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I was Shaken. Felt VOIDAnswer is going to be very long - I have not expressed my feeling to anyone after that day so here is lengthy answer (yeah - another Introvert !). This happened in PUNE.It was a good day with blue cloudless sky and warming temperature, I woke up early since I was in first shift so started earlier to office.signNowed office, had some work that I owned and went with colleagues for breakfast, when came back noticed HR and manger were discussing something in meeting room, I continued my work, until interrupted by manger to come along with him, so I did.In Meeting RoomM: How are you Mr. XXX?me: I am well and good , feeling quite good today.M: hmm, so Mr. XXX, how many years you have been working for XYZ and how was your experience so far ?me : (what the hell he is asking me this, wondering why he is asking this question to me) completed 2.5 years so far (I joined as fresher there ) and told regular rotten things like feels good , good work culture,bla bla bla.M: okay, let me come to the point - there is feedback for you from team mates that you are not doing well and keeps sleeping at nights when you are in night shift , your attitude towards work is not good. Is that true ?me : (I was shocked for few mins and I took me while to get out of it )I am sure there must be some misunderstanding, this is not true (In my mind, I smelled something fishy )M: Well, Mr. XXX, I have feedback in written for you and that must be true and I don’t think it might be some misunderstanding. Let me call HR to join here ( I came to know this later that this was pre-planned and both HR and manger were already hand in hand)While waiting for HRme : (sweated, my throat went dry ) -felt anxious, my heart was beating fastlyM: waited calmly with mild smile on his faceHR joins meetingHR: how are you Mr. XXX,M: hmm, he is quite frightenedHR: hey XXX, relax, do you want to drink some water ? (while opening a bottle )me: did not utter a single word (I was sweating )HR : Forcefully handed over water bottleme: did drink some waterHR : I have a news for you, we here are XYZ no longer require your services and you are relieved from today and you may leave after this meeting.me : what ? what ? (heartbeat on high, could not believe on my ears )HR: Relax, calm down, you will get your 2 months salary and relieving letter along with form 16 and pay slips, you may leave nowme : Almost broke into tears literally, my eyes were RED.HR and M : they were just watching me what I am going through.me: Sir, Madam, there is some misunderstanding here, I kept telling this is not true in different ways.HR & M : both silent - no words spoken.me : again - I kept telling and trying to explain.HR : Please leave your id at me and get your stuff and leave - otherwise I have to call securityme : (coming out of shock , I was explaining like a beggar to someone rich )I am from lower middle classed family, my father is retired from school as clerk and mother is housewife , I have responsibility of younger brother for his education and I have to support my family. (M was very well aware about my background )HR : (in somewhat harsher and loud voice) : Please get out.me : I literally grabbed HR and manager feet to show me some mercyHR : XXX, please leave ASAP.meanwhile, M calls security to escort me to the gate , few mins passed, a security personnel comes in and requests me to come along with him.me : while standing and giving merciful look to both - still hoping they will revert their decision and came out of meeting room and headed towards washroomI asked security personnel to wait outside washroom and let me wash me eyes that were much REDDER and shred me tears.I came out of washroom and asked security personnel to wait at main door and requested not to come by desk very politely, he agreed, went to my cubicle , did not show any sign for what happened, took my stuff as if I am searching for something from my drawer ,just so as not to take doubt among team mates , took my stuff and gave a smile back to team mates who were not having any idea that I am leaving PERMANENTLYI walked very SLOWLY with security guy and came out of building.signNowed room (there was no one at room- room mate was at job, we were just two guys )- I CRIED AND CRIED AND CRIED FOR HOURS - and for the first time in life I experienced GREAT VOIDI was constantly thinking of my family (I was unmarried then ) and their dreams, their hopes - all gone just like that !!(I always used to send 90% my salary to home for support and brother’s education so I was not having any big bucks in banks )On the same day - I got some many calls from my colleagues - news was spread finally , did not answered single one.They all came to meet me and I told what M told me about them and they said no one has given any feedback.I did not broke news to my home - I broke it when I went to home after 1.5 months.I broke it to my room mate after 2 days.Meanwhile - I decided to change my spends towards my lifestyle since I was only having 3k in my salary account and I have to live with that for at least 2.5 months since I could not ask for money at home.I used to eat just a SINGLE WADA PAO for a day and cup of tea - you heard it - just a single wada pao for a day and a cup of tea and I have to prepare for interviews as well with this empty stomach -Whenever I got interview call - I spent money for transport and skipped eating Wada Pao and shamelessly used to ask at interview locations if they are proving free meals for candidatesI lost almost 15–20 kgs in 1.5 monthsThis continued for 8 months and finally I got a decent job !!(I faced so many cross questions like why did you leave your job in middle while holding no offer - since it was mentioned by HR on releasing certificate that I am, XXX, wants to move on )P.S.Later I come to know that HR had hired someone from college pass out from M referral who was relative of M.There were no issues among team mates - my team was really decent team - just t0 be clear.My Room mate helped me a LOT during this periodForgive my poor English and grammatical errorsI moved on and LIFE HAS TAUGHT ME A GOOD LESSON THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET.

Australia has 10,000 beaches. If you went on a different beach every day it would take you around 27 years and 5 months to visit all of them.Scotland’s national animal is a unicorn.Nazis were the first ones to start an anti-smoking campaign.In 2002, in the US, more people have been attacked by dogs than by sharks in the last 100 years.Lichtenstein had no murders since 1990’s. Its police force is one of the smallest in the world, with 125 police officers.Snails can have up to 25,000 teeth.It is illegal to carry an icecream in your back pocket in Kentucky.OJ Simpson was cast to play the Terminator, but that idea was soon abandoned because the studio was afraid no one was going to see him as remorseless killer.If you were to remove all of the empty space between the atoms that make up humans, the entire world population would fit into an apple.2/3 of people on Earth have never seen snow.Smallest hummingbirds can weigh around 1.2 grams.The average person walk around 120,000 km in a lifetime, which is the equivalent of three times around the Earth.At a pro baseball game in 1977, Dodger player Dusty Baker hit his 30thhome run of the season. As he rounded home and passed his teammate Glenn Burke in the on-deck circle, Burke raised his hand in excited greeting. On instinct, Baker signNowed up and slapped it because, he said, “it seemed like the thing to do.” That’s how the “high-five” was born.Spider silk is stronger than steel.Clouds, in average, weigh around 1,1 million pounds or 498,000 kg, according to scientists.In 1834, Dr. John Cooke Bennet added tomatoes to ketchup. He claimed this new recipe could cure diarrhea, indigestion, jaundice, and rheumatism because the tomatoes introduced more vitamins and antioxidants.Nintendo was made while the Ottoman Empire existed.Lobsters don’t die Naturally or from their age.If you fold a piece of paper 42 times, it would signNow the Moon.More people die by vending machines each year than by sharks.

I am an employee of a NASDAQ listed Fortune 100 multinational company, have worked in 3 countries including India - and india was the only country where HR made me sign an NDA for my salary. I have had first hand experience in dealing with Raghav Rao’s (another person who answered this question) company and IT services, where he was the head of HR. In fact, I made this account specifically to counter his response.Raghav, your attitude is what is keeping Indians underpaid and causing them to be taken advantage of. I can understand this position from a HR representative, who is paid to keep t...

It was one of the luckiest days of my life.I had woken up in the middle of the night to stomach cramps. It felt like indigestion - the worst indigestion I had ever had. At 3 am I got into the bathtub, crying, hoping to find some relief. After taking a few painkillers, I fell back to sleep.The next morning, I was working at home and found it hard to concentrate on my emails. I decided to get something from the drugstore to relieve my indigestion. On the way over, I decided the pain was strong enough to pop into my doctor’s office. Just in case.My GP is a very sweet and very professional person. She takes her patients very seriously and cuts right through the bullshit. She always seems to know exactly when serious treatment is in order and when you just need someone to tell you that “it’s nothing.”That day, my doctor was not in. I was, instead, seen by her colleague with whom she shared the practice. On previous occasions I had found her inattentive and socially awkward, to put it mildly. But hey, I just needed the right kind of drug from her.She pressed my belly and abdomen for a few seconds, then walked back to her desk mumbling “diverticulitus” - an inflammation in the large intestine, characterized by a sudden onset of pain - more to herself than to me.Without looking up from her desk, she told me in a rather bored tone to keep a light diet for three days.“OK,” I said. “I haven’t been able to eat anything anyway. But I need you to understand the reason I’m here is that I’m in really bad pain.”She now looked at me for the first time, squinting over her glasses, measuring me up. She then sighed ever so slightly and wrote something on her prescription pad.“Take these.” They were mild painkillers aimed at relieving menstrual cramps. Well, OK, I thought. Relieving cramps sounds good.The girl in the pharmacy had a concerned look. “You really are in pain, aren’t you?” I managed a “Yes” through gritted teeth. She walked me to a chair and handed me a cup of water to take my pills.“If it gets even worse, call an ambulance.”Right, I thought. Let’s not get overenthusiastic.I somehow rode my bike back home, holding the handlebar with one hand and pressing into my belly with the other.I was just trying to dial into a conference call - I know! - when I realized where I was: lying across my bed, crying.It dawned on me then. This was not normal. Still bearable? Perhaps. I wasn’t lying on the floor, screaming. But this pain felt very unfamiliar.I suddenly only had one thought and it was overwhelmingly clear: I needed someone to seriously help me.I called a cab and, during the three minutes they told me it would take, I walked around the house in a trance, stuffing things in a bag that I knew I would absolutely want with me in case I would be staying overnight in hospital.I somehow knew.The ER was packed. The woman at the counter sighed. A frail looking, teary girl who couldn’t take her cramps. Just another problem that would be keeping them from dealing with people with real emergencies.“Just so you know, it’s going to be a few hours’ wait.”I sat down and braced myself for a long wait. I had had the presence of mind to also take a pair of huge sunglasses. Behind them tears kept quietly trickling down. I was otherwise calm and entirely focused on holding it together, breathing past the pain. But those tears, they were coming from somewhere deep down and they were going to get out whether I wanted them to or not.“Miss Beckers!”It had only been 10 minutes. My heart jumped with relief as I walked the few steps up to the nurse that had called my name and who, when I stood in front of her, asked:“Are you really in that much pain?”I took off my sunglasses to answer her, but I all that came out was sobbing.They laid me down on a stretcher and took some blood. More waiting. By then I was squirming with bouts of pain, and lying deadly still in between the bouts, afraid to provoke anything unpleasant by movement. I was seen by several gastrointestinal specialists who couldn’t find anything wrong. They did make comments about the burns that the too hot hot-water bottle had left on my stomach earlier in the morning.I am not leaving until someone has found something, I thought. I will keep my foot down. They have to find something.They did. I ended up at the gynecology ward. Forty-five minutes after I had walked into the ER, the doctor looked up from the ultrasound and told me: “You have a 12 cm large cyst. It has likely wrapped around your ovary. From what I can see from here, the tissue is already necrotic.“ He made a dismissive hand gesture: “That ovary is dead.”We were sitting around his desk and his look became more compassionate. “You need surgery.”“OK,” I said, unable to control a new stream of tears pouring down my face. “When?” His eyebrows rose as he stood up and called in the nurse. “Now.”Within five minutes I was shown into a room, handed a surgical gown and urged by three nurses standing around my bed to hurry up. I only barely managed to message my family and my boss to call in sick for the day.I signed the surgery papers while my bed was wheeled to the operating room, only faintly realizing what was going to happen.I didn’t care. They were cutting me open and getting the problem out. I was getting help!“Can you bring Miss Beckers a pillow to put under her belly, please? She is in very much pain,” they told the surgical nurses.From the moment where the staff had learned what I had, they were unbelievably sweet. I had ended up in a Christian hospital and they were serious about practicing “therapeutic touch.” Two nurses kept gently brushing my arms, hands and forehead which felt deeply comforting in an otherwise very uncomfortable situation. I am everything but a touchy-feely person and I don’t easily give in to physical intimacy but, in that moment, however, it was exactly what I needed. It was something that I had needed for a long time, I realized there and then.When I woke up, my first thought was that I had dreamt I had had surgery - and it clearly must have all been a dream. I opened my eyes to see myself lying on a bed in the middle of a huge green-tiled room. I looked down. There were three small plasters on my lower belly and one large one covering my navel. A tube was coming out of somewhere as well. Everything looked bruised and bloody.I’d had a laparascopy - a routine, minor invasive surgery of the abdomen.I spent five nights in hospital and another two, a few days later, due to complications. The whole time there, despite the shock, I felt incredibly safe and cared for by the hospital staff.I also felt deeply proud of having saved myself by listening to my body. I had struggled for years and years being unable to trust my body. Even then, I knew I would be eternally grateful for this experience.Before I walked out of the hospital doors, I went by the ER to tell the nurse at the desk to thank her colleagues for being so attentive as to draw me out of that waiting room. They had made an incredibly important difference.On the evening of the emergency surgery, the doctor had come in to tell me that against expectations they had been able to save the one ovary. I had come in just in time.The look on that nurse’s face, and that of the pharmacist which I went back to tell the same a few days later, was one of true joy and thankfulness.I give the hospital crew a 10/10. I give the GP who dismissed me a 0/10.By the way, I am 36 and still hoping to have children someday.

Here is a list that I can think of in my experience interviewing with companiesDelayed Benefits - If a company says “Our benefit plan starts in 3 months for new hires”, this means they want to put you on a trial period. It ‘s a way for them to reduce their costs while they “test you out”. This will be how they treat you about benefits/pay in general. If they are withholding something from you while you are working, chances are they wont be promoting and giving you raises in a timely manner either.Lazy Interview Process - I once interviewed at a company that gave me 3 hours to build a program based on a specification. The computer I used was old and the mouse didn’t work right. The interviewer left the room and went back to his desk to work. When I finished, he took 5 minutes to glance through the code and talk to me about it. He then sent me onto the next interviewer (who didn’t spare much time either). To me this means that company doesn’t take time to properly do things. Employees are being told from higher up they need to hire someone but are not given a structure where they can use work hours to properly interview someone. This is telling about how the company is run in general.Eerily Quiet Offices - In an office where people are happy to be there, people are moving around, chatting, moving between meetings, etc. I’ve interviewed at companies that are dead silent. There are offices that like to keep things quiet (so people can focus), but when no one says anything for 3 hours, that’s a bit odd. I don’t particularly want to work at a company where I come into work, not say anything and then leave as soon as the day is over. A really quiet office means that people either don’t care or a burnt out. Not a good sign at all.Acting Like They are Doing You a Favor - One company that I interviewed at extended me an offer. When I told them “I need some time to think about this”, the response I got was “Well, I have other people I’m considering”. This is a huge red flag. They were trying to intimidate me into taking the job and it absolutely will be the general theme when working for them.Visa Sponsoring “consulting” companies - There are companies out there that seek international students who were approved for the F1 OPT. Knowing that OPT holders must be employed within 2 months, these companies specifically target F1 OPT holders. They will promise transportation, housing, etc. The interview process will be literally one or two brief phone calls. They will continue to call to ask if you’ve changed your mind. This is a scam. Yes they will employ you and they will probably file for your H1B, but they will squeeze whatever they can out of you while threatening to revoke your visa status. Do not fall for this; these “consulting” companies are blatantly abusing the H1B program and they absolutely take advantage of it.Interviewer Being Reluctant to Answer A Normal Question - During one of my interviews, I asked about whether the team does automated testing. The answer was “no” and the topic was promptly changed. This is a big red flag. It means they didn’t have reasonable answer to give me. They could have given me an explanation for why automated testing doesn’t work for them; but instead they chose to ignore the question and move on. Not a good sign, because they either didn’t understand the question or are avoiding automated testing. Automated testing is an industry standard in many shops, so ignoring the question is a bad sign.Giving You a Low Ball Offer - I once got an offer that was a good 15k below market rate for the position. At the time I was a junior programmer right out of college. This is a tactic used on new grads because it’s probably one of the first offers you’re getting. Don’t fall for this. They will low ball you on raises and promotions in the future.Vague Verbal Promises - If a company tells you “You can make as much as 6 figures here”, they are promising you nothing. Not only is it vague (what is the rate of promotion/raises? Bonuses? etc.), it’s probably also a lie. A company that cannot give you a specific list of benefits and isn’t able to give you specific numbers about things like bonuses, is just trying to lure you into accepting an offer. When describing these things, there should not no “might”, “possibly”, “in the future” etc.. Anything that isn’t officially written down is just talk.Having Only An Old Product Everyone Works On - If the company has already obtained all the clients it ever will and innovation has stopped, you’re job is going to be purely maintenance. Tickets are going to come in, you’ll make a change to the system and wait for more tickets. If you’re right out of college, this is going to be a detrimental to your career. If you aren’t solving real software problems and developing technology early in your career (instead, just fixing little bugs), you won’t grow as a developer.Old, Tiny Company That Isn’t Growing - I once interviewed at a small company that has been around for a long time. The company had about 10 people total. This, to me, is an indicator is stagnated company growth. It indicated they’ve picked up as many clients as they can get and upper management has stopped investing into developers. They are trying to keep the ship moving a long while it makes them money. Chances are they were interviewing me simply because someone quit, not because they needed more man power.

First of all, thanks for asking me for an opinion.  For an internship and even an entry-level position into the industry, your primary focus should be the technologies and other things that you will be exposed to, not the amount of money that you are initially making.  If you are being exposed to great things and gain more knowledge of not only the technological but the business aspects of the company that you work for, within a few years you'll be positioned to dramatically increase your salary and begin "calling your shots."As Kelsey Browning mentioned, jobs relating to the defense industry and various government projects can sometimes move slowly and also be behind in the technologies that they're using (they tend to be more formal, slow-moving and there are sometimes politics involved to make changes), but you can always ask them about the technologies that you'll be exposed to as well as the responsibilities that you will handle.  Depending upon the type of project, you might be dealing with newer technologies, and having their corporate name on your resume is quite a boon (this is not a negative statement about Lowe's).As someone who began his career (albeit almost three decades ago) with an extremely low-paying job with a bad commute, I can share that I was exposed to some great technologies that served as the foundation for a great career.  I always worked hard, looked for opportunities to get experience with new technologies and involvement in the management side of businesses and to this day continue to research and adapt as new technologies emerge.  As a result, I can safely advise you to avoid making salary your primary goal since the money will definitely come later if you have a hunger to grow and become proficient in this industry.If you haven't made a final decision yet but have specifics regarding both internships that you'd like me to review, feel free to send me a direct message.  Good luck with your career!

Technologies like robotic process automation (RPA) and intelligent capture are opening opportunities to improve processes, and totally rethink themHowever, with automation opportunities everywhere, where should enterprises start?Foremost, when automation opportunities are everywhere, it’s pertinent to prioritise them. Here think high volume, high value and high stakes. To elaborate:High volume – these are highly repetitive processes and easy targets for automation, as they take signNow time that could be spent on work that requires more human thinking-related tasks.High value – these are important processes for the business, ranging from money-related processes such as sales quotes, those that create enhanced customer experience, reduce churn and so on.High stakes – mistakes in these processes could potentially land the enterprise in hot water. For example, a copy-and-paste error could result in a costly compliance bsignNow, or a process backlog could cause routine missing of deadlines.With an understanding of the kind of processes the enterprise wants to automate, here are 10 processes across functional departments where RPA can be applied:1. Key stakeholder (vendor, customer, employee) onboardingWhile these processes span finance and accounting, sales or new accounts and HR, they’re good candidates for automation as they all involve extensive paperwork, vetting, and lengthy back-and-forth between the company and the other party. RPA allows enterprises to design an automated onboarding process to even include automatic status communications and full integration with the enterprises’ internal systems.2. User setup and configurationWe talked about employee onboarding from the HR side above. On the IT side, someone must add and configure a new user so that new employees can log into their computer, email, network, etc. RPA can automate this process so that staff can focus on higher-value work in the backlog and even discover even more ways to automate.3. Key stakeholder (vendor, customer, employee) maintenanceLikewise, these parties often need to be updated. For instance, an employee may submit a change of address form, a customer may decide to re-sign a yearly contract. RPA offers excellent capability for automating processes that are triggered by another event (annual renewal), a date (all partner contracts are due 31 March), or a task (employee filled out a form for change of bank details). RPA ensures the data is accurately updated in real-time across all systems.4. Report aggregationFinance and accounting teams will know how time-consuming this process is, especially at the end of a month or quarter. RPA can automate the collection and aggregation of data in a fraction of the time, leaving the team bandwidth to leverage that information for insights.5. Payroll processingEver-changing tax laws and regulatory reporting requirements, in addition to working with business systems that don’t talk to each other can swallow up days each month for payroll processing. RPA facilitates the collection and connection of that data across multiple systems such as time tracking, HR and employee management, accounts payable and general ledger. Moreover, RPA helps automate accounting reports for taxes and various departments.6. Customer due diligenceStaying on top of and complying with regulations like Customer Due Diligence, Know Your Customer and Anti-Money Laundering is expensive and challenging. RPA automatically acquires, enhances and delivers the precise data the enterprise needs to comply from any internal or external source. It can also review many more data points in a shorter time period to provide a more complete assessment.7. Competitive pricing and monitoringShoppers are astute, and it has fast become the norm for them to look up product information and prices on their mobile phones in stores – or visit comparison shopping sites before making a purchase. The likes of Amazon too use repricing software to automate the time-consuming job of keeping up with competition. Similarly, it’s important for enterprises to know what their competition is up to. With the help of RPA, enterprises can monitor and proactively reprice in real-time so that they aren’t relying on outdated reports that typically take days and weeks to compile.8. Order processingThis involves several time-consuming manual tasks like address verification, data entry, printing invoices and shipping labels, updating warehouse inventory, re-ordering if stock is low, and much more. With RPA, enterprises automate and orchestrate this process.9. Shipment scheduling and trackingScheduling, updating and reporting shipment status between internal systems and portals is typically a manual job. If it isn’t executed smoothly, the price paid is in the customer experience. RPA extracts shipment requests from incoming emails, log jobs in scheduling systems and provides pick-up times in customer and/or carrier portals.10. Customer relationship management (CRM) updatesData entry such as updating the CRM system seldom features high up on anyone’s to-do list. Of course, information residing in this system offers critical insight for strategic decision-making. RPA delivers automatic updates by gathering intel on prospects and posting it in the proper fields in the CRM system.Conclusion:With RPA, enterprises deploy a digital workforce to execute repetitive tasks and manual processes – and thereby enable employees to focus on high-value activities and signNowly enhance their productivity, efficiency and work quality.Source: technativeALTEN Calsoft Labs is one of the top leading robotics consultant.Recent Use Cases:Claim Process Automation using RPAWeb & Browser AutomationEnhancing Learning Experience & OutcomesTravelbot Delivering Connected Travel Experience to millionsWe partner with the world's leading RPA vendors in Blue Prism and UiPath to deliver cutting edge automation solutions and services.Have an idea or process we can help you with?We can work with you to streamline your automated processes with both pre-written and custom Robots.You can also write to us at business@altencalsoftlabs.com.GET IN TOUCH Now!

What is a good yet affordable all-in-one software to hire and manage applicants, has employee portal, payroll integration, and the ability to add application form to website?You know, until you mentioned payroll integration, you were just talking about a garden-variety applicant tracking system. With that single addition, you’ve gone from a host a good, affordable ATS options to a much smaller list.So without knowing what you need the integration into (ADP?), the question is tricky.Also, knowing whether you are asking as a corporate employer or a consulting business makes a pretty dramatic difference.

Chewing loudly when eating.First things first, there are certain deal breakers which I do not consider to be shallow. And I think many would agree that these are legit reasons which are deal breakers for them as well.Such things like -Body odor - sorry to say but some women just won’t wash their ‘uknow-which parts’ properly enough. I’m sure just as many guys too (if not more) except that as a straight man, thank god I’ll never have to see their ‘fun parts’.Chronically arriving late - a sign of disrespect, and a bad habit which I had until a couple of my exes straightened me out!Height - I am naturally attracted to tall women ~5′6–10″. Okay this one is a bit more iffy.But I still don’t think of them as shallow overall.But slurping, licking, sucking, chewing, crunching…That shit drives. me. nuts.It just does , I can’t explain why it isn’t merely annoying but downright aggravating.And I’m not a snob when it comes to table manners, it’s not like I expect my dates and partners to eat as if they went to finishing school.So such things as elbows on the table? Blowing on your soup to cool it down? Mild occasional clanking spoons or forks against each other or on the plate?Wiping the mouth with the napkin and placing it on the table before you’re done with the meal?Yes, I can live with all of those. They’re not nice but hardly bothersome.But it is this eating food like some kind of sound effects machine. Lord, would you believe this shit annoys me even more than someone trying to talk when their mouths are full?Except some manage to really screw it up by ….chewing and sucking ….with their mouths full ….while also talking like retards! Okay, now that should just be illegal.Then you have the kinds who make so much sound when drinking something, they’re like professional mouth water gamers. Like sucking the straw for every last milliliter of liquid. Blowing bubbles into it. Sucking the liquid down their throats. Swooshing the liquid around in the mouth with their cheeks popping alternately like they’re on some kind of stupid talent show. Idiots.One young woman I went out with licked her fingers. And I don’t even mean just the tips but literally shoved them into her mouth one by one and sucked them like she couldn’t get another helping. No no she wasn’t being sexually suggestive, just really oblivious to how uncouth it looks. It’s cute until you are umm, three years old maybe? Yes I know saliva is an anti-septic and all of that, but now I can’t focus on anything but your wet fingers thinking “Oh lord, please don’t touch anything on the table which I’ll have to then also touch!”It’s like the time I had a roommate at university who was in the habit of picking his nose without even having the decency to do it in private. One time he did that right before returning me some twenty dollars he owed me.“Yikes! Never mind son, I’m suddenly in a mood for loan forgiveness.”Anyhow on this lovely art form of eating loudly, the person who takes the absolute cake for this is a guy who was a former co-worker of mine several years ago. This noise factory in the flesh and blood sat in the cubicle adjacent to mine. Holy Mother of Christ! The amount and volume and specific types of noises that came out of that cubicle when he started to eat his lunch, I used to sometimes walk out of mine and go sit elsewhere for that half hour.As soon as I saw him walking towards the vending machine in the office, it was a signal for me to put on my headphones at high volume. I swear to Jesus, I could often tell what the motherfucker was eating that afternoon!Cheetos? Crunch…crack.. crunchChicken Wings? Slurp…licking and sucking the flesh off the bonesAnything requiring a spoon or fork? Clankety clank!And so on.Seriously, I think I could eat and swallow a live animal and still make less sound than that fellow.Lord, there were times I wanted to just cram that food down this idiot’s throat and then wire his mouth shut.Anyhow, you get the idea. It was no use telling him, he’d apologize, it’d stop or at least get quieter for a couple of meals then. And start back again. Dude was married, I used to sometimes wonder how his poor wife coped. I wouldn’t blame her for asking for a divorce.Anyway I had to endure that stuff because well… workplace.You can hardly go to HR and say“Jimmy eats his food like an effing dumb ass who’s being paid for a cheap fast food ad! Can you please tell him to stop? I mean as in put that in his employment contract? No? Okay, can I at least whack him in the back of the head when he does it? Just once please? No?”But I sure as hell don’t need to suffer through that shit with someone I’m dating.