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a few weeks ago I was in the car with a close friend of mine I'd had a really bad week I spontaneously cried multiple times the previous day's for what I thought in my long lived 17 years of life were completely rational for example I was not given a lead in my school's musical before the auditions I thought I had it in the bag I'm the senior president of the thespian troupe and I participated in almost every show since I've attended my school so when the cast list came up and I didn't see my name where I thought it was supposed to be I ran outside called my mom and acted like the world was crumbling down around me which some might consider appropriately dramatic for an actress and all I could think was why me what did I do to deserve this so when my friend turned to me brimming with sincerity and asked me how my week had gone I told her the whole story moments later when I was done venting it suddenly occurred to me to ask her how her week had gone and she looked straight ahead and she gripped the wheel a little tighter and she I could see tears welling in her eyes and she proceeded to tell me that her aunt was diagnosed with brain cancer and would be having surgery the next week and within the same week her aunt was diagnosed she was informed her uncle's chemotherapy would cease because his leukemia is terminal and then without a hint of self-pity she told me she was most concerned for her father because both of his parents had also died of cancer and her uncle was the only immediate family he has left David Foster Wallace refers to our natural tendency to fixate on ourselves and in effect completely ignore the thoughts and feelings of everyone around us as our default setting a fault hardwired in us however just as iPhones have a default setting for how apps built into the phone should appear you can jailbreak the phone and change the apps appearances that is precisely what we do when we consciously choose to change our natural default setting we rewire our brains and set it free from its jail the jail of constantly centering things around ourselves so how aware are you of the things that surround you on a daily basis when you walked into this room were you conscious of the air around you then the question is how do we make ourselves aware how do we get rid of our natural default setting naturally the first thing I did when I came across this question was google it and one of the very first links Google provided me was titled how to control your mind in 9 easy steps with pictures now any article that convenient is generally suspicious but I decided to take my chances the author suggested we had the ability to control our thoughts the wikiHow article claimed that simply having a plan for my life and making breathing exercises a part of my evening ritual would help me to focus my common sense on ridding myself of unwanted and irrational emotions we all know something as difficult as controlling our thoughts can be done that easily dr. Antonio Damasio a renowned neurobiologist stated that our main mode of control has to do with our degree of knowledge and our understanding of the world as we change what we know about the world we change the way we control our perception so what we know about the world and how we perceive it is what controls our thoughts when we are able to control our perception we can choose to think consciously of others and break free from our default setting let's take a look at Plato's allegory of the cave Plato describes a group of people that have been bound in a cave since their birth placed so that the only things they see are the shadows of the objects on the wall in front of them when one of the cave men is exposed to our reality versus his shadow world he eventually accepts it as his own new reality and his perception of the shadow objects on the wall in front of him and the world around him change we too have the ability to manipulate our perception but in order to do so we must be conscious of our surroundings but controlling our attention this way is difficult we know for instance that it's hard to be constantly be conscious of everything going on around you we know for instance that if I tell you to try not to think of something for example a white polar bear it's more than likely all you can think about selective attention is defined as the act of focusing on a particular object while simultaneously ignoring irrelevant information the results of selective attention are often comical like these days it's especially common to see someone completely absorbed in their phone walk into something like a pole or the results of selective attention can be tragic like when drivers attempt to text and pay attention to the road our default setting tells us to selectively focus on ourselves and nothing else more often than not the only perspective we choose to see is our own so when your perception changes it allows you to see outside your default setting cells it allows you to see the people around you although this task may seem as if it were an impossible feat we all have the ability to focus and be conscious of what is going on around us if a 17 year old can do it so can you the consequences to ignoring that we have a choice in our everyday lives affect only us many of us especially those of us who work and go to school form a rigid schedule for me that routine quickly becomes mundane and I automatically resort to my default setting those of us who choose to let our default setting control our thoughts rarely stop to consider the circumstances of those around us I am especially guilty of this I often act how teenagers are expected to selfishly however in my experience everyone seems to have some version of a default setting when performing boring everyday activities like driving we often feel irritated towards other drivers for their recklessness or lack of speed or when at a restaurant blaming the waiter for bringing out the wrong order when in this type of situation it is how we choose to think that sets us apart from those who put their default setting on autopilot we can choose to consider that may be the reckless driver is generally very safe but she's just returned from a doctor's appointment or she was informed her mammogram was abnormal or we can choose to consider that the waiter was informed only days ago his wife had a miscarriage although each of these situations are highly unlikely it is not impossible the people around you experience trials and tribulations just as you do the conscious way of life the kind of life I saw my friend living inspired me to live for something as a teenager as an adult as a human being it is difficult for any of us to realize we are walking through our lives day in day out without a guiding purpose except for looking forward to the weekend or the next best thing that will distract us from our horrifyingly boring day-to-day routines thinking consciously is not a way you have to think it is not a way you should think it is simply a way to think I have discovered it is worth the difficulty to be conscious of my surroundings oftentimes I go through the motions everyday waking up dreading the school day before me and procrastinating to put my desires before what I am called to do at this point in my life be a student this constant day-in day-out existence wears me down and breaks me if I allow myself to live in my default setting my life becomes self-centered and utterly lonely and the thought of that terrifies me I have everything to live for but when I sent her the world around myself I feel as if I'm nothing doing nothing becoming nothing because after I'm done with school day-in day-out will become all too real when or if I settle in a comfortable job and a comfortable home it is tempting to live alone to wallow in our own circumstances and abstract thoughts that take us down one rabbit hole to another falling in our default setting over and over again I have done this repeatedly and missed so many opportunities I could have seized and have forgotten to cherish those who loved and do the most for me it is difficult to live with conscious effort instead of sitting down turning on the TV and living vicariously through the actors on the screen I ask that you consider that what matters right now in this very moment is how you were living if you were living at all and how you are connecting with the people around you you have every right to put yourself before anyone else no one can stop you from doing so but in order to be free truly free from external control or influence you have to liberate your mind from your default setting there are not nine easy steps to controlling our minds there is one very difficult but very important step to take the step towards controlling our minds is not trying to control them at all but it is simply to let go and be aware of the people around you in the words of Leo Tolstoy if then I were asked for the most important advice I could give that which I considered to be the most useful to the men of our century I should simply say in the name of God stop a moment cease your work and look around you you