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For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. The title of this video is Narcissistic Validation: Acceptance from evil. Validation can either motivate us or discourage us, it can give us a sense of belonging or a feeling of rejection, it can make you feel secure or amplify your insecurities. Either way you look at it, all of our relationships whether romantic or platonic are based upon some sort of validation from both parties involved in the relationship. Validation can be used for good because it helps us to have some sort of gauge as to where we stand in the relationship and lets us know to a certain degree our value in the relationship. Yet, if validation is misused, it can harm our relationships and give us a false sense of where we stand in the relationship. Allowing a misdiagnosis of our value and worth. We use validation to communicate to others by either clarifying our feelings confirming or rejecting certain thoughts perceptions or ideas, and/or by defining our actions and preserving our intentions or our positions in the relationship. When it comes to a narcissist, this communication tool is always misused on purpose, to make you feel like your position in the relationship is never secure and the longer that you're in the relationship with the narcissist this will have dire consequences on your own personal relationship you have with yourself making you feel as the you are not good enough even in your own eyes. You begin to feel unaccepted, undesirable ,like an outcast or a black sheep, or simply put invalid. How does the narcissist make us desperately seek validation from them? The key lies in their initial setup which is how we initially perceive their opinions and their values. They started off the relationship making you feel perfect or close to signalling to you that you are an ally to them or they are your ally and they view you highly. They reinforced this perceived perfection by then mirroring us and continuously validating us with compliments, admiration, and praise. All the while, implying to us that they have the same morals, values, and opinions as us. They make us feel as if our opinions and thoughts really matter to them and that they're valued. They take careful steps to appear attentive to our needs, and that they care they even ask our advice and butter us up to make us feel as if we're respected. This helps to set up the stage of us being validated or approved by the narcissist. We trust that we can trust them. The transition from the idealization stage to the devaluation stage takes place and this is where we start to desperately seek validation from the narcissist because we notice it slipping away. Ironically, it was the narcissist who sought out our validation initially when they first started the relationship with us and now the tables have turned and we are seeking their validation or trying to obtain it once again. Or, trying to obtain the validation that we think that we have lost. At this point, the narcissist knows what buttons to push or strings to pull to make you feel insecure or invalid and they will start to tap into these insecurities stronger and stronger each and every day. This leads you to feel vulnerable and the narc knows this. They set up the need for you to feel or be validated and then they create the atmosphere so that it is them that you have to seek the validation from. Placing them in control of your perceived value or worth. We become desperate to receive their stamp of approval to reestablish our value or worth mainly because we once had their validation or approval. However, during devaluation the narcissist carefully gives you doses of approval or intermittent reinforcement to keep you hooked to seeking this approval. Your confidence is chipped away each and every time. Since you know that their approval is attainable from personal experience, you seek to obtain it again and you begin to trust in the misguided notions that the narcissist tells you in order to obtain it again because you believe they are someone you can trust and has your best interest in mind. Little do you know the narcissist is redefining your position in the relationship and reshaping your value and your worth. They are feeding you a lie and we ultimately accept this lie because we believe it's coming from a good place not an evil one. Ultimately, we are seeking acceptance from evil. They are getting you to exhaust yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually with continuous efforts to attempt to be perfect again in their eyes without you realizing that your efforts will never succeed. After being narcissistically abused, many of us who are people pleasers start to reflect on this period and recognize how much of a a people-pleaser we truly are or were because of the excessive bending over backwards we did in order to please the narcissist. People-pleasing is one of the biggest ways the narcissist traps us into seeking their validation. This is a learning point for us to grow from as individuals. We need to realize that we can't be willing to sacrifice ourselves in almost in every way just to please another person. This is not how healthy relationships are formed. The narcissist takes our good quality of wanting to help and please others and exploits this to make us compromise our relationship with God, others, and ourselves. We end up neglecting ourselves losing our strength, our will, and our purpose. Pleasing others does not have to come at the cost of displeasing ourselves. For some reason our society has implemented this win-lose type of mentality, implying someone has to lose in order for someone to win. This is simply not true. This win-lose paradigm automatically places you into a competition in which many of us do not want to be in to begin with and therefore, we are willing to be the person who loses to get out of this uncomfortable situation. Even the simple act of kindness on our behalf, can chip away at our self-worth unknowingly. If you are constantly feeling like your thoughts, likes, and our dislikes are not good enough and that you need a "cosigner" for your thoughts likes and dislikes, this is a clear indication that your confidence has been chipped away at. Which ultimately leads to your identity being taken and your value as an individual being robbed. By us second-guessing ourselves, we are handing over our unique gift of discernment God has given to us over to the enemy. If the enemy is in control of our perception or thoughts, they take away our ability to discern and can then control our fears, manipulate our desires, and ultimately change our paradigms to fit their evil agenda and not God's. Here is a simple more innocent way to look at it. Pretend that there are two siblings, one is about four years old and the other is about eight years old. The parents of these two siblings give their children about five US dollars in coins to split amongst themselves now the older sibling knows the value of the different coins such as quarter dimes nickels and pennies. Whereas the younger sibling does not know the individual value for each coin but they know that there is value to the coins. If the older sibling acts selfishly and greedy, they would manipulate the situation by lying to the younger sibling about the coin values when splitting the money amongst them therefore the younger sibling would be unaware that they are being taken advantage of because what they see is the money being split evenly but they are unaware of the value being distributed between the month between the two of them of the coins. Many of us do not understand the value in our own discernment or even our own intuition or gut feelings and we take these things for granted and the enemy knows this. The enemy knows these are significant tools we have been equipped with in order to protect ourselves from such evil. God told us to guard our hearts for a reason. When we no longer understand our personal power and discernment, we lose our ability to really recognize who we ought to be pleasing - which is God not man. If you aim to please God, all else will fall into place. If you aim to please man you set yourself up for disappointment each and every time. Not everyone is going to like you and you have to be okay with this. If they hated the only purest and sinless man ever, Jesus Christ, how do you think that you will be received? Blessings from God has allowed us to be saved through the blood of Jesus Christ. So, let the haters hate and continue to walk strong in Christ. And on that note, until next time survivors! you