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as well welcome to this session I won't necessarily read the bio 13 programs underneath but I guess it's safe to say that mix have a fairly big impact on quatl has worked closely the positive over a number of years and it's probably were closing number piglets room through provocation International at some stage and my first interaction we need was probably six seven years ago through something broke totem stuffing and you know Nixon you know a great ambassador for the for coaching schools and there's worked recently with the principals Association cause of a particular around mojo maintenance for principals Rosen spoke earlier on around the pony that was assigned to the associations at sports this morning and can I say 4:10 where those workshops a lot out of that they've put quite a bit of the players so I'd like to think my mojo is doing fairly well in it so but it's gonna be talking about the myriad of leadership conversation so I'm sure I can guarantee that there will be quite a bit of time today so please join me in welcoming them to the stage thank you Andrew I'm using microphones that have a sentence it's probably helpful considering the size of the room and before I forget if you want a copy of the presentation which gonna send around this round and I'll make sure you get a copy you don't to on the table also is the mirror and our unpacked in a minute and it was interesting to reflect for me so my first conference ever in Australia nearly 14 years ago was it wasn't possibly I spoke any fourteen years ago was a bit scary as you can see it's that a dramatic impact on my accent totally upstream so crazy certainly Australia now but yeah I think I'm stuck with this so I'm should dive straight into it I'm very happy and it can be a bit challenging when it's a big group if we want to ask questions clarifications as we go along please do and I'll try and make sure we have an opportunity to ask questions but also I'm here for the three days amount in the stalls there and I'll be wandering around having tough conversations so talking about mojo maintenance we're going to have a check-in so just at your table I want you to talk about how inflated or not is your mojo right now so down here at the purple end all right it's still okay but hopefully think about things that can even swipe your mojo great if you're away the red balloon is and there's no we talked about in motor domain and some other things now there's it rules so especially my life would you carry rules we have to be happy nature of life and make sure being human is we have challenges that come along with time so we're not always going to be super inflated sometimes we are going to be important down near where the purple is so I want you to think about where your bones are right now and then what's been happening recently it might be coming to the conference it's been helping to inflate your mojo so just a couple of minutes of your table where's your motor right now what's been happening to help inflate your mojo [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] okay folks not remember shopping McAndrew they can't remember the good things that are happening we're hardwired as humans to remember the bad things more than the good things so little things that can help us do our very best it can be a challenging job at times I'm ticking this stage of the term I don't know if it is but I reckon this is this stage of the term for many schools are interacting with this probably where motors often the lowest heading into winter heading into winter but also there's a lot of things on we've got a like a week term little things like that play on our minds so and this is about remembering the good things and that are happening throughout the school so a little bit of framework around why did I spend time in this one of the things is only said I spent last six years really very much in the coaching space and set up my own business nearly a year ago now which is flown by was thinking about okay coaching is a really important piece of it very powerful piece as part of the whole that leaders can bring to their conversations but there are more there's more that we need to reflect on and think about and I wanna practice a little bit as we go through this session that it's not just about coaching isn't always the answer all right it's a great answer only one into the Rhine question is exactly the right answer to the right question so I'm briefly going to explore those bits but I thought this was a useful one to reflect on and think about and schools our leadership run on conversations the quality of the conversation leads to I think director to the quality organization and that's not just down to one person that is in possible but the quality of their conversations particularly the most senior leaders are has a ripple effect so the ripple effects of things so if we have high quality conversations more likely people we talk to will have high quality conversations don't guarantee these things it's not about every conversation is going to be at that level but the more we can do those things the better is its forward in thinking about for me came across this recently even though you see it's been around for a while now and it's what really resonated with me and also bits of work I'm doing with big step in zan damaged occur with a high performance team space around right science what's the right approach at this particular moment and I thought this is quite resonant in the danger is you know coaching this is a great answer but delivered at the wrong time creates frustration and confusion for people I'm trying to coach someone who doesn't want to be coached they're going to get incredibly frustrated he comes to ask them questions about me give them ideas of thoughts what they're going to do I want thoughts and ideas of what a good versus not given them to me and I'm one of the another reason was I didn't want to get to the stage of the year or twos time where people said oh yeah I remember coach and we did it back in 2017 2018 and those of you who have been in education a bit longer well no this cycles to these things but coaching is a great tool to add to your toolbox but it's not the only tool it around conversations chances is too quickly case and if you get motion sickness spend some of them so and this is a cardboard piece diagram on your tape wasn't if you run out and got one I've got a spare here and part of it was at that time I actually had time and this is a great luxury compared to the busyness of schools I had time to stop and think when I finished up the growth collection international I took time had time to think about the whole range of conversations I think as I said it's like concerned that coaching has been seen as the answer to every conversation now this is for experienced leaders or anything in experienced leaders isn't rocket science it's just a framework to understand the whole range of conversations the people involved in on a day to day basis okay it's about identifying what sort of conversation am i involved in and what do I think is the best approach for me and for the person am I having the Congress so one of my passions is to help people get the most out of every conversation they have one thing that hardly had virtually a point is doing is giving as much time as they possibly can get so we can't work any harder in our daily work at school but what we can do is okay have you work a bit smarter and the gates a flippant phrase isn't it work smarter not harder so again hopefully this will give you a bit of an introduction as to how we might do that to get the most out of every conversation we have how do we generate the most impact and help people move forward in the most ways and sometimes that will be in the one-on-one conversation sometimes at the coaching great if it is great space very empowering for both people involved in those conversations but sometimes absolutely right serving mentoring okay unpack what the difference is in my perspective around this and sometimes it's absolutely about managing type conversations and again those that's where I'm going to spend most of the time today there's a whole range of other things there when we're working with teens or groups the tacks of conversations we might have with those teams and groups briefly touch the modes of times I wanted my lineage to be inspiring to think I want to follow them I want to follow what their vision is what their passion is as a tree I talked about this morning that passion is part of our role not all of our role as leaders but part of our role how do I bring people with me on this journey to improvement as part of this sometimes not co-creating how do we work together to get better outcomes and sometimes very mundane bits about informing people this is what reported you eat this is when things are going to happen and that's part of a part of our role individually but also with teams as part of that stakeholders is a very similar space to that and student conversations and this does was right that sits behind this that are very happy to share and it's emerging thinking this isn't locked in but the idea for me as long as I'm going into a conversation the reminders about what sort of a conversation is it what sort of conversational position might have to take up to get the most out of this interaction I'm back to have and conversational intelligence which I'll give you a taster around hopefully is one way of helping us do that so more time in this and this is a very simplistic more into something that's very complex but again part of my thinking moving forward was how do I make things as simple as possible just as you so busy how do I remember these things it's easy for people of training coaching to spend a lot of time in coaching you're leaders in any one conversation it's about being deliberate not practice rather than going to a default unnatural default but most of us as teachers is to go to tell her good friend of mine a colleague a principal of a primary schools cause teachers these one I'm one still call myself myself as a teacher as a TMS automatic telling machines we're hardwired Li's she's out the good space we designed to try and help people all right that can get in the way again if I want to be coached and someone's telling me what to do that I find that I'm treating as well it's about working out what's the best approach for this person the key bit here talk about the bottom it depends on the context and the knowledge skills and attitude the person opposite me hi Bri situation person highly stressed in front of me probably the worst untrained coach because that brain and thinking brain isn't working at that precise moment we're not feeling safe or feeling high stress we can't rationally think so that's where director being told what to do tell us a car was down following that great opportunity to coach or mentor so the more experienced knowledge someone has the more likely they are to benefit from coaching the less experienced knowledge they have the more likely they are to benefit from mentoring managing comes into all of our interactions at times as leaders so managing for me this is arranged there from well-being conversations checking in with people as to how they're traveling to performance conversations and I mean the full range of performance conversations most of us if you've been in leadership even for a relatively short period of time can think of the difficult conversations or in ciq conversation intelligence what they call uncomfortable conversations but in my experience the vast majority of staff that work we are doing it least okay if not better and want to improve and I do throw a challenge out and I understand those people you can call any think of that don't display this but as human beings you know we're not we're actually hardwired to want to get a bit better doesn't always play out that way absolutely getting that I can think of people who didn't display that on occasions but I do have a stronger belief that no one gets up in the morning determined to be sometimes that's the way it plays out for all of us you know we have good days and not-so-good days but we're bit hard way to want to improve and let's the far end of managing is compliance you're not doing what we need you to do we need you to move forward in comfortable conversations bets we do all the other ones I ever hope belief the less likely we are to have to have those conversations again sounds simple but it's not easy given the so many interactions but as I say with more hard-wired to go into mentoring telling touch conversations so it's how do I hold that the conversation position ask a few more questions and listen a bit more than I'm generally hard-wired to do his teachers we're used to teaching okay be mindful was three things that impact on human motivation that so keep resonating with me when I came across them by Dessay and Ryan one was autonomy the more choice I have the more motivation I have to want to do it to prove that I want to see in this which links the second one which are competency anonymous want to feel or fairly competent or when judged incompetent that's not a nice feeling and the final one which is linked to all of these is relationship relatedness what's my relationship with the person I'm having this conversation with so very brief whistle soft or of conversation intelligent conversation the myriad of conversations as I say very happy to explore that explain that further to people outside of it but I wanted to dive in to give you a bit of a taste some of you in the room have already had a taste of this but this thing called conversation intelligence a lady called Judith Glaser not lesser to a glazier GL a ser developed this framework and these tools in the States and mainly in the corporate space I came across it nearly two years ago now and then spent all of last year getting more knowledge and information around what it is and it's not the answer because there's no such thing in my view but it is a helpful answer how do we have all those different conversations a bit more effectively what do I bring into this conversation and it's based on the neuroscience every conversation we have releases chemicals good ones or not-so-good ones all right those conversations where we feel great but if you're really positive positive chemicals are released in those conversations those that feel and aren't very helpful or not don't feel great negative chemicals or chemicals that too much of those are healthy or helpful to us there's no such thing as always bad because they're there for a reason but how do we get the most out of everyone we're working with and whoever to talk about we centric leadership so leader leadership with people leadership over people if we leave power over that's when we're told because the way the boss we have to do things times that's going to occur unless we can do that the better it's generally triggers I want to control I want to go into defense mode so how do I explain that away you know explore power week type of leadership around with people is still no positionally losing control there who has the power to grasp the position but who doesn't feel that way and there's a whole range of stuff around Trust which are in foundation piece to all of this and on the basis of all of this it talks about conversation intelligence that words are worlds are correct through worlds word worlds are created through words what we say how we say that when we say their impacts on people around us and are those positive helpful messages or are they on helpful messages as you can see I liked the framework with this so much I called my company max level greatness they sort of resonated with me how do we continue to improve you know in ways that are helpful and meaningful to people and those who've done coach with me well remember may well not but might remember what we're going to do is nudge people into their learning zone or they grow so our brain is hardwired to stay in a comfort zone that's what we feel comfortable and hopefully most of the time we're there though great where we start to progress where we grow is where we're not just out of our comfort zone the challenges what we don't want to do is push people into their anxiety zone romantic shirts are shut down and get any pregnancy but that happens with the brain it switches off we go back into the rear brain which I'll briefly explore in a minute and that can go to defense do I feel so safe around this you who did a whole range of research around teams and found the single most important factor of psychological safety so that impacts dramatically on how effective or not teams are so that's the important bit that sits behind all this how do I help people feel safe so we can work on things and move forward in a constructive as part of this fundamentally it's conversations the quality of the conversations directly impacts the quality of organizations how do we get a bit better at these conversations and they talk about nine out of ten conversations missed their mark it's scary now most of those is in small ways some of them in dramatic ways you know that but it's mostly small ways where we think we remember exactly what was there but in reality we remember linking back to the again looking back to Patricia talk this morning earth final quote what mayor Angelou people forget what you didn't say never forget how you made them feel so that's what we remember and every six to 12 seconds we go in with what do I feel about what in this situation it's saying so we miss few truths of information so it's about checking in that's why often those misunderstandings I'm sure you've all been in staff meetings where you've heard exactly the same words and there is a range of different perspectives on what we're setting okay and that's the reality filters through whatever our experiences are this is what it sits behind it all so don't know how many brains you thought you had we've got six all right and again this is an across the board not everyone agrees with six pretty well I think everyone now most people do this for brains the ones in our head that we think about the most around this the primitive brain when our media is fired that's when we go to defense mode I don't feel safe I feel like going to defense mode and we all heard of onshore fight flight freeze the fourth one that I came across that makes a lot of sense in terms of how we can operate at times is a piece so I want to take the conflict out of a situation we just say yes even when we don't believe it I don't agree with it you don't like conflict so every feeling about what to say so I just say yes that's a good idea when I don't think it's a good idea the most productive teams conflict often empathy which is a strengthening special and teaching but it especially gets overplayed I'm so empathetic I don't want this person to feel bad or just say yes even when I don't always believe those things so the most productive teams there is there is a key point around conflict where we have conflict it's not personal it's about the topic not about you as a person and unpacking how do we do that so we don't take you personally when people challenge what we're saying and what we're thinking around things the Olympic meant and this is very much next version 101 and some of you may well know a lot more than I am very happy for you to to share with your colleagues what that is but living brain is often by the emotions yeah they're so strong emotions are stored there and links to memories triggered by emotions the neocortex is where memories short-term and long-term memories are stored and a bit like trying to trigger as much as possible in any conversation is the prefrontal cortex the executive read the finicky brain all the other bits just happen can't switch them off and on they happen good friend and colleague of mine in the UK talks about mind brain and body brain body brain are automatic responses we can't stop the amygdala firing what we can do if we know it's like two five says two oceans plan what am I going to do when this happens so that's where you can put that that proactive layer on top of automatic responses so we're not making things worse hopefully we've got a planet planet approach when we know these things are going to happen for us so those for a pretty universally accepting the other two lesser heartbreak so there's an organization called heart map to save them it's American art map in a u.s. that talks a lot about the energy fields we give off as human beings when we get within a certain distance which i think is of like twelve feet in American they're still talking feet and inches we go then twelve feet we have a sense of the energy this person's giving out positive or negative is that the ripple effect are we having positive impact on people around or negative impact if amid about space how do I get myself into a better space what can I do to help shift into that and that's been around for a while again not everyone agree with that but there's many signals that go from your heart to your brain as your brain to your heart so you are you which is controlling which but there's a strong correlation internet the most recent one is the gut brain all right again not universally accepted but increasing evidence and increasing research about the impact of our good to the health of our good on how we operate those who work to be kids with ASD that's been around and again it makes sense or phrases that most of us have used your feelings butterflies in the stomach those sorts of things where we things are triggered it's sentencing it's not a thinking brain for sentencing again it's made up of similar structures as to our thinking brain is our their brain in our head as well again sends signals that trigger some of these automatic responses so these things are happening all the time and that's what partly what conversation totems goes into what sits behind them but to describe what conversation intelligence is this is often my frame of reference for people so knowing that nine out ten conversations potentially missed the mark and we close the gap so unless mr. mark unless mr. mark by a significant way so very few people with my experience have a bad intention and they're going into a conversation whatever in conversation at least we don't want to have a negative impact on that person our intention is good but how often either conversations we could have had a negative impact on the person we think what happened there or people have had that impact on us and that's because it goes to our own filter our own bubble of our own experiences background knowledge and we're all different so again connections Petrelli again talked about and around those assumptions and generally they are wrong or somewhat we think people think is generally going to be wrong so how do we check in with each other and check in to help you get those spaces just to make sure when you narrow the gap we're never going to turn close it because we're human beings of a complex now and we close the gap and again terms of frameworks to help us close the gap this is probably you she's been a trivia music festival called Burning Man in the States and why why I'm showing it not just it it's a really nice picture but also that inwardly we have our strongest innate desire within humans is to connect okay strongest desire stronger than safety and that plays out particularly teenage boys and girls to a degree where I don't want to do something to fit in it when they know that something safe and again you might know you know I always think about some kids with ASD and other kids with ID - but most of us that that's the strongest desire to have rugby team so even when we have polar opposite views inwardly we're trying to work out how do we connect how do we connect with each other that's a part of it so how about time when we go through all of these I'm going to give you something to do now it's good you're sitting listening to me after the newness bar this but the interesting is their conversational essentials what an equal you will already do all of these on occasions it's about being a bit more deliberate and how might I do these a bit better what can I do to help me connect a bit more concretely with the person I'm having conversations with one of the things that throw our challenge now is as much to myself as anyone else does some of you will be very good at this is the whole concept of the small talk you know again by commonly the small talk almost says it's not important but for me that's how we connect as humans if you've got the relationship any conversation is more likely to go better so actually finding time to connect to the human to human level is important how much time the words are the challenges is part of it but a really important when 2/3 of its it's like the table the challenges you've got three minutes you've got to come up with buying things you've got in common all right so I have table work Andrews alright Tiffany's to me all right five things you guys [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] okay folks come back together so funny whether you did that activity or not obviously I was going around checking I don't need to spark that and you were displaying three of the conversation essentials partly by doing things like one of one of the things you were doing was asking questions which you don't have the answer we're checking out what is it about each other so somebody in mind to no matter what you know that the person or people at your table so one of the advantages of that is we're open grown and we're curious about what this other person might really I'm not saying that that's an example of asking questions in which you don't have the answers all right again just a bit of internal reflection when you think about on a daily basis back at work how many times are you asking questions where you don't have the answer not so now I'm not aiming to get 100% of that I'm certainly to check for understanding we need to check you know people have learnt and understand or know what's going to happen as part of it generally displaying that behaviors have really helped what all right so good to think about you know how much am i doing this can I do it a bit more and that will depend on your role there's not a name to get to a set figure comes back to context person you have the conversation with helps us connect when we wrote open to that we're not trying to get the right answer at people okay usually that's what's needed but again when people know we're testing them going really mindful because they may feel judged as part of this you're also assuming you're worthless you're listening to connect all right there now I'm not saying you're now BFFs but you're slightly strong a bit connected to the people you have in that conversation with that desire to connect things in common it connects us slightly stronger okay no all those little conversations that can take place around the workplace help build relationships help build emotional capital always we're doing them in an authentic way again that's the crucial bit isn't it no no go check this quick Anita you know listen to connect to this person example learning today we start to read through those things generally but or thing to display all these things what he does is prime to trust it connects it at a trust level trust and I don't think he'll come up as I was saying pretty sure he doesn't trust again you've got nice acronyms which resonate to me have a chance of remembering them when there's acronyms so they talk about trusts Tony for the following things take being transparent transparency is the more transparent we are about information ourselves knowledge the more we trust each other so happens with the school very recently they were saying this they're going to a lot of change as often we are in schools at these days but often that people didn't know and I think I was reading recently say if we don't know then people make it up picture of human human things if there isn't communication we make up the communication of gossip with them but he's saying all those other things that play out the more transparent you can be the better the iris relationship am i spending time to get to know this person new is understanding how do I check in understanding I just pause for a second there so understanding here is linked to the double-clicking it's what we mean by double-clicking if you double-click on a computer on a file or a folder you go to deeper checking for understanding Missy IQ the refrain understanding is trying to stand under a shared view of this topic or this thing whatever it is so example Alfred use two examples one is engaged presuming hope and on here would argue that we don't want you know we do want students to be more engaged but engagement for some people is really quiet kids for the heads-down working on things for another teacher it's lots of noise lots of interaction I'm going to get to a shared understanding and what do we mean by this you know so again with Michael Brown interpretations based on that's what you're clicking around that is for shared success so what generally avoid always another but generally is a goal that we want and the example I use to hopefully make sense to me and hopefully how it makes sense for you folks out there is about the difficult parent all right every school's got some parents who feel difficult you know God they like the unrealistic expectation shared successes I'm sure hope they want the best for their son or daughter and so do we different views of how we're going to get there are different things to take into consideration but shared success and reminding people what we want so when there's a disagreement about how we're going to teach really quite how we're going to do whatever we all want the best for our organization our teaching to be as effective as possible how we get there is where the discussion an important discussion needs to take place and the final table linking back to create test assumptions virtually always wrong what we think someone person thinks is nearly always wrong so check out this is my understanding you said is that accurate again that's double-clicking check it out so a bit of a thing have started to do or do it for a while now is he found in a conversation which looks like I'm not really in that situation now but I think there's a chance we can be misunderstanding each other or taking out information different parts of the information I followed up with an email or put it in writing so it's not been writing initially both of the face then just check in this is my recollection of what we agreed is this the same as yours there's a chance big to say no about I thought we did this all right so that chance to check in with each other there is part of that be known to importance so how open are we again helps people connect how people have a chance been open to influence sometimes absolutely we have decay of strong views about strong views about wine absolutely is appropriate but sometimes good to display I'm not sure not sure what we should do in this situation again sometimes as leaders either weekly or people who we work with think we should have the answer sometimes that it's part of a role but often isn't I think this is a useful way to go I'm not sure what others think that links back to co-creating bring ideas and share other people's ideas and better things emerge out of it we haven't thought about and they haven't talked about so see how I cute about co-creation as opposed to collaboration apparently but if you've got collaborative working as part you're usually in this sense the collaboration the origin of collaboration can come conspiring with the enemy always nearly always done using that way and that's not what we're thinking about so don't feel bad if collaboration is in there with how you're using it but whichever trying to persuade someone to our point appeal they're trying to persuade us there's co-creation which provide ease in together and new things of better things transformational things can emerge as part of that find the one destroy tension to conversation agility again those who do more in coaching won't know that's part of what we do in coaching drawing attention to strength skills and qualities a person has drawing attention to the positives when there's lots of negatives as well so all at times you will have redirected reframe refocus without nobody be doing it the more deliberately can get around that's that into that space to helpful because human beings were more hardwired bad from the art of good so this is what we can help people notice or they couldn't think and help this has got the conversational dashboard and again I've got time to go into huge detail just to share what can be a helpful useful tool and framework so see how cue isn't a set curriculum that he's taught whole range of frameworks and tools that people draw on as is useful as is helpful to them in their setting in their organization it's to pick out from this one is trust isn't just about you human to human this could be about the topic of conversation I'm really not sure about implementing this so a complete load trust now one of the things I like about this it validates all positions all right so they all have a purpose not if we get stuck in skeptic and if you get stuck in resistor but they all have a purpose and are useful they're deliberately spelled resistor is ou are not just because it's American electrical circuits that we have resistors in electrical circuits and we don't overload the system yeah time and we need people say oh I really don't think that's a good idea because we could be too much too quick the speed of change is an important one is it how do we manage the speed of change so we're not burned out by part of that this isn't about labeling people and I always have a thought in my head I can picture one or two people I work with over the years who did the danger this becomes who they are they're always the resistor that's not a healthy thing not a helpful thing but always a resisted about alright so explain how you can use something like this to help shoot people the other one just to draw attention to be experimental again deliberately o'a who's gonna be the mentor of experiments you're going to give things ago linked in to the agile things again evidence-based practice that seven operative argue against evidence-based practice but I throw out the idea of practice based evidence someone's going to try these things to get the evidence so it's managing that survive everyone's trying everything all at once going off in different directions but someone's gotta try these things even when they're evidence-based practice I love you doesn't mean they'll work in your setting it just really worked at the special school down the road don't guarantee that worked in your school how do we give this a go and test it out to think what modifications might need to me to make in order to get this work as effectively as possible so this can be used on parameter ways it could be used to think about okay what position have I've taken off in different conversations I've been involved in it can be useful when there's a shared understanding in a team to say went around a topic that theme alright we're thinking of introducing the use of videos to our cluster in classrooms so we can reflect on our practice justice or out there the one that's potentially it's a bit controversial where where we sitting and this when we sit alright so if you resist your skeptic mode the one could be okay even your there and what do you need to see here what needs to happen that might encourage you around to the right hand side of it being stuck and resistant skeptic is not right even if you're not getting negative negative chemicals released people around you probably are a bit uncertain that someone's challenging it again no big deal is then fired feel great don't feel safe so it can't be a way just to explore people to help them