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my name is Jim Hart I'm a divorce attorney in Cary North Carolina today I want to talk to you about the number one problem or mistake that people make when they're negotiating their separation agreement let's give the disclaimer [Music] right so quick it to you before I get to the biggest mistake people make when negotiating their separation agreement the first thing I want you to do is give us a thumbs up if you like what we're talking about and don't forget to hit the subscribe button I think it's down here I'm pretty sure it's down here anyway today I want to talk to you about the biggest mistake that people make when negotiating their separation agreement and this happens when typically it happens if there's a power imbalance so if you have one person that either is the the kind of the alpha dog in the relationship and they've been driving the ship for years and now all of a sudden they want to negotiate a separation agreement the way they want to negotiate a separation agreement which means they want to get the money they want to get they want to make the payment that they want to make or not make a payment at all they want the custody schedule that they want they want this that in the other and and you really basically have no say in that so that is one type of situation where this is a huge mistake another type of situation is where this person who may already be the alpha dog in the relationship is as hired a lawyer to help them and that lawyer is now being aggressive with you and demanding that you do certain things when this happens I'm not suggesting you need to run out and hire a lawyer that's not necessarily the case although it would not be a bad thing to do to go on at least consult with an attorney to ask for some help and some guidance about what you should do about this situation what you need to do in this situation is you need to take a time out you need to slow everything down and that's gonna go counterintuitive to everything you want because what's gonna happen when you slow things down is your spouse is gonna get pissed and they're gonna start to threaten you especially if they're used to getting their way in the relationship that's not always an easy thing to do because maybe you don't want the divorce maybe you are a pleaser maybe you were someone who does not like conflict maybe you want to make them happy even though they've decided to end the marriage it doesn't matter you need to take a timeout you need to pause and you need to reflect and you need to slow the negotiation down and the reason you need to do that is because the agreement that you're about to sign that may not I might not be a very good agreement for you the agreement that you're about to sign is going to impact you potentially for many many years to come this is an agreement that's going to either bind you to pay a certain amount of money to them for a number of years in the form of alimony or it's an agreement where you might need alimony from them and you're agreeing to less than you actually need to survive and so it could put you in the financial poorhouse if you don't negotiate the right agreement if you give away too many assets you could be financially wrecking yourself and setting yourself back years and years and years in terms of if you ever wanted to retire or things like that in in the case of custody of your children if you're making an agreement that is bad for you and bad for the kids and and bad for everyone you could be giving up serious legal rights when it comes to custody this is an extremely important document that you're preparing to sign and if you go into signing this document where you're you're at an unfair advantage with your spouse like I said maybe they're the alpha dog in the relationship they're driving the bus they want you to sign something now now now or they've hired a lawyer who's being overly aggressive with you and threatening legal action all sorts of other things you need to slow things down you need to go talk to a lawyer in all likelihood make sure that you're not giving up too much make sure you're not being unfair you don't want to be unfair nobody's saying that by slowing things down you can reflect you can pause you can figure out what you really want out of this and you can make sure that you negotiate an agreement that's fair to both you and your spouse the agreement may not be perfect but you need to give it some time you need to think about it you need to make sure that what you're doing is in your best interest because at the end of the day when the divorce goes final and your spouse moves out and you're on your own that's all you've got they're not going to be there anymore to take care of you and not that they were taking care of you begin with I'm not suggesting that but they're not gonna be there anymore and you're gonna have to move on with your life and if you negotiate a bad deal now it's gonna affect you for a long time so that's what I want to share with you that's the biggest mistake people make in negotiating these agreements as they move too fast when they're at an unfair bargaining position from their spouse and that's usually because their spouse has an attorney or their spouse is just the alpha dog in the relationship and they've always controlled things if that's your situation I'm talking to you talk to an attorney make sure you protected your rights have a great day don't forget to hit the subscribe button below give me a big thumbs up if you like what I'm talking about and leave a comment below if you've got questions I can't answer legal questions in the comments but I can leave I'll leave the contact form below you can reach out to my law firm and schedule a consultation if you have questions about what I'm talking about here or you need further guidance my name is Jim Hart I'm a divorce attorney here in Cary North Carolina I can't help you with things outside of North Carolina but I can't help you if you're in North Carolina so feel free to give us a call nine one nine four six seven five four two two that's it for today folks have a great day [Music] you [Music]