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there is a pattern that I'm seeing as I'm doing more doing any face-to-face coaching work with people have not done any face-to-face coaching for four years and then on this trip to America I've put myself back into it and I'm seeing people face-to-face this is for a lot of reasons not least as you know I'm in my own process I am doing my best to try and be some kind of an example for overcoming codependency which is possibly a misnomer and I might switch to talking about toxic passivity instead so when I'm working with people this is part of my process of dealing with people's problems or hearing about people's problems providing a space in which a person's problems can be aired and be listened to and understood without taking that person's problems on and lo and behold I can actually do it which I'm really happy about because there was a period of time that where I couldn't do it and that's why I stop coaching face-to-face it was actually making me get physically sick and it doesn't do that now which is great I am very lucky in that my client base is based on the coaching that I have done is higher IQ these people are smart they're smarter than the average smarten the average bear it's pretty smart cookies the tough cookies and they are in the main very fluent in the language of psychology psychotherapy and psychoanalysis to begin with and so it's been a very interesting experience it's been a very grounding experience to sit with somebody in the flesh and look into their eyes and to listen to them and to work with them like that and I think one of the reasons why I wanted to do it and it has worked from this point of view is I think that there is a tendency for there to be a gap between map and territory and if the map that were operating from has been operated without updates for too long that map can get stale and I think my map was getting a little bit stale so I'm looking forward to doing more face to face coaching with people and doing more retreats for people my idea my map of what people want and where they're up to and where people actually are up to was out of date actually people are generally I'm speaking generally because you know there's a lot of subscribers here on YouTube and I don't know where everybody's up to some people like my family last week other people I've been listening to what I'm talking about for a couple years and some people have come from you know other places are the people that they've been listening to online for a while but actually people are further along than I thought they were and what they're looking for though they don't think of it this way what they need and what they're looking for actually seems to be more ideological and philosophical than it is purely psychological they need psychology they need psychological help anybody who's suffered ongoing trauma for a period of time and has developed a CPT SR response needs psychological tools to analyze the problem to discuss the problem and then psychological tactics to move forward but there is this sense of an ideological vacuum and I've been talking to people about all philosophy and how if your father was present and useful in your life one of the things that he should have encouraged in you is a moral philosophy and I see people kind of look at me like they don't really know what I'm talking about an idea of your own sense of right and wrong an idea of your own value system an idea of what you think a good life is have you ever asked that if you ever sat and asked what do I think a good life looks like how do I think an adult should behave how do I think we shouldn't behave and there's no implicit moral guidance here I can't offer that it would be wrong for me to offer that and I have no interest particularly then offering it happy to have the conversation but there isn't like I'm not a crypto anything I'm very very open so there isn't like aha and by the way I just so happen to have a moral philosophy prefabricated for you I don't you need it but you must construct it it cannot come from me no interest in being any kind of I wouldn't even say that's a gurus job it's more like a priest's job to give you moral guidance I can't I can't and I won't but I can help you to ask the right questions and the right kind of questions are what do I think life is for how do I think a person should behave what do I think is good behavior what do I think is wrong behavior and you could say well I came here because I thought my ex-boyfriend was narcissistic and I would say I don't think you will ever really recover in a meaningful long-lasting way in a way that protects you from getting into this kind of relationship and again in the future without either developing from scratch some kind of a moral philosophy a philosophy of life that has morality and values built built into it or totally reviewing your old one I'm getting rid of it Christianity has come up again and again and again in these coaching sessions in discussions with people who if you asked them would declare themselves atheists a couple of times Islam has come up and you know I think that that kind of makes sense I think it makes sense that if you're thrown into despair and chaos by a relationship by a person that you're going to start wondering which way is up and you're going to start wondering how to tether yourself in the world all the psychology and all of the psychological techniques they can offer you will not make up for a gaping hole where some kind of value system and moral philosophy should be it's not what psychology is for well this is what modern psychology is for psychology historically was always just a branch of philosophy but somewhere along the lines had developed the old joke is physics Envy like penis envy psychology developed physics Envy and psychology decided it wanted to be a science which was probably the worst thing that could have happened to the study of the human mind in the whole of the history of the development of psychology was the drive to be an actual science not to be scientific but to be an actual science instead of saying where I should have done which is as a school of philosophy with a strong scientific leaning you're gonna have to know what your life is about these are questions you must answer I don't think anybody can really help you overcome anxiety depression PTSD see PTSD eating disorders you name a mental health issue without you being able to answer very very simple but very profound questions about life and your purpose in life you've got to answer that for yourself you've got a fire meaning I did when I first arrived in in LA I went to UCLA and I did a seminar and overcoming codependency aliv odd by the time I go back to do it again I'll about 24 days of being with family of face to face coaching and of developing the ideas and it will probably now be called something to do with toxic passivity to take it away from codependency and to broaden it out from a psychological individualized problem to a broader social socio cultural problem which is toxic passivity we are slow boiled frogs and the brine in which we are being boiled is creeping toxic passivity a great way to encourage people into a state of passivity that is malignant is to thoroughly scrub them clean of any kind of moral philosophy another thing that I think is missing is a philosophy of competition a philosophy of competing in the world a philosophy of asserting yourself a philosophy of asking for what you want sounds strange like even as I'm saying this now and might what a weird thing these this should be Givens but they're not they're not Givens actually I know very few people who don't go into an altered emotional state when asking for what they want I'd go so far as to say that the vast majority of humans I know when they actually ask for what they really want they kind of go into what we would understand as being in the realm of see PTSD an emotional flashback so taboo has it become to say this is who I am and this is what I want it's become slowly and insidiously surreptitiously so taboo to just state who you are to be who you are without editing and to simply ask for what you want that it induces a kind of panic and then an aggression that is there to mask the panic or pretend indifference to the outcome of the asking of the question where we cover the vulnerability of not wanting to be refused and hearing the word no by pretending that we didn't want the thing that we wanted in the first place this is not just an issue of codependency and it's not just an issue of an individual who has been traumatized this is now a political issue this is an economic issue this is a cultural issue which is toxic passivity this is what we've been indoctrinated into and it sucks it really sucks people are really suffering and I think the world is struggling one of the things that toxic passivity does is it teaches people covertly and indirectly that they don't have to lean in that they can afford to lean out if we have a TP and you have six sticks leaning into the middle of a teepee and you throw the canvas over the top if all six sticks are leaning in we have a pretty strong structure if it then gets tied with a nice tight canvas over the six sticks you have a pretty good teepee they'll come withstand the wind and the rain if one of those sticks realizes there are five of the sticks here I can lean out you'll have a slightly less strong teepee if you have three of the six sticks who decide it's okay I can lean out then you have a disastrously weak teepee if you have only two out of six sticks who are actually bothering to lean in you don't have a teepee anymore you have a big wet mess of sticks and canvas that's all you have that's what I think is happening now I think people are leaning out I think toxic passivity has in trained us into being idiots who lean out and to act like this world is not our world and there's nothing we can do and so we shouldn't do anything don't take action don't think don't compete lean out you see that there's like this slow shift to soak people's value system and to disrupt it it's a soften it and to move it in a certain direction and the direction is towards weakness the direction is towards submission the direction is towards compliance and as I said in the first overcoming codependency seminar the ideal between yin and yang is balance but when you're looking at yin you can have malignant yin and benign yin and when you look at yang you can have malignant yang and benign yang and what we have is double triple yin that is malignant that is self-pitying there is self-pitying as passive that is the root cause of this disgusting victimhood culture that we see around us now that is reaction seeking rather than assertive that is hopeful rather than brave and sometimes at the more malignant end of the spectrum is even hysterical and despairing rather than being courageous and forward moving the idea is balance between yin and yang but we also need to be very aware of when either of those attributes has gone sick as rotted and has become toxic and it now has become toxic we are trained now to be seen through robots eyes so we're not trying to capture the male gaze which presumably hopefully would have led to some sort of sexual contact now we're being entrained to satisfy the robots gaze which can never lead to intimacy can never lead sexual contact and can never lead to love I haven't done a video on it yet been meaning to for a while the shocking passage in 1984 that hasn't received much attention where O'Brien's has to Winston we will obliterate the orgasm we will destroy sex on a random whim I decided to listen to an old Terence Mckenna recording the other day and he said he said if they could make sex illegal believe me they would but don't worry they never can I wonder I wonder what kind of a direction we're heading in at the moment where people's desires their sense of life their sense of lost their libido nurse drives are being Repat and and are being completely rewired so I will be talking more against toxic passivity which is another way of describing a true neurotic fawn response a true neurotic codependency PTSD response of passive victimhood I now suspect in my own experience and in the experiences and many people I've been talking to is that way before any individual was attracted into our lives who would have done this or that well the other thing we'd already set the stage for it by being passive by not asking for what we wanted by not having a moral philosophy by not cultivating a philosophy of competition I mean just that on its own just having a moral philosophy and just being willing to compete I'm willing to assert yourself and willing to ask for what you want is huge and if you don't have that you're very very weak there we go that's 17 minutes 48 seconds of me going home if anybody has any questions now's the time to ask them please make them one sentence song and end them with the squiggly symbol which is a question mark how's the leg the leg is improving day by day I got some more physio and got a better sense of what's going on with the leg but yet it's improving slowly remember what I said though the knee if you have problems with your knee as I do have had add in flexibility and behavior it was time to be more flexible it's time to start changing up the way in which hair in which I operate being less stubborn Starchild asks me a very soft ball and leading question thanks Starchild what's the relation between moral philosophy and healthy personal boundaries well I'm glad you asked you can't have healthy personal boundaries without a moral philosophy and this is new to me I've only realized that recently so I've stopped teaching people to have boundaries which without going into a one-hour lecture if you think in a coaching context if I say you have no boundaries so let's work on your boundaries that in a certain sense externalizes your locus of control however if we deal with the fact that you don't have boundaries by developing a healthy value system and a moral philosophy your boundaries will show up automatically because you have to have a self to have a value system and a moral philosophy and if you have a self if you have a thing to put a wall around then you don't just have wall with no thing give that is precious you have a precious thing that you would naturally feel inclined to protect that's you that's yourself and the rules by which is protected the thickness of the walls the height of the walls the material they're made of will be defined precisely by your moral philosophy and your value system never again will you doubt what action to take never again will you lie awake at night wondering when X said do birdie-bird did he mean liberty bear or did he mean blabber T blue you won't wonder that anymore because if you know it'll just be a simple moral question more philosophy does this person make me feel confused and upset if yes get rid if no you know so on and so forth so yeah the you can't have one without the other and in fact the most elegant way and the most strength strongest way of developing healthy boundaries would be to develop a decent moral philosophy does porn have any useful function says in trove straf probably I mean that there's always been there's there's always been pornographic modes of thought I mean porn is not separate to human sexuality it's and it's not new one it's probably probably bit late at night to go down this particular rabbit hole but I know that the narrative of objectification is that objectification is always bad and pornography objectifies in fact most erotic material whether it's pornographic or erotic objectifies over the years as I've observed myself and people have been with in intimate situations I've noticed that objectification seems to be a necessary component of human sexuality so if you if you agree or we can say porn is at the extreme end of the spectrum of objectification because it's mechanics like that's what means it's pornography and not erupting not eroticism is it it's pure mechanics it's it's the most mechanical robotic non mysterious element of human sexuality we can't go all that's no that's terrible we only want errata sysm we only want that which is vague and implicit and mystical it so will actually no that's not true you want both because both men and women at some point in their in the sexual cycle if you're going to achieve orgasm there's always going to be an element of objectification there and that's okay so - that was a long-winded answer to your question yes it does serve a useful function however if you were to ask me is it great that everybody has HD streaming pornography of whatever you want immediately accessible through a device in their pocket I would say based on what I know of the human mind and human behavior probably not I was laughing today with a guy who is going for his master's in mathematics and he was my yuba driver and he's gonna he's gonna work his way through and be a math professor who talked about the education system in America and how things have changed and how the standards changed and whatever else when were talking about the use of social media and he said my students want all their notes on on a phone readable format and I said it's really interesting everybody in the last 10 years that I'm doing videos and audios and books for people predominantly consume my courses through their phones I mean it's like 85% not on laptops it's on it's on phones or people are consuming it and he said yeah this is a bad idea for a revision that's a bad idea for testing and for mathematics he said so we give people homework but in order to make it easy we've done it online and all they have to do is open another tab and they can cheat their way through whatever homework we give them so people are kind of doing maths but they're not really practicing their mathematical skills they're practicing their ability to look up solutions and formulas and he said it's also a problem that where they're looking up the solution to mathematical problems that I'm setting them as a teaching a system is exactly where they get films you know Netflix conversations with friends and everything else and I said yeah and Full HD stream in pornography we were laughing about that I said it would be like going back to the 80s and sending a kid to a room I'm putting a maths book with his maths homework in on top of a huge pile of pornographic magazines leaving the room and saying I'm gonna give you an hour in here and I hope you like your math okay well that's all we get back so but that's you could say is that a poor so is the point I'm making there's a pornography issue is it self discipline issue is it a pleasurable stimulus issue is it an endorphin wee addicted to the endorphins that it's owned in so yeah it but does it serve a useful function yes I mean when I take over the United Kingdom and then become the king of Europe I wouldn't ban it but I would insist on people having a very very a much more mindful approach to it and just be like look men and women are probably over consuming pornographic in it and an erotic material as a means of self-regulating their emotions and we are generally speaking becoming less intimate with each other and that's not good the term sexual autism I first heard being used by Chris Rock in his last comedy special very declared that he thought he was a sexual autistic because of too much too much pornography can consumption I think everybody is becoming intimacy autistic there is it there is an autism around intimacy people just don't know how to be with each other and that's that's that's a worrying trend give us a question porn destroy his true love says Henry probably within a truly loving relationship you would find within the boundaries of love and sexual intimacy entirely pornographic elements like the most port like the most porn but it like if you have if you've drawn a circle and you've gone okay this is our area of our intimacy and this a circle within the circle is this is our sexual intimacy and then the circle within the circle in the circle these are the bits that I just pure pornography then you probably don't have a problem if your outer circle is made of photography then that's yet you can't have you can't really have loving intimacy within that context it's it's not it's the wrong modality for therefore the task intro vex says thank you so much for dressing this for me fascinating points you're very welcome no problem MK says my boyfriend used to read me erotica he's a showing off now you lucky thing the ancients already knew it was bad says poison squid the ancients knew that overindulgence and physical pleasure the pleasures of the flesh didn't lead to anything good morally so you see that in Christianity well I recently in the last few years read that a lot of our ideas of like Christian cleansing and cleanliness and purity and staying away from the pleasures of the flesh raising the spirit actually came from Greek philosophers that preceded them like the Stoics and the cynics who much like you would normally associate with Eastern philosophy Buddhism Zen Buddhism and followers of Hinduism where people would give away their material wealth and then just live almost homeless and live on arms or beg to show a lack of attachment to the physical world the Greeks were bigger than that there were several schools cults initiation cults that were based on that so yeah there was a there was definitely an idea that's been around for a very long time that the ancients did have hold of that if you were in your let's use different language just to mix it up if you were all your energy is in your base chakras then it's not in the higher chakras it's not in the heart chakra in the crown chakra it's down down in the base down in the basement and it can't be both it can't be both from the more time you're seeing around in the basement the more practiced you are at that so it's not great but sit sorry fly what is that I don't I don't demonize it I would never be man eyes it never say oh it's it is the problem and it is the source I mean it's it's us it's us that would be externalizing the locus of control again instead of internalizing it which is much more responsible Angela asks we're really sticking on porn here and those who make porno movies sexually autistic as well maybe maybe I'm sure it takes all sorts of people to make pornography there's all different types of pornography there's all different genres this different takes there's different styles there's like if you talk him from pornography through to erotica there's that's a lot of material jason says I'm getting the Mothe aroused with the porn talk yeah I think I am I think it's like flying into my face yeah say more stuff so but yeah there will be some there will be some and that you could if you wanted to do if you were like a sociologist or psychologist with sociological leanings you could write a dissertation that goes if you look at the way porn is created it reflects psychological issues it reflects a kind of sexual autism and Slavoj Zizek has gone into this of course it would be Slava wid that goes into it and but it's good I mean it's it's it's good work and it actually is really insightful and it and it makes sense so if you guys want to know more about that I would Google jezik and pornography and hopefully you won't find any porn with him in it because I can't help you from the trauma roof of hearing the spectacle question can you explain what this passivity question can you explain what this passivity question marked I mean what is passivity it looks like you got autocorrected their third open 93 Richard how did you skip over my question dammit I don't know if you can see all the other comments are coming through but there's a lot of questions and comments coming through question retox ik passivity point taken but you not think labeling a person with toxic passivity as problematic I don't think I would label a person an individual is saying oh you have toxic passivity I don't know that that would be particularly useful what I would say to a group of people who identify as being fallen responding codependence that a more useful linguistic metaphor for the challenge that we face is possibly not codependency y'all remember codepen C is not a clinical term as far as I know historically it's from Alcoholics Anonymous originally and it meant the enabler it meant the partner of an alcoholic who would you know cover for them maybe even supplied alcohol you know would you know sort them out so which is useful and we can see ourselves in that but maybe if we broaden it out to something more than that we'll get a more nuanced sense like if you define a problem with greater nuance usually the defining of the problem presents the solution in and of itself so if you define a problem very very well the solution kind of pops to the forefront it seems like the kind of term like PTSD that the general population might ridicule I don't think the general population ridicules PTSD there's not been my experience that's all I don't think I've ever told anybody I work with PTSD and Adams owner and say haha that's ridiculous I don't really give a what the general population wants I mean the general population in my country watches love Island the general population in America watches Keeping Up with the Kardashians who gives a what the child population but it's a good question I'm glad you've asked it because I tell you this there hasn't been a coaching session that I've done I think I did like 20 or 25 since coming to America where that specific issue hasn't come up where people are preemptively very worried about the judgment of others and I've sat there and I've been like okay do you understand like that you're a lot smarter than the people you're talking about and the people you're talking about they're not it's not like they've sat there and analyzed the situation some high level and they have this superior understanding and then they've gone you know and you know what I have concluded after years of analysis and I've really really read the data sara is a and then Sara's like they think I'm a think I'm about psyche why do why do you care if a three-year-old walks up to you and says pow pow and pretends to shoot you with their finger because it's a laser gun and says I'm an alien from Pluto you don't internalize that doesn't create an insert and an emotional response your emotional responses oh oh you oh you're an alien from Pluto okie dokie because you're three and you're in your in your brain is developing you're figuring out the world you can be whatever you want to be adults play with play with sometimes will play with your projections of who you're pretending to be in that moment it's it's harmless similarly as an adult I'm finding like with people are talking about me or saying something about me I'll just say well who are you perhaps not to them perhaps just in my head I'll be like oh I'm concerned with what they think and then I'll go okay who who is it that you are concerned with number one and who is concerned who I'll go well I am okay which part of you is concerned with what you know so then you drill down and then start going do you actually think they have a point like if somebody is saying something where you think there might be truth to it then that's a you problem that's not a van problem that's a you problem if somebody's saying you're kind of a dick when you drink and it gets to you you need to review whether you're a dick when you drink and that's why it's getting to you maybe you should stop drinking or stop being a dick I don't I really don't know but other than that I wouldn't worry about it so you're toxic passivity gen-pop wants to say I'm an idiot or of people already do say nasty stuff we've been saying nasty stuff about me online since 2006 like when I started out teaching self-defense online like that's what people do on the internet they say they say mean things it's not real or it's not real to me so I wouldn't worry about it toxic passivity is a is a good strong solid term and it's it's gonna go it's it's it's got legs it's got like there's a there's a lot that you can go to with that you can there's a lot that you can express and there's a solution to it which is first of all what is toxic passivity then it would be what is benign passivity what does it mean to be in yen what does it mean to and then consciously and fully go we must the body is yin and yang the mind is in and yang we need to be in yin but it better be benign yin and go like consciously go all the way in to Yin similarly what is yang - look at that and go all the way into that what does it mean to be what is what is it to be toxically assertive stop being a bully as it being a tyrant or or whatever it is these are this is something that's worth looking at but we can't and I tell you we won't continue to have nations of toxically passive zombies we won't there has no future my concept has a future these people do not there's just no future in this there's no future in passive consumerism there's no future for Humanity in living through Tech and living through social media that I can I can guarantee stegasaurus asks how about some friends who don't acknowledge my PTSD and depression how would you recommend dealing with them I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't try to offer a stranger on the internet advice on dealing with with their friends in that way I can only really help you they don't really need dealing with they don't need dealing with the top priority is is you and if you feel like you're in pain then it's a priority in your life to do some work that relieves that pain not to convince people of your truth or your reality or whatever else I mean it's it's very very tough to do that and I've never seen it I've never seen it work and it usually leads to a bad place but you internalizing that locus of control are you dealing with you that that can lead to a good place poisoned squid asks does everything that's happening seem planned but you know what you mean do you mean like in a conspiracy theory type way or in an Islamic way like it was already written by the hand of the almighty before we were even born if you let me know I'll try an answer that his toxic passivity rooted in helplessness learned helplessness I think it is and if if we're talking about toxic passivity that is entrained into populations at a cultural level that is the exploitation of human weakness a human bone River frailty let's say let's not use the word weakness of human frailty a human vulnerability which is in the face of Shock Trauma and overwhelmed one of our responses is to become passive is to freeze or to form the other ones are to run away from it or to fight it let's try and kill it so yeah if it's if it's a deliberate effort then the toxic passivity can be caused by shocking somebody and traumatizing them and then telling them listen there's a solution here but you can't have it you don't have the solution your solution is to buy more stuff your solution is to try and acquire more likes on social media your solution is to I don't know buy a bigger house or buy a bigger car don't actually try to solve the problem because if I as your King have a nation of people with no problems they will start to revolt they will begin to riot they will demand that I do my job and that my ministers do their jobs better they will not consume they will not give me as much tax revenue they will ask me difficult questions when I'm trying to do naughty wars in faraway places stealing other people's at the level of psychology at except passivity would probably be formed in much the same way by tyrannical primary caregiver who uses shame guilt violence or fear to bully the desired response from a child because they're too lazy or too stupid to do it in any other way and yes that would then form into learned helplessness if you couldn't escape but it's not the the root root of toxic passivity would be one step before it and be rooted in in pain and trauma that's a better way to phrase it sometimes all they do is find good phrasing is social media given to us to control the social hierarchy and in a way controlling the individual by controlling to group yes and yes be the shortest answer if that yes and yes I think so I think you're right please discuss ruminating I'd be more interested in discussing disassociation and I'd be more interested in discussing disassociation as an emotional flashback I should this separate video on this a lot of people have spoken to recently are confused about what emotional flashbacks are so I'll give you an explanation of emotional flashbacks and I'll be like bah bah bah bah bah bah bah emotional flashbacks but right now we need to move on has everybody understood what an emotional flashback is well you can't like the format of this is YouTube or if you buy one of my courses a video where it's one way so you can't even put your hand up and go actually dude I still don't really understand this when I first got hold of it when I first got a hold of the P P Walker book it was answering like 20 are those 20 lingering questions I had that answered all of them so I was prepped for the material I was ready I devoured that book and I was like thank you that was amazing but for a lot of people I think some of the concepts are quite difficult and emotional flashbacks is is quite misunderstood probably because of what we would normally understand the flashback to be usually in a PTSD or in a drug context so if I say this guy is having or this girl is having an acid flashback or this person is having a flashback to their time in a combat zone because of films because of books because of the way we talk about it you instantly know what it is emotional flashbacks can go on for days weeks years you can have a cascading series of emotional flashbacks there are human beings who live in not they wouldn't just live in one emotional flashback but they're permanently in a state of emotional flashback and disassociation or you know ruminating ruminating tends to be a looping mode of thinking that is negative that doesn't really lead anywhere good and usually is flavored with a bit of catastrophizing as well I would think of that as disassociation because the solution to the problem is boiled it's baked into the cake so if you talk with somebody says rumination I'll go back this association this association is an emotional flashback so you experience stress a stressful or a trigger and then you go into an emotional flashback for your predominant response to stress in an emotional flashback is disassociation so I've had conversations with people recently where they'll go oh you're saying that the way that I go into a loop in my head that's the emotional flashback and I'm like well it's your way of coping with the emotional flashback and it's so intrinsically entwined with the emotional flashback that yeah it kind of is so when you're ruminating think of it as dissociating because you're not present if you ruminating go oh i'm dissociating i must be in an emotional flashback it must be time for me to work on my emotional flashbacks on my emotional literacy look for the source look for the trigger look for the stressor or just see if you're tired you know you might just be tired and that can be that could be your trigger it's physical tiredness you know I mean we never really know but this thing of emotional flashbacks I've just gone so buddy got this yeah did you get that right because now we have another 20 things to talk about let's go and I think I think I've not really given enough time to sort of go into okay let's talk about what these what these things are and it leads to a lot of confusion because people are then talking about the subjects and thinking about the subject in a way that fires you in funny directions you know like the old golf thing like with a big golf swing like if you get it slightly slightly off here and you're driving down the big green tunnel whatever take off that tiny mistake up here once it's driven right the way down the field the court the fairway it's a big mistake the further away the ball gets the bigger the mistake is the more time there is the more energy there is the the broader the mistake gets so we need to have a quite a nuanced understanding of emotional flashbacks I think ruminating is an emotional flashback just because you're not smashing your phone up raging in floods of tears or reliving a traumatic event per se doesn't mean that you're not in a emotional flashback by the way every single clients I saw and yeah I've read this this is without exception and I told all the clients I saw this all of them would have benefited from working more on stopping their emotional flashbacks but some of the people I was talking to didn't think they had emotional flashbacks and I was I you're you you think you have see PTSD though yeah yeah but I dealt with my emotional flashbacks and I'm looking out going you haven't dealt with your emotional flashbacks how do you know you're flashbacking now the fact that you're sat here talking to me it's so much pressure for you that it's triggered an emotional flashback as soon as you walk through the door they'll go how do you know I'm like it's not subtle it's not hard to see if you're struggling with see PTSD if you're struggling to overcome codependency or toxic passivity please start with the basics please don't skip ahead I mean it nobody I saw and forty to fifty percent no no fifty percent of the people that I saw for coaching work in mental health now some of them are quite high levels they're actually they themselves are [Music] bloody midnight psychologically very very fluent some academics some therapists but the emotional flashbacks were really really strong so please please please go back to your basics you don't have to do my stop emotional flashback course you can do it because it's free and it's pretty extensive it's pretty good you don't have to do my one but you do need to do somebody's emotional flashback course you've got to reduce your emotional flashbacks it really screws with your perceptions it really screws with your decision making it really screw screws with your physiology it makes a big mess so please please please take the emotional flashback seriously and reduce them here we go if you spend a week just working on your emotional flashbacks from Saturday to Saturday and you journal your progress and you know you write a journal of how you feel everyday bagua if on day seven you're ruminating less than on day one it will prove my point that your rumination was actually an emotional flashback the whole time JK says if only emotional flashbacks had a huge warning horn like that I'm mayor I - I'm reading the DAO of fully feelings as stand rue I don't think I read a lot I think I read like portions of it I love that I really really like the Dow fully feeling I've spoken a lot about people workers book sea PTSD from surviving to thriving if you manage to get through that you really should try the Dow is fully feeling everybody do you have dates for UCLA yet the most likely is going to be next Saturday a week on Saturday but I have to speak to them in the morning once I've spoken up in the morning I'll do a a newsletter and I've already know I went to the there was like a Cisco funded concert last night in San Diego of Weezer and the Foo Fighters neither of whom have had massive amounts of interest in saying a friend of a friend got me into it and now I was really really impressed both of them really really really impressed with both bands still clearly love playing still clearly love entertaining people and just really enjoy doing what they do and it was it was nice to see people just you know in the moment having a good time doing what they obviously experienced as being what they're here to do and on the planet I mean in a whoo way this is what this is clearly what they feel they had to do and obviously it is makes it makes them happy and it makes the people around them happy which is a good indication right if it makes you happy and it makes people around you happy that's probably what it is that you should be doing and I kind of feel the same way you know I feel the same way like this is this is not this is not all this is not all I want to do this is not the only thing I can do but as something something that I can do that I can work through with people it is a it feels like a good thing feels like a really really good thing it's a nice challenge as well Ouiser is great I showed them here recently yeah I play songs by both those bands in the band I playing they did some good covers Weezer dead take on me by aha which was brilliant and he was he was having the time of his life he was camping out it was great and threw fighters did under pressure the drummer went to the front and sang and Dave Grohl went and drummed for under pressure it was really really good really nice to sing okay I'm gonna take one more question and then I am gonna go to the yen place and do some sleeping Dave Grohl is an absolute not he is got he total psycho fantastic fantastic to watch him just play out I think I think there's probably a lot to be said there's probably a lot of crossover teen stand-up comics and you know people who do live performances like that with the fight for and response and side this perfect healthy expression up there but yeah he's he was he was really really energized I was a corporate gig you know of corporate gig it's like for thousands and thousands of people who was in the whatever the baseball stadium is I think it's the Padres here in San Diego but it's a corporate gig you know we're gonna get paid whatever they do and both those bands turned up and just did their very very best they could it was great Robert S says take my question about glowing people alright I will ask you a question about glowing people do you have any tips to be more articulate asks Brian would do you think I'm articulate how was that question helpful I was gonna go well if you think I'm articulate this is this is how I do it and then I was i I can't articulate how to be articulate so I led myself into a dead end what do you think it means when someone glows wow that was a worthwhile question it means them means their chakras are aligned man or they've been cleaning Chernobyl well-being up different particular read learn words love language enjoy language I was raised in an environment where we read a lot of plays I did a lot of plays growing up so I've done a bit of acting yeah just love the language and love to speak and enjoy communicating with people and you'll probably find yourself leaning towards being a little bit a little bit more articulate somebody's getting their comments deleted learn one new word a day forever that's a good idea Adrian Kneebone says question Robert says it was worthwhile to me lull well glad I could make you happy then he asks do about the glowing person is it someone in a hive is alright jason says used a video produced for live nation had the video produced van halen back in 2015 David Lee Roth was super nice to us that's cool that's really nice that's nice when you meet these people and and and they're cool I am and especially in recent years have more opportunity to work with other worked with alright with a couple of big musicians actually and some actors and that and athletes generally speaking most people are cool most people are just there's people just that down-to-earth just looking for a solution to a problem and that's nice that's really really nice but they don't have to be I guess so it is it is nice when when they are Pleasant because they're multi millionaires and they're super famous they could be told decks and we'd all still work with all right guys thank you very much for your questions thanks for listening I hope that that was useful I'm going to sleep and yeah thanks for your time and for your attention make sure you spend your time and attention wisely and I look forward to speaking to you again soon