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[Music] welcome to the blue cafe stories we offer stories of infidelity betrayal and redemption please like and subscribe if you are enjoying what you are hearing now on to today's story papers signed got disclosure more or less update hello i met with her and her lawyer today i didn't get everything i wanted but i got enough we sign for an uncontested divorce it will be official in about two months that's the good news i feel some relief from this but really really sad about the whole thing first off she did not or could not look at me through almost the entire proceeding i'm not going to pretend to know what was going through her mind but i would like to think she didn't have the balls to look me in the eye she got a decent lawyer at least he knew he got handed a dog's dinner they asked if reconciliation was possible and we did dangle it even though it is not possible we asked for full disclosure of what she did he had already had her write it out what she wrote down however was less than what i already know i read what she wrote down and conveniently the two fellas i didn't know the identity of were not included in it my lawyer produced stills from the camera footage who's this and who's this well she wasn't very forthcoming with him either they asked us to step out we did i didn't catch every word but he didn't sound pleased when we came back in i got a more truthful version the two guys were online hookups and very recent she'd been having an affair with fd for more or less the whole time i've known her she said she broke it off with him some time after i proposed and until about a year into our marriage i think i believe her on that i mean i shouldn't believe anything she says but i did ask if she was ever faithful during our marriage she started banging fb my coworker amber's husband on july 4th of 2019 we had a fourth bbq and she gave him a [ __ ] then at my house while i was there said she didn't love him she just got off on it during this year she just got bolder and started hooking up with random guys from online sites i'm pretty sure she probably had some parking lot hookups and such but i didn't press on that i asked the attorneys to give us the room for a bit because i wanted to ask for some private stuff they walked out i asked her why not why she cheated why she married me why didn't she say no she said she loved me hair great way of showing it she wanted to be married she wanted security i was good in bed but she's loved fd for 10 years he wasn't leaving his wife and her clock was ticking so i was a meal ticket basically she said i made her happy but she wanted what she wanted for those asking they have both been fired amber raised hell at work i didn't need to make a stink about anything stdxw is living with her parents i don't know what fd and mrs fd are doing i was told it is none of my business i think he is trying to stay married if he stays married i may have to give him a beating i asked if there was anything else i ought to know she told me she got an abortion two years ago because she didn't know who the father was wow that was a low blow in the beginning we tried to have to have a kid but we opted for the quit trying and enjoy the sex approach i would have loved to have another kid like a daughter i could spoil rotten i had unprotected sex with my wife damn near daily there's a huge chance this kid was mine i will never know this was enough to make me get up and walk out y'all can talk about a bullet dodged i'm just thinking she killed my child if anyone here has ever done any boxing there's a point where the blows just keep coming but you don't feel them i mean they're doing damage but it doesn't hurt like the first few punches it's just too much and you get numb to them this is where i am at she could tell me she started the chicago fire and i would not be surprised i called the lawyers back in told mine to go to plan b plan b as i took my demand for alimony off of the table i want the divorce agreement uncontested and signed this is the fastest way i wanted to say condition two to reconcile was for her to unduck all those other men you know something impossible but there's no point top being clever here ain't gonna lie the abortion has me rattled i don't want a monthly reminder of this woman even in the form of a paycheck so at 5 43 p.m she signed in around two months it will be official i keep my house my retirement funds all my property no alimony for either of us she gets 73 000 from our savings is not to contact me ever and we are done i do not care what happens to her now i don't want to know what she'll do i don't care for her own good and anyone she meets in the future i hope she goes to a shrink but i am done giving a [ __ ] about this woman i in no way feel like a weight has been lifted off of me i've eaten a [ __ ] sandwich and this is all i can taste i've had nothing to be happy about for three months and i am not happy now i don't see that in my future like at all that abortion has been on my mind since she said it i think it's going to be in there for a long time i don't know what i am going to do in the immediate future or long term maybe when this is all finalized i'll feel some kind of release i don't know right now i just want to be left alone no more or ma'am so sorry to hear that or any of that right now i just want quiet this whole time i've been thinking about everything i've ever done and i don't see anywhere where i have done right only where i've gone wrong i know this is an awful mindset to have but it's what i'm left with all i can say is at least i got to keep my stuff this time but i won't be doing this again it's always very amusing when you can show opposing counsel that their client is lying to them it's even better when you can do it in front of a judge actually that's fun but the judge is expecting it too many attorneys are inexperienced enough to give away when they realize the client lied to them my judge was taken aback and grew quite angry with my ex check out my post history for the one about my ex learning to not ignore a summons i read that that was nuts oh i had read your posts in the past that was crazy my dude your story was epic i'm so sorry she did that to you hugs from canada thanks for the kind words thoughts and virtual hugs you're welcome and i want you to know you deserve better and i believe one day you will meet someone who will treat you right just take it one day at a time thanks again it would be nice to have someone to watch sunsets with one day at a time is how i live my life i'm six years out from d-day and life is as good as i can expect from 2020. you take care too dumbest ducking thing any ducking idiot can do is lie or withhold info from their attorney op thank you for sharing your story as brutal as it was take your time processing this new information some people have found holding a type of ceremony for the child they lost to be helpful it can be private and only involve you some people write a letter or something like that it's a way to let those painful mournful words out and remember you didn't do this you didn't cause this it's all on her go easy on yourself this is your shawshank escape you were in a prison you never knew and now you're standing alone and covered in [ __ ] it's difficult to see anything other than the muck and mire that is all over but you have been freed from a terrible confinement it doesn't mean there aren't scars it doesn't mean that only good times are ahead but you have laid all the groundwork to move on to some place any place other than back inside and that cannot be a bad thing your story is pretty amazing and you have made one good move after another your only worry should be about you and your son as hard as it is you cannot waste energy and time thinking about things that are already done no more what ifs forward get that [ __ ] off you and get busy living the rest will sort itself breathe i agree very well put every month the pain will notch down even if only a smidge one day you will look back at this and be glad you got out you might not feel glad today but you have that to look forward to sending good warm wishes sending healing energy your way my ex-husband had 13 abortions and three outside children so i get it he also broke my jaw when i told him that divorce was imminent this happened four years ago time brings about healing get a good therapist and forgive yourself you deserve to heal girl flushed face i've been through a lot that is an understatement that op just wow i am stunned just reading your story and here you lived it good luck off please make sure that your will and insurance has been updated she's a piece of ducking trash so goddamn true you will heal dude i've been cheated horribly had a depressing separation after a couple of years all of it will be only memory and learning eventually you will understand that there was nothing you could have done it's like being struck by lightning or getting bitten by a shark there's no preparation you can avoid as much as you like but in the end it might happen anyway the universe more specifically the cheetah did that to you be thankful your health and wealth are somewhat preserved a few tips don't get commitment phobia take your time before dating again if you realize you are better single like i did fill your everyday life with self-improvements learn german go surfing take acting classes whatever best luck i have not faced the cheating but maybe can help you on the abortion my wife and i lost two children during pregnancy she became seriously ill and both her and the children would have died late first term early second term no way to save babies in memory of them and to have a type of connection i make two small baby chairs for them to sit in they are about 10 inches tall and sit on a shelf so they can see most of our living room and kitchen they get to watch us and their sisters we did have and we get to remember them and keep them a part of us it will take some time for the feeling of loss to ease but this helped me to connect for lack of a better word to them their sisters ask about them play with them and fight about who gets to care for them when we pass away if this idea will help you in any way it is my gift to you from me and my two special ones god bless you read through everything and was holding my breath i can't imagine how blase she must have sounded when she told you she had an abortion if i was a guy and knew that we were trying that would rattle me too god i have no words i hope you get the piece you're searching for sending you my best there is nothing any one of us could say to make you feel better right now please stay away from alcohol and drugs for some time find ways to let your emotions out and don't start to bottle them up like you said all you experienced during the recent three months was pain so not getting more of that is a good thing tell your friends that they shall not tell you anything about your sdb xw no matter what it is good or bad at best they shouldn't even mention what happened the next time you will let them know when you are ready to talk about this i think it would do some good to escape to somewhere else for a bit of time look if you have the time and money for an extended vacation to somewhere you never were before a place where nothing reminds you constantly of the past i wish you all the best stay strong considering all the screwing around she was busy with i wouldn't make the assumption the aborted child was yours she was cheating on you with your co-workers husband regularly since before she met you likely it was his i don't say this to hurt you but consider the following the calculating kind of woman your wife is would use your child to her advantage she wants security and nothing like a child will put a better hold over a husband so if the child was really yours then why abort it sure she claims she doesn't know who fathered the child but i don't believe that is likely in her case are you sure your ex-wife is even fertile she has been screwing foot or fb for 10 years she either kept on top of her birth control or she is sterile this is why i doubt the child was yours if there was a child she lied to you right from the start why would she confess now she had an abortion she knows you would like another child so why not offer you just one more mind up before you go or just one more lie to the pile you have been told from the beginning you have managed to better escape than most from such a spouse legally but i very much doubt you have heard the last of her op i agree with this post i think she was mind effing with you you had a prenup and a kid would mean keeping you around for good this was i the only one who had to go through comment history to catch up that was a rollercoaster ride i'm so sorry to hear about that only saying this because it's my first time reading your story i can't even believe there is someone so evil like her but i'm glad that you have the full truth and was able to get out of this lie to think that some people still lives with people like her and don't even know makes me sick you are in a way free now and that is a blessing duck the full truth needing closure is a lack of acceptance in disguise yes they are very evil even more so he dodged a big bullet trust me this will not make you feel any better but it's out there and it will never leave until if you ever run into ft again in the future you'll want to stomp his ass i recommend you shake his hand and thank him for saving your life he won't know what to think but at least you will have shifted the burden of guilt over to him your ex is a lost soul and will never recover you on the other hand have done many things right in your life and someday if you want it you can share your stuff with a beautiful soul who will love you and only you in his shoes i'd forget about women as anything other than casual fun yes great advice don't hurt yourself by trying to hurt the ap the ap has received his just desserts and more are coming his via karma you don't need to sully yourself with his baggage brutal but i'm glad you're out i never sparred that hard but i can def find a similar analogy on the bjj wrestling mats i highly suggest working out a [ __ ] if you don't already and finding a good therapist onward read the abortion consider that may have been said to hurt you it is possible it never happened also how likely was it that she could have undergone something like that without you being aware of her having some time off to heal this is possible i've been rummaging around in my head trying to remember when she might have been ill or if i was away for work to train other techs i know i shouldn't do this and just roll with the punch and move on but it is bothering the hell out of me hakey what's your gut telling you was it true or not i know you don't believe anything that comes out from her mouth and rightly so but do you think she lied given the circumstances she lied to you from the very start of your relationship give yourself the gift of believing this is a lie as well i hope brighter days are ahead for you keep moving and keep your head up best relief go to the gym work hard make good friends your body transformed then your confidence increasing god see your loyalty and true love in future definitely you will get best life partner and stay single for a while bravo sending you my best i'm happy that the legal side is nearly finished and you get to walk away with most of your assets intact i hope with time you can eventually trust again and be open to being loved and loving but after what you've been dragged through i know that won't be an easy feat but just know you do deserve love and respect take this time to heal and better yourself and bond with your kid and start afresh all the best to you going forward and i hope that today is the final day of unwanted surprises and that you never have to deal with your psycho ex again damn cannot unsee things unhear things well all you can do is move forward best of luck damn best of luck for the future thank god you're not married to this horrible and pathetic excuse for a woman wife and human being and my condolences for the loss of your child due to her evil selfish choices i'll pray for you to find peace and hope you get better in your life update us if you can god bless it's always darkest before dawn stay blessed wow such a sad story all around sounds like your sdv xw is very damaged i hope you get some therapy i can relate in some ways though your sdbx sounds like an even more extreme case than my ws when she was late she talked to ap about getting an abortion but then she got her period so at least we dodged that bullet take care of yourself definitely give yourself time to grieve you did it man right thing through and through you need to go to a psychologist no question it's the only way to get the proper mental tools to move on and heal as far as i know have a divorce party and celebrate when you're finally free onward and upward i'm so sorry you are going through this i know that the last blow had to hurt and it will continue to hurt for a long time like you i'm not sure that's a pain i could ever get over work on yourself keep her far away from you let time heal you thrift brother few what a detailed recitation of a horrible process without kids between you you'll be able to let it all fade away until the memory of her is a weird caricature you deserve quiet and no i'm not reading that you didn't do anything wrong sometimes people just change and become monsters don't know why but it happens sometimes this is going to hurt apologies in time you will understand you are lucky to be rid of a woman who does that with someone you know at a friendly barbecue at home that is disgraceful and way beneath you don't let your anger allow you to do the same to someone else's husband didn't come out right don't take revenge on another man by doing his wife best wishes you've got the rest of your life to make an impact on this world doesn't need to be in a big way personally i find planting trees to be cathartic society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in that's one of the first quotes i wrote in my journal to my son i hope it brings you some solace if there really are evil people in this world i think she fits that description well i am so glad to hear you are getting away from her without having to pay her alimony i think after you are divorced i would put a restraining order against her and the other people the last thing you need while trying to close this chapter of your life is to have them causing your more heartache i can use this as evidence of why i will never get married along with the other 100 000 exhibits in a few months you'll start seeing that you're wrong about not ever being happy again all the best did you make sure to let her know that your dick works just not for her yes yes i did take care of yourself spend time with your son bug him to give you that grandchild to spoil oh hell no i'm not going to do that he's 13 and his mother would probably come down here to kill me herself oh [ __ ] sorry i thought i read he was in his 20s we'll time for that hot rod project then smiley face i have to agree with you about having a conversation with fd if he manages to stay married he deserves as does your ex a visit from the legions of hell i can't believe she was able to get 73k for cheating as compensation how if is our society and law at spurs underscore jericho so true looking at the situation the op boss paid her 73 thousand dollars to just dot go dot away how bad of a person do you have to be where you are paid a year's salary for most people to leave i agree it's a gigantic absurdity she should be the one paying for the [ __ ] show she herself created what a shame well you don't go into a marriage contract to get nothing at the end cheating isn't seen as a reason to completely forfeit your financials in a marriage i would say it's a win to op that he got the house retirement etc and 73k is mild for what she could have tried to push for and drag out the divorce and thus ops mental health well you don't go into a marriage contract to get nothing at the end when you go into the marriage contract which remember usually includes forsaking all others with no intention of upholding the terms of said contract i don't think your reasoning holds up she put nothing into that relationship financially for certain emotionally likely as well so she should have gotten nothing out she committed fraud in the inducement by making promises to op with zero intention of keeping them a [ __ ] sandwich is no good no matter how you look at it but surviving it the stark contrast makes any other sandwich appetizing the movies and series show this that kind of evil with people who go through it what adultery has nothing beautiful love it steals lives has consequences for people who pay the price and are often blamed for it jesus i'm so sorry she's a ducking monster i'm glad you got out of there also if i could ask what happened in your first marriage because that sounds hella duck too still my best of wishes to you also duck your fake friend amber and her husband it amazes me how many people would prefer to remain a side piece marry a beard but is still trying to prove they should be number one in the loser's life in the end that's what they get is a loser's life if you don't mind me asking whatever happened to your first wife no idea i went north carolina with her pretty much immediately in stade north carolina anyone who tried to inform me about her got shushed pretty quick i paid my alimony finished paying it and then moved to texas i've occasionally imagined that she is a grizzled old butterfly now one can dream right but i've not thought much about her well at least until this happened i see sorry what happened with your brother whatever happens to ubc of this please don't ever lose your dark humor it keeps you sane i guess summing up as far as i remember please op correct me if i'm wrong his first wife cheated on him with his brother it happened in the 90s he didn't speak with the brother for a long time and he's dead now and he doesn't know his ex-wife's current status a few years ago i went to a luncheon put on by a group that promotes ethics in business the speaker started his talk asking the audience to define evil then gave us a few moments to discuss among ourselves the best answer that came out of the shorts discussions was unmitigated selfishness since then that's been my working definition of evil over the years i've read about many marital situations where adultery is an issue in the vast majority of them i would have said that while the offending part was selfish they weren't necessarily evil from what you've written here with the reasons your sdbx has given this fits my definition of evil op i'm so sorry you're in this situation for your sake i'm glad this is over for you and i hope and pray that healing will come soon god speed up as a writer editor and former librarian i approve this message as well as oxford commerce smile thanks for making my day in my experience there are never any former librarians you may not work in a library but i bet everything in your house is catalogued and readily accessible perhaps even digitized you might be on to something i do have my books ordered by genre politics religion poetry philosophy classics etc i haven't gone as far as doing the dewey decimal though i am running out of space and saving for a new bookcase it will be my third i love to write in the margins and highlight passages in my books which is a cardinal sin to many people but i will never ever dog ear a page that is unforgivable smiley face i taught writing for years and i feel stupid because i had to look up oxford comma i've never liked the comma with the final item when listing them using end i always felt it should just be left alone when i was teaching writing it was being debated nowadays i see commas being used again edit i'm guessing my comma in the one sentence is superfluous i always figured and or did a good enough job as a comma thank you i edit in chicago manual of style the oxford comma or serial commas are standard i prefer it actually the commas uses for pausing when reading and grouping together words among other things having the oxford comma allows you to see what is being grouped this example from grammarly sums it up nicely i like my parents lady gaga and humpty dumpty this implies your parents are named lady gaga and humpty dumpty with the an oxford comma it reads like this i like my parents lady gaga and humpty dumpty it breaks apart the sentence allowing for clarity and a smoother read the english language is a written language not phonetic like other languages and is so complex understanding the minutiae of sentence structure and punctuation placement are at times a daunting task but i love my job and i am always learning something new i enjoy these types of discussions i like the reasoning and it now makes sense i'm an english major undergrad and took grad courses towards my undergrad degree got a lot of flack for my overuse of commerce i'm probably dealing with ptsd from all those red marks i have read your entire saga as you posted i am glad it's over but man i would want her to burn in hell i've eaten a [ __ ] sandwich and this is all i can taste i've had nothing to be happy about for three months and i am not happy now i can only imagine where your head is right now that abortion is like pissing in your face while you're eating the [ __ ] sandwich try your best to keep your head high find something that keeps you sane i restore vehicles to keep my [ __ ] together edited to add accidentally deleted part take your time on this seek therapy it will help i don't even know if broken is a word to use for your situation but geez my man she is vile time and patience are your best medicine right now just take it day by day it's the only method to get through this karma will come for her i know you don't care but it will happen everyone pays a debt one way or another please keep us posted it doesn't have to be in a month or two but when you are ready all the best to you my friend i read this in your previous posts and ducking hell this woman is evil let her and her lovers rot in the depths of hell they belong there you handled this very well please get a good therapist and heal yourself from this nightmare don't ever feel alone the people here myself included are supporting you take care of yourself thanks for the update buddy i'm so sorry about what you had to learn in this meeting but at least you got some closure out of this mess your ex-wife is nothing but a monster seriously how does she look at herself in the mirror every day she has some serious mental issues that she needs to address otherwise she'll end up playing invisible ping pong in the loony bin or worse man the hits just keep coming it's just astonishing how low of a human being she was that's disheartening there's a part of me a stupid part i admit that has this sneaking feeling like anyone can be redeemed if you work on it hard enough anyone is savable that's just not true here i'm not saying that to jump on the pig pile i've seen plenty of bad people male and female i'm just shocked at how cold-hearted her final appraisal of you was you know we all say that [ __ ] constantly you are just a meal ticket your plan b you're the stability option that kind of thing it's usually true but nobody wants to admit that out loud and the cheater will never admit up to it yet here you are she's admitted to every bad thing and more that part blows me away when her back was up against the wall she was actually honest for a bit i'm not going to go on and on about your story you've already got dozens of people wishing you godspeed and the time to heal you already know all of that life is going to suck for a while but it won't always be a [ __ ] sandwich find joy in the little things like envisioning amber's face when she saw pictures of your ex blowing her husband in her long confession did she even once explain why she was taking all those crazy risks i mean not just getting caught that was bound to happen believe me your ex was no genius i'm talking about sex with multiple unvetted partners with no protection sometimes multiples in a day without cleaning up oh hope you're getting checked up on that what are your plans going forward are you going to stay in this locale given house swell you've been treated by the circle of friends that you and your wife shared me i'd want nothing more to do with that place i'd move to another city texas being such a huge state or maybe colorado your skill set is transportable why the hell not what is keeping you there i've been tested for sdd slash sdis several times and will continue to get checked often clean so far as for my sdb xw i honestly think she may be mentally ill narcissist nympho maybe don't know i'm keeping my house it's mine i earned it gonna start remodeling the interior soon change how it looks a bit you know try to exorcise the demons plenty of good memories here as well i'm not going anywhere we hope you have enjoyed today's episode please like and subscribe