TRUE Signed Made Easy

True signed

[Applause] [Music] hi guys welcome to another edition of the big shift where we're going to fascinating people and exceptional lives and really uncover what makes them exceptional on their journey today i have someone who's very very current a very inspirational guy doing inspirational things but like all journeys there's no light without darkness it's with a great pleasure i have to introduce marvin herbert how are you marvin absolutely phenomenal i must say so myself steve if i'm being brutally honest um i never thought i'd be in a position i'm in today i never thought i'd be as happy as i am today i never thought i'd be as sort of harmoniously content with my existence you're doing some wonderful work but look for viewers out there who don't know you you've had a lot of darkness in your journey we want to narrow it tell us some of the real dark places you've been and where you've come from that has no doubt forced you into the person you are today marvin well well do i bullet point basically in chronological order of events of from what i can remember so um i was born in liverpool in 1972 i was born to a uh afro caribbean and my dad was africa being from barbados my mum was from liverpool in kroczler which is a very uh racist area it was a very conflictual relationship from day one my mum being with my dad living in liverpool basically the first traumatic experiences i had was because i can only refer to everything in my life through the trauma i've been through so i only go back to the traumas because i can't really remember any really lovely times as a kid i remember a couple of snippets playing in the garden sun planning the park playing around my nan grandma my granddad's all that sort of thing i remember having pleasant times with family gatherings but my home life i don't really remember much of it so the trauma-based stuff started from the age of 18 months old i remember falling on a bottle 18 months old and the bottle going right through the hole in my leg and went in one side and come out the other i remember getting held down on the ghani in the hospital and getting an injection put into that um after that i remember getting run over come running out of sunday school believing that no one loved me because all the kids got presents and i never got given a present but they were saving my presence at the end because it was such an exceptional present and then basically i just assumed i've never had no present i've run out crying running the road bang i've been hit by a tr7 um gone up in the air i remember turning around seeing people on the top deck the top level with a deck of bus i've hit the floor but i remember being in um all the hay hospital i remember being in there i remember my legging attraction with weights on it and then i remember playing in the new cathedral grounds on black brown low hill i used to live in a gate in a place called st andrews gardens which is next to the ball ring or is the boring i'm not because specifically i went to mount pleasant street school um on pleasant street i just walked there i remember that i remember playing in the cathedral grounds before it was all properly developed it's probably developed now but when i was a kid it was the cathedral was there but all the grounds was like wasteland i remember playing on there i remember my first dog butch getting run over and we buried him on the ground and then i remember london we moved to london once we moved to london we moved to a place called chalk hill estate now charlie i know it very very well i have a lot of experience in wembley right yeah yeah over wembley so basically we moved over there it was a pretty large afro-caribbean community i felt kind of at home because there was no real racial conflict from my knowledge there i never experienced any major racial conflict there so we went sunday school on a sunday my dad played dominoes on a saturday he played football on a saturday also and he used to go to the local annex and play dominoes and paul because my dad was an exceptional pool player he was known beijing barry barry herbert he was known in stone bridge holes done and labret grove um kilburn for his pool playing skills and he was really good someone i aspire to be like wow i like playing paul i could never get there um so basically we went that was a pretty i remember that was a harmonious nice it was lovely the only bad thing about that is every time we used to run a bath the bath used to be filled up with red ants when you go in there so it was part of a trauma based uh uh i don't like this place this place is horrible so then we stayed there for a little while and then we moved uh what i would like to say is one of the best things living on chalky estate was the smell of the mcvities biscuit factory that was all that you could smell in the air when that wasn't in the air then you could smell the sewers and things like that but i remember i've always got fond memories of that smell and i've actually taken my youngest daughters around there to say open the window what can you smell you know wow people cooking biscuits i said honestly biscuit factory blah blah blah anyway so that was a fun memory of having living on chalk in the state let me just come in there with talking marvin because that's another that's another link in our storyline right because one of my most closest friends is still actually my closest friend today del roy he come from chalking the state okay well i have a lot of you know you know i know he's out of delaware watch his days a lot of fun fond memories from well back in them days and it was stone bridge park right you know the white flats friends who live in the church road yeah flats now and willston you know and then we moved i even lived on wilson wilston lane just by that crossroads bit there down the road from that so i really remember them days and there's a very rough hours place right there's no there's no question about it but you know what i remember the people was good there and the people was real it really was right i never felt out of place i never felt intimidated there i felt at home it was a very sort of loving community there weren't no real aggression there although my mom and dad had hostility within their relationship outside of the house it was pretty nice i enjoyed it you know anywhere you went you get a couple of because it was all half a p and penny p sweets do you remember that and there was very rough places i mean very rough i mean very rough but what what what always struck me i mean i was you know i had kind of family there in a sense so i always had a belonging there but even apart from that that area you know was kind of close and the people there i have a lot of fond memories as well is what i'm saying back in that day it may have changed now you know we're going back a lot of years right it hasn't really the the mindset hasn't really changed yeah the youth have changed slightly because they've divided they didn't conquer there's a little bit of conflict over there that shouldn't really be there but um that's just because of the way society's grown over the last 25 years with the dividing of postcodes splitting up areas making conflict with certain areas so there's a lot going on over the last 25 years it's changed the dynamics of the family orientated mindset within the community you know but after that we moved because of the ants we moved to a place called chalk farm which is over in camdentown it's the back end of cambertown moving into hampstead belfast park and um kent's town so obviously moving over to kentucky it was a predominantly white area but it was a white area um and it was a lot of crime around there then so it was a predominantly criminally based environment that we moved into i mean like you never felt out of place stealing things you never felt out of place being naughty you never felt at a place like everyone's kids was smashing windows everyone's kids was nicking um cakes from outside the shops on the way to school where everyone used to knit the drinks outside the shops like it was just something that was just a part of normality in kennedy stand from queen's crescent up um all about for me to sort of fit in when i got into that environment it was hard because i had an afro a little bit bigger than this one right so i had an afro i had a a strange accent to the locals so because i had a scarce accent i never actually fitted in so i was kind of an outcasting in the environment i was trying to make friends and the black people and the white people was pretty conflictus they were very inharmonious it wasn't i wasn't accepted as one of their own because i was a stranger with a strange voice and a strange color so the black kids didn't really take to me because their parents didn't like me around or in their house rather so i wasn't allowed in certain people's houses because i was mixed race i wasn't allowed in the white people's asses because i was black so starting out it was very confusing why i couldn't go in certain people's asses because obviously my mum was white so i'll be like my mum's wife i'll shut the door and i think why these people like this why they like this and i could never really understand why they were like that as a child obviously growing up i've worked it all out but to actually be accepted by the local kids that was actually revered as someone of importance i had to find a way to be accepted or to fit in so i learned very young that being courageous having what we call [ __ ] in the world that i come from is um pays dividends so anything that anybody was prepared to do or suggest i was always the first so i'll do it i'll do it i'll do it i'll do it i'll do that what do you mean you won't do that i'll do it so i was always first to the sort of sort of mata to picture you know um anyone had a problem i'll take care of it i'd fight like if there's a problem with someone in school that i like i'd fight their fights for them i'd fight their battles like people wonder that do things i'd do it for them so they didn't get in trouble so i sort of allowed myself to be used by people as a benefit and just sort of fell into a sort of mental acceptance of reality this is interesting let me let me come in there is because this is another real synergy between us by the way you know i mean my story you know it's out there as well all over the press but in the same way i i was born here but i went to belfast right so when i come back when i was nine of course i had that harsh belfast action so i was like you you know scar saxon it's it's really different it's like the belfast action right you know when i come to london it was the same thing and you know what it's a very interesting point that for me it shaped me in the same way it's that belonging thing wanted to be a part of not apart from and what i found myself doing marvin was exactly the same thing was being more more gaming than everyone else the lunatic and in a sense this drew i mean i thought at that time the right kind of attention to me so i that become a pattern for me right all the way through my criminal criminal uh criminal activity even the series stuff this was the start of it though right so that's interesting that's interesting because i get that i really don't excellent so then basically trying to fit in find everyone's battles was something that i found comforting because i could actually fight so from i've seen from nine ten years of age i'm making an impact with the environment i'm making friends with in school i'm making friends outside of school so i'm starting to fit in so by the age of ten yeah by i say by the end of a primary school because i can't really my my ages really do me so at the end of primary school the end of primary school everyone knew who i was because of the people that i would act like i'd fight with in school and out of school so i've had a few fights in school with some hard people that was revered to be the hardest in the year or hardest in school and i kind of beat them up and sort of up i was recognized for all the wrong reasons steve you know so i sort of hit the front by being the most violent by being the most aggressive and being the most game so because that happened in primary school by the time i was going secondary school i was already hanging around with the older kids because some of the older kids never had the same [ __ ] that i had to go out and do what i was doing so i'd always get mark mark yeah do you want to come and do this do you want to come do that yeah i'll come and do that i'll do this i'll do that so the crime started at the end of um primary school because what really pushed me over the edge i believe was prior to the end the last year in primary school i'd always been shoplifting with my mum so i remember would go shopping for school clothes my mom would get provident checks and would go shopping for clothes right but would never buy the clothes we'd always go out with big coats somewhere and i was thinking what are we doing mum why am i putting the car if we're going to buy new clothes why don't you put your coat on so then we'll go out and then we'll be like try this on try that on try this on oh that fits that for yourself well i put your coat on top i'm like what put your coat on top i don't want to put my coat i want to be hot put your [ __ ] coat on and then you get a slap for not putting your coat on so then i started realizing hold on my mom ain't paying for this we're nicking it so because that became a part of my normal every year and then i go shopping with my mum you know you go you come we've gotta go shopping so you gotta go shopping your mum and then you see your mum putting stuff in her bag right hold that and then you get told look go and take that outside and wait for me outside and you go but you don't pay for it mum just take it outside away from me outside and you get slapped for not doing it so from the age of eight nine ten years of age i'm starting to think hold on all this is normal everyone must do it so i mean so then basically when i started hanging about with the kids in school i'm going nicking with them doing bits and pieces so what you like don't knick stuff and they're like no no i'll get in trouble with my mum and i'm like well i'll do that with my mum my mum does that with me shut up i said yeah yeah yeah sweet watch this is how you do it so i'm copying what my mom used to do with my mates in the shop right anyway i'm in woolworth's in queen's crescent one day and i've gone in and what we used to do we should put put our sleeves in our pocket like that but then get like i'll show you so you get your arm like that you put your sleeve in your jacket pocket and then you use your hand like that to take your stuff no way the false arm trick yeah yeah yeah yeah what so basically like a van right slighter van yeah come on so we used to do that so i've gone into this into woolworths and i'm doing that with my mates yeah so i've been called by the store detectives right so then my dad um the store detectives take me home to my dad i knock on the door i'm there and they said oh your son's been caught shoplifting i had a packet of wriggly spearmint gum and a starbuck right anyway i never thought nothing of it i really never thought anything of it so i got home and i thought what are you doing no my dad i'm gonna get in trouble i'll get in trouble a little bit i don't think i'll get in trouble because i'll do it with my mum what i'll do with my mum so i've gone home happy is loud he's out of the door why take me home my mom and dad won't care they won't care that my mum does it my mum does it so just let me go because i'm because we always get beats off my dad i'm scared of getting beats off my dad so i'm telling the store detective that my mum and dad let me do this because i'd do it with my my clothes with my mum what are you doing like don't take me home let me know they wouldn't let me go let me go i'm going anywhere they've got me to the house i've walked in number two sycamore house in maitland park as a as a knocked on the door my dad's come out said look mr herbert my name is mahoney then my honey right because i'm half irish so mr mr mahoney your son's been caught shoplifting right all of a sudden what so my dad slapped me around the face right grabbed me by the hair so i had a big afro and dragged me in the ass so i remember the store just kept going whoa whoa whoa you don't need to do that mate he's only mixed a couple of sweets and he's got don't worry about that thanks for bringing him home you're little [ __ ] he slammed the front door then he's just all slapped me slapped me slapped me like you want to [ __ ] embarrass me bringing police to the door i said no there was no detectives were you doing that it wasn't the police that we so i'm getting beaten shut up shut up shut up so he dragged me down to the kitchen and then basically he put a guest over him like two tick tick tick tick tick tick i'm looking for what are you doing he's put a gas you want a [ __ ] thief bring the police to my ass bring the police advice and then basically because i never realized that he was an international drug smuggler and please come into the house is a problem for him yeah so i sort of emphasized with what he'd done and how he done it now but when he done it i was just devastated so he's got my hand put it over the gas stove and he burned my fingers until it started bubbling and i was like ah ah anyway clean the eyes out and he pulled his belt off dragged me into the bathroom put the bath on made me sit in the bath until the bar filled up but not filled up but got me wet with cold water and dragged me out of the bath by the hair and then beat me with a bell took me to the bedroom and just batted me around the bedroom and told me to go [ __ ] bed and then you know i was just lying in my room just thinking how could you do that to me like i've got that with my mum we can't condone that baby's the first thing right because it doesn't lead to good things look we know it's hard and you know there's a lot of other things where we grew up it was tough when he's beating me and he bagged me and i'm sitting in the room i'm soaking wet i'm i'm bleeding where the belt's been and my hands that's all bubbled up and i'm thinking what the [ __ ] like why has he done this to me why has he done this to me and my mom's coming i said mom only done what you do and she was like don't worry son he's a [ __ ] bastard and he's an honorable bastard this and that this and that listen up and it was that point there that i thought you know what i [ __ ] hate you i hate you i hope you die i hope you get run over by a bus hope you get taken up by aliens and dropped out of an airplane and splatter on the planet and that was the turning point for my emotional connection to my dad i i started to hate him from that point and i think because of that hatred yeah because of that hatred it led me on to not respect him so then because of that i never wanted to be like my dad so because my dad used to get all the attention from being a drug dealer and doing all the weed stuff i never wanted to venture down that road so i used to sit in front of the telly watching the sweeney and the way they used to be so all right mate all right mate sweet sweet treat listen that money here cars houses i thought that's what i want to be and that being actually pushed me that far away from my dad but without even realizing it i just opted to become an armed robber yeah if i do you know what i get that look the belt i just get the belt as well the same thing right the same thing i mean there's some kind of it's fair to say with the irish heritage it goes back to the old country as we say marv right and a thing that was always repeated in my family even now is in a way they didn't know any better we know that's not right but where they come from in in a way that said they was treated and it was kind of went on like that this was my experience corporal punishment right now i'm wrong right i don't think it is to be quiet i mean look look let me just look look then i mean he put you around he put you around on there because you had to feel it because there's no saying those who can't hear must feel now we get there there's no one that gets it any more than us but you know you need strong boundaries mom but when you really get down to it there are other ways and for me certainly i was like you broth i was kind of if you keep hitting the dog i'd you should just make me madder some people a lot of people it makes them you know it calms them down it makes them choose another route i was different i was like you this is another exceptional thing the more you done to me like that the more i'd come back and the manner it made me and the more i would say well [ __ ] you you know what i'm saying why i speak the way i'm speaking is because if my dad never done what he'd done i wouldn't be sitting here today because i wouldn't have ventured on the journey i went down and i wouldn't have become the man i did yeah i get that everybody's got individual journeys but up until my shooting i actually enjoyed my journey like it wasn't a thing where i was resentful of the position i was in i mean i was never a junkie i was never i smoked drugs a lot of drugs but i never depended on i never went to rehab i always self-improved every day of my life i was looking to get better and better and better i didn't want to be like the normal armed robber i didn't want to be like a normal kid around the flash i didn't want to be like the normal thief i didn't want to be like the normal drug dealer i wanted to be like the big people i used to see in hampstead and bishops avenue that's what i wanted to be i wanted to excel beyond my environment and i was looking for platforms and avenues to achieve my goal so going through my life i haven't actually looked back at resentment with my dad because i would never have been able to achieve what i achieved in the criminal fraternity not that i'm proud of it but if i never achieved what i achieved in a criminal fraternity i couldn't be the product benefit or commodity i am today to make such an impact to change the narrative for the youngsters to listen to now i've been there seen and done it and you couldn't have convinced me as a young man of anything but crime what i needed when i was growing up was someone exactly the same as me to come in and say listen it ain't good because i never re i never turned away from crime because i failed or because i was a junkie or because like i've been intimidated or frightened like i was still in the game after i got shot i was still in it at a an exceptional level i was still handling millions of plans a week right so it wasn't like i've gotten to a certain point my lowest point for i've got to change my direction i changed my direction for a specific reason because i was causing my young my youngsters and friends and families children that i know heart ate pain suffering death and committing murders and i was becoming responsible for being the conduit to all of that and once it hit me in the face i couldn't do it no more i really couldn't do it no more and that was that's the difference between me i believe and 98 of all the other ex-criminals because i made it to the cartel leaders i made it to the bosses i made it above the british fraternity forget the british criminal fraternity i was global with the criminals but i've got links all over the planet with a criminal organization i haven't walked away out of fear i've walked away out of sort of uh not achieving like i had to leave everything i earned and accumulated from that world in that world when i was when i turned away i walked away from millions like it wasn't like i've just got rock bottom and i've changed because i had to i'm in prison it was a realization it was a penny dropping moment that made me change and that money i went to see a spiritualist and i had a couple of million quid ramming and i said well i'm gonna i want to tell me my story they said this this this this whereas one day when we were sitting down steve i'll let you hear the reading yourself and you'll understand what i'm talking about so he's telling me all these things i said yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do that and then he said to me so go into this new world yeah you need to have clean hands i said yeah i have broccoli i'm not gonna cook no crime no more he said no but everything you own that come from that world has to be left in that world otherwise you will next succeed i said what do you mean it's contaminated right this is this is a limit so he said to me your money your jewelry all this stuff that you've you've accumulated over the years you cannot take this on your new journey otherwise it will contaminate your new journey you need to let it go and i was like initially i was like [ __ ] that ain't doing that [ __ ] that bad give it all away for what anyway so i carried on for about a year after that now in 2015 right i've i've got off the i got arrested in 2012 when i was on the transition of turning my life around but i was still grafted i was still making money i was still doing bits and pieces and then i got off the case from the dow kregen the four murders god rest the police officers souls david was it david shaw and dave father and son mr sharks right so i called him mr shaw um they they got assassinated and then the two police officers got murdered so my heart goes out to him i was caught up in that case as mr big because i was living in europe i was involved in all sorts of crazy stuff and then basically when i got out of that case i was juggling trying to make ends meet and doing what i was doing i was still on the transition of turning my life around and then basically what happened was a few kids owed me some money and then it got to the point where i had to hurt these kids because they're taking their piss and then bang i found that it was one of my son's friends and that was the day that i just said i cannot do this no more i cannot do this no more and then i called the kid up i said you need to come and see me say what's happening what's happening i said well this bit of money i said it's causing a problem um you have to get hurt but i'm not going to pursue the money if you can come off this world today and come out of the game if you come out again yeah i'll wash my hands of this money i'm coming out the game today i'm telling you i promise you i'm coming out i'm not doing it no more and i'll wipe my mouth for the day if you come off the of the game as well so he said okay what am i going to do so i said come to the gym with me for six months and sank will happen he said what do you mean i said well i don't know but i'm telling you now we need to go to the gym every day we need to stay fit and healthy and opportunities will happen cause i was always been spiritual because my mum's like a buddhist so i've always been spiritually connected but dealing with the wrong products right so and then we went to the gym started doing what we're doing now he's become one of the most influential people in the music world now he's he's responsible for an artist called ambush and they're really growing as an organization called buswell and they're growing so that was something that really played the part in my transition and without that kid over me that money i don't think i'd be here today well listen look look there um let me let me come in here because i've got some real value and i've got to go back a little bit because what what you're saying is so right now this is a spiritual war you know in all intents and purposes you know i've had this on my on my transformation you know i'm um it's a very internal thing you know but as you've said there about contamination i mean i've got a story for instance on my on my transformation you know and i was like you you know as a cat a you know i was at these heights of criminality organized crime i'd done it all these years i've been in i've been out yeah i uh three trolls at the old bailey for armed robbery you know been nick with firearms three times right but um when it when it come to it it's interesting marv i was just like you it wasn't all the madness i mean i've lived that 25 years plus since i was a little boy but what was what was the epiphany what was what was the line in the sand for me was i couldn't hurt the people around me in the same way i just couldn't do that no more it was that penny penny dropping moment which was the same thing now i want to say to people out there that look um many people will say oh you know but you've done all that stuff you know in the past yeah we all have a journey right how much is your past really valuable for you not really it forgives you as a person but from the main value it has is like a curtain we lift the curtain to learn from our past experiences as experienced is the best teacher what is really important is what we're doing now and what is even more important right marvin is where we're going right so this is important for people to know can a leopard change its spots absolutely it can we're living proof of that i just want to get that in there right that's a wonderful story so this was kind of the start you're transforming like like the penny really taking the steps forward right up until that point yeah up until that point yeah i'd had was conflict and issues with nearly enough every major criminal organization in this country i was under investigation for 24 murders i've been arrested and in prison for um machine guns armed robbery violence gbh abh assault burglary theft robbery you know like there isn't anything i haven't been arrested for on the whole spectrum of the criminal fraternity because it was all ladders even importing drugs even selling drugs like everything that you can get arrested for apart from right but from the naughty stuff like that napping rape and child offenses i've never been under investigation before there's never been any smoke there's never been any in anything but everything else to do with money and violence i've been arrested and under investigation for it i've been convicted and i've been put in prison i think i've spent i don't know how many years of my life in prison but i've done five five four three 18 months 12 months a year here a year there a year every year there you know like every time i was getting knicked i was on my mind for a year or 18 months or 21 months i was on remand and then i'd get out so i've done a lot of bird on raman and got no sentences because the crimes he was getting arrested for a couple of them were fit up which is a standard procedure when you're so active and prolific considering i never had a job in my life until i got out in 1997 i worked on the roofs my mates company to see out my license but up until that point and up until i got after i got shot i've never worked a day in my life well before we go on i have to ask you just one question now look people ask me this all the time as well and i know it's a process and there's a lot more to it but if there was one thing ralph right in your history just one thing a central fundamental thing that you think was the main driver in turning you into that criminality to go into serious criminality what do you think it would be just materialism really wanting to be like everybody else wanting to have what everybody else has got because the life that i led as a child my dad was a drug dealer my mum was a party girl so my mum was high a lot of time um she'd lived a life that some people wouldn't be proud of you know like we was abandoned a lot as children i was left on my own brothers and sisters and my cousins because my mum and her sister was like two peas in the pot so growing up there was a lot of abandonment issues because there was that party and we were left indoors for two three four days at a time you know there was no food there was no money there was no clothes we were like the tramps who were trying to not be tramps and it was just one of them things that i wanted to fit in and that was the main driving force for me to be involved in crime it was just i had to have what everyone else had and because by the time i turn 14 15 moves on in thousands of pounds i'm not going to work 450 quid a week i'm not why am i going to do that i'm getting a couple of grand a week all i've got to do is nick [ __ ] 10 stereos i've got a thousand pounds no seven stereos you getting fast banks 150 pounds for the blood punk new york so going out every day nick and car stereos burglaring asses used to get on japan 150 pound for a video jump in and it weren't hard to to make money so i'm not i'm not trying to glorify what i've done i'm just saying that at that stage of my life yeah getting a job wasn't an option and then every time i went or every time i had opportunities to work i was always programmed by my elders i like to call them the grooming fagin mindset people they tell you you're a mug what are you going to work 150 150 pounds a week for and they never explain to us or give us the information on how to create companies and how to grow a product like all the product growth and all the investment opportunities properties that we never understood none of that growing up so it was all it was all ignorant to it so when you're telling me go work for undefeated or get a job i'm thinking i'm never gonna [ __ ] work and it weren't until and i'm being honest now it went until i was 42 years of age right 42 years of age right i got to 42 years of age and realize what the and now it happened i speak to a friend of mine someone says to me he's worth about [ __ ] four or 500 million i was like shut up he said i'm telling you so i started quizzing him one day so i said how did you get that money and he was like building companies like what do you mean he said well we get a company we grow the company we get to a certain level and then we sell it with a share option in it what does it mean he said well just imagine this imagine you started mcdonald's and then you sold it but hold held two percent imagine having two percent of mcdonald's right now and i was like wow that's sick he said that's a company that's grown so if you've got a product that can grow then the company can grow so then i've started listening and watching and learning i've learned about the ad value so what i can add value to is what i'll get involved in don't get involved in things to earn money get involved in things that you can add value to that value yeah try to start so i've started learning and this was only even seven years ago i started learning i'm thinking what the [ __ ] so i'm looking at my holders now saying had a [ __ ] could you tell me when i'm a kid yeah that working's for mugs my guy's living in a 15 million pound dash you're still in a cancelled flat you mug do that mean and i have to say look look i have to say right and you know the differences you know and it's very apparent is and he has a future you know when we was living that life you know it may have been great sometimes or we thought it was or there was some kind of good times but it wasn't we could lose everything like that annual liberty and then even all your money that you thought you was building up of course they'd come and take all that off you as well there really is no winners in that game marvin i mean we're really so you know let's get that in there for the let's watch the people are coming through who's going to keep what i'll go and tell all the kids now is this yeah for what you're going to risk your liberty every day of your life for a price you can't put your finger on you're prepared to stab shoot and kill and go to prison for 5 10 15 20 or even life right and then look in the mirror and call yourself sensible how how how does that make you sensible there's no [ __ ] sense excuse my french in even educating the kid to commit crime in any way shape or form because all they're going to do all they're going to do is end up going to prison becoming junkies killing people or being killed so the end result is death suffering or prison for what for what is my life i mean both of us know you know you know what's your interviews as well you know when i get asked the same question the simple answer is what we know is you're groomed man it's like anything you're groomed you're brought through and then really really at the end though you're sacrificed you're sacrificed in this game it's different because the higher up and the older up and the more influential in a way not always but it's about bodies right it's your bad bodies and it's treacherous from the from the bottom to the top this is how it is and if you're looking at a numbers game i used to say i just remember in the old days i just and i was just saying this when i was banging it right i should say look um we have to be lucky all the time they only need to be lucky once and that was the truth so this is what you're up against you know you know what i used to love going to prison that's the difference i used to love going to prison prison was an occupational hazard because that's where i went and learned certain things and there's a breather and every time i went to prison i had enough money to see me through the sentence and then start again when i come out because when i had the money to see me through the sentence i'd get the drugs in the prison to make more money for when i got out i never ever got out of prison with less than 15 20 grand less than 15 20 grand and that was in the 80s and 90s and then it went up to the 50s and 60s and 70s because of the money we used to make in prison so to me that life was just all i was consumed with but it weren't until the reality of business got introduced to me and then i realized i've just wasted my whole life listening to my elders trying to pretend to be the person that i was becoming by materialistic acquisition you know but i'll drive around in the bentley's i drive around in the mercedes i drive valiant range rovers but they're not owned you rent them you you get them you crash them like i don't i don't have a driver's license until 2016. so none of my cars have ever been insured that i was never legit i couldn't have anything addressed to anything to do with a house an apartment like i rented all my asses i rented all my apartments i rented everything so i was like a man of straw i didn't exist you know but i believe both the programming by the groomers and the failing mindset of my older peers yeah this is the way to live and i was happy doing it i was happy with money under his floorboard i was happy with money under his floorboard i was in their house like i had the little group of old age pensioners like my mates aunties and granddads i used to look after all my money i had hundreds of thousands of pounds man queen's prison just parked up everywhere and that grew up into millions it's down this is another interesting thing i wanna you know i wanna ask you because even now i mean my life's drastically changed it's out there i am a complete metamorphosis you know people know my work but i still get mad visions mad violent and it can come at any time even you know even when i'm with my kids and i think what is that do you you know you ever haunted by any kind of stuff from the other days what i've realized is this right i lived 100 365 days a year in my limbic system every day right so that silverback they call it the the professor steve peters calls it a chimp okay but i had a silverback so my silverback yeah it's still there but i manage my silverback correctly now and i won't allow my silverback to dominate my choice making processes now i'm still the same person nothing's changed apart from my products and my behavior so i'm still the same person in sight but i choose not to commit crime i choose not to hurt people and i choose not to be taken out my children's lives so they're the three fundamental points that i focus on every single day and anything that makes me feel i'll just move i'll just leave i'll just go and i won't engage now the minute you make me feel a certain way that's the end of our relationship it's the end of the relationship because i can't be in it because i know if you push and push and push there's a great possibility that my silverback will come out and that's what keeps me in check i have to make sure my silverback is staying where he lives in the back of my limbic system for suggestion so when he wakes up that's me saying this relationship's no good that relationship's no good because they don't want my silver back i don't want myself back i don't want my storm about no but listen yeah yeah yes i wish you're my worst enemy stephen i would have guys the wonderful marvin herbert make uh make sure to subscribe like press the bell as well you know the notification because you'll always know you know when something fresh comes up we have wonderful guests uh la marvin on exceptional journeys and we look to go deep and find the value for you to help you expedite your own personal journey of success [Applause] you