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okay so I know we all just met but I want you to all do something terrifying something so nerve-wracking that it might literally shake you to the core make you question all of your beliefs that might trigger a full-blown panic attack you may even lose your breakfast I want you all for a moment to imagine that you were 13 again exactly do you remember what it's like to be 13 does anyone here want to remember paying 13 huh that time in your life of constant anxiety and pressure to fit in when we were all trying on new and different identities almost every day doing our best to avoid bullies not get caught on by the teacher or even worse do something the whole school might find out now as you're imagining you're 13 old self right with the puka shells and the jerboa jeans with a social and emotional and a psychological state more fragile than it's ever been your entire life I want you to imagine that your mom hands you a smartphone with untethered access to social media come months ago I was standing in front of 500 middle schoolers and I handed up on an O card and I said fill in the following question one thing my parents don't know about social media is what and I would like to share a couple of their responses is this a fun way to talk to my friends one thing my parents don't know about social media is that no one really cares about anything one thing my parents don't know about social media is how much I love it and I hate it at the same time one thing my parents all know is that they're blocked and I love this one one thing my parents don't know is how fake it is truthfully I've never really struggled with the fakeness of Instagram but my mom sure does that's a the the responses were not so positive the majority of them sadly we're actually a lot more grim one thing my parents don't know about social media is how addictive and how awful it is one thing my parents don't know is that it makes me very very very insecure social media makes me sad and depressed it puts pressure on me to be perfect it nearly ended my life today in our country and across the globe we are seeing an epidemic rise and the levels of anxiety and depression and suicidality among our teenagers right here in the state of Utah in just the last seven years our suicide rate among kids aged 10 to 17 has jumped 141 percent and not 30 minutes from where we're standing right now last school year in an affluent community of Herriman Utah at one school eight kids took their life I want to share with you a message I got from a couple ER Doc's one was here in Salt Lake one in Oregon the one in Oregon said Colin every pediatric suicide attempt incompletion the kids will tribute to one of two things number one my parent took my phone number two cyber bullying on social media he said we recently had a girl a suicide completion who overdose on over-the-counter medication simply because dad took her phone she was 11 an ER doc at Salt Lake told me this he said we recently had a girl a suicide attempt because she found out her parent said you're going to summer camp for a month kayaking and fishing and hiking with a bunch of teenagers for a whole month and you can't bring your phone by the way when she heard that with no mental history she lashed out slashed her wrists and her thighs she needed 27 stitches and the doctor said Colin we were only semi we see this every day experts say that handing a smartphone with social media and untethered access to these apps with no training or no or guidance is like handing them the keys to a car with no driver's ed so how do we sit here in shock wondering why kids are crashing and burning every single day I want to share this message right here the best friend of the 8th victim at Harriman sent me this the day after he died she said Colin we're not 100% sure as to why he chose it and his life at such a young age but I know for a fact 100% that social media had something to do with it I hate that social media does this to us people including myself need to make sure that what we're sharing promotes positivity and not toxic perfectionism dr. Jeanne twins wrote a book called ijen where she studied thousands of teenagers and the effect that screen time and social media have on their mental health and she said this she said we are on the verge of the greatest public health crisis this generation has ever seen that was two years ago we are no longer verging the verge is here I like to share one more message from a teenage girl she said Colin I got a phone when I was 11 and got social media right then how crazy is that everything evil was at my fingertips accounts on my feet that promoted pornography self-harm anorexia it destroyed me I was hooked she said I wish my parents would have monitored me so they could have saved me from his darkness I don't with suicide attempts anxiety depression anorexia all because of social media it took away my innocence it taught me to hate Who I am today smartphones in social media where we hand them to our kids it is literally stealing their joy it's robbing them from the ability to create and feel real connection instead of dealing with their emotions and their feelings head-on kids are just scrolling their phones to numb their pain there feelings which is robbing them of resiliency spend any time on platforms like Instagram and snapchat when you're 13 just teach her that you'll never be enough you'll never be skinny enough or pretty enough or good enough that your worth isn't inherent but it's contingent upon virtual likes follower counts filters and streets this 24/7 constant access to peer culture is opening up a door and a wave of cyber bullying and social anxiety that we have never seen and kids today are choosing to self-harm as a coping mechanism and as a way to get attention more than we've ever seen before just last week in the UK they released the research a study that said that one out of four children aged 14 our self-harming citing pressure from social media to be perfect as the cause and a pediatrician right here in Utah he said Colin 10 years ago our typical day was treating kids new headings who had tonsillitis and flus and colds and fevers but now me and all of my peers we've had to hire full-time social workers and psychiatrists to work on-site because we cannot keep up with this epidemic and of course cyber bullying has become a huge crisis our kids entire self-worth at 13 is determined by virtual unpredictable feedback the validation that we all crave to them is only available in this synthetic way their social standing and their self-esteem is to turn by a like on an Instagram photo and one mistake one tiny gaffe that we all made as 13-year olds every day when we were kids was forgotten in an hour there's now publicly housed on the school snapchat page when you're 13 today there is no place to run there's no escape and it is soul-crushing so what is the answer how do we save the kids from this screen induced public health crisis yes we have to have tough conversations about what is the proper age to hand our children this technology and these devices we have to look at countries like France as examples who just passed a bill this year banning smartphones from public schools nationwide it's time that we start talking to the tech education companies who have duped school boards and school administrators into the notion that screen based learning is only for the child's benefits when the research is starting to prove otherwise we have to stand up to the big tech companies who are creating products and games and apps that are deliberately exploiting and manipulating our kids all for insane profit we have got to put on the brakes and ask them tough questions but the answer of how do we save these kids is that we can't until we first save ourselves we as adults and as parents we have to break free from our screen dependency in our social media addiction we have to start modeling healthy digital behavior for our kids who don't hear us they see us we have to teach them from our example that are words that our self-esteem doesn't depend on likes on a photo we have to teach them from our example that it's okay to show the world that we're not ok that we all feel alone and inadequate sometimes the day just sucks and we can share that even though social medias taught us not to we have to be more aware of how our digital behavior is affecting our kids I want to share one more message from a 13 year old girl she said Colin I grew up with the typical good parents they gave me everything I needed physically but now that I'm a teenager I have never felt more distance and it's not because of me who you'd think is a teenager it's because I can't get my mom and dad off their stupid phone I can't get them to get off Facebook and Instagram to ask me about my day we're talking about my feelings I've never felt more unloved and uncared for all because of his stupid phone eight months ago one of my four kids or cry pods as I called him my ten-year-old was really struggling she was acting defiance all the time and she at home she was just mad and I didn't know why and the confusing part is we would say parent-teacher conference and the teacher said your daughter is a total angel she's the best child in class in fact I'm gonna give her an award for the most helpful students my wife and I looked at ourselves were like do you have to Quincy's one day after work I came home and she was yelling at her sister hitting her brother yelling at her mom she's ten she went into the bedroom and slammed the door and I lost it I walk into the room and I go what is wrong why are you so mad why are you doing such good things at school but you make it such bad choices at home and this little precious human being looked at me and with tears in her eyes she said why do you love your phone more than you love me that was the only wake-up call I needed I set a rule for myself right there they're from that point on my kids would never see me on a phone ever if we went through a t-ball game where we had to a dance recital they would see my eyes at them not looking down at a screen I even went and bought one of these have you guys seen these do you know this is [Applause] you can make a call you can end a call you can do that there's so much functionality and I take it with me when I go home so there's literally no distractions when I get home from work now instead of pulling on my phone and stay on the couch and scrolling the endless point of Twitter or checking emails I put my phone in a drawer I grab that little tiny human I sit on my lap and I ask her how was your day and if she's telling me I try my best to not even blink one thing amazing happened when I did this all of the defiance and the anger stopped right then because she felt loved in connection I realized at that moment that when I had my phone out in front of my kids she didn't know that I was answering emails to make money so she could go to dance right she didn't know that I was talking to clients so we could go to Disneyland one day she didn't know that I was crushing virtual candy the only thing she saw was what this was out in front of her is that that means more to my dad than I do kids today are amazing I talked to thousands every month they're incredible they are resilience they are bright they are savvy they are tolerance but they are growing up in a world that is mucky ER and scarier than any of us could ever imagine and they need now more than ever from you and me to be seen to be heard and to be loved and if they don't get that from home because our eyes are down here they can get a pretty good synthetic version of that on their screen so for the people are saying when is the appropriate age to give little Johnny a cell phone when do I give Johnny a smartphone my reply is always what are you okay with him to start looking at pornography when should I get little Katie an Instagram account my reply is when are you okay with her to start feeling anxiety and question her self-worth because the minute we hand our kids these devices is the time they stop being a kid so for the parents out there who feels stuck who feel like your son or daughter is too far gone down this rabbit hole let me offer some hope and febris from a mom oh there's my daughter let me just say this instantly everything changed we went from defiant daughter and disengaged daddy to best friends this mom sent me this message she said Colin we had to take our daughter to the ER because she was suicidal and she's now in a mental facility this is a parent's biggest nightmare I have 100% know it's because of Instagram snapchat text messaging and social media that's why we're here she's strung with anxiety and depression since seventh grade oddly enough when we gave her a smartphone I waited two months and when she got back to me I said what happened she said all we did was we took her off social media that's it this is what happened she said she ended all of her toxic relationships on her own she tells me she loves me all the time she says she's happy all the time her future goals have changed she's not anxious to move out her grades have improved she has more confidence she looks and acts differently she's even taken responsibility she is 17 it is never too late to step up and be a parent so the answer how do we save the kids from this screen induced public health crisis therein is that we have to first save ourselves and reconnect with them so if this message hasn't inspired you I hope it's at least opened your eyes a little bit my challenge to you is tonight when you go home is to put your phone in a drawer grab that little human who lives in your home who eats all your food plop her on your lap ask her how her day was and as she's telling you try to not even blink thank you [Applause] thank you you