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you good afternoon we'll get started in about a minute you can see on the title slide here that there is a URL that will give you access to the documents we'll be using today they're all labeled four - 14 and there should be four of them total a handout a prompt in case you aren't familiar with it the prompt we'll be looking at today we do need to read a student essay so that's their labeled student sample and then lastly four - 14 AP practice for your homework for tonight so you want to take a few seconds to open those things you can make a copy or download them and then we'll get started you you you you you you you all right good afternoon hello thank you for coming today we're going to have four documents we'll be working with a handout in case you want to download or make a copy of it so you can take notes as we move along a prompt it's the Madeleine Albright prompt that you might be familiar with open it only if you haven't read it before I do have a student essay that we're gonna look at today so you can open that it's labeled 4a - 14 students sample for lesson and then lastly b4 - 14 AP practice I am Emily Politis I'm an English teacher outside of Chicago good to see you guys I've been here in for like the last like five or six sessions or so but mrs. Knight will be returning tomorrow and Thursday I have about two days off and I have some really exciting plans over the next two days my husband is a fool and he has requested that I give him a haircut over the next two days so I'll report back on Friday how it goes I have never cut any hair a dog's hair a human's had nothing he might end up looking like this so we will see I am for sure not letting him cut my hair so we're safe there but um I have some big plans over the next two days I have some time writings that my students are completing tomorrow and then I'm gonna try to cut some hair so I've got a busy two days alright before we get started just a review of yesterday if you didn't watch just pay attention I think how does this pertain to me we operated under the slend what is something good to do in my writing and that's typically something it'll be done really quickly it will demonstrate an adequate or competent knowledge of the task it's good it gets the job done we also talked about how you can take that and turn it into something that's great that shows some enrichment or extension that you are going beyond just the basics of the prompt or the tasks it will reflect more sophistication there are two rows you can travel down the good road or the great road both are wonderful and then a lot of it really depends on your time management and how will you understand the prompter the passage that you are looking at so we started by looking at the thesis statement and that a good thesis statement usually will be about one full sentence of two devices the writer will use something you can point to it'll be a noun so we'll usually start with a or and like an allusion a simile it will include the name of the writer it will have some sort of rhetorically strong verb it's not gonna use something lame like uses it will also include the purpose and the message however if you've got time and you understand the passage well you might strive for a great piece of statement that's when you're shifting from what the writer uses to more of what are two or three strategies the writer has taken when approaching this this task of writing those two will usually since they are something a writer does there are verbs they will start with a verb not a or an and it might be speaking to the appeal so a larger idea might be speaking to the strategies or the chronology of the piece the ideas and how they move from beginning to end or it could just be methods and again those strategies it too would include the name of the writer and the message so here's a sample I ask for you guys to write your own thesis statement or revise one that you wrote on Thursday or Friday excuse me um and I think that if you kind of keep that checklist in mind that would help you to kind of determine which thesis statement best pertains to me the good or the great but to give you an example here's one thesis statement I'm gonna ask for you to pause the recording read through it and think based on that criteria is this a good or a great thesis statement and why so think about that checklist what is the student doing or including is it driven by devices or is it driven by strategies and then decide what makes it good or great so pause recording and I'll meet you back here in about 30 seconds all right welcome back this is a statement I would describe it as a great thesis statement especially when you look at the choices here the student is using strategies and we know that because again they start with a verb by highlighting and by acknowledging so the student has to clear strategies the student is still giving still analyzing the rhetorical strategies or choices that the writer uses but this student has chosen to use strategies you start with verbs the student also includes the writer which we know that both would do the student has a transitional phrase and we talked yesterday about what that might look like it might be a strong verb it might be the the word ba or the word buy it might be something like in order to a lot of my students tend to use the in order to so there's a transitional phrase and then the student transitions into a the message at the end so this thesis statement is going beyond just identifying two or three things the writer uses and shifting into the uses I did get a really good email from a student yesterday who tracked me down was a good Google search or tracked me down and asked if I could clarify what a message meant you might see this as like the argument depending on what language your teacher has used but it is kind of like the argument here so what she's doing is her purpose is to commemorate his memory in order to encourage the audience to remember how he was a great man and present some of you might think of that more as like the argument okay so for today we've talked about the intro and then narrowed end of the thesis it only makes sense that we talked about that bottom hamburger bun and our sandwich that we're looking at conclusions and how to write a sophisticated conclusion for a rhetorical analysis essay I advise you before that your intro should take no more than five minutes to write the same is true with your conclusion take no more than five minutes to write it however conclusions are so hard to write primary because you tend to run out of time by the end of the essay you run out of time and you just have to slap something down at the end of your essay um I think that today the message that I won't part to you is to strive for a great conclusion be cognizant of what you need to do to have a great conclusion but also know that if you're panicking at the end of the essay and you look at the clock on the wall or you see on your watch that you only have two minutes left to write before you have to upload your essay just put something down good is 100 percent fine when it comes to a conclusion just make sure you have one I know sometimes students run out of time and they don't get one conclusions are important that's your last moment with their reader so we're talking about your credibility and may be appealing to paint those this is your last opportunity to do that and if you don't have a conclusion and you just end up the body paragraph it just leaves your reader of like a you want your reader to leave inspired and refreshed so most of you will only have time for a good conclusion which is wonderful it's totally fine but just make sure you don't skip it all right so the good I'm assuming you were already familiar with but basically it's going to bring a unified end to the essay and it may present the arguments thesis typically what this means to students is that it's one to two sentences and it's summarizing the essay you're gonna restate the major claims you might revisit your thesis statement I think my biggest tip for you is if you are going to simply go with a good conclusion go back and look at your introduction review it to make sure that your ideas are still you know on the same path but make sure you're using new words and that you're not simply restating the same words over and over again change up the language primarily because if your reader didn't understand it in the introduction if you use the exact same words in the conclusion your reader might still have questions so try to use different words to capture the same ideas again this is what most students will do they'll get to the end of their essay they're running out of intellectual steam they're tired they're panic they're for this year you might be worried about getting it uploaded in time a good conclusion is just fine it's permissible it's it's totally fine however if you are striving for a great conclusion it's similar to the introduction you will want to engage or focus your audience you're going beyond just the Restatement or a summarizing of the essay and a great conclusion if a good conclusion is about one to two sentences a great conclusion is more like a three to five sentence peace paragraph you might see some overlap here College Board and advance play simple give you some descriptions of what you can do to engage or focus your audience you might see some overlap here and some of these won't pertain to the rhetorical analysis so I'm going to go through the ones that I think are the most important for you to consider for your rhetorical analysis essay the others are great they might just be pertaining more toward the argument essay so the first thing the first way I think that you can go about engaging or folks in your audience is explaining the significance of the argument in a broader context making connections explain the implications and sandor summarizing the argument I like to like lump all those together and just label them the larger significance that one way you can move into a great conclusion is to explore the larger significance in the clue in the conclusion so what that means is let's go like just step by step explain the significance of the argument within a broader context is looking at what are some of those larger issues being exposed in the text itself so think impacting the big picture the large the larger scale of the issues in the Madeleine Albright I think you could look at women's and that's the larger issue it's not just about fighting for qualities about women's rights and how they were human rights so it's a natural extension it's something that's being explored through the subject matter the content of the speech itself so just kind of pull back and think what is the broader context here the next one making connections that's going to be between issues or situations and it could even be in between your choices like how do these choices play off of each other what connections could you make between the choices that the writer has made I think that it's maybe more realistic for you guys in your conclusion to think about the connections between issues so for Madeleine Albright again if she's starting to argue or if you think the larger the broader context is fighting for equality and that gender rights are human rights you might also even at this point make a connection to another text that states all men are created equal the Declaration of Independence so if someone were to make a connection in a conclusion they might relate it to another text or a larger idea like again the suffragettes or that all men are created equal there they're making connections between what the text is saying and something else explaining the implications is a good one this is something that you would really be using in an argument essay but I think it could work here with a rhetorical analysis an implication is typically like what's a possible effect or outcome or a result even if it's unintentional to this piece this text so thinking about what is the potential effect that arises because of this it might be tough in a letter but easier in a speech because usually a speech is for a larger group so if we were to think about the Madeleine Albright prompt one of the implications that might emerge is that the fight for equality will benefit themselves and others it could also be exploring what happens if they don't engage in this fight or have high expectations for themselves and it might be something like progress would be inhibited so an implication could be what is a negative consequence if they don't heed this advice summarizing the argument is kind of obvious just summarizing the issues that are associated with it this again the subject matter so like women's rights and general Human Rights and I think the one thing I would encourage you guys to do with your tips down below is avoid leaps and logic I had two conferences with my students this morning one-on-one conferences to talk about their writing and one thing I kept saying to them is think about what is the subject matter of the piece and make sure the larger significance fits within that that framework so avoid this Miss America answer of like ultimately Madeleine Albright is trying to argue for a government that is just that might be something that you could infer but it's gonna take a lot of proving for you to do that you just don't have time for in the conclusion so make sure it's related to the subject matter and you're avoiding this major leap in logic if you get a passage on May 20th that's about nature make sure their larger significance has something to do with nature if it's about technology make sure the larger significance has something to do with technology and then make sure you have strong transitions and if you're keeping it brief then it shouldn't need any kind of support all right another way you could go about taking a good conclusion into that great realm is to leave the audience with a compelling image a compelling image and to do this think about the writers imagery that you're studying for rhetorical analysis imagery will have very vivid language it will address all of the senses sight sound smell etc and that they're meant to appeal to pathos so think about how what you've been studying you could do yourself in the conclusion really try to set the scene of the issue itself again try to keep it brief though you don't want it to overtake the ideas of the essay so for Madeline Albright I think one image that could maybe work in a conclusion would be kind of painting the picture of women joined together in a major metropolitan city marching with signs to fight for women's rights it still is related it's not going to be a major leap in logic but it will kind of flex your your own rhetorical muscles a little bit it'll show you as a more nuanced writer alright and then the last thing that I think is pretty common for students is to connect to the introduction it should be an explicit connection it should be very clear and obvious it shouldn't be just like hey did this student do that and you would only want to do this if you have a really unique element in your introduction and if you need to go back and review our session from Friday we talked about how you can have a really engaging introduction if you have a compelling image in the intro mimic that in the end again kind of like a sandwich it ethic and in your conclusion if you have a really striking statement in the intro try to have a similar striking statement in the end make sure they're conceptually related just restating your thesis isn't going to work that's what a good conclusion would do really do it justice if you're going to connect your intro really commit to it and don't again don't do it if your intro doesn't have that type of an element within you might even also want to go back to review your introduction to see do I have something that's striking that's memorable that I should be addressing in the end okay so let's look at a sample because it is a conclusion you have to read a student essay to know how the student possibly could end it so I have given you one in your files for today this is a student essay it's not perfect by any means try not to critique it too much in terms of like the evidence or the commentary instead I want you to really focus on the introduction and what the writer is doing in the introduction and then read the body paragraphs just to understand the main idea so then when we get to the conclusion we can evaluate did the student adequately summarize the essay or not so go ahead and pause the recording take a few seconds I think in this point realistic would be more like three two or three minutes to read the sample and then return and I'll give you a series of conclusions potential conclusions to look at for this essay we'll evaluate each of them all right so here's a one conclusion that you might have seen at the end of this essay the student would write in her commencement address to the graduating class of Mount Holyoke College Secretary of State Madeleine Albright models the power women can yield by contrasting hypotheticals with reality providing anecdotes of women facing adversity and encouraging the graduates to persevere Albright motivates and inspires them to make a difference regardless of challenges they faced in your opinion is that a good or a great conclusion and why hopefully you guys would all agree that this is a good conclusion because it really is just summarizing the essay itself it's hitting those major elements of the rhetorical situation it's reviewing the rhetorical choices that the student made and his or her essay it's good I would again be very satisfied with this I think that it's an appropriate conclusion and something a lot of you will end up doing just naturally because you run out of time so it's a fine conclusion let me show you two other samples and I will tell you that these are both great but I want you to read them to identify why are they great which of those techniques have been applied to this particular these particular conclusions to make them great you will notice that there are some similarities and that they have the same summary because they've ever touched the same essay so they should have the same summary but look at what has been added to each conclusion to make it great and then again what technique did the student take or use in this particular conclusion to make it great pause the recording read through them and think about which technique each used to make their conclusion great you let's start with sample a again it's a great conclusion I think the primary reason why it's so great is because it's really connecting to the introduction the introduction makes reference to voting rights and gender equality so we do see a little bit about the larger significance but that otherwise it's not it's not as much of the larger significance the students not exploring those larger issues it's really connecting to that notion of breaking the glass ceiling we see a direct connection the first essay of the pair the whole at the first sentence sorry of the whole essay is essentially rewritten here in the conclusion about making advances in gender equality so the student has kind of mirror at the end with the beginning a really clear connection to the reduction but the issues aren't really there as much so I just didn't under the larger significance you might have seen it I do see elements of it but I don't know that it's strong enough for me to fully highlight all right sample B is also great but this time is different it's great for a different reason I think that this student does a really nice job of setting that scene making a compelling image specifically of the young women clad in their caps and gowns and anxious for an uncertain world I think you could also make the case it's not really a compelling image but it's speaking to style by using that simile of her words were a beacon to guide their their future that comparing her words to this like light this thing that's that's propelling them into the future I also like that both of those things they're not a first stretch that's an image that we we could picture in the text of those young women sitting in in this larger audience listening to Madeline Albright the student sets that scene a little bit more okay so just to review a good conclusion is what most of you will be doing it's one to two sentences it's summarizing the essay without using the exact same words so don't just restate put it into your own words whereas a great conclusion is going to more like three to five sentences it too will summarize the essay but it will go beyond that and that will at least include the larger significance the compelling image or a connection to the introduction it would do one of those things the way they could attach or explore the larger significance could be through the broader context making connections or explain the implications okay so your AP practice should be obvious take that same student sample and I want you to craft your excuse me at your own conclusion for the Margaret Thatcher passage the eulogy that she delivered for Ronald Reagan's passing limit yourself just to five minutes because that's I think realistic to what you would have on May 20th for the AP exam limit yourself to five minutes if you need to reread the passage go right ahead but construct either a good or a great conclusion using the knowledge gained from this session and then I will not see you till Friday but mrs. Knight will be here tomorrow um and she'll debrief and go over a few sample conclusions that you could be using in use for this particular prompt all right have a great day good to see you I'll see you on Friday you you