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keeping it in the family the narcissistic dynamic and the effects of our kind are all pervasive nobody is untouched by hers in their lives whether it is the stranger we smile at him to lift and receive a smile in return the scaling do dollop of fuel the doggedly loyal friend who is in all of us and does whatever we want or the smitten and Confused discarded primary source we are everywhere you find us walking down the street in your workplace at the bar in the hospital in your bed and also in your family much of what is written about our kind a pertains to the romantic ensnarement of an unwitting victim who falls madly and deeply in love with us suffers the cruelty of devaluation and then is tossed aside with no explanation before being hoovered back in and the process begins once more this is the case because this type of narcissistic dynamic is amongst the most devastated earning to the strength of feeling close proximity between narcissists to victim and the period of exposure the targeting of somebody to be our intimate partner primary source is regarded as the most obvious engagement without a kind and fits the standard model of seduction devaluation discard and offer of course there is much more than the standard model with the targeting period the initial seduction and then the seduction Gildan period the stranger zone the respite periods and so on furthermore there are variances for those who are intimate partner secondary sources all those who find themselves the dirty secret intimate partner secondary source there is also the situation with inner and outer circle friends who are secondary non intimate sources who enjoy elongated golden periods and then there are those who are tertiary sources you may experience a short blast of seduction and no golden period or the malice of a malign who from the very beginning whilst the methodology of our kind has many similarities there are also many variations dependent on the nature of the source which we are entangled with and this is equally applicable to the family family members are nearly always secondary sources to the narcissist the majority are among intimate but in certain instances there are family members who are in turreted secondary sources occasionally there may be a situation where a family member is a primary source these are rarer but certainly not unheard of again these are mainly non intimate but there are also intimate examples too if the family member is a primary source there is a greater likelihood of intimacy than is a secondary source the family instance is varied you may have a narcissistic parent or grandparent Chester blink maid is a narcissist a cousin or your child or children may be narcissists lended families may also bring in a step relative who is a narcissist the issue of the family member being narcissistic is a wide one with a variety of permutations and in this recording I'll be addressing some of the key aspects of the narcissist in a family sense providing an introductory overview with later recordings focusing on individual areas of this wide dynamic there is no seduction when there is a non intimate relationship between a narcissist and a blood family member this is because the familial relationship has already created a bond at a sense of obligation which seduction would otherwise create the narcissist does not need to establish a connection in all of the dynamics with a narcissist the victim starts out as a remote stranger or a stranger they may remain in that place and are seduced purely for the provision of a one-off or repeated births to fuel think for example the stranger in the lift or somebody that a narcissist flirts with online this individual may become a secondary source by becoming a friend or a colleague and then be promoted to a primary source thereafter the promotions may be Swift but in order to draw the individual to them to begin with there must be a seduction this does not happen with the family member you know the narcissist is your parent or grandparent and you have an established connection with them from birth you know the narcissist is your child and you have an established connection from their birth you know the narcissist as a sibling or cousin and you have an established connection from your birth while there's dependence on who is the elder this connection creates a sense of obligation as a parent you are obliged to look after your child as a child you're obliged to end of control of your parents as a sibling or a cousin you are obliged to be connected to them by reason of blood this the narcissist does not need to seduce the family member to create the bond the bond has already been established by reason of being a family member this saves us considerable work the exception to this is where the narcissist wishes to elevate the source to an intimate secondary source or an intimate primary source lend me through the commission of incest and invariably it is abusive in nature for this to happen the narcissist must engage in seduction to bring about the intimacy this will involve manipulations to bring about this coercion isolation from other family members and external influences and the clear use of incentives and moreover threats to ensure that the incestuous activity is kept hidden the dynamic between a familial narcissist and his or her victim will fall into one of these categories an elongated golden period where the victim is always treated well akin to an inner circle secondary source this is where the familial victim is treated as a secondary source this individual will be accorded golden or favored status thus a sibling will be the favorite the child would be the golden child her parents will be favored her for the other a cousin will be seen as a favorite the position of being golden or favorite is not an exclusive one it is entirely permissible for the nurses to have two cousins who are favored two siblings who are favored or a parent to have two golden children what there must always be when there is one or more relative who is favored or golden there has to be a scapegoat relative as well who is of equal rank thus with the golden child or children there will be one child who is the scapegoat a narcissistic child may favor his or her biological parents and scapegoat the step parent and so on this is necessary because the narcissist need somebody to compare against to create favoritism remember we always want to deploy contrasts think being placed on the pedestal and thrown to the ground the provision of Great Sage which is then removed etc because contrast is the catalyst for better drama greater emotional output and thus more potent to fuel a further element of the dynamic between the familial now assistant is a Holland figting is where the familial victim is installed as a primary source they will experience the similar pattern to that of non-familial primary source namely a golden period to begin with but then devaluation will fall in due course a further example is an elongated devaluation period which is punctuated by respites periods this is akin to the recognized pattern of behavior between a narcissist and the primary source in this instance the familial victim is subjected to the denigrating manipulations of the narcissist but every so often will experience relief from this state by receiving the rest by period where a golden period is visited on the victim the distinction here however is that the familial victim does not experience a golden period to begin with there is no need for one because there was no need for seduction this already occurred through the familial bond which exists this is where the individual is treated as a familial secondary source the victim is cast as a scapegoat and then favored in this scenario there will be vacillation between sources sorts aids the golden child sorts be the scapegoat source a is then made the scapegoat and source B becomes the golden child before it changes a game another example is where an elongated devaluation period occurs which does not have any rest by periods but the victim gained some relief from the devaluation because they are a secondary source and therefore the narcissist does not call along them with the same frequency when looking for fuel during those periods when the narcissist is not drawing fuel the victim is left alone there is however no positive behavior towards the victim as there is when there is a respite period this typically happens between the adult a narcissist and the adult familial victim because they do not live together and because the victim is a secondary source so the narcissist is not making daily demands for negative fuel against the victim however whenever there is an interaction between the narcissist and the victim it is always negative in nature the victim is cast as the perpetual black team always the scapegoat a familial primary source is rarely discarded but instead would be demoted to secondary source when the narcissist secures an non-familial primary source instead a familial secondary source is rare and discarded if the familial secondary source engages in behavior which is regarded as traitorous and treacherous by the narcissist rather than discard the individual which is less likely because of the familial bond they will maintain that individual as a perpetual scapegoat that if a familial primary or secondary source tries to escape the narcissist then there will be hoover's using the familial dynamic other family members will readily become compliant as left hands in order to draw the individual back under the narcissists control escape is usually much harder for the victim because the existing familial bond is especially burdensome to the victim in terms of guilt wanting to help and having a sense of obligation towards their relative it is one thing to escape an abusive partner it is yet another to decide that you want nothing to do with your parents anymore novices utilize familial left hands regularly and it's very rare to find an office without one this might be the other parent where the child is a narcissist or if one of the parents is a narcissist it may well be a sibling especially if they are afforded golden child status who is used and triangulated with the scapegoat its victim family members are almost always significant members of the facade this is because they are in denial as the behavior of the member of the family unable to accept that a blood relation would act in such a manner they prefer not to confirm the behavior and they would rather dilute its effect and minimize it instead these are just some of the key elements of a familial narcissistic dynamic and various elements the strength of this will be detailed and focused on in further work