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hello and welcome to grass cat my name is my star and this is big and I thought I'd do a quick ramble about Ginger not ginger in general but my my gender specifically because gender has been something that's been on my mind a lot lately even more so than the other stuff that I put on this channel so far and yeah I guess I just like to throw my thoughts out there so in case you don't know I don't identify as female I am a biological female my sexiest female but not my gender identity nor my gender expression and I'm as of yet I haven't found any one particular word that I identify with so I've just been gone with the term gender neutral because yeah just when it comes to gender it's hard for me to put it into words because you know I know exactly what I am how I feel but just any words that I use are inadequate for example well not for example I feel that I am NOT Mel neither am I female I'm not a mix of male and female I'm not like if there was a gender continuum with Mel on one end and female on the other I'm not in the middle and nowhere on this at all i'm completely outside of it and yeah what's the word for that um like I know there there's a gender for example and from what I know agent someone who is a gender feels like mmm what's the best way to put it they feel like and this is just my understanding that sorry if I'm if I mr. finding it they feel like they are outside of gender that they I don't know it's not that they don't have a gender or maybe some do feel like they don't have a gender others do for like they have a gender it's just a gender of nothing and then there's genderless people who actually feel they have no gender like if they were given a form with a list of options for gender they wouldn't want to select any of them and I know there is Andrew gin which is related to the term I drogyn I thought Rajani which I'm sure you've heard of and I'm from my understanding and androgen is someone who has characteristics of both male and female he's both masculine and feminine and that doesn't describe me none of these subscribe me I know there's ginger queer and while I know that my identity may fit under the gender queer umbrella and in terms of the gender queer identity I don't it's just it just seems kind of ambiguous and vague I feel like my gender is very precise very well defined and genderqueer is just to lack of a certain definition for me so I might identify with them relish in the queer but my identity isn't underwear and more what else is there even the word or the community like trans trans a strict trends I don't really identify as trans either because there may be this is because I'm a linguistics major and once again I'm getting hung up on the original the definition of the word the actual word that trans came from I don't feel like there's any trend element to my identity and when I say trans here I mean the literal definitions of trends I feel there is no there has been there will be there isn't any going from A to B for example i'm not going from a gender identity of female to a gender identity or something else i'm not going from i'm not going from anything to anything I've always been Who I am I always will be Who I am if I look at a picture of me 10 years of 10 from 10 years ago I'll still look at and say I'm not going to say oh that's the pre-transition me or I'm not like that anymore which I feel like everything that I've been through my identity everything has just been has just been me growing as a person it's been an evolution of me rather than a twin a transition from this to this it's just a continual evolution so yeah I don't know like I said maybe it's just the linguist and me and sorry if you hear a cat making noises that's my other cat he's very noisy but um yeah I don't even identify as trends and maybe everything that I'm saying here you know this is how I feel now it might change I may feel differently a month a year 10 years from now but right now I don't I don't identify as in these things the only word that I think comes closest to describing how i feel is the word neutral neutral I'm not sure exactly how you pronounce and I think different people pronounce it different ways and yeah someone who is Newt rose or nutria is neither male nor female not a combination of the two this is my understanding of the word um for years and years there was only one source of information on this gender identity and that was neutral calm and this website to find equated nutria to like the gender-neutral version of transsexual as in someone is male or female transitioning to neutral MTN or ft n then if it said if you were neutral then you wanted then you want to transition either by hormones or by surgery or something like that if you're neutral you had you wanted to transition tablet that major utrom that's what this site said and more recently they have changed that and I'm thank God they do because I never agreed with that I mean that's the same as telling a transsexual that you're not transsexual unless you get sex free sex reassignment or sex change surgery it was like this bullcrap just like people telling people that they're not trans enough because of this or because of that and it's just like oh but anyway this website said that for many many years and now it seems like every time I encounter the word nutri new choice people that's what people think of it as they think of it as a gender-neutral transsexual and a neutral person wants to get surgery and wants to take hormones and has to bind because there I feel comfortable otherwise and because of these things because of what other people associate with this gender identity I don't feel like I don't feel that comfortable identifying as it and I know that's crap because I shouldn't let what other people think how other people understand something screw up with my own definition or activity and stuff but it does and I'm hoping that I can get past that because I do like I do like this term and I do think it probably just gradually pretty well but in a way that's where I'm at and my my gender identity I kinda disorder identifies nutri but not exactly not yet I haven't put that label on myself yet I'm still exploring the different gender identities even if they don't apply to me and still learning more and more and more every day but yeah just wanted to throw that out there i'll probably make lots of other videos about thoughts and crap during the course of yeah this channel but here's the first one thanks for watching Oh actually you want to see my etiquette hey yeah yeah say hi yes I this is nikki and yes he has a scarf on it's not just because it looks really stylish you can probably see he has a skin condition and the scarf is part of treating that but anyways thanks for watching bye