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Hi guys and welcome back to my channel, I'm Naomi Bastilla and today we're going to talk about self validation If you're new to my channel, go ahead and check out my videos I talk all about growth mindset self-improvement self-discovery and I put up a new video every Wednesday So if you're interested in that type of content Go ahead and subscribe and hit the bell to be notified when I upload a new video So let's talk about self validation because this is a topic that's come up a lot recently in my life and I actually went out and asked people and I saw that there is a need to discuss this topic and It kind of gets meshed with the idea of self confidence, but in my opinion and in Merriam Webster's opinion it's very different in what it means and I think that the self validation is a crucial element of building your self-confidence so according to merriam-webster dictionary the self validation is the feeling of having recognized confirmed or Established one's own worthiness or legitimacy now just for comparison's sake I went and I checked out What is the definition of confidence because I thought that you know, a lot of times those can be synonyms And I wanted to really differentiate what it is that is different in the definition. So according to the dictionary Confidence is a feeling of consciousness of one's powers or a state of being certain. What's amazing is the idea that In order to build confidence you really need to be at peace with yourself and in my opinion and based on what I'm seeing the idea of self validation is really getting to the point where you know yourself and you trust yourself and Therefore you can reach this place of peace with yourself and that's where your confidence can be built So give me a yes in the comments if you want to feel that self validation now the idea of self validation is going to be a very complex one because it's impacted by all sorts of Sorts of factors in our surroundings and it's actually impacted by other people which is kind of an oxymoron Because in the way that we're describing things self validation Means that you really trust yourself and it doesn't matter what other people are saying or thinking But being social creatures and the way that we are there's the idea that we really value human interaction and we are really sensitive to what other people think of us and to what other People have to say about us or their opinions and the way we feel accepted in a social environment So throughout our lives We all encounter difficulties struggles and experiences that cause us to start to question ourselves And what happens is in that process you start to not be so sure about what you believed earlier or you start to question whether You're really looking at things from the right perspective and you might even think that you're imagining something I've seen it happen so many times where somebody says to me I Felt like something was wrong. And I really saw that there was an issue and for some reason I didn't feel confident about it I didn't feel that it was being validated and then even sometimes when you say it out loud someone else might not agree with you and then you even Start to question more so that sense of validation because you start to think well I'm imagining it because this other person isn't viewing it the way I am and that just causes a whole lot of confusion and a whole lot of difficulty with Your inner self and how you view yourself and how you trust yourself going forward So what happens is that you start to question? Yourself as a person and you don't just question a certain decision or a certain situation that you encountered For example, what could happen is? Let's say you get into a fight with your friend and You are pretty furious or you're pretty fuming when you finish that fight or you leave the situation just feeling really Aggravated and not good about yourself or not good about how it ended and then as you start to digest it and go Over it and consider what it was that happened there. Then you can might you might start to think. Oh, wait a second maybe What's going on is just in my head. Maybe I'm being too Dramatic about it. Maybe I'm exaggerating my response and that's where you start to question and you start to Not be sure about whether what you believed or the way you responded was really the white the right way So what can help you with self validation? Or what can help you? When you get to the point where you really start to question yourself within a situation So I talked about this on one of my podcast Episodes and it's called get out of black or white thinking I'm going to link to it below But I will go into it a little bit here just so that you have a background in some direction for what can help now The idea of black or white thinking is that you only see two sides to a story So if you're in an argument, then you're going to see well Someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong and that's a mistake because what ends up happening in that Situation is that by questioning yourself by actually going back and saying wait a second. Maybe I was imagining something or maybe I overreacted Then you start to say to yourself Well, since I'm not really sure of my decision or I'm not really sure of how I approach this issue I must be wrong and the fact that the other person was You know adamant in their standpoint or they really put up a wall and said, you know This is what it is and I believe this and I'm not moving I'm not budging one inch that can cause you to believe that that person is right because they seem more sure about their decision so I'm going to give you a really important piece of advice that I found helped a number of friends of mine and I found that it impacted my life when I Really got to that insight the idea is that self validation does not mean that you're convincing the other side that you are right and by feeling a little bit of uncertainty or feeling like you need to look back over a decision that you made and maybe Readjust what you concluded? That doesn't mean that you aren't right. And that doesn't mean that the other person isn't right It doesn't mean that one person has to be right and one person has to be wrong the idea Is that when you're looking at self validation? You only need to convince yourself that you're being true to yourself and if you're changing your opinion That does not mean that you have no self validation because if you're so confident in who you are or you really trust yourself then You're able to step back and also reassess who you are and say, okay. Maybe I need to tweak something Maybe I need to change something and that's opposed to being someone who says you know, what this is who I am this is how I'm gonna be and I never want to change it and I'm going to Get really defensive towards anyone that gives an opinion that's different than mine. And To be able to be in a place where you can feel self lis or you can feel self validation and That doesn't mean that you are always a hundred percent sure in your decisions Then that's a really healthy area to improve in your life And that's a really positive place to be because you can be in a spot where you say You know what? I Know Who I am I Believe in myself. I trust myself I have this self validation and that doesn't mean that I don't make mistakes and that Doesn't mean that I don't want to change some things So how do you build self validation? This is a little bit tricky, but I'm going to give you a few tips of things that you can do or you can try at home to really get to the bottom of where you're struggling and try to help build that resilience and that ability to trust yourself and really Be your number one fan and be your biggest cheerleader in life so the first thing that I recommend doing is I recommend sitting down and journaling and actually writing about an experience that you remember feeling that You started out with one opinion And as you went along you started feeling that either you were manipulated or that maybe you were imagining Something or you just really felt that you went into the situation Feeling pretty confident or feeling that you had some self validation and then you left the experience feeling that You weren't sure or you felt like you didn't you just felt bad. You didn't feel good when you finished that situation when you finished being in that situation and I find that if you start a journal about it, what comes out is all of these different little pieces that Were in your mind, but they kind of jumbled together and you're not really sure What's what and then when you see it on paper, you're actually able to say oh, wait a second you know, I really believe in what I said, and I really think that I'm that I was right when I said this and like I said earlier me being right doesn't make the other person wrong and To be able to just look at what you've done and to be able to say, you know That was a really good thing that I did so that's going to to really help you one other tip that you can do in order to Build your self validation is you can pretend somebody else was telling you the story that you experienced so let's say like I said earlier you fought with a friend so pretend that someone else that you admired was telling you that story and you want to focus on how you you would have reacted if it was someone else telling you that story because sometimes I find that if you see that someone else had told you the story and you really still believe that that person was right then it kind of gives you a Insight to the idea that maybe you were really right in that situation and you wouldn't have changed your perspective Hearing it from somebody else and the other idea is that you can tell someone else the story You yourself can tell someone else the story and then you can kind of hear as you go how you interpreted that situation and as you Reassess the story and you retell it you kind of get another piece of information as to whether you felt good about the way you handle it or whether you Maybe we're imagining something or we're exaggerating or you think that going forward you would need to change Part of your behavior. And again, it always goes back to the idea that You think I need to change something about what I did has nothing to do with whether you have self validation or not It it doesn't mean that you don't have it In fact, it should mean that you believe in yourself and that you have self validation and you're always just looking to improve yourself Another tip that you can implement in order to self-validation is to start to put the focus on the amazing qualities that you have that you know that you have them so there are quality is that every person has that over time are really Consistent and some of them are really really great qualities And what you want to do is you want to start putting the focus on that on those? Qualities and you want to tell yourself? Wow, you know, I'm really creative I'm really social I I get along great with new people. I really want to help out others Whatever it is that is that is true for you. You want to look over the things that? resonate with you and that are really part of your personality and you want to give that attention you want to wake up in the morning and And take a few minutes to say wow, you know I am a really great mother I take amazing care of my kids or I Love making other people feel accepted in a new Area or whatever it is I'm throwing out random examples but You want to just think about the things that you know are true for you and especially the things that you know are true over a long course of time because those areas will give you that foundation where you can say I know that that's true and I know that that's part of me and you want those areas that are strong and that are Well-founded so that you can build the self validation in the areas that you're not so sure about yet or in the areas that you still question yourself and that sometimes it takes you to a place of Questioning your personal validation as opposed to just questioning that decision in a certain area So it's a really complicated subject and it's definitely one that we need to go into a lot further But I hope that you've got a little bit of value out of this video where I explain what self validation is and why it's so critical in today's day and age and Try to get you really thinking about What it is that causes us to question our self validation and what it is that you can do to help build that self validation Going forward so please comment below like the video subscribe Any feedback that you want and I can't wait to see you on the next video. I'll talk to you soon. Bye