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Write initial adoption

hi my name is nirey and today we're going to cover the types of questions that you could ask birth mum or dad if you're adopting and you have a meeting coming up clearly if you have an open adoption you're going to be able to ask lots of questions over a period of time and this is not going to be as significant to you but if you think you might actually have the one meeting with the birth mother or father or both then these are the types of questions that i think that you could ask them it isn't a very easy meeting to have but it's such a crucial important one to store information for your child for the future if you think an adoption support china with tips advice my experiences and stories is helpful to you then please take the time to subscribe now the first thing that's really nice to do is to acknowledge however difficult the situation is however strained the relationship might be between you and them even in that meeting i think it's really good to say thank you to them and acknowledge how difficult this is going to be for them the second thing that i think is really important is to gain some stories from them around the pregnancy and the delivery of the child anything that was really positive or anything that was a real struggle during that time because often those stories are lost through generation and through the history when the child is then adopted by you thirdly you want to hear some positive and happy stories that they would like to share about their time with the child now if the child is really young and is a baby then that might not be possible but often there is a little bit of history there and you want to hear their happy times and the happy stories and if they're happy for you too i would ask that if they don't mind that you take a few notes so that you're going to be able to share this with your newly adopted child later fourthly and crucially as well is the significant medical history now you should have received some of this in the documentation but from my experience sometimes things can be missing so ask them if there are any significant illnesses or medical history with themselves as the birth parents with grandparents or uncles anything that they think that you should know number five ask them if there is any additional baby photos or photos from the past that have not been forwarded on to the foster carer that they or still have sometimes birth family will bring those types of photos to the meeting in our experience we were completely lacking we didn't have any photos of the birth mother we had no photos of the boys when they were babies so it was very much that they seem to be starting life from the age of two and three so if you can ask them to forward on later to whichever office is dealing with things for you then you may get some additional photos that will be crucial to your adopted child and their identity in history later traumatic events that have not yet been shared about the child ask us as anything specific that the birth mum or dad feel that needs to be said that has not yet been said that could be more difficult but open up the conversation to allow them to do that you may find that during the course of the meeting the birth parents are very very emotional and so you would need to be sensitive you may have to draw back from any or all of these questions and just basically spend time getting to know them number eight information about favorite houses they've lived in our favorite bedroom favorite toys and pets from the past that they know were significant to their child their favorite all-time memory of their child would be the number nine and number 10 the key thing that they would want their child to know about them when they're old enough there may well be a later life letter that's provided but there may not be because that's quite a formal process it may be really nice in this meeting to say if you could say anything to your child later what would it be and would you mind me recording this this is obviously you know depends on whether the social worker is happy with these things and then whether the choice of name that they named their child was significant in any way so was it because they had a family member by that name a particular event or place so why did they choose that name for their child and then finally whether there are any artifacts or clothing that they've kept that have not yet been passed on so things like first clothing hair locks baby books anything that you think might still be there with the birth family and ask if they would be happy to pass them on or copy things for you so that you can still keep the identity alive with your adopted child this is clearly a difficult process for any birth family and adoptive family but it's your last chance to find out anything significant about your adopted child that you may not know and the wonderful thing about it as well is that later on you can say to your adopted children you actually did meet the birth family and this is what they were like and for some adopted children that's actually crucial for their mental health later on i hope this helps you guys and if it does please subscribe and find me on my channel