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hi and welcome back to our channel today's video i'm going to be going over 10 common misconceptions about adoption and in this video i'm hoping to clear some of those up and unmuddy the waters around adoption a little bit again our adoption t-shirts that i'm sporting today are available for purchase link in the description box below this actually is an older design these are not available for purchase anymore if you're interested in this particular design you can message me or something and let me know and i'll see if we can get those available again but currently these aren't available but they come in different colors styles sizes and we even have kids sizes right now anyway let's jump into this video and i will be going over those 10 common adoption misconceptions let's get started number one only rich people can adopt children it is true that adoption costs money and some adoptions can cost a lot of money but not all adoptions do it's just not true if only rich people could adopt we would not have done so depending on which kind of adoption you do prices can vary and yes sometimes an adoption can cost as much as a house or a brand new car but not all adoptions do for instance adopting through foster care is relatively free basically you pay for sometimes court fees and a new birth certificate to be printed but the rest of it is covered by the state so it's not true that adoption costs monumental amounts of money in every situation misconception number two that adoption means you buy a child this kind of goes along with the first misconception because it's focuses around money just because adoption can cost a lot of money doesn't mean you ever pay for a child i talked about this in a previous video when i answered questions people ask me about adoption but i'll cover it here too when you pay for an adoption you never pay for a child what you're paying for is court fees legal fees your home studies sometimes medical bills there are different things that cost money along with adoption but you do not buy that child if you were to pay for a child that would be considered human trafficking and it is illegal misconception number three adoption takes so long sometimes it can take a really long time but that is not always true from finding about our son to bringing him home from the hospital it was a span of 80 days and i've heard adoption stories that go so much quicker but generally speaking with a domestic infant adoption they usually will tell you one to four years of a wait but that's not always the case sometimes it moves much quicker but i just never want the amount of time it could take to hold people back from pursuing it because the reward is far greater than the weight misconception number four adoption should be more of a secret topic and you should wait to tell your child until they're old enough to understand countless studies have shown that the earlier you tell your child they are adopted the better it normalizes it there's not this definitive moment in their life that they look back on and say i remember the day i found out i was adopted that is a shock it's better for your child to know the truth up front it normalizes it it makes them more comfortable with asking questions when there's secrets around certain topics it creates fear and it creates a lack of willingness for a child to open up and ask those questions because it's something that's never been talked about if it's an open dialogue in your home then those questions will come as a child has misconception number five kind of tags on to number four open adoptions are confusing for the child i do not think that is true i think the more openness in the adoption the better our son is four years old and he is not confused with his open adoption he knows who his birth mom is he sees photos of her he can facetime with her when he wants to he's had visits with her he is not confused about it he understands that he grew inside her tummy and that she is such a special person to our family she gave him life and brought him into the world and placed him with us he understands that and he's not confused about it just like biological parents can explain to their children you grew inside mommy's tummy and came into our family they're not confused about that even though when you think about a human growing inside another human it can seem kind of weird but it doesn't confuse us because it's normal misconception number six you can't love an adopted child the same as a biological child i only have an adopted son so i cannot compare but i know many families who have both biological children and adopted children who have told me it is just not true you love your kids the same just like parents can have multiple children and love them all with the same intensity it's the same with your adopted kids they are not different in that they don't share your dna it is your child and you love that child unconditionally misconception number seven adoptive parents aren't real parents i just want to say that i am every bit as real as i can be i raise my son i teach him i feed him i house him i clothe him i am his mom mitch and i are his real parents adoptive parents are real parents regardless of how they got to the role they are real one thing that we say in our home is that love makes a family mitch and i both come from blended families both mitch's parents were adopted by one of their parents and in my family i spent a good bulk of my formative years with my mom and my stepdad so we both understand the complexity of love beyond biology dna biology genetics isn't what makes a family love makes a family misconception number eight adoption means that the child was not wanted i think this misconception comes into play because specifically in infant adoption a woman is carrying a child she chooses not to parent and to place that child for adoption so i think in the minds of people it's oh she didn't want him very rarely is that ever true there is always a reason that a birth mama chooses adoption for her baby it is a difficult decision a selfless decision often the most loving decision a mom can make for whatever reason she is not in a position where she feels like she can parent that child at that point in her life so she chooses to place that child in a home where they will be loved and parented well it's not a matter of not wanting that child misconception number nine birth parents can take the baby back okay this is a bit of a muddy topic because once certain papers are signed in infant adoption often they're signed at the hospital or shortly thereafter but once those documents are signed there is a period of time that birth mom has a chance to change her mind it's different with every state some states it's three days some states it's 24 hours some 30 days in new york where we adopted our son it was 45 days of a grace period where birth mom has a chance to change her mind and take that baby back and legally you have to give them back once an adoption is finalized this cannot happen once the grace period is done that cannot happen in fact even if she changes her mind before the grace period is over sometimes it still doesn't happen once an adoption is finalized the courts print a new birth certificate for that child with adoptive mom and adoptive dad's name on it that child is legally theirs as if they went to the hospital and gave birth themselves that child is theirs and a previous mom or dad cannot come and take that baby back and finally misconception number 10 adoption is a plan b for couples who can't have children naturally i am not suggesting that that is never the case there are a lot of couples who are unable to conceive naturally who choose adoption to become parents but it is not always the case there are plenty of families who have both biological and adopted children and they choose adoption for another reason i talk about why we chose adoption in another video i will put link that up in the cards up here and in the description box below if you want to go check that out and see why did we choose to adopt and i also cover 10 questions that i get asked a lot about our adoption so go ahead and check that out if you're interested in hearing more about our adoption and any questions that maybe you have that we answer so that's all for today thank you for coming and clicking on this video and watching it i hope it was educational that you learned something and maybe some misconceptions that you had were cleared up a little or some of your questions were answered again our adoption t-shirts are available for sale check out the link in the description box below i'm going to be doing more videos like this just offering education answering questions talking about topics that a lot of people aren't comfortable talking about so i hope you come back and check those out that you learned something that you take something away and who knows maybe you'll be inspired to adopt as well that's all for today thanks again for stopping by and i'll see you in our next video bye you