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texting we're gonna do a video on texting people think of texting as this silly superficial subject but i actually think that there are a lot of mistakes that are made in texting that prevent people from getting the relationship they want so i'd like to treat it with a little more seriousness i suppose today how do we do that it's a good way for us to kind of lend this video the gravitas it deserves nice mistake number one playing games about when to text back now let's say monkey receives a text huh it's from george but instead of texting george back and having a conversation monkey thinks no i am going to wait and george is going to see how busy i am how important i am and how attractive i am but the problem is george is by his phone right now she could have had a message with him and carried on the momentum and ridden that wave instead she waited five or six hours to text back george who incidentally was no longer curious now look i'm not saying that when someone texts you you should always be by your phone waiting to text them back but if someone happens to text you in a moment where you're not doing anything and it's organic to reply to them right away why not use the momentum of that moment and have a conversation if five ten minutes later you need to go that's fine that's where you can be busy in an authentic way but don't play games of making someone wait just to look cool number two obsessively sticking to text as the form of communication i think of different mediums whether they're texts pictures voice memos phone calls face times all as having a kind of energy bar and the more you do them the more that energy bar gets depleted and we start to get diminishing returns from that thing if we over text it doesn't matter how quirky or fun or witty we are by text it begins to wear thin and most people have had that experience it's like okay i need a different stimuli now i need something else that's when it pays to send someone a picture and just say you know the view from where i am right now if you happen to be looking out on a beautiful view or if you happen to be sitting in bed with a dessert in front of you in front of the tv take a picture of the dessert and be like the view from where i am right now check out my view right now in that moment you're changing up the medium the same can be done with a voice memo in the middle of a text conversation when you feel like it's getting a little dry send someone a voice memo instead if they're teasing you shake it up by sending a voice memo back saying you're so mean it's cute it's playful but it's a pattern break that suddenly injects new life into the conversation because the energy bar of voice is not depleted in the way that your texting has mistake number three being one note what gets someone really attracted to us is not when we're one energy but when we're able to be versatile between different energies if you find yourself always being very polite and sweet today be a little bossy say to someone are you gonna call me tonight or what if you find yourself sending lots of nice friendly messages to someone amp up the sexual tension today tell him you look really hot in that picture you posted today those are things that show that you can be many things so think of the energy you normally have the one you're most comfortable with and do the inverse of that today mistake number four talking about everything except yourself people truly fall for you when they hear your story because your story is what makes you different from everybody else so the next time you have a conversation with someone ask yourself this am i only describing here what i've been doing or am i actually revealing who i am and what i'm thinking about here's an example because i know this sounds a little abstract if someone asked you what did you do last night you say i cooked ribs for the first time last night now that's not a bad text it's still a conversation starter but it's still only talking about what you did what we want to do is add on to that a bit about who you are if you wanted to do even better than that in telling your story you could say i made ribs for the first time for my family last night i'm a little late to this cooking thing to be honest but i'm actually really enjoying learning about it now someone sees a hint of vulnerability what you're learning about right now and how you feel about it mistake number five being too passive almost everybody has had the experience of something moving way too slowly of someone who keeps drifting back and forth giving you kind of mixed signals they're not asking you out but they do keep reaching out by text you don't know where it's going it feels totally ambiguous this is where i like to apply what i call gracious impatience which means warmly politely being more upfront about what you actually want so let's say monkey wants to progress things with george now they've been texting back and forth for a few weeks but it seems like the momentum isn't carrying them to the next stage why doesn't he ask me out on a date why don't he at least pick up the phone here i am just texting away what am i gonna text myself into an early shallow monkey grave sorry well the passive response would be to be texting george and to be like yes like i think that that is true as well george bye george we'll do the same thing again tomorrow or monkey can be graciously impatient the next time george messages her she can say yeah that's a real funny joke george you're a real funny guy there so anyway mister are you actually gonna ask me out or can i just expect to house your week for the rest of my life now i know this sounds like a simple message but there is a lot that is right with this message when you say so mister there's a little bit of an authoritative but almost sexy tone to that you're being demanding you're being a little bossy then you give the standard are you gonna ask me out that's what you want you're actually saying what you want or can i just expect a how's your week for the rest of my life that's you being intentionally hyperbolic and dramatic to create a playfulness around something that you're also kind of not playing about before you go i have to tell you about something i have been working on something in private that i didn't know i was going to be creating this year but it just happened organically i started thinking more about what i think one of the big problems in early dating is for people right now and to me it's that people never get any momentum they don't get from a first conversation to a facetime or an actual date or they don't get from date one to date two or they had momentum and they lost it and they don't know how to get it back again with that person i wanted to create something that showed people how to get momentum in the early stages of dating someone and then keep it so that it actually turned into a relationship and the way that i've chosen to do that is to create a texting program that shows you i think there's like 60 or 70 different text messages in the program that you can use to create to sustain or to regain momentum with the person you're dating and i did something even more unique because i created a numbering system whereby it went from one to five number one being you just met this person very first message and number five being you actually feel seriously about this person and i assigned each one of the text messages i give you in the program a number so that you know when to send the message and when not to send the message so this program is all about the practical but you'll also get deeper principles from it that you can apply across the board in your dating life so i've called it the momentum texts i'm very proud of it it's like a cool little program it's not a big program it's really quick to digest but it's packed with stuff that will help you in your dating life right now and i just think you're gonna love it when you get in there you're gonna realize this just is more than you bargained for it's more than you realized it was gonna be you can go to this link uh it's gonna be out in the next couple of days you can sign up to an early bird list or if you're late to this video by a couple of days chances are it's already out and you can just go and get your copy right now um so go check it out oh and i should say this is you know i know i have some programs that are significant investments this is not this is super affordable is the price of two lattes or one and a half lattes if you live in los angeles and between one and a half and two lattes depending on where you get your lattes go check it out i'll see you there you