take a timeout if I'm in the middle of a meeting how do I take a timeout if I'm in the middle of an argument where am I supposed to go what am I supposed to say I need a timeout no of course not they're like you're in this meeting this is work you're getting paid or we're having in Congress you don't walk away what I'm gonna tell you this little secret and it works like magic you tell them I'm gonna go to the bathroom right no one is gonna tell you you can't go to the bathroom if you're in the middle of a work meeting you can't go to the bathroom well then you need to talk to your HR about bodily functions because everyone has to go to the bathroom and maybe they say that wasn't the appropriate time but that is a great way to get out of a really challenging situation where you need a moment to regroup and refocus and think about all right what's my next plan of action how do I refocus all right now that you use this really cool technique of going to the bathroom you can actually go to the bathroom and that's plenty of time but what you can also do is pause while you're in the bathroom and refocus so something that I challenge you to do is look in the mirror and say what is going on that's causing you to feel so activated what's going on that you're feeling so oh like I needed a timeout did you feel overloaded did you feel like you weren't being heard did you feel like your senses were on overdrive sometimes we're getting so much stimulus whether we're watching a video or on their phones or electronics and there's all this stuff that we're getting information overload and it can be really exhausting maybe we're in a very heated argument and we don't even remember what we're arguing about anymore but we just know we want our point to be heard so taking an adult timeout is a really great way to diffuse the situation whether it's feeling toxic in an argument feeling overwhelmed in a meeting or maybe you're just eating a break so you go to the bathroom you look in the mirror and you do some positive self-talk what is positive self-talk it's like being your own cheerleader it's like looking in the mirror and saying hey you've got this it's okay they're having a bad day and they're taking it out on you or maybe we need to regroup and maybe you've come up with a game plan while you're away from everyone while you're not in this activated area and you can just have a moment just think and be alone with your thoughts and sometimes if go into the bathroom and getting out of that space isn't enough a change of environment can be really helpful so getting outside where there's a climate change here in Alaska it's really really easy to do because usually it's way warmer indoors and it is outdoors so if I'm going to take a quick break I can go outside and that temperature change what will just really wake up the senses of what is going on because sometimes we go on autopilot and it's go-go-go we're in meetings or tasks or this or that we don't have a moment to just pause so going outside and having that climate change or maybe you live in a really warm client where are you indoors there's a lots of AC and it's really cold and you can get outside and that warmth is gonna wake up the senses in a very different way that allows you to reconnect to your body going back to this adult timeout practicing in very everyday conversations rate practicing conversations that you might feel like might be escalating they might be getting more heated practice giving yourself permission to take a break to refocus and to regroup and you can say hey I'm gonna go to the bathroom and they're gonna be like okay no one's gonna stop you and if they are then be like why can't I go to the bathroom and maybe they say we're having a conversation and you can say hold that thought I'll be right back as soon as I'm done going to the bathroom you go to the bathroom you regroup your refocus there's lots of techniques that we can talk about that you can do while you're in your time now and know this isn't like a 30 minute timeout it's a quick five minute regroup refocus and so the difference between avoiding and taking a regroup is that you're gonna come back to the stressful thing after you're a timeout so if you're in a heated conversation with your partner or your friend and you're wondering well am i running away from this conversation am i avoiding this difficult topic because it's uncomfortable well you have to come back after your timeout and talk about it and maybe when you come back and you can say hey things were getting really heated I don't know where we got lost off-track can we try again or I felt really activated I felt really triggered maybe you're a sayyidi was through the roof and you just couldn't hear what the other person was saying because her anxiety was telling you danger this is too much it's too intense you have to fight fire with fire and then you get super escalated for no reason or sometimes we feel like we're on the attack and we have to defend our honor and we have to say no you're gonna listen to me and if you don't listen to me I'm gonna make you listen to me if you're not gonna make me listen white and we go and then we're like wait a minute what am I even saying and we start rambling right just like I did right taking a moment taking a deep breath do one with me and regrouping to your reason for having that conversation in the first place and maybe at work there making some changes and change is really hard for you and maybe you're thinking I can't handle this change it's too much it's too fast I I don't know what to do that's okay go take a break and come back and say that hey this is a lot of change at once can you give me a moment right and if your work doesn't let you have a moment then you can always say I'm gonna go to the bathroom and that's a really easy safe space to go and regroup maybe you even have to splash some water on your face just to wake you up you can't go outside you look in the mirror and you just regroup you look at yourself with compassion and kindness and if you're not ready to look in the mirror and face yourself maybe you just say it internally maybe you just say hey listen we're gonna get through this this is really challenging this is really difficult but we only have an hour left of this meeting or I love this person too much to argue with them if maybe you say that maybe you come back from your timeout and you say I love you too much to argue can we regroup in a day when I feel more grounded and centered because right now I feel so triggered and activated that I have to do all of this stuff for what reason right and that's the whole thing about relationships whether they're working relationships romantic relationships or even friendships we're all trying to find that balance of how much can we push and how much can we pull how much do is our breaking point and how much is their breaking point and sometimes you can even use this technique if you see that the other person is getting really activated or very reactionary maybe they're not even listening to you and they're so ready for the next response and they're saying this this this you're like whoa whoa did you even hear what I said did you even process or digest what I've just said are you just so ready for the defense maybe but you going and taking this timeout actually gives them the moment to regroup themselves because now you've removed yourself from the situation whether it was getting toxic or hostile and it allows you to regroup while they get to regroup and then you come back and you can both say hey that was really toxic that was really intense now if you're dealing with someone that refuses to take ownership or refuses to take any part of conflict or disagreements or feeling defensive then just reminding yourself that I'm doing this so I don't feel escalated or trigger to take it to the next step because I can't control what the other person does but I can control my own reactions in my own process in this whole give-and-take of friendships or romantic relationships or even working relationships a lot of times when we get heated it's because we want to share what we have to say we want to defend what we believe and sometimes the other person isn't in a place to hear it maybe your intentions are really positive but the other person isn't ready to hear great go take that timeout and regroup and tell yourself maybe they're not ready to hear what I have to say and that's okay I'll be here waiting for them when they are ready and if I'm not willing to wait then I let them know that but using this technique of an adult timeout can be really beneficial and it'll allow you to think before you react so we can talk about what that looks like we live in a society where it's that knee-jerk experience right the doctor hits her knee and our foot goes up because it's a knee-jerk experience the same thing can happen when we feel triggered or activated something inside of us feel so activated and we sometimes don't even know what that is and we feel like we have to react because they react it to us we can break that cycle and we can change the way we are you the way we disagree by a simple timeout so comment below if you've ever given yourself an adult timeout or what that looked like have you any techniques that you use instead of maybe going to the bathroom what do you say do you say oh I forgot something in my car and you go grab it or do you say oh I need to go turn the oven on or do you say and you go check the mail comment below on ways that you get out of really challenging situations that allow you to regroup and refocus the difference between walking away from the situation and having a timeout is the goal is to come back and do the repair a lot of times we focus so much on the intensity of the argument that we forget about the repair the repair can be so much more healing and repairing that relationship of coming back and saying hey I got a little bit escalated I got a little bit too intense and I'm sorry I'm going to own my part and I'd like to start over or let's reconvene next week or if it's a works in relationship and saying hey I'm sorry I felt that I got so reactionary because I felt triggered I felt activated or if your workplace doesn't use what kind of language finding language that works for you and your workplace the repair can be so much more healing than the type of argument in the beginning so if you can come back and try to repair after taking that timeout that really can heal and mend the bond of most relationships whether they're working relationships family friends or even loved ones when we can come and say hey I'm gonna own my part and I'm so sorry that this happened I got activated and escalated can we start over right you keep hearing me use that same phrase can we start and maybe the person says no we can't start over I'm still really upset and that's okay as long as you know that what you're doing is congruent and inlined with you so let's recap this whole thing step one give yourself permission to take a timeout so telling yourself right maybe you just did a body scan and if you're not sure what a body scan is I'll link the video below on how to do a body scan and maybe your body is saying whoa whoa whoa this is getting way too tense and way too activated you need a break that would be a great way to recognize that you need a break so recognizing that you need a break step to doing something that's gonna bring you back to the moment refocus and regroup so maybe you do some positive self-talk maybe you change the environment go outside or go to another room splash some water on your face but something that's gonna allow you to shift your five senses to really connect in a new way and then you have to go back so third is going back to the challenge challenging environment or situation or conversation and trying a new narrative trying a new dialogue trying to fit in that new dynamic with a different headspace with a much clearer headspace so you always have to remember that if you're gonna walk away and take a timeout you have to come back even if you come back to reschedule a different time you have to come back because that is how we work through challenging things it would be so easy for us to go take the timeout and then be like I'm calling in sick or I'm not going to talk about this so we sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened I'm sure you've seen that time and time because I've seen that time and time again so recognizing that the huge part and taking the time out is giving yourself permission to refocus regroup so you can come back and have a better tolerance of the challenging stuff so if you liked this video give me a thumbs up please consider subscribing if you're new to this channel we talked about mental health self-help and motivation my name is ELISA Cohen I'm a licensed professional counselor chemical dependency counselor and I look forward to hearing your comments if you have any questions definitely ask in below follow me on Instagram for a more up-to-date information on what's going on behind the scenes and I hope you have a really great day thanks for taking time to check in with your body and check in with your headspace take care [Music]