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Was I in the wrong (in this situation) for cutting contact with a boyfriend who showed signs of sociopathic and narcissistic beh
First off your question suggests that you are familiar with some number of sociopathic and narcissistic behavioral characteristics as indicated by the use of a word indicating plurality. If you have this knowledge based on formal education or personal research in sociopathic and narcissistic behaviors & psychiatry then you know you don't even need to ask the question. You are already aware that such behavioral characteristics are signs of a real mental illness that is more likely than not, and it may already have been your unexpressed experience, the beginning of any combination of different abusive behavior patterns maybe only starting as verbal abuse in a passive way, which, statistically, in the largest percentage of cases, does lead to some level of physical abuse at some point. Because of your question beginning with the words “Was I in the wrong…” it gives me a feeling that maybe you have experienced emotions, in this situation, of being a lesser person or maybe in some way even feel partly to blame, or maybe thinking you may have done something that caused his bad behavior… Maybe you've been unfortunate in having been actually accused of such an idea by same person. Simply questioning your decision by asking the entire world of Quora, a world full of people, some with these same disorders you mention, professional, nonprofessional, a public audience of individuals with not a lick if education related to studies in Psychiatry or Psychology and certainly no degree of specialization in personality disorders, and let’s not leave out the possibility of some people commenting to your question, as you sound uncertain as to whether you actually wronged someone else by avoiding any possible wrongdoing of you by someone with actual issues, some people commenting may be another “you” living in this kind of relationship who have succumbed to mal treatment, made excuses, believes the guy really truly loves them because he apologizes and says the right things, those who may try to tell you it's all about love… because they don't have the knowledge of the psychology behind the behavior and the numerous forms of manipulation disguised as love, the use of certain words and actions which can be used by these (statistically large % ) masterful imposters to mold their “victims” in a way that's similar to brainwashing. Comments from any people who are unaware of even their own dire straights I don't expect would be sound opinions of which I'd give much credit to especially if any of them express any idea that you were in any way in the wrong or anything even more extreme like suggesting love will carry you through when being subjected to personality disorders of a narcissistic sociopath is no kind of love, in fact I've wondered if some of these disorders may actually render the ability to feel emotions of actual, real, love almost impossible. You were in no way in the wrong, so snap out of that thought!!! Don't doubt the decision you made for a single second longer! You've indicated in your question a recognition of behavioral issues that I'm almost certain you have some amount of more extensive knowledge past just recognizing but also what other unsafe behavior may show itself down the road. So, from my experience in a marriage of way too many years whose husband showed all the classic signs with these same types of characteristic behavioral traits while he successfully managed to “do what they do” with emotional manipulation causing me to believe there was something wrong with ME, I opted for a divorce and moved to a city far away from that place which landed me on a path to understanding the disorders and learning to identify and recognize the behavior I had been exposed to and an emotional recovery involving years of counseling learning the psychology of the mindset to explain the behavior so I could finally accept the fact that there was nothing ever wrong with ME… he has an illness. Informatuon vital to successfully AVOID any involvement with anyone displaying such characteristics ever again. You made the absolute smartest, most intelligent, and best self-preservation decision of your life, no doubt in my mind whatsoever. And it may have been a really hard one for you to make…maybe that's why you have this question. It was difficult for me…somehow I just kept thinking he would change having absolutely no idea at the time that such behavior is an indication of an illness that needs recognition by the effected person and a desire to seek professional help which by the exact nature of the behavioral issues is exactly NOT what that person would be capable of ever doing. I have also learned, from my marital experience, the wolf is often times disguised in sheep’s clothing, and then just as you're feeling things are great and “isn't he so charming”… Without a shred of warning , like a slap of reality right in the face… BAM!! Hey there Little Miss Red Riding Hood, things just got real in a bad kind of way!!! So, I'm just going to simply encourage my opinion that you shouldn't question this specific decision anymore… I say you sound like you know it's not acceptable behavior with respect to your happiness and your expectations of what a healthy relationship should resemble in your life. I'm extremely proud for you to be aware enough to realize the existence of problematic issues and be able to detach yourself from any potential mal effects by just cutting off contact. In this case, I fully support your cut and dry choice. Perfect “nip it in the bud, this ends here” mindset. Regaining some mislaid self respect, as was my case, is a constant reminder of what I know is or isn't in my best interest, refusing to ever again allow myself to get into any type of relationship where signs as you described them as indicative of sociopathic and narcissistic personality disorders. It is a matter of fact, as learned through my research on both these two and one other specific personality disorder, that being afflicted with either/or of the two you refer to is bad enough in itself, but there are also the combination of the two as a separate disorder while still that same combo with a third disorder indicated by signs to include psychopathic tendencies is yet another completely separate diagnosed disorder. The fact that your guy showed signs of a narcissistic sociopath personality disorder is all the more reason I commend your decision. Sparing yourself an undue amount of misery no doubt. Scary thing…people who have these types of personality disorders in so many cases are extremely intelligent, more intelligent than I ever would have thought before, my research indicated some are even at genius IQ levels…as exampled by a reference to Charles Manson. Now that's scary! Stay aware now that you are able to recognize and identify these characteristics to protect yourself as you move forward from that guy on towards better opportunities for a healthy relationship to carry you in a positive direction forward in your life. I just realized I really rambled on a bit here but I can relate 100% to the question and felt a need to express my support and encouragement in making the best decision a person, in such a case as yours, it actually is the ONLY decision, for any person with the same amount of knowledge on the two disorders as you seem to be aware of, showing intelligence and a recognition, also we all, especially ladies, owe ourselves the responsibility of due diligence, to be knowledgeable and aware when signs of things not being quite right with respect to characteristics of possible personality disorder behaviors appear. Not to dismiss them as just oddities or find yourself explaining them away as anything less serious than it has the potential to be. I will walk away from anybody in a split second with no need of a second thought if I find myself identifying behavioral disorders and it doesn't matter how long I've known that person or anything else…I may even think I am or have no doubt at all that I am in love with that person but I can guarantee my main belief is this…there is absolutely NO relationship that is so important to me that I will stay for one second longer than necessary to turn right around and walk away feeling good knowing that I value my mental and emotional health more than whatever quantity or quality of time I may have invested in what just showed itself as a sign of issues and drama I can simply avoid, confident and unquestioning in taking that action to walk away…no regrets ever if my mental and emotional health are ever at risk of being mal affected…ME 1st. My motto: “ I've lived 50 yrs not knowing you and I can live another 50 yrs not knowing you still!” It is obviously not likely I'll live to be 100, and the fact is now I'm 53 yrs old, but it’s the message of how unimportant you can become to me and my life if you turn out to be a bad “choice” on my part or even an idea that such behavior could impact me negatively as indicated by “just this second” recognized signs by me of ANY type of personality disorder… period. I'm outta there!!! Your mental and emotional health comes first…without it you risk becoming no more than putty in the hands of and at the mercy of a messed up man's masterful ability to, excuse the term but it's the best one to use here, mind fuck you without even having to work at it. Stability and sanity are key to clear thinking and sound decision making skills when it comes to whose mental and emotional health interests should be considered 1st and that should always be yours. Good job! There are certainly many people out there who admire your ability to recognize a potential threat and make a decision that I know myself you will never look back on and regret.
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What is the most bizarre small social experiment you've conducted, concluding with a result which was extremely contradictory an
Here’s one that is going to blow your mind. I still can’t believe I did it, or how it worked out. The details are a little fuzzy for me, but everything I have written below is true. I have always been a bit of a rebel. One of the things I rebel against is the idea that I should have to dress a certain way, or achieve a certain look, to get into a nightclub or bar. I hate the idea of being judged by a bouncer as being ‘cool’ or ‘uncool’, and being refused entry based on that. It seems pathetic and hollow. No, wait, it is pathetic and hollow.In practical terms, this means I don’t visit these places. But one night in Sydney in the year 2000, for whatever reason, I decided to go anyway. But I wasn't going to dress up, in fact I was going to put on the most uncool, daggy clothes I had – plain grey tracksuit pants and a grey sweater, something most people might wear around the house but not be caught dead in outside. To top it off, I went bare-foot. I walked down to Darling Harbour from my rented apartment, a trendy recreational district alongside central Sydney, and went directly for the biggest nightclub I found. It was 9pm, and a long line of patrons looped around in a queue. I joined in the line. If you have ever done something that is strange in public, you will know you get two reactions. The vast majority of people will completely ignore you (aside from a quick glance), either because they put you into the ‘weirdo’ category or they are just caught up in their own world. Then you get the other category of people that will spontaneously start talking to you. At night the proportion of the latter category increases, as people get bolder when they drink.So I got into a few conversations about my clothes (which basically looked like grey pyjamas). No one harassed me, or gave me shit, but that is probably because I had a very confident air and would directly look at people who looked at me, with a slightly wry smile. So it was all in good humour and I didn’t feel threatened at all. I would tell anybody who asked that I should be able to wear what I want, and that judging people on clothes was shallow.When I got to the front, I was pulled aside and told I couldn't come in. I was very friendly and understanding, so the bouncer felt the need to explain that it was coming up to the Sydney Olympics, so it was a very important time for the club to protect their image. I didn't protest, and got moved just next to the entry area behind a waist-high ribbon barriers they were using to shape the queue.Now, here is where it goes to the next level, although this was not part of my original plan. I have always been a Herman Hesse fan, in particular the novel Siddhartha. In that book, when asked what he can do, the hero states “I can think, I can wait, I can fast.” Twice in the book, he achieves his aims simply by standing in the same spot, with no resistance, but simply silently waiting in meditation.You can see where this is going. So, right next the queue and bouncers, I stood, silent and still, and waited. Occasionally I would have my eyes closed, occasionally I would look around without turning my body. At this point, I must have appeared a certain way that was freaking people out, as nobody said anything to me and did their best to ignore me as they filed past. It started to drizzle with rain.Still, I waited. One hour went past, then two. On two occasions the bouncers moved me back a little more, but I was on the public boardwalk and they didn’t tell me to move on or try to engage me further. I just smiled at them and did what they asked.All the patrons eventually got in, they cleaned up all the barriers, the bouncers went inside and shut the doors. Still, I waited. I can only imagine what was going on inside, but I could tell that the experience had freaked them out a little, from the quick glances with a slight amount of trepidation in their eyes. Obviously they had never encountered this before.After about one more hour of waiting outside by myself, suddenly the doors opened again. The bouncer told me I could go in. They gave me a security search, I paid the money, and I was in. It had worked. I wasn’t surprised at the time. It is hard to describe the state of mind I was in, but I was in some kind of divine trance of sorts, probably because I had just done a three to four hour standing meditation. It was about 1 or 2 in the morning at this point.The rest of the night I spent dancing and walking around observing. Because I have no experience in nightclubs, I didn’t really know how to act or how to approach people, so I kept to myself and just danced most of the night away. I had a security guard that followed me around wherever I went. I was able to go wherever I wanted, even into the VIP areas that the normal patrons couldn’t enter. Nobody ever approached me or attempted to talk to me the rest of the night. Eventually, I felt exhausted, spiritually and mentally, and walked home.What does this all mean? Nothing in particular. It was just a small, bizarre episode in my life. I didn’t really learn anything, except perhaps that there truly is power in “I can think, I can wait, I can fast.”. Those guards let me in, I presume, because they respected me, respected my resolve, and felt the need to bow down before that. That’s the only explanation I have (or maybe there were bigger forces at work?).I haven’t been back to a nightclub since, but lately I have been experiencing the desire to do so. I might dress up a little this time, and again see what happens again when a silent, peaceful man exists in the maelstrom of sex, alcohol and loud music – and perhaps I might talk to people this time.
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In what non-verbal way did you find out a girl liked you?
This is a very, very, very, very difficult question to answer…because men (…in general) usually never, ever, ever understand the cues. Women are the opposite of men, so for you to tell if a woman is attracted non verbally is next to impossible…but it can be done.Women do a lot of things in the presence of men (…smile, play with hair, bat eyelashes, look in awe and immediately look away, etc.) and not all of those signals are what we think they are. So…IMHO…we have to take this like a chess game with the woman having the opening move and…more importantly…we have to SEEK A SIGNAL IN RESPONSE TO A SITUATION WE CREATED.Now, this is just my opinion…but the difference in women is any strong emotional response to you is an indication of interest in you and should be explored because at their core women have to control immediate emotional responses to at least see if it is safe for her. It’s in her nature.You see a woman and she smiles at you. More often than not her intention is for you to come over and talk so she can see if you’re someone who she would be attracted to. IMHO…that’s not the type of attraction A MAN would have because her mind isn’t made up. Men are the opposite…think about it. We just run in there blindly when we see that smile and end up being stupid.I’ve literally done something to make a woman mad at me, and her “anger” to me was a cue that there was a strong emotion that she liked me…considering she could have not cared one bit. The worst thing anyone can do is have NO feelings for you and women are very good at that. It is very easy for a woman to have NO FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE…and if you’ve ever broke up with a woman you know exactly what I mean because that woman wouldn’t care if you lived or died.Anyway…I was so apologetic not only did she get over it, we spent years together in love before the relationship died…but that’s another story.At the end of the day women are…and should be…more wary than men. Men are the opposite, we feel we can overcome any obstacle no matter what. But if a woman has strong feelings for you in a short span of time…something is there to be explored.So when you see a non verbal cue, take it as a sign to see if there is some type of strong emotional response you can gain…laughter is the best, anger is the strongest, comfort…you’re there…and IF you get that response…you KNOW she is interested because at her core sense of being she wouldn’t care one way or the other.Women just don’t immediately fall for someone, and frankly if they did…I’d wonder.I hope this makes sense…ladies…don’t kill the messenger…
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On the Game of Thrones, what foreshadows Daenerys eventual burning and destruction of King’s Landing?
*Answered on 15 May 2019*A2AThere are quite a lot of prophecies, signs, words said -by Daenerys or others - that can be now interpreted as foreshadowing of her going mad - and of her decision to destroy King’s Landing by burning it to the ground.Here are some of them, by seasons:In Season 2 Episode 4, Dany clearly foreshadows burning cities:“When my dragons are grown… we will lay waste to armies and burn cities to the ground.”In Season 2, Episode 6, she again declares that she will take cities no matter the cost- using, interestingly, the words ‘fire’ and ‘blood’.“I will take what is mine with fire and blood.”In Season 2, Episode 7, Cersei Lannister, referencing her own own incest babies with Jaime, mentions the Targaryens and their ‘propensity for madness’. She ‘s talking about the possibility that Dany or Viserion might be as mad as the Mad King when she says:“Half the Targaryens went mad, didn’t they? What’s the saying? :‘Every time a Targaryen is born, the gods flip a coin.’”In the Season 2 finale, Dany has one of her visions: in it, the Iron Throne room is destroyed and covered in what appears to be snow (now confirmed to be ash). She walks towards the throne, extends her hand… but retrieves it without actually touching it..**We could interpret that vision now as meaning that, due to her atrocities during this fight, there won’t be many (Westerosi, at least) siding with her after The Sack of King’s Landing.. and that she (probably) won't rule. Or if she does rule , she'll be Queen of Ashes. Queen of a ruined city. Population : burned.In Season 3, Episode 4, Daenerys executes over a hundred Meereenese nobles . Yes, the majority of nobles opposed her. But some were good people. When she learns later that some nobles might have served her and weren’t evil, she doesn’t seem to feel guilt for, possibly, making a rash decision and killing people.She actually references the Quarth and Mereen ‘betrayals’ and the way she has dealt with these cities later, in S3, Episode 5, when Daenerys somewhat berates Jorah for his constant calls to mercy and caution…and excuses her own behaviour, saying:“You counseled me against rashness once in Qarth. I didn’t listen. It all worked out well.”In the same Season 3, in Episode 7, Jorah (like many times before) tries to curb Dany’s darker inclinations. He makes a comparison, saying:“I wouldn’t be here to help you if Ned Stark had done to me what you want to do to the masters of Yunkai,”Dany replies , foreshadowing that she will be one Queen whose rule you either obey- or face death:“They can live in my new world or they can die in their old one.”In Season 5, Episode 5, Daenerys executes even more noblemen from Meereen, in an attempt to scare the rest into submission. This doesn’t work and the Sons of the Harpy terrorize the city as reprisal, killing Unsullied… alongside many more innocents.In same S. 5, in Episode 8, Daenerys says:“I’m not going to stop the wheel. I’m going to break the wheel.”This line suggests she wants to end up tyranny, but looking back at it now … it might also indicate signs of propensity for violence.In Season 6, Episode 4, Daenerys asks for the Dothraki leaders to listen to her plea. Once inside, Jorah locks the doors and Dany burns al the Khals to a crisp, whilst she emerges unscathed… thus earning a second time the title The Unburned. And instilling fear in the rest of the Dothraki. And eliminating all leaders in one go, by burning them, which makes her the Only Khaleesi to run the Khalasaar.In same S 6, Episode 6, Dany asks the Dothraki army a VERY foreshadowing question:“Will you kill my enemies in their iron suits and tear down their stone houses?”That was, basically, EXACTLY what happened in King’s Landing, right?Also in season 6, in Episode 9, Dany clashes with Tyrion Lannister over whether to destroy a city or not. Tyrion then tells her that her plan sounds like something her father, the Mad King, would do. We can see here a familiar pattern emerging: Dany wanting to go ‘burn the cities’ and her advisors reigning her in, by showing her that certain things CAN be achieved without burning and destroying cities.In Season 7, Episode 2, Dany considers attack King’s Landing directly with all three dragons, but Tyrion convinces her not to. (In hindsight, maybe this would have saved the dragons from dying…)In the same episode, Olenna Tyrell gives Dany some advice that clearly resonated with her:“Commoners and nobles are all children really,” she says. “They won’t obey you unless they fear you.”Later, Olenna adds more ‘fuel to the fire’ and emboldens Dany:“You’re a dragon. Be a dragon.”Whether intentional or not, Olenna cultivated Dany’s inclination to rule by fear - if those in power are not ready to accept her as Queen then she should ‘be a dragon’ and ‘burn them into submission’.In Season 7, Episode 4 after Tyrion’s plan to take Casterly Rock backfires, Daenerys begins to question her adviser and blame him for not letting her burn it. Later, in the same episode, she threatens to ignore Tyrion’s further advice and burn down King’s Landing(another foreshadowing!). She says:“Enough with the clever plans,”“I have three large dragons. I’m going to fly them to the Red Keep.”At the Loot Train Attack, Dany decides to execute Randal and Dickon Tarly by dragon fire - when they refuse to bend the knee. She could have imprisoned them, but she opts to burn them as ‘traitors’ instead. That also shocks a lot of her supporters.Later on In the same episode, Varys warns Tyrion that Daenerys could become a Mad Queen. Varys tells Tyrion (talk about foreshadowing, indeed!):“You need to find a way to make her listen”(Sorry Varys, RIP- you’ve both failed to make her listen).There are also a few instances that also foreshadowed that the MAD QUEEN persona might arise:In Season 8, Episode 3, Jorah Mormont dies while defending Dany during the Battle of Winterfell. He was one of the few cooling influences on Daenerys. His death is especially hard on Dany.In S8, Episode 4, Dany, already being aware of Jon being a Targaryen heir, watches others heap praise on Jon Snow and here she is shown as somewhat jealous, insecure, increasingly concerned about her claim to the throne.Very interesting: at one point Tormund Giantsbane exclaims, “What kind of person climbs on a fucking dragon? A madman, or a king!” On the word “madman” the camera cuts to Dany… before panning back to Jon for the word “king.”In the same S8, Ep 4, later on, when Dany and Jon are alone, she says she still loves him… but he pulls away (thist might indeed be awkward for him, because they are related-and this has become too much for Jon, as he was brought up with Stark values). His ‘coldness’ might also be sending Dany onto that dark path.-Once her posse(crew) decided to head down to King’s Landing and take it, Varys tries to dissuade Dany from burning down the city. Dany’s words foreshadow again something terrible might happen when she replies: :“I’m here to save the world from tyrants… and I will serve it, no matter the cost.”Just before her execution, Missandei shouted “Dracarys!” One episode later in S8 Ep 5, Dany used the same ’Dracarys!’ to burn the city. Missandei’s last words to Daenerys , coupled with the grief of losing her only female friend (and also a long time and trusted advisor), most likely influenced her to cause much of the bloodshed in King’s Landing.-Daenerys later explains her battle plan to Jon, stating that the only way she’ll be able to control the Seven Kingdoms is by burning them into submission first. She tells Jon:“Far more people in Westeros love you than love me,”“I don’t have love here. I only have fear.”Afterwards, when Dany tries to kiss Jon and he pulls back (again!) , she looks resigned into ‘taking what’s hers’ alone, by the means she has. She declares:“Alright then….Let it be fear.”-And later on, when explaining to Tyrion why she thinks she shouldn’t cave in to Cersei’s holding the KL population hostage and why she thinks she should attack anyway… she tells him:“Our mercy is our strength……Our mercy toward future generations who will not be held hostage by a tyrant.”And then, in the irony of ironies, she becomes that tyrant that will burn innocents and civillians, in her desire for revenge and power. Even when the casualties could have been avoided !(I still feel that her burning the Red Keep and destroying Cersei should have been THE main priority, rather than her spending time burning the civillians and the buildings/streets).But (as a ‘consolation’ of sorts) it made for great cinematics, seeing the gold-red dragonfire from Dany’s dragon fire mix with the green wildfire exploding - wildfire caches her own father, the Mad King, has placed throughout the city when he planned ( and failed) to burn the city to the ground.An interesting thing: In Season 1, when Dany announces she is pregnant with Khal Drogo’s baby, the Dothraki rejoice and tell her of the prophecy of the “stallion who mounts the world,” a great conquerer who’s believed will rise and make the Dothrakis the mightier empire.‘’Fierce as a storm this prince will be. His enemies will tremble before him, and their wives will weep tears of blood and rend their flesh in grief. The bells in his hair will sing his coming, and the milk men in the stone tents will fear his name. The prince is riding, and he shall be the stallion who mounts the world.’’The bells here represent the beads the Dothraki wear into their hair.But this might also connect with the ‘WHY Dany went mad hearing the BELLS’- like she somehow remembered the prophecy, how many losses she’s had.. that her dead son was supposed to have all the land she’s conquering… Yet he wasn’t alive… and that this was just one of the MANY losses she’s had to endure along the way to signNow where she is now..*Note: this is a direct answer to an A2A request. This does not necessarily mean that I agree with ( or endorse) what the TV Series GOT has done with GRRM’s material- to twist things and create shock value- and many characters’ arcs …and how, lately, the creators have tried to explain their decisions as being the ‘foreshadowed’, ‘foreseen’ or the logical path… for Daenerys -or other characters***I hope this has somewhat answered the A2A.
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I'm an introvert. What do I do to not come off as rude at my workplace, but stay myself?
Thanks for the A2A fellow Quoran and introvert. :)For people like us we tend to come off as standoffish or rude. But we're really not right? So how do we get that across to everyone while minimizing our social contact time? My suggestion, which has worked for me, is to answer exactly what they ask for.What I mean is this:Co-worker: What did you do this weekend?You: I watched a movie, ordered take out, played some video games, read a book and went to bed.Co-worker: Oh okay. Was it fun?You: Yep, it was fun.Co-worker: So what movie did you watch?You: I watched [Insert movie name].Co-worker: Was it good?You: Yeah/No.etcThe longer the conversation drags on, the faster they realize that it's difficult to get anymore information out of you; or they'll assume that you're having a bad day and don't want to talk about it. But now they won't think you're being rude or aloof. Works 7/10 times, guaranteed. Best wishes.
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