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Being a bengali brahmin, I have heard about a lot of superstitions from my mother since childhood. I never believed in them and thought they were stupid. But of course, there are some that became a part of my life unknowingly. One might find them funny, but here they are:1. TOUCH WOOD: Although, many people round the globe follow this tradiition of saying, "touch wood" after they tell you about a good thing or compliment you and touching something nearby made up of wood as if to prevent it from getting ruined. In my case, I have this weird superstition in my mind that I have to touch the wood with all ten of my fingers otherwise it's not going to work. Yes, it's very strange!2. A PAIR OF MYNA BIRDS("Shalik pakhi" in Bengali): We, bengalis, believe that spotting a single Myna bird is a bad omen. Whereas if you spot them in pairs, it is a sign that something good is going to happen in your life soon.3. CALLING SOMEONE FROM BEHIND("pechone daka" in Bengali): My mother always scolded me if I called someone from behind just before he/she was leaving home. She used to say it results in something bad in that person's life.4.CROSSING FINGERS: When I was a little girl, someone told me that if you wish for something with your fingers crossed then, that wish was granted. I modified that belief in my mind as I grew up. Now, whenever I am in a difficult situation, I cross my fingers so that everything ends up well. You can even find me doing that in a car until I signNow my destination safely. :)5. THINKING OF WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIOS: This one is my own creation. Whenever I panic uncontrollably about something, I imagine the worst possible scenario that can happen and play it in my mind. In that way, I have a feeling that now that I have thought about the worst thing, it cannot occur and only good things will happen now. This is one of my weirdest habits and this is one of the reasons I overthink.6. HICCUPS: It is very common in India to believe that if you are getting a lot of hiccups, then, someone out there is thinking about you or missing you. I used to believe in this one too, until I started having hiccups for one whole day at once and it became really irritating!7. ARRANGING FOOTWEAR PROPERLY: My mother always told us to arrange our footwear in such a way that they are not kept on one another as it might to lead to a conflict in the family. They should be set apart properly so that everyone respects everyone and nobody tries to have the upper hand.8. TYING HAIR AT NIGHT: I was always advised to tie my hair into a ponytail before sleeping. This a spooky habit as it is believed that not tying the hair and keeping them as it is at night might attract unwanted attention from other-worldy creatures. Although, I believe it is done so as to avoid messy hair in the morning. But even now, I can't sleep without making a ponytail.There are many more of them, but I try to minimize my belief and be more logical everyday. But, then again, childhood fears can drive you crazy. :P

Tell-tale… I mean, that’s obviously hard. If they were so easy to spot, you would know what they were because it would be glaringly obvious. They simply aren’t.Repetitive behaviour, stimming and avoiding eye contact are all clues, but could all be due to other conditions - as far as I know, you have to actually notice that the person struggles with social interaction and communication if you want a truly pathognomonic finding. And even if you DO notice that, that could also be subject to influence by many other factors.However, if you’re neurotypical and asking this question, aside from advising you to spend more time trying to understand HFA than diagnosing it (i.e. it would be better for you to learn how to treat/appropriately deal with people on the spectrum, because diagnosis is challenging, even for professionals, and requires an extensive battery of tests to diagnose with certainty), I’m going to say that you’ll notice immediately that the person is a little “off”. You may not know why.Perhaps it is their inability to correctly dress themselves, or pay appropriate attention to personal hygiene, or perhaps you are privy to the information that the only reason they are able to pass in a crowd is because someone is still picking out their clothes and forcing them to shower every day (and if you’re wondering, there is nobody to force me to shower every day, so I do it when I feel like it, which is not at the same rhythm as other people, or when I have to in order to interact with neurotypicals). You might notice that their expressions are stilted and stereotypical, and for sure you will notice the lack of eye contact, but I’ve noticed that neurotypicals tend to simply assume the person is NT and say things like “She’s aloof” or “She’s just shy” or my personal favourite “She has low self-confidence”. You’ll probably just get frustrated by the fact that they don’t know how to react to your facial expressions, advances, etc. - I’ve never had anyone actually pick up that I wasn’t able to correctly interpret their facial expressions. They just got upset that I couldn’t tell that they were upset or what it was about.The best way to find out in my opinion is to ask - if the person has been diagnosed, they will probably just tell you (unless they are ashamed of it, or if you ask in a professional environment where they have not disclosed that information, for example), and if they have not, it will probably help to prompt them to seek out a diagnosis. If that’s what they want. Some people are perfectly happy being HFA and not being diagnosed.I’ll end with a note about women - as a woman, even when I tell people that I have HFA/Asperger’s, people don’t believe me anyway. It should be obvious, but the effort that I put into preparing for social interactions is overlooked - people often assume that social interactions are “fun” for me. To be clear, they are not. Yes, I can take a shower, blowdry my hair, put on some decent clothes (which, FYI, my mother and sister have to help me buy) and spend a few hours being social, but rest assured, I will NEVER do that every single day, or even two days in a row. It is way too much effort. I would always rather be communicating with you with a screen in between us because that is way more efficient and comfortable for me than talking ever will be - and I don’t have to deal with your facial expressions, body language, variations in tone, winks, etc. and try to interpret them while also trying to listen to what you are saying. #justsaying

I remember stars.At the end of each day, my teacher would award stars to every student based on how well-behaved they were that day. There were three options: two stars, one star, or zero stars. Everyone had a folder with a piece of paper stapled to the front of it, and the paper had a big grid on it. The teacher called us to the front of the room one at a time, and she used a marker to draw the stars like this:(Source: Star polygon - Wikipedia)I remember crying one day when I got zero stars. I had punched one of my friends during playtime, though I can’t quite remember why. I felt so guilty for being bad.I remember being jealous of the kid who got two stars every single day. And I mean every. Single. Day. I think his name was “Daniel” or something, although I don’t know for sure because I think he moved away after kindergarten. The entire class knew that kid—in hushed voices, word spread around the classroom that Daniel always—ALWAYS—got two stars. I envied that little blonde-haired goody-two-shoes. He was so well-behaved that I almost hated him.If you filled up your star sheet, you could choose a prize from the class treasure chest, and you would then get a new star sheet that you could begin to fill. Daniel blazed through those things like nobody’s business, ahead of the entire rest of the class.And I remember being intrigued by the way my teacher moved the marker; I had never seen stars drawn like that before. I stared in awe every day as she moved her hand in such a seemingly complex fashion, listening as the marker squeaked across the paper in one long, five-pronged stroke: “acrobatchiss-now” was the onomatopoeia I assigned to it. Every time she made those five interconnecting lines, I heard “acrobatchiss-now” in my head, one syllable per line.It fascinated me. I wanted to make those stars. But I couldn’t quite figure out how to move my hand correctly.I think it was second grade when I finally hunkered down and decided to perfect the drawing of stars. “Acrobatchiss-now, acrobatchiss-now,” I thought to myself as I tried to recall how my kindergarten teacher had done it. There were a lot of failed attempts.But then, one day, I got it.I practiced over and over until I could do it flawlessly, using the mantra of “acrobatchiss-now” to remember how to move my hand. “A”—down and to the left—“cro”—up and right—“bat”—straight across—“chiss”—down and right—“now”—and, finally, up and left, so that the tip of the last line meets up with the tip of the first line. I practiced until I could do it as fast as I remembered my kindergarten teacher doing it.It became so ingrained in my head that I still think “acrobatchiss-now” every time I draw one of those stars:(This photo is my own.)I have other memories from kindergarten, of course—lunchtime incidents, music class, a mortal foe—but the thing about the stars popped into my head the second I saw this question.

Autism is considered a spectrum disorder which means that each person is affected somewhat differently and can exhibit different symptoms or behaviors. An individual might exhibit some, none or all of the classical markers. they includeFlat affect - the person doesn’t show much emotion on their face or by body languageNarrow interests- The person has a fascination with a particular subject and will talk about them obsessively without noticing other people losing interest. The subject varies from person to person but could be trains, cars, boats, sports statistics, buildings or almost any subject but usually something with numeric information associated with it.trouble reading social queues- most people with autism exhibit this to some degree as this is a core feature used to classify people as autistic- This looks like the person not catching on to when someone else is upset about the topic under discussion and not changing subject when it is socially appropriate.Prosody- This is a technical term that means odd language use or unusual cadence and tempo when speaking. This can manifest in a lot of strange ways. some examples a person who grows up in the south but has no trace of a southern accept but does sound a bit like Elmer Fudd. A person growing up in the united states but having a strong English accent or dialect. The person is monotone and has little to no inflection in their speech. I have personally observed individuals diagnosed as autistic with all of these speech patterns. It can also manifest as odd word use that is atypical for the region they grow up in. A person using UK slang instead of american slang or simply not using or understanding slang.Obsessive need for order and routine. always needing to do the same thing at the same time each day or having to organize things in a particular way and not being able to tolerate change. This is a self comforting behavior and it tends to be more intense with increased stress.Conversely a person on the spectrum might exhibit a limited ability to create order or organize simple things. Think of the absentminded professor someone who understands complex things but can’t seem to find his shoes in the morning.Stimming - self stimulation behavior as a comforting mechanism. This looks like foot taping, humming, finger snapping or fidgeting. This is something that most autistic people do to some degree and gets worse with increased stress.Hypersensitivity- This is also a very common autistic feature and looks like the person finding certain common things very uncomfortable. Examples would be itchy fabrics, or synthetic fabrics (some describe them as feeling oily even when freshly washed), florescent lights or even conventional lights that flicker, hearing faint noises that others generally ignore (insects, power hum, other mechanical noises).Savantism - this is actually uncommon but there are some very famous examples in history and it is sometimes used as a diagnostic indicator in the absence of other information. - This means an unusual ability in a narrow subject. By far the most commonly observed is mathematical skills. The ability to perform calculations in ones head with out mechanical assistance. Callendrics is another frequent talent where the person is able to identify the day of the week for any date instantly. Exceptional memory for particular types of information some examples Memorizing a large number of places of pi (some individuals have memorized more than 10,000 places) Mozart was able to memorize and transcribe entire musical works after hearing them once, perfect pitch is another exceptional talent that autism sufferers exhibit much more often then the general population.Now any individual might only exhibit a few of these traits or might exhibit all of them but to different degrees this is what makes it a spectrum. I hope this is helpful but observation by a lay person is not a substitute for a detailed diagnosis and even Phd’s have misdiagnosed autism as a multitude of other mental illnesses or conditions including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, antisocial personality disorder, sociopathy, depression, schizoid personality disorder or avoidant personality disorder. It is important to remember that the person with autism is not doing things to purposely annoy or disrespect others they can’t really help it because they don’t see that what they are doing is inappropriate. They also are often bullied, abused and taken advantage of simply because they are different and others believe it is ok to mistreat someone who is different. This is really a form of bigotry and should be stamped out.

We need to be careful when discussing Ego because many people do not understand it, and give a lot of bad information.In some religions or other belief systems we are expected to "give up our ego". What a lot of people do not realise is that we first need to have an ego to be able to give it up. When we are born we have no Ego, which develops over time.To some people, "giving up the ego" is a cop out. It often means that they prefer to allow other people to make decisions for them - so they can deny responsibility for their actions. Beware who you decide to follow. There are still spiritual consequences.An outstanding modern example of this is the Suicide Bomber. "Killing the Ego" is a form of suicide.----------------------------------------------------------------------------JUNGIAN DEFINITIONLet's first define what we mean by Ego. This is one by C.G.Jung, the psychologist who helped invent the term.The ego, the subject of consciousness, comes into existence as a complex quantity which is constituted partly by the inherited disposition (character constituents) and partly by unconsciously acquired impressions and their attendant phenomena." [“Analytical Psychology and Education,” CW 17, par. 169.]So the Ego is "the centre of Consciousness". It is partially inherited (Nature) and partly changed by life experience (Nurture). It is the Ego that says "I AM".So what is the point of “giving up” our centre of consciousness?. Here is another interpretation.I have a body, but I am not my body.I have a mind, but I am not my mind.I have feelings , but I am not my feelings.So who am I really ?What this means is that when we are born we do not have an Ego. Jung says it "comes into existence". Have a look at a new born baby to see that this is true. It is uncoordinated, and unaware of its surroundings. The next stage of its development requires getting control of a physical body to control bladder and bowels, and learn to walk. The next stage is development of mind, to be able to communicate. The rest of life is concerned with expanding our conscious awareness beyond that of our early upbringing.We also see that Jung stated that the ego develops as a result of inherited human traits and external experience (Nature and Nurture). So the first development of our Ego is the result of parental upbringing. This is why psychologists spend a lot of time looking at our early life circumstances and experiences. At the beginning of life, in the absence of anything else, these are the ones that have the most impact. More so because they control our lives unconsciously. Once we learn something we do it automatically, without thinking. We are "programmed" by habits. We are a small person in a big world - and we depend on others for survival (so we pay close attention to instructions and demands). This attitude is difficult to overcome.EGO DEVELOPMENTAs we grow, we are led to experience a gradually widening consciousness of society. First our immediate family, then close relations, and we gradually move outside the home. All the time we are recording new information. Our Ego does not really start to develop fully until we become free of parental control. It seems closely associated with Free Will - and we do not have much as a child. We can see a main reason for "teenage rebellion" is an attempt to achieve that freedom - but that is impossible until we become financially self supporting. Teenage is an interim stage. "To old for toys. Too young for boys". Another feature of teenage years is that we are exposed to experiences that conflict with our parental upbringing. There are different points of view from our peer group. When we step further into society, such as by meeting parents of friends, or going to work, we are subjected to even more such challenges.Ego development basically means finding our true individual self as separate from upbringing by our parents, and the expectations of our peers, work colleagues, and society as a whole. To do this we have to be like "actors" playing parts on the different stages of life. We have to adapt our behaviour to external circumstances whilst ALSO maintaining our interior sense of integrity (Ego). We have to decide what "programming" is appropriate, and what is not.The next step of development comes around age 30 and after. It does not necessarily affect everyone. Until then we have tended to be "followers" of a path set by our parents. By then we should have become self supporting, and have probably married and reproduced. We have fulfilled our parental expectations and biological function. After this time physical symptoms set in to encourage us to the next stage. The physical body starts to deteriorate. Men find themselves unable to physically compete with younger men in sports, women are coming to menopause. Not too long ago people did not live much beyond age 30.We are coming to the age of "Mid Life Crisis". Life encourages us to take our INDIVIDUALITY development further still. Having got to this stage, we may be in a position that, to friends and society around, we have achieved success. However, an INNER sense of boredom sets in. Perhaps depression. Having achieved what is expected of us, we begin to wonder if there is anything else to life. Nowadays life expectancy can be 100 years.The task now is, having satisfied external needs, we begin to listen to our own inner self, and satisfy INTERNAL needs. A symptom of this is that often in our mid 30s our external life might be going well, but an INNER feeling of boredom or depression sets in.A big factor in this is the need to OVERCOME THE FEAR OF MAKING MISTAKES - which are necessary steps in the Learning Process. We can see this is why we accept information from people who “seem” to know what they are talking about. Some companies spend millions of pounds to deliberately make mistakes. It is called “Research”. We see only the final successful results.MID LIFE CRISISThis is what Jung called the path of INDIVIDUATION. Not many people take this path. It may be they do not get "internal messages" - or if they do, they take no notice because they are too entrenched in the past, and continue to repeat it rather than face an uncertain future. Old habits are hard to break. They look for the bigger house, bigger car, more children ("before it's too late") - or a new partner to relieve the boredom.Some turn to doctors and drugs to relieve the sense of depression, rather than seeking new life.Another problem is that it is rather a lone path, which not many are willing to undertake. As we have already seen, Society prefers people to conform to “the rules”.The main task throughout is to examine all our past programming and decide what is appropriate as an adult in a modern world. This is difficult because habits are unconscious - we are not normally aware of them. The way we do this is to listen to our inner self, and how it reacts to outer circumstances, and, as in a court of law, SEEK EVIDENCE for our previously unexamined beliefs and attitudes. In my case, despite a normal Christian upbringing, and strong scepticism, it involved studying and eventually practising Astrology and Tarot - and other esoteric subjects, such as Psychology. I even had to do this in my own way because I had to overcome conflicting opinions in those areas too. And still do. I have made some amazing new discoveries by combining them with things like Modern Science and Psychology.

Miles long fuse - massive anti-matter explosion when truly angry.Annoyed very easily - especially when interrupted while thinking (which is nearly always)Frustrated when patterns don’t consistently fit. Sometimes this will be taken out on a device of some sort (keyboard, phone, etc). You’ll know the target of the frustration when you see the object either get pounded with a fist or if it flies across the room. The damage will be done then the INTJ will walk away from the situation. Note this rarely ever comes to blows against another human - they’ll simply walk away.Pissed - some vocal warnings of “leave me alone” to anyone near signNow. This may be in a well-placed and stern voice of “WHAT?!?” It’s best to leave the INTJ alone. We normally don’t let things get past this point.Mad - INTJ will isolate from all stimuli completely and try to “Shut down”. They don’t want that explosion as showing that type of emotion is a sign of lack of control. They will often say things they don’t mean and later regret it. The INTJ may get extremely quiet and will try to leave the situation entirely.Angry - all bets are off. The “shields” are down and the anti-matter containment has completely failed - explosion is imminent. Logic no longer applies and us “unfeeling” INTJs become everyone’s worst nightmare with hyper strong anger - all stages of anger combined into one (tasmanian devil + piranha + king cobra + wolverine all rolled into one) . INTJs will not look back and will destroy everything in their path with no regard to life or value. This is the time you call the military - or the people with the white straight jackets, if the INTJ survives. This is extremely rare, thankfully.

What do people living on SSI/SSDI do all day?Hi. My name is Teresa, and I used to be a real person.A decade ago, I was a section editor of a newspaper, a wife, and a stepmom. I had published two books. I had a successful freelancing and editing home business. I was the winner of about a dozen professional awards. I was a member of three boards of directors for non-profit organizations. I was the owner of a three-bedroom house in the suburbs.I didn't think I was “all that.” I've always had an Imposter Complex. But when I met people at social functions, I knew what to say when people asked, “So what do you do?”I had become all the things I had worked so hard to be, from junior high on.I was a real person.This is me now:Today, I sit home, and receive SSDI.I'm no longer any of the things I listed above. When I meet someone new, and they ask, “So, what do you do?” I'm blindsided every godamn time.Because I'm nothing. I'm not a real person anymore.I was only 16 when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I did not let it hold me back. I got a scholarship for college from my high school English department, and graduated with an award of merit from my college journalism department.Truth be told, I never earned a high income. That was the reason for the side businesses. But I didn't become a writer for the money. No writer does. I felt like I was making a difference in the world. That was my compensation.I took a certain amount of pride in being among the 20% of people with Bipolar Disorder who are professionally employed long-term. Actually, for the first three decades it literally never occurred to me NOT to be employed. There are a lot of crazy, successful writers, right? I was one of them.I was aware, of course, that as a taxpayer, I was helping to support people who didn't work. That never bothered me. There were other things I resented my tax dollars being used for, but welfare wasn't one of them. I never thought there should be shame attached to other people needing help.But I was on a merry-go-round of meds, at one point a half-dozen at a time. I had multiple hospitalizations (I've lost track -- maybe eight?). I attempted suicide. But every time, I was back at work within a few days. My mental illness was no one else's business.My doctors began telling me I was doing too much. In fact, every time I was hospitalized, I was worse. But my work kept me sane. It also occupied my mind enough that I was able to deny how toxic my marriage was for many years.One day I realized, and I fled. In the course of about a year, I had a divorce, a foreclosure and a bankruptcy; my father died, my mother had a massive stroke, I was in a car accident, and a few more things besides. I managed to hold it together, but then came the morning when HR met me at the front door to inform me my department had been closed overnight and I was officially laid off.The next few months were a blur. My next breakdown was so total, three doctors told me I absolutely could not return to work. I now had an additional diagnosis — Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, from denial of multiple traumas over many years.Work had been my drug, and I had overdosed.I tell people that I shattered at that point. I cannot articulate what happened to my brain, but that was four years ago, and I am still in pieces.I was fortunate to be among the 33% of applicants to be approved for SSDI. Social Security Disability. It took almost a year, and 20 years of medical records from three doctors. I had been evicted from my apartment when my severence ran out, and luckily I had a friend with both means, space and will to take me in and support me until I could pay her back.I don't know what people do if they don't have my friend. I don't know what I would have done had my application been denied. I don't know how people make it on this income; it's a fraction of what I used to make, but it's better than nothing. I also dont know what people do without health coverage. I have had three more hospitalizations since then; without Obamacare, I might be dead.I look fine. I am one of those people who “should just get a job,” I suppose. But I wish people who say that could live one day inside my body. I wish they could feel for themselves to live all day, every day, with “invisible disabilities” like clinical depression, anxiety and PTSD.If they did, they would understand that the photos I post of myself on social media aren't taken when I'm in bed, or pacing, or crying, and so don't paint a complete portrait of what my days are like.If they did, they would know how it feels to wake up almost every morning with symptoms of physical panic. How the body rebels against a mind that longs to be “productive.” How even gatherings with friends can only happen with enormous effort, fighting against an almost irresistible urge to isolate physically and emotionally.If they did, they would know that even after years of therapy, meeting any sort of expectation -- a deadline, or showing up at a location at a particular time -- needs to be met on a day-to-day basis, and requires the option of opting out. That on some days, just a little bit is too much. Why “Just work from home” can be an answer for some, but not all. How that can be someday, but not today.They could comprehend the feelings of uncertainty and shame in applying for benefits, and receiving them. Of carrying a SNAP card in their wallet. Of driving a car and wearing clothes from former times, that may lead others to say, “Well, she doesn't LOOK like she needs any help.”They would know what it feels like to live in a country where many people would love to put 2 Thessalonians 3:10 into practice:For even when we were with you, this we commanded you: that if any would not work, neither should he eat.Where politicians talk of 'makers vs. takers', even when $9 out of every $10 spent on Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid and CHIP, unemployment insurance, SNAP, SSI, TANF, the school lunch program, the EITC, and the Child Tax Credit go to Elderly, Disabled, or Working Households:Where fellow Americans, largely “Christians,” laugh with a President who mocks someone with a disability, and literally cheer when he talks of “blowing up Obamacare.” Where threats to gut Social Security and Medicare are in the news every single day.And they would know, as I do, that these things do not help people get well and return to the workforce. Instead, they contribute to anxiety, depression and even suicidal ideation.We live in the only modern, wealthy nation that has resisted any form of universal health care, and where contributing to the public good is akin to Communism. The one with the weakest social safety net (because, of course, we don't want the safety net to turn into a hammock).This attitude confuses me now, just as it did when I was a “productive member of society” working and paying into them. Because I have never met an individual on SSI, SSDI or any form of “welfare” who was perfectly capable of supporting themselves.And I've never understood how recipients can be condemned for fearing loss of benefits by returning to work, given that it's an all-or-nothing proposition: one needs to be working full-time, at a decent wage, for one of less than 50% of employers who offer health benefits. Just working a less demanding job, or fewer hours, isn't even an option. Why is that difficult to understand?Maybe some extremely generous Conservatives would say, “Well, you're different. You really need the help. You worked for years and paid into the system. We're talking about all those other people.”But in no way do I consider myself “more worthy” than any other American. Including those who have not worked, or may be “less disabled” than me. I worked all those years because I could. And I can not measure the worth of another human being by his profession or wages.Look at my name: Teresa Bryan Peneguy. I was actually named for William Jennings Bryan, who said:The human measure of a human life is its income; the divine measure of a life is its outgo, its overflow--its contribution to the welfare of all.I believe every human being contributes in his own way -- if not to an employer, then to friends, family and community. No one is more or less valuable than anyone else. That used to be “Christian;” today, it is “snowflake.”And that's why today, I feel I have failed. Today, I no longer feel like a real person. I'm just a sum on a ledger someone wants to erase. I fear for my future, and the future of so many others.And I spend some of each day reflecting on that.

I had this cousin of mine whom everyone praised.She was known to be a perfect daughter, sister and niece.Reason being :She did cooking and cleaning daily while her mother would sleep, watch TV. She knew how to cook the toughest dishes like bitter gourd or making koftas, things that require hard work. And she’d excel in those. She wore salwar kameez and never wore any short clothes, and not even frocks after we turned 13. She’d marry according to her parents which she did at the age of 20 immediately in the last semester of her graduation. All my aunts in our family including my mother praise her like crazy. My mother wanted a daughter like her.Whenever we were compared I’d be rated 1/10 while she 10/10.Because I liked wearing clothes or trying new styles that were sorta restricted, so me and my mother would most of the times get into the arguments about it and her name would pop up and i’d be asked to be wear like she do, talk like her, sit like her, eat like her, be like her!!Fast forward, She got married to a banker at the age of 20 only. My mother is also in very much favor of early marriages. Everybody was so happy about her, her mother made sure every other aunt in family gets envious of her especially aunts like my mother, the ones who had daughters of similar age. And so did it happen.Nobody praised me. Because I did not possess those great qualities, didn’t wore traditionals at the age of 15–16, didn’t excel in home chores. In short didn’t gain any appreciation in this way in my family. And now that I have expressed my desire that i don’t want to get hitched in a typical arrange marriage system they are even more furious.Coming to our current scores, I have some points, which were/are ignored and I don’t even expect the society to understand these :I went to tutions, coachings and focused on improving my marks, got scoldings from everywhere if things would go downwards. While she stayed average in academics.She wanted to do masters but couldn’t due to early marriage. Her parents just wanted to marry her off as they had 2 daughters. But mine pressurized on completing my education properly. Her mom said she can do it after marriage whereas my parents preferred to complete studies, get a job, and then get into the trap.She did her masters immediately after marriage as promised, but from a tier-3 college and her signNow other paid for her fees. She couldn’t take heavy loan or clear entrances immediately and also had the constraint of staying where her husband worked i.e. in a tier 2 city. So her career was reliant on her husband’s job location. While I prepared for various entrances after which i completed my masters from DA-IICT on my own by taking education loan. My parents continued with their comparisons and taunts. However deep inside they wanted me to struggle and succeed.She, during her masters started family planning while at the same time i began my placement preparations adhering to the strict curriculum my college had, along with going to office during summer internship and fighting in campus placements immediately after that.She was expecting a baby in her last semester of her masters while i was going to office doing my 6 month internship in Bangalore at the same time. I was already earning and learning a hell lot during this journey.At the end of her masters she had a baby, while I had bagged a job in my 3rd semester only. What I had was experience (6 months industrial internship + 2 months summer internship; various projects)Today she is taking care of her new born baby, and there is no tendency left in her to open books and prepare for interviews. Whereas I am earning more than her husband(29 year old man) is, that too as my head start salary here in Bangalore. Also to mention we have obtained the same degrees and have been in the same streams i.e. Computer Science. And it’s not easy to bag one easily in IT Sector.Her husband had once gifted her an Iphone, whereas I am going to gift the same to my dad on his birthday. You name it, I can buy it the next moment when it comes to my materialistic needs. But she’s totally dependent on her husband and can’t spend freely due to household needs, and now she has got a baby too.She was never (still not) allowed to travel alone while commuting to her hometown or any other city. I was once the same. But after moving out for Masters, I have been living alone. And I had to take a flight from my college city to delhi and then take a train to home and vice versa, or sometimes travel by two trains for connectivity, catching from different railway stations in the same city , and now it’s even more difficult with Bangalore. In the past 2.5 years I’ve taken 10+ flights 6+ trains. All alone. It’s a long jump in solitude. Simply can’t imagine the day, few years back when i was not allowed to go alone to a friend’s birthday party who lived just 2 kms away as dad was not home.My cousin's folks had no scholarly desires. Her mom basically needed her to carry on with a similar life as hers, housewife wedded to a Banker, rich joint family. While my folks never under any circumstance needed that! I've conveyed what they had expected thus did she.I don’t regret not following or not trying to compete with my cousin as i did not see any ROI from that. I'm very happy today.And our current situation simply proves who’s who. Though my parents never appreciate me in front of others, but i still remember he felt like a winner when i told him the news of my placement on call. The whole journey from childhood to adulthood now made sense.So, What is it that Indian parents are collectively doing wrong?Not analyzing the flaws of your child.Your child may not excel in all the things you want. My cousin had every other quality which the typical Indian society desired from a girl. But what is that one thing that makes your child different from others? Parents need to find and focus on that.Parents should treat these things like cooking and cleaning for girls as secondary. Once you move out you will eventually start learning everything on your own.And last but not the least always have faith in your child.×———×P.S. - Me and my cousin share a great bond since childhood. She's very sweet and i love her for who she is. She herself tells that she wanted to live a life like me and wished if her parents would have also taken her acads seriously and allowed to move out for further studies.Edit :- I didn't intend to prove that my cousin is not happy. Tbh, she's not satisfied either. Please guys this answer is not about my cousin and our relationship as it's well and good, it's more about our parents. Kindly try to understand the motive and analyse it accordingly. Thanks!